Why "boys will be boys" just isn't going to cut it for MEN

CommieDearest

On GaG and in society this shit comes up a lot.

"We're men we can't help it"

"Boys will be boys"

"It's in our nature"

"If you don't wanna be looked at, then dress like a nun even if it's 100 degrees, fuck you commie!"

Okay I made the last one up....but

Even women say this shit. Seriously do a quick google image search of "boys will be boys" or look up this issue on gag and watch people of both genders swear that it's just natural for supposedly grown people to shamelessly give you the up and down just for trying to get to wherever the fuck you're going because, somehow, in spite of being functioning members of society, they can't break away from this behavior from back when fertile women were mounted like a bitch in heat with no warning.

I think it's high time that everybody stops giving excuses for people to make other people uncomfortable. If you're an adult and you can't help yourself from staring at someone because..."wahhhh we used to do this when we were neanderthals we can't help it" Then I'm embarrassed for or ashamed of whomever raised you. Boys will be boys I guess, but if you want to be considered a grown ass man, control yourself. I have ancestors from thousands of years ago who did nasty tactless shit too, but I don't smash the neighbor's cat's head in with a rock just because I'm feeling a bit peckish.

Why

Sorry Mr. and Mrs. Jones, I was hungry and it's just natural.

Why "boys will be boys" just isn't going to cut it for MEN
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Most Helpful Girl

  • Ozanne
    People need to be responsible for their actions, and quit blaming their culture, past, background, and gender. People know right and wrong, and use crutches all the time to support their bad behaviour. I get you, Commie, and I've gone through all the cry babies in this thread and it just shows how touchy people get when they probably identify themselves in articles like this, and react poorly because on the Internet, they can.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Damn I wish articles had MH. I totally missed this comment lol

    • Jaydog666

      I found this comment completly gender biased and offensive, if this had been a man ranting like a basket case Gager would have deleted it. How would the women on this site feel if I came like came out with some politically incorrect nonsense like "last time I heard a women go off on a rant like that she was on the rag"?#despicabledouble standard

Most Helpful Guy

  • Mesonfielde
    "Boys will be boys" is true, as long as you speak about genetic structure and XY chromosomes. Otherwise, that is the greatest lie ever, your behavior is in your hands, and your sex and implicit sexism are just copouts to responsibility.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Although to be honest, I do admit that humans are biologically engineered to seek out attractive time mates, and the primary element to determine that is looks, and the body reacts positively (with pleasure ) when you see someone attractive. Guys who ogle probably don't even realize they are ogling. But I haven't been the victim of being stared down like that (yay for my lack of style), so I cannot completely relate.

      I do think females and males actively attempt to seek out physically attractive mates, though. Females could relate to feelings of infatuation just as well, no?

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What Girls & Guys Said

1366
  • RedThread
    It just annoys me that the bar on behavior is essentially lower for men than it is for women. This should annoy all men AND women because the system churns out a lower class of men that believes and expects less for themselves. "Boys fight!" "Dress more conservatively if you don't want men to treat you like a piece of meat on two legs." "Hey ladies if you don't want to get sexually assaulted then don't drink!" The blame is always shifted to male hormones and biology or even worse always on women. Pretty much anything besides having to put the responsibility on ourselves for creating a system where we expect less from an entire gender. Nature makes us what we are not who we are for the most part. Just look at a lot of the male posters on this take that essentially add up to "hey we can't help ourselves!" Like having a penis is a void responsibility label like the sort you'd find on scratch tickets. There's a huge difference between finding a woman aesthetically pleasing and being a pig who lacks any sense of empathy.

    The worst part of it is that if a man speaks out about this shit he's automatically seen as a "white knight" or a "social justice warrior." The white knight label is particularly interesting to me because it is accompanied by the assumption that I'm just being nice to impress girls.. You know because I'm a man with a Y chromosome and everything I do in life is to get my dick wet in a fresh piece of strange because I lack any and all sense of self control (sarcasm). I couldn't just be a decent human being. People seem to always want to protect the status quo even if we are all disadvantaged by it. There are many men who seem okay with it so I doubt that it will change anytime soon. Many women are also resigned to it thinking it's a reality that's to be expected even if they aren't okay with it. People are starting to wake up to this nonsense though.. The world is changing but it never seems fast enough.
    • best response thus far

    • ""being a pig who lacks any sense of empathy." "

      Fun fact, it is a learned behavior because callousness and being unemotional and purely logical is part of the expectation associated with being manly and or being masculine, or just being male in general.

    • Drednaught

      @been_waiting
      Your username depicts exactly what you were doing to see a good post like this. :P

    • Show All
  • heavensgift2girls
    Male sexuality is slightly different from female sexuality. Men are just more likely to stare, because are more sexually driven. It is men that have always had to be the aggressor in finding a mate, or else he wouldn't pass on his DNA. A woman only had to wait for a suitable mate to come along and accept him. You can't expect us to completely rewrite our DNA just because you don't like how male sexuality naturally expresses itself.

