I intend for this to be the first in a series of myTakes that discusses why guys become shy, what can be done to overcome that shyness, and how to do that by setting some goals that are reasonable and attainable.
Why should you listen to anything I say? Because when I was a young guy, I was shy. I was the guy who stood at the edge of the room while everyone else was on the dance floor, avoiding eye contact and ding all the other things that shy nerds do. But I overcame it. I set myself some tasks and short term goals and I eventually overcame my shyness. I am not trying to tell you that I became the life of the party, Mr. Charisma, the leader of the pack. But I can see a woman across the room, approach her, start a conversation, and ask for her phone number. I can pick up the phone and call her without 3 hours of staring at the phone, trying to find the courage. And if I am single, within two weeks of beginning my search, I will usually have a first date with a new lady.
If you are reading this, I assume that you are a shy guy. (There may be a few curious guys reading this who are not shy, as well as a few curious ladies, but this myTake is targeted at the shy guys.) As a shy person, you probably feel resigned to living the rest of your life as a shy guy, never having the courage to approach women, and accepting the fact that your only chance of ever finding a mate lies in finding a girl who is even more desperate than you and settling for far less than what you would really like. Am I right?
What’s wrong with that attitude? Noting is wrong with that if you want to accept the fate of being a loser . . . and that is certainly your fate if you don’t change . . . and you KNOW it! Someone is going to say, "But, Mr. OlderAndWiser, some girls like shy guys!" My response: up to this point in your life, how many relationships have you gotten into with girls who like shy guys?
That's just an excuse to avoid doing something. If you don't want to do anything to change your life, stop reading RIGHT NOW! Keep your life just like it is. Your mother can continue to take you our for your birthday every year and you can live alone with your cat. (Nothing wrong with cats. I own two of them. But I don't go to sleep with my arms around them every night!)
Listen up! There are two types of people in this life:
1. There are those who are perpetual victims of circumstance, people who experience life as something that happens to them. These are the guys who accept whatever meager rewards fall into their lives by happenstance.
2. And then there are those who see life as a challenge, something to be encountered and manipulated and tweaked and controlled to try to maximize the joy in their lives. These are the people who get as much as they can from life, collecting all the re
If you are reading this myTake, you are in group 1. That is a CHOICE! You can tell yourself that this is a pathetic attitude to have, that it dooms you to be a loser in life, and you have only yourself to blame.
Look at the successful people you know. Do they sit and wait for opportunities to fall into their lap? Do they sit in their living rooms, waiting for a pretty, single girl to ring the door bell and ask them for a date? Hell no they don’t! They go out in the world and make things happen.
Now look at you. Maybe you’re not playing video games 24/7; instead, maybe you’re binge watching something on Netflix. You sit in your bedroom, feeling sorry for yourself, wondering why life has been so unfair to you.
If you want to overcome shyness, you need to stop seeing yourself as a victim of life. You need to see yourself as someone who makes life happen. You’ve seen what that loser attitude gets you; haven’t you had enough of that misery?
Every one of you need to become more conscious of the need to make yourself #1. I want you to write “#1” on a piece of paper and tape it to your mirror or some other place that you will see it several times every day. Every time you look at it, remember that you need to make yourself #1. Because . . . as Rabbi Hillel said, “If I am not for myself, who else should be?”
And . . . if you want to accept the challenge, you have a homework assignment. I want you to set a goal for yourself. It should be a goal that you can attain in one week. It should relate to doing something to better yourself. Maybe the goal is to improve your appearance by acquiring a few new items for your wardrobe; man, go acquire some new threads!. Maybe you still have the same dufus hairstyle that you had ten years ago; make an appointment and get a haircut that brings you into the 21st century. Get off your ass and do something to make yourself a more attractive person!
If you want to accept this first challenge, post a comment and tell what goal you have set for yourself. Next Monday, we’ll have the next class in Shy Guy 101.