So, I have been wanting to write this myTake for along time. I joined this site for research as I have joined many other sites and done interviews with several men of different race and culture. I also personally dated a man who was a well known philosopher, psychology major, father and logician. I got to see different perspectives and open my eyes to the sad but true lives of men, how they feel and how us woman have let them down. I not only encourage woman to read this, but also encourage you to watch the documentary "The mask we live in" to help open your eyes as well.
1. Creating a Family
Yes, we all know that men are equally responsible for assuring a woman can't get pregnant when they aren't ready to be a father. However, shit happens even when everyone protects themselves. In a perfect world, you guys can overcome your obstacles and be a wonderful co-parenting team. This is hardly the case. So besides the stereotypical "deadbeat dad" we have heard about, I have to bring this to light. SOME women, and I want to clearly state SOME women are shady bitches. I know several women who got pregnant on purpose to trap a man. Whatever, their reasons, they did it on purpose without the guy's knowledge or consent.
Scenario #1: this guy is not happy about it and is overwhelmed at the upcoming responsibilities of being a father. His feelings are not taken into account and he's told to "suck it up" or "deal with it." Why? because the woman gets to choose whether this child is born or not. He may have a hand in creating the child, but he does not get to choose whether this child comes to life or not. This is always the woman's choice. I understand that it's a woman's body and no one should tell her what to do with it, but she gets full control over this man's life for the next 18 years if she chooses too. He's not ready and no one cares. So, instead of making the choice to have a baby and take sole responsibility for it (as you chose when you continued the pregnancy) a woman can drag a man to court, take him to family enforcement programs, taking huge wages and earnings off his cheques, leaving him penniless and all for a child he wasn't ready for. He gets called a deadbeat when he took the methods to be preventive and the woman decided to be devious and trap him. How is that far? He wasn't ready because he knew he did not have the finances to support a child and he lost the choice and decision for that anyways. So he loses financial security, can have his kids taken away from him, see them only on the weekends and be held responsible but not have equal rights to his child. I have seen this time and time again. I have testified for fathers fighting for custody from awful mothers.
Scenerio #2: he wants to keep the baby, she does not. If she wants to abort a child they equally created, he gets no say in this. I watched a friend of mine agonize over his girlfriend's decision to abort their baby without his consent and he was devastated. Again, the woman gets all the control here. So the next time you want to call a man a deadbeat or judge a guy who's struggling with being a dad, think about what got him there. There are always two sides and I want woman to really understand how hard it is for them.
2. Breadwinners
We know that as women, we bare the burden and the joy of being the stay at home mom. It can be draining physically, mentally and emotionally. Being a full time mother takes everything you got. But we still get to be there every single day with our babies. We don't miss a moment, we get a beautiful bond and we get to witness everything. Fathers do not. Fathers leave their infants at home and miss out on all of these special milestones. I didn't think much of it until I got into an argument (with my spouse at the time) about it and he broke down in tears telling me he understood how tough it could be on me to be alone at home with our baby (I was having an off day, lack of sleep, death in the family), but I have no idea what it's like to say goodbye to my baby every morning. I couldn't believe the pain in his eyes. He was right. We just expect the natural order of things such as the mom staying home to be "normal" but we don't understand the burden the fathers carry. So, the next time your pissed at all that freedom your spouse has away from the baby or how they get to sleep at night, think about this and how big a sacrifice your spouse makes so YOU don't miss a thing.
3. Financial Equality
Okay, this one is a tough one even for me. I think an employee gets paid what they are worth. If your a good employee, you get paid good, if your a shit employee, you get shit. But what we fail to notice is that woman complain about not being paid more in the workplace, yet expect the men to be breadwinners or the gentlemen who pay for the dates etc. WE CAN'T HAVE OUR CAKE AND EAT IT TOO! This picture is worth a thousand words and I actually think it speaks completely for itself.
4. Courtship is dead and RADICAL feminism is to blame
Feminism was needed. We all know this. But RADICAL feminism is bullshit. We sit here and complain about the lack of real gentlemen or "where is the romance" from men, yet were responsible for making them down right terrified to do it. Nowadays, a man can't open a door without getting a nasty look or tell a girl she is beautiful without getting a potential harassment suit filed against him. Feminism fixed a lot of issues that needed fixing, but with accepting feminism, we shot ourselves in the damn foot. Men are running scared and we continue to put them down for the lack of their courtship. Men always chased the women, now they run. We ruined that for ourselves and we need to try and make men feel safe again. Take initiative and go talk to that cute guy at the bar, chances are he's wondering if a pretty girl like you will take him to court if he approaches you or says the wrong thing. It sounds crazy, but I have heard this from over a hundred men and I was shocked to hear they felt so emasculated in this area. I always seen men so strong, so confident and was surprised to hear they felt so frightened to approach us.
5. Listen to your man!
This was a big one. I have heard men countless times tell me how they see their partner's eyes glaze over when they start talking. How many of you ladies really listen to your partners? Do you listen to them talk about their aspirations, goals or what they are passionate about? Do you now what makes them excited? Have you played that video game because they like it? I remember watching countless episodes of game of thrones, but complained when my spouse wanted me to play a game with him. I counted down the minutes until I could be done playing. Selfish right? I realized that he was getting me to play a game he loved because he wanted to share something he liked with me. Maybe it wasn't my cup of tea, but he was sharing a passion and something he liked to do because he wanted me to understand why he enjoyed it. So I sucked it up, pulled up my panties and eventually became a bad ass halo video game goddess! My spartan is purple and everything:)
I am going to be doing a few parts so I don't overwhelm you. But I really want everyone to take a look at this myTake and please look at your man ladies.
Respect him like you want to be respected. Understand him like you want to be understood. Love him the way you want to be loved. Treat him like a king if you want to be treated like his queen.
Feminism and equal women's rights only happened because a group of men decades ago stood up for us and against other men and said we deserved these rights..don't repay them by taking away theirs or bashing them. Without them, you wouldn't have any of the rights you have today. Don't make men regret making us equal.
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