Shy Guy 101 - Day One

I intend for this to be the first in a series of myTakes that discusses why guys become shy, what can be done to overcome that shyness, and how to do that by setting some goals that are reasonable and attainable.

Don't make the race too long and everyone is capable of crossing the finish line!
Don't make the race too long and everyone is capable of crossing the finish line!

Why should you listen to anything I say? Because when I was a young guy, I was shy. I was the guy who stood at the edge of the room while everyone else was on the dance floor, avoiding eye contact and ding all the other things that shy nerds do. But I overcame it. I set myself some tasks and short term goals and I eventually overcame my shyness. I am not trying to tell you that I became the life of the party, Mr. Charisma, the leader of the pack. But I can see a woman across the room, approach her, start a conversation, and ask for her phone number. I can pick up the phone and call her without 3 hours of staring at the phone, trying to find the courage. And if I am single, within two weeks of beginning my search, I will usually have a first date with a new lady.

If you are reading this, I assume that you are a shy guy. (There may be a few curious guys reading this who are not shy, as well as a few curious ladies, but this myTake is targeted at the shy guys.) As a shy person, you probably feel resigned to living the rest of your life as a shy guy, never having the courage to approach women, and accepting the fact that your only chance of ever finding a mate lies in finding a girl who is even more desperate than you and settling for far less than what you would really like. Am I right?

Looks desperate to me!
Looks desperate to me!

What’s wrong with that attitude? Noting is wrong with that if you want to accept the fate of being a loser . . . and that is certainly your fate if you don’t change . . . and you KNOW it! Someone is going to say, "But, Mr. OlderAndWiser, some girls like shy guys!" My response: up to this point in your life, how many relationships have you gotten into with girls who like shy guys?

That's just an excuse to avoid doing something. If you don't want to do anything to change your life, stop reading RIGHT NOW! Keep your life just like it is. Your mother can continue to take you our for your birthday every year and you can live alone with your cat. (Nothing wrong with cats. I own two of them. But I don't go to sleep with my arms around them every night!)

Shy Guy 101 - Day One

Listen up! There are two types of people in this life:

1. There are those who are perpetual victims of circumstance, people who experience life as something that happens to them. These are the guys who accept whatever meager rewards fall into their lives by happenstance.

2. And then there are those who see life as a challenge, something to be encountered and manipulated and tweaked and controlled to try to maximize the joy in their lives. These are the people who get as much as they can from life, collecting all the re

If you are reading this myTake, you are in group 1. That is a CHOICE! You can tell yourself that this is a pathetic attitude to have, that it dooms you to be a loser in life, and you have only yourself to blame.

No offense? You SHOULD be offended!
No offense? You SHOULD be offended!

Look at the successful people you know. Do they sit and wait for opportunities to fall into their lap? Do they sit in their living rooms, waiting for a pretty, single girl to ring the door bell and ask them for a date? Hell no they don’t! They go out in the world and make things happen.

Now look at you. Maybe you’re not playing video games 24/7; instead, maybe you’re binge watching something on Netflix. You sit in your bedroom, feeling sorry for yourself, wondering why life has been so unfair to you.

If you want to overcome shyness, you need to stop seeing yourself as a victim of life. You need to see yourself as someone who makes life happen. You’ve seen what that loser attitude gets you; haven’t you had enough of that misery?

Every one of you need to become more conscious of the need to make yourself #1. I want you to write “#1” on a piece of paper and tape it to your mirror or some other place that you will see it several times every day. Every time you look at it, remember that you need to make yourself #1. Because . . . as Rabbi Hillel said, “If I am not for myself, who else should be?”

Yes, when you are single, you are supposed to make yourself #1!
Yes, when you are single, you are supposed to make yourself #1!

And . . . if you want to accept the challenge, you have a homework assignment. I want you to set a goal for yourself. It should be a goal that you can attain in one week. It should relate to doing something to better yourself. Maybe the goal is to improve your appearance by acquiring a few new items for your wardrobe; man, go acquire some new threads!. Maybe you still have the same dufus hairstyle that you had ten years ago; make an appointment and get a haircut that brings you into the 21st century. Get off your ass and do something to make yourself a more attractive person!

