The Nice Guy (finishes last?)

[MissPoirot]

So I've seen a lot on here lately about nice guys finishing last and girls going for the bad boys. I would like to share my opinion with you.

There is a difference between 'nice' and 'desperate'

If you really are a good guy of course girls will fall for you. But what I think is going on her is a wrong definition of 'nice'. Because let's face it, showing a girl you care is nice but guys tend to get clingy. Girls do NOT like clingy guys, I can speak from experience when I say that it gets annoying fast. And another thing, these 'nice' guys complain when the girl doesn't like them and claim that they were such a good friend. But this suggests they were only being nice to you in the hope of a romantic relation ship. That is NOT being a good friend. It is not her fault that she only wants to be friends.

So my advice to you guys out there who feel like they end last because they're too 'nice' is this:

1. Be friends with a girl just to be friends with her and don't expect more each time.

2. Really be there for her and not because you want to get in her pants.

3. It is nice to show a girl you care and definitely and don't ignore her if you like her. However, girls enjoy the chase too and admire a bit of mystery in a man so don't text her every single day, maybe twice a week and definitely don't follow her around like a puppy. Make it clear you like her but don't come on too strong.

4. Notice the signals she is giving you, if she seems annoyed, leave her alone and don't cone on even stronger.

If you truly are a nice guy you probably won't even have this problem and girls will fall for you because of who you are. My definition of a nice guy is helping out people without wanting anything back from them, being a good friend, never hurting anyone and also respecting the girl's feelings even if that means she isn't in to you.

And guys, don't focus on the girls you know you can't have because trust me, there are girls who would do anything for you and more often than not, you ignore them.

Good luck!

[MellyMarie]

It took me 30 years to finally get a "nice guy". I'm not sure that I perpously overlooked or dismissed nice guys. I think that I was more or less attracted to broken men. I think that I was broken as well? Whatever the reason, after 30 years of dating men who turned out to be jerks, I realized what I didn't want! And I raised my standards. I was fed up with being treated like trash. My tolerance for BS diminished and I set boundaries. As young women we are easily fooled and overtime some of us figure out what we want and don't want. Now I am with a total "good guy" who is my best friend and treatse like gold. He is the most genuine person I know. Sometimes women have to go through a lot of a-holes to realize what good man is.

[MissPoirot]

That is so great I am really happy for you! Hope you guys will always be very happy together😄

[PiuBelloAmante]

Che bella <3

[Anonymous]

Just recycling the usual stereotypes of nice guys etc. Just admit that women are batshit crazy and go for the dark triad kind of sociopathic assholes already... most nice guys have no future in love at their current state. oh and sweetfart? let me tell you a secret. there is almost no nice guy who isn't partly a good guy deep inside to one or another degree.

[MissPoirot]

Thanks for your opinion and I laughed at the sweetfart part :p but not all women love assholes. If they did then all of the assholes would have left them and all women would be alone whereas there are a lot of people in happy relationships. What i don't understand is why people split guys in nice and assholes. Those are not the only traits girls go for. Funny, intelligent, romantic, tough, relaxed etc.

[Opinion Owner]

who said all assholes abandon their victims? every proper sadist prefers to has his victim nearby, keeping it depended to him and manipulatable. they say about some women trying to get pregnant to "trap" they guy in the relationship. there is an equal amount of aholes using similar tactics. so the "asshole= use n abandon" logic = fail.

[MissPoirot]

Yes but that doesn't change the fact that there are a LOT more healthy relationships with people who actually like each other. All women like assholes=NOT TRUE

[Scrambled]

No... I did all the above... were there for them, were their friends (still help them out after many years etc and never got anyone. Nice guys will always finish last, simple as that. Its because they are bred as timid deer in a world of lions and lionesses.

[molan]

As she said you definition of nice guy isn't the same as her definition.

Less attractive guys do finish last, but less attractive is not the same as being nice.

[MissPoirot]

And nice isn't the only trait a girl is searching for. Just like good looks, a guy doesn't have to be goodlooking for a girl to fall for him. Maybe you don't have the same sense of humor or maybe you just aren't her type. And are you saying you're only being nice in the hope of something more? Cuz that isn't so nice. And believe me, there is a girl out there who is perfect for you and you will find love. But that is also what I meant by not being desperate, stop searching for love and when you least expect it it will come your way. This will give you the chance to focus on YOU and do what you enjoy to do. When you are having a good time, others will like you. Good luck!

[MissPoirot]

And thank you @molan

[Scrambled]

@molan bullshit man. Less attractive? Looks hardly count, Hugh Hefner, Ron Jeremy? Please man. I didn't even give my definition of nice guys. An ugly confident guy will hands down beat an attractive nice guy. Been there more times than your age pal.