    If it wasn't a part of our DNA then women would be just as guilty about this as men are. Men know it is wrong to slap a woman on the ass, but if you slap a man on the ass chances are he won't mind. Why? Because male and female sexuality are not exactly the same. We need to stop pretending like it is. Most straight guys don't even care if gay guys stare at us. We realize it is a part of who men are.

    Just because you don't understand it doesn't mean the guy is doing anything wrong. In other words you are slut shaming men for our very natural sexuality. We have a right to look where we want. We don't need to explain our behavior. Hence boys will be boys sums it up perfectly. Attempting to shame men for our natural sexual urges is actually very sexist.
    • you completely validated her take by saying men are naturally programmed to do this and can't control themselves, which is a bunch of fucking bs

    • I didn't validate her at all. She is thinking men should act the same as girls and that "boys will be boys" is just an excuse, and not a reason. The truth is that "boys will be boys" is a reason, and therefore we don't need an excuse. This is just another example of male slut shaming. There is nothing more natural than a guy staring at a pretty girl.

    • Male slut shaming? No, male slut shaming would be calling men who have had multiple sex partners sluts. That's male slut shaming.
      "Boys will be boys" is an excuse, not a reason. You have the ability to resist staring at someone. You do. You choose not to, because society says it's okay for you to act that way because "boys will be boys."

    • Show All
  • RationalLioness
    Agreed. I don't feel uncomfortable when it's done, but I think those who feel disrespected should have a voice.

    THAT SAID... if a man compliments you, there is no reason to take offense and file a harassment suit. I don't know why some women do this. If a woman finds herself extremely repulsive, then that's HER. Don't get offended when a man politely and genuinely says different. Especially at the work place.

    I want to tell those women to GROW UP.
    • I agree. I think too many people are thinking I think people should never look at each other... my real issue is saying you can't help but to obnoxiously stare at someone if you have a penis. It's the excuse that bothers me more than the action

  • DodgersGM
    Great Take.

    Lots of simple-minded people like to absolve themselves of personal responsibility, and this is definitely what drives the "I'm a man/woman and can't help it" routine.

    In the case you posted, dudes that ogle women definitely are aware that they're ogling; they just don't care enough to exercise restrain or control.

    I also believe that they lack a sophisticated sense of empathy (after all, who would want to be ogled and examined/scrutinized to the point of discomfort?), but maybe that's a discussion for another topic.
    • Thanks man, and I agree with your point about empathy.

  • 26ukdude
    Actually, glancing at women and checking them out is automatic, most men do it without even knowing we are doing it, I say this because IM A GUY and do it myself, can't we look where we want? I can appreciate getting annoyed at wolf whistles and comments, but looking? seriously?
    • There have been studies done showing even women instinctively check other women out. It is hard wired into our brains to scan and check for gender.

    • Glancing isn't what I'm referring to.

  • DonkeyKong1979
    I'm ambivalent about this post.

    I can understand you getting upset about sad guys making excuses about ogling and lack of self control, I can totally see how that would be annoying and tiresome.

    But I can't for the life of me understand why you have such a beef with people smashing kittens heads in with rocks, that's just a fun afternoon.
  • Watermelonoma
    Guys and girls are always evaluating each other based on looks. There isn't anything sinister about it in my view until it gets either physical or stalkerish. Beyond that, I don't really care about girls physically evaluating me with their eyes, (as they've done in the past) or the other way around. My day isn't hampered by these people.
    • "until it gets either physical or stalkerish" yeah that's what I'm referring to. Obviously people look at those around them but there's difference between glancing and STARING... and the point of the take isn't even about that, it's about the excuse.

  • rthomas43
    I respectfully disagree.

    People are free to look at whatever they'd like.

    Touching and/or inappropriate comments however is a whole nother story.
    • I'm right there with you. Totally agree.

    • That's all good but I just want to take the opportunity to clarify... I think a lot of people read this and assumed no one should look at anyone ever. I'm talking about shameless freaky long lasting staring. Furthermore... it's the excuse that bothers me more than the act. I'd rather people say "I don't care if I make other uncomfortable that's their problem" instead of lying and saying "I literally cannot stop making other uncomfortable it's not my fault"

    • Jaydog666

      So she is saying u can look but dont stare, and if your unattractive your looks are creepy fuck me.

  • CincinnatiRedsfan
    Even as a guy, I must agree with this. This excuse is getting old and it's time for men to stop living like lifelong children.

    I see this all the time at my college. A girl was caught underage drinking five years ago and everyone freaked out, saying she was a "slut" and "trashy." However, guys get in trouble all the time for underage drinking, acting stupid while drunk and so on and people say "boys will be boys."

    A guy hooks up with girls, cheats on them and says "boys will be boys" but if a girl does it, she's a "hoe" or "slut."

    I can go on forever but men seem to get the pardon here. It's time to start taking responsibilities.
  • Bluemax
    I quite agree with you about the "boys will be boys" mentality as an excuse for rude and boorish behavior. It's no defense, it's no excuse. By the way, I do tend to believe that there are certain general innate differences in the mentalities of men and women. However, we are masters of our own behavior (or at least we should be).