See what a good haircut can do for you!?!?!?
See what a good haircut can do for you!?!?!?

If you want to accept this first challenge, post a comment and tell what goal you have set for yourself. Next Monday, we’ll have the next class in Shy Guy 101.

Shy Guy 101 - Day One
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Most Helpful Girls

  • PinkMichae
    Great my take. I relate to it some as I was very shy in grade school up until my freshman year of high school. I never approached anyone and never got asked to dances. I was so scared standing in front of my class to read something I sounded like I couldn't read. My transition did start with my appearance. I went from a nerdy tomboy to a feminine rocker chic. And sure that wasn't for everyone but it's what I liked and it did get me noticed. Once I started to find myself I started becoming confident. And to me that's all that shyness is. A lack of confidence. Once I had confidence I became very outgoing.
    Is this still revelant?
    • You figured it out, PinkMichae. Liking yourself is number one. With that comes confidence. And there's nothing more attractive than self confidence. Trying not to look ugly also helps. I look at people with grotesque tats and piercings or unkempt hair and wonder if they are TRYING to repel people.

  • DeeDeeDeVour
    Awesome! This should be titled 'Rude Awakening!'
    Is this still revelant?

Most Helpful Guys

  • KaineEP
    I am by no means a shy person however I have recently allowed myself to fall into a social deficit so I'll accept the challenge.
    + My goal will be to make at least one new friend. Not an online friend but in person, someone I can meet.
    Is this still revelant?
  • I've never been a shy guy but I read your take, OlderAndWiser. It's good advice. I will say that I've had to reinvent myself a few times. The goal is to keep learning and improving. Identify what ain't working for ya and fix it.
    Is this still revelant?

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

  • coachTanthony
    Good stuff ! Keep em coming!
  • Bootylicious905
    Step one talk to strangers Just random people
    2) Get a job or volunteer in public place like library or college. Once you get comfortable.
    • Those steps are coming soon. First we must deal with motivation.

  • armleg
    Translation: everything you were taught about morality is wrong. I hate myself for being such a pussy, but its too late death is the answer.
    • You have mistranslated the text. Immorality is NOT the order of the day! Stay tuned for the next lessons!

    • armleg

      "If you don't want to do anything to change your life, stop reading RIGHT NOW!" Whenever I try to do something confident, I remember a time someone did that to me and it made me feel bad so now I can't do it to other people, even if I think the're dicks that deserve it! I am completely defeated by life. It genuinely feels like these "Go-getters" just weren't taught manners.

    • You can be assertive in getting what you want from life without trampling on the rights of others.

    • Show All
  • Gopnik
    I don't feel like trying to talk to girls anymore nothing i try works and for the rest strangers don't bother me i can speak to strangers easily but for girls nothing i do works and i hate it
  • why_am_i_here
    I'm a shy gal and doing online school doesn't help a bit. Might cut my hair since I tend to hide behind it in social situations. Might get a buzzcut who knows.
  • waleedv3
    I used to be bullied as a kid, my parents never made me feel worthy and spoilt my sister and I had no father and stuff so I grew up to be really shy.
    Even when I used to hit the gym and had abs and was offered to be sponsored by the gym I was so conscious that I was ashamed of my body that I wouldn't take my shirt on a crowded beach and ofc inventing a new rocket for nasa seemed wayy easier to me than talking to people

    Took me till I am 23 right now that I started to be a little less shy and kinda talk to people sometimes and feel like I might be good enough oneday
    • You are entitled to be angry at those who mistreated you when you were younger!

  • tobiasGR3Y
    While I accept your view as it makes sense, also don't at the same time. I don't care for relationships and dating- I just got out of a really nice relationship with someone because I made the mistake of not being shy. It hurt to be sure, but I prefer to sleep alone.

    However, I'm not shy when it comes to everything else. Your correct that life is a challenge, its uncomfortable and hard work- but its do able.
    And the mindset that you give for the general days of life is excellent.

    With me, I'll just stay in my lane in regards to certain things.
  • Cammy137
    Goal: New haircut and beard trim