[MissPoirot]

@Scrambled tons of girls love attractive shy guys you'll be fine! Confidence isn't always attractive.

[Scrambled]

@take owner: Girls don't like shy guys, and no I will not be fine. Shy guys become friends, and I have tons of female friends. Being attractive does help because women come to you in the same way that a woman doesn't have to do any work and she will be approached. But im not that attractive, no girl has ever approached me... EVER. I had to use this dying thing I call a personality. Confidence is the only way (and even then that may not be enough for some people). And yes, whats wrong with being nice to want more? I am just nice in all my spheres of life and now it seems when I go for a girl I must NOT be nice? or musnt want more? Those traits you mentioned in the take will not help a guy much. Anyway, im not interested in finding love or a one partner when she comes (that's a spit in a failed guys face), im aiming to find that which separates a dude who beds a 100 women, from the guy who can't get any. Give me that recipe? Most women can't.

[MissPoirot]

First of all, some women DO like shy guys. There are so many different womwn with so many different tastes, of course there are a lot of women that like shy guys. The problem may be shy too. And of course you should be nice to women that wasn't what I was saying at all. But if you are only nice to women to get into their pants that is not being nice, know the difference. Try to observe how women are around you and see if they are giving positive signals and just talk to them and try to get to know them. Don't think of anything more just wait to see what will come of it. oh and it is great that you are nice in all ways, not just to get a girl. Have you ever been in a relationship? Because if so a woman was definitely in love with you and I'm sure a lot more that you don't know about.

[MissPoirot]

*they may be shy too

[ManuelMarquez]

@MissPoirot he said he mentioned he isn't an attractive shy guy.

[Scrambled]

I have been in one long term relationship and am ending it now. You are right though being nice to get into her pants doesn't work, but being douche does. You see here is a little truth that women may know or not but every guy has to show some sort of desire, that "get into her pants' vibe. If not he will get friendshipzoned. The art of seduction comes in the dance between showing this desire without coming of as dangerous/creep. Even though danger works. Yes shy guys can get girls, but if an attractive women is out, she WILL go for the confident alpha over the shy guy. The advice you give, is the same advice moms give their sons, and the same advice that gets them into love (or lack thereof) troubles. You can't wait for love, you have to go out and get it. That shit where it will come is so bull it angers me when I hear it. But you are young and still have a lot to learn. The main thing that age teaches you is that love is a contradiction.

[MissPoirot]

Thanks for explaining and it is true I don't know a lot of the art of seduction. I am sorry about your relationship though. The only thing I was trying to clear up was the continuing whining of all the 'nice guys' not having a relationship.

[Anonymous]

"Being a nice guy really works!" said no guy ever.

Oh, and I love this "fake nice guy" bullshit label. You try being a dude, being totally outnumbered fighting for a few woman, getting rejected (of course after they enjoy a free meal) and not feeling bitter about it. We get resentful because we are human fucking beings, not "fake nice guys."

[MissPoirot]

I was not saying that every guy who gets rejected is a fake nice guy, I am sorry you misunderstood me. Of course it hurts when you really go for a woman and she rejects you. I just meant guys are saying they get rejected BECAUSE they are nice and I think that just being there for a woman because you want a relationship isn't nice. You're doing it for yourself. But real nice guys, aren't just nice to womem they want to sleep with but for people in general and this willbe appreciated. I am not saying nice guys are fake. I am saying if you are only nice for sex, you aren't so nice. But I am sure you are not one of these guys. But there really is a girl who is worth your time!

[ManuelMarquez]

Well, I don't like it when guys call a woman a bitch just because she rejected him, or if he gets mad at her for rejecting him. I understand feeling sad though but in generall most nice guys aren't fake nice guys. I am saying this because of the ''to try to get in her pants.'' Most nice guys actually are nice to people in general and most aren't friends with a girl to try to get into her pants.

[MissPoirot]

That is true, I have seen what you are talking about. But the problem with them is they get too excited or clingy. But I know there are also true nice guys tgat get rejected and it isn't their fault either. Maybe they were just not her type. Thanks for your opinion!

[ManuelMarquez]

Your welcome.

[Anonymous]

Yea it sucks being in the friendzone, but instead of complaining about it we should do something about it and try to help these people. Keep in mind there are many clingy women out there too, as well as women who get friendzoned. Most are just people who don't have very high social skills and are trying to find love.

[MissPoirot]

Yeah I agree. It is the desperate trying that is the reason why they don't find it

[Opinion Owner]

Yes, but the desperation is not often a sign of malice or "expectation of sex" for either gender. It is usually a sign of frustration, due to lack of social skills, and although trying as hard as possible failing miserably repeatedly. I believe the number of "clingy" people would go down greatly if more people would just try and teach people basic empathy and social skills.

[MissPoirot]

Yes that is true thanks for your opinion!

[Anonymous]

This whole "nice guys" thing is just women deflecting from the real issue, which is that bad boys make wet panties and good guys are taken for granted and overlooked. This is coming from a guy who has had great success with women as a "bad boy".

Ladies - stop deflecting long enough to take look in the mirror for a change. This is about you, not men.

[MissPoirot]

It is true that a lot of women like bad boys, because they are exciting and girls also like the chase. However, even you can't truly believe that ALL women like bad boys. Lost of women like good guys. Or should I say guys who have lots of good qualities, because niceness isn't the only trait to look for. This isn't about women. I was talking about guys who get TOO nice to get in a girl's pants and gets clingy and desperate and too excited, which is annoying. And they keep on whining that them being nice keeps them from having a relationship, whereas this is not the case because they aren't really that nice.

[Opinion Owner]

I used to be a genuinely nice guy, because I was raised that way and it was just my nature. It got me nowhere with women and when i got to college I saw that most of the few guys having real success with women were not nice guys. I changed my approach and I got laid in college more times than I care to admit. Most of the guys around me who had little to no success with women were just genuinely nice guys. They weren't trying to be... they just were, and it got them nowhere either.

[Opinion Owner]

What you are saying is that these “nice guys” are not really nice; they’re just pretending to be. Why would they pretend to be nice when it’s obvious to them and everyone else that it does them no good? It makes no sense. For you, as a woman, the problem is not guys pretending to be nice, but rather guys like me pretending to be jerks to get you in the sack.

You’re just deflecting, as I said earlier, and it does you and your gender no good. How long will it take for you to realize that and take an honest approach instead? Everyone will be better off for it.

[MissPoirot]

I am not talking about genuinely nice guys. Wherease bad boys might get laid more often, nice guys are the ones you settle down with. There are so many happy couples out there, do you want to tell me that all the guys are bad boys? I am not denying anything. And I am not saying these guys are pretending to be nice, I am saying hat they keep on whining how nice they are but they actually are not. They do not accept that a woman does not like them back and say how can that be I am so nice. Well there are lots of other things, maybe she isn't attracted to the guy physically or they don't have anything in common. Being a good guy only works in your advantage. And I mean the genuine good guys. I suggest you watch this video which I saw thanks to another gagger. I think she describes it perfectly. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=3VXXXX9iVPI

[Opinion Owner]

I watched a few minutes of the video, enough to see it's just more of the same old deflection and denial of the core female behavior that is the root of the problem.

I will agree with you that jerks are not who women generally want to settle down with. But in high school and college no one, male or female, is looking to settle down. They want to date and have fun, and the FACT is that nice guys (genuine ones) are overlooked for guys who play the game and behave like the bad boy. That's just a fact.

[Opinion Owner]

In the end, it’s true that nice guys don’t finish last. They do end up settling down with a woman who wants a genuinely nice guy. But they miss out on a lot when they are younger. You can call them pathetic whiners or whatever you want, but again, the core problem is the female behavior. Denying that just makes you come off as dishonest, and smart guys are going to take advantage of the situation and behave like a jerk when they’re younger, and they WILL be rewarded for it.

By the way, MellyMarie describes the female side of the equation I’m talking about here. She was honest about it, but then she is twice your age and has more experience and perspective. Her honesty is what we need more of in this discussion.

[Opinion Owner]

What I'm trying to say here is that by focusing only on the male side of the equation, you are missing the source of the problem. The male behavior is more a symptom than the cause of the illness itself. You need to focus more on the female side of it to see the whole picture. Otherwise you just come off as dishonest.

[MissPoirot]

I agree with you that these guys have more fun in college and that there are indeed also these kind of women but you also have to look at what kind of women. Just like guys, there are different kinds of women. There are also the good girls that stay in and study. Maybe you don't find them attractive but they shouldn't be overlooked. And, just like in high schoo, there are also already people in meaningful relationships. So yeah, you could say the bad boys have more fun if drinking and partying is what you consider fun. I don't. And I hope not all guys do. And I know you have experienced being a bad boy gets you MORE women but hey you only need one, that you are perfect for. I think it's great you're a genuine nice guy (that doesn't go away and from your reaction to the video I gather that you're not one of these guys).

[lumos]

But the thing with "nice guys" is that they almost literally think that EVERY other guy is a "bad boy", and you know why? Because "nice guys" tend to think that they are one of the VERY FEW "nice guys" left on earth, and because he (the "bad boy") has a girlfriend. That's it. The "bad boy" that "nice guys" usually talk about isn't bad at all. He's just a confident guy who managed to get a girlfriend, and then becomes the target for hatred by "nice guys". 9 times out of 10, these "nice guys" don't even KNOW the "bad boys" who are supposedly bad. They're just jealous and insecure, and because of their "nice guy" complex, they think that every guy who a) isn't them and b) who manages to get a girlfriend = a "bad boy". The vast majority of women want to date and are dating good guys. But this is something "nice guys" refuse to believe because they are unable to understand why women find them undesirable. And if all women liked bad boys, then logically speaking, that would mean that...

[lumos]

... almost all men are bad guys too. Which isn't true.

[MissPoirot]

Exactly @lumos

[YourFutureEx]

According to traditional definitions, if we follow your steps, we'll not be nice guys anymore. These things with make him a good guy (which is different).

[MissPoirot]

No of course not. I said to be her friend without just thinking about sex, that is being nice. And I said not to be clingy, how is clingy the traditional definition of a good guy? Those are not things that make a guy a good guy.

[YourFutureEx]

I didn't say that. You should check again and understand me what I am trying to do.

[YourFutureEx]

I am trying to say*.

[MissPoirot]

What are you trying to say?

[YourFutureEx]

What is the difference between nice guy and good guy?

[MissPoirot]

Well nice is a trait, like being friendly to people. A good guy is someone who has a good heart

[YourFutureEx]

You are right no doubt, I said the definitions which are followed by society.
Well I don't think it'd be a good idea to debate on that. :)

[MissPoirot]

Okay well thanks for your opinion anyway :)

[Anonymous]

lol at you thinking men actually want to be friends with girls, if a guy is friends with you it is because he at some point wanted to sleep with you (99% of the time)

[MissPoirot]

You're kidding right :p they can be friends when they're not attracted to each other right?

[Opinion Owner]

hahahahahahah no! i am not joking, almost never will a man be close (ish) friends with a women he is not sexually attracted to, look into the differences between male and female sexuality, don't assume we are anything like you.

[MissPoirot]

Wow that sucks xD but they say that some guys see their best girl friends as guys and like fistbump them and chestbump although that does seem painful..

[Opinion Owner]

That doesn't mean they don't want to fuck them! And no it doesn't suck for you, it is literally the greatest biological advantage the female gender has, as in a man can knock up 5 women in a day a women can only get knocked up once in 9 months, so you only need a small amount of men to knock up all the women, this coupled with risk of pregnancy, makes men more sexually driven and women more selective. Dating is much easier for most women, rather have your male "friends" want to fuck you than have the person you want to sleep with, not want to sleep with you.

[MissPoirot]

Yes I can see how it would be an advantage for me but on the other hand it makes you worry when your boyfriend hangs out with his female friend. It bothere that he'd do it with anyone xd

[Opinion Owner]

He will want to, but he won't because he loves you (hopefully), think of it that way. When a guy is dating you, know that he wants to fuck every slightly attractive women on earth, but he usually won't cheat (even if given the opportunity) as his relationship with you is worth more than casual sex with some girl.

[MissPoirot]

Okay thank you!

[DaddyRollingStone]

I second this, a lot of my close friends are girls... There is plenty of sexual tension. truly platonic friendships between men and women do not exist, unless he is gay maybe

[Jaysunf]

Yeah whatever, the whole point is to get into her pants, stupid article.

[MissPoirot]

Yes and the whole point of this article was to tell you that when a woman rejects you, you shouldn't be surprised and say 'but I am duch a nice guy'

[MissPoirot]

*such

[Jaysunf]

Oh okay I'm sorry, my intentions are to get into the females pants, but that can change and may not always be the case.

[MissPoirot]

Okay haha that's fine if it works for you and them

[Scandanavian]

In my book nice guys finish first!

[LilWeezey]

This. All the high fives.

[The_Empty]

Shush, girlie, what do you know?

[MissPoirot]

Well I know that you probably think of yourself as a 'nice guy' or you wouldn't take the time to leave this opinion here.

[The_Empty]

I know that you're 16 and know nothing of the world, yet pretend to.

[MissPoirot]

Hahaha says a 17 year old boy.. am I supposed to take what you say seriously? And I do know a lot about the world, I also know that people don't like to hear the truth.

[MissPoirot]

but I did check out your questions and I realise that you might feel hurt because you want a relationship. I feel bad for you and don't want to argue with you. But this doesn't give you the right to get mad at me just because you didn't like what you read. Instead you could learn a lesson from it. If you want to talk about your experiences with girls I would love to try to help you and maybe it will :)

[JoshyJames]

love is strange...

[Meee97]

Cheating is not love, my friend!

[Anonymous]

fuck you bitch!