    For the record (and you can believe this or not), I generally don't stare at women, beautiful or otherwise. That being said, you kind of zeroed in on the one behavior which I think is often blown out of proportion, that is staring at people. Perhaps you could define a stare, commiedearest. I think you'll have a hard time coming up with an objective definition of it. What one person considers staring, another might not. What might be a welcome glance to some might be an unwelcome one to another. How could anyone know for certain? How can anyone know what the thresholds of comfort are to all people? Now, you can say that we should pick up on nonverbal cues, but not everyone displays those.

    And why are the people who feel uncomfortable always or almost always in the right? Sometimes, in my opinion, the person who is uncomfortable for someone staring at him or her has an overactive imagination or is being unreasonable. I've heard the argument that a person has a right to set his/her own boundaries, to which I agree, but I also feel that we have the right to disregard those boundaries (barring of course if it causes actual harm) if we think they're bullshit.
    • Bluemax

      @been_waiting
      Is there ANY point at all at which you would say that a woman is being unreasonable if she is offended and/or uncomfortable for a guy looking at her, or are her instincts correct always? I have seen fights break out over this. I have seen guys kicked out of places for doing NOTHING more than looking at a girl. It is a minority, but I liken that to Muslim extremists. Most Muslims are good people, but there is a SIGNIFICANT minority who make things harder for good Muslims. And anti-staring policies are very much on the horizon in the workplace. I have a friend who teaches HR and she'll tell you. I never want to see anti staring laws in a free country... ever.

    • All I've said on here is that staring is rude. I'm not really sure why people are bringing up people being arrested over it or being thrown out of a public place.

    • Bluemax

      @been_waiting
      "All I've said on here is that staring is rude."
      Yes, I know because you've repeated this many times. I would agree that it CAN be rude (and there is a big difference between saying "it is rude" and "it can be rude"). What I'm saying is Commiedearest seems to have focused on the one issue which I feel may very well be overblown. And I've asked you a very direct question which you didn't answer. I'll ask again. Is there ANY point at all which you would say that a woman is being unreasonable if she is offended and/or uncomfortable for a guy looking at her? The reason I ask is because it seems as though too much credit might be given to the offended party. Personally, I'm not automatically swayed simply because I hear someone say she or he is uncomfortable or offended.

    • Show All
  • Hannah591
    Good take and I agree. Often if a guy does something bad or cheats on a girl, people just say it's in their nature as a male but as adults, we know right from wrong and they shouldn't be able to get away with poor behaviour because they're males and women certainly shouldn't be supporting it.
  • PT1911
    I'm seriously trying to figure out how I should feel.

    Your headline is great, but what you're ranting about... eh not so much.

    People look at other people all the time, and I would assume you'_re talking about in an everyday setting, not one of going out and showing the goods so to speak

    People stare at you, give them them the "DA fuq you want?" Always gets them to back down
    • After reading many comments I feel like I should have specified that I mean like ridiculous ogling and what not. I don't expect anyone to walk out in public with their head down lol

    • PT1911

      Fair enough lol.

      I'll admit I do it to haha, but its ways her face I notice first. I always think "damn she's gorgeous"

      Also Illuminati confirmed

  • meatballs21
    Are you aggrieved that only men you deem unworthy are doing this to you, as opposed to hot eligible hunks that you find irresistable?
  • Eiffelgirl21
    sorry but, staring is allowed in my country. and if you don't want to be stared at, then ya don't try to draw attention to yourself. you will never come across as logical to anyone who is intelligent.
  • Roycaryn
    There is a difference between looking at a girl because you find her attractive (even sexually) and staring her down like a piece of meat that you're about to make off with like Helen of Troy. In any respect, I guarantee that it's mostly just the men who don't know the difference between the two who are making excuses.
    • Yes, unfortunately many people making the accusations can't tell the two different kinds of men apart and paint us all with the same brush. Their idea of "equality." I guess...

  • Scrambled
    Men, maturity, who gives a shit. Control? that's what makes nice guys go home with daddy long legs in their pants and a high phone bill for downloaded porn. Why do you think men do this? Because somewhere it worked. a hot boy who does this gets action, soft boy does this and is a creep. Yes when it gets to rape and overtly violating some bodies boundaries, then there is a problem. But in terms of aggressive attraction... men who are animals win over the man who isn't.
    • patriarchy is not just a problem for women, it is a problem for men. The only winners are men who adhere to the standard of masculinity and are successful doing so.

    • Scrambled

      On the money man. I live by the mantra "in the game, your fellow man is your worst enemy"

  • Dandeus
    Sorry, but you don't have the right not to be looked at. It's one thing if the guy is making unwelcome comments or is being a pest, but simply being found attractive is a subconscious biological reaction. Even guys who try not to look really can't help it. Half the time we aren't aware that we're looking. We might be lost in thought and our heads turn because of something we catch in our peripheral vision.
  • KHaskins
  • BelleGirl21
    I think you're blowing it way out of proportion. I rarely have guys stare at me to the point where it becomes uncomfortable. It's usually just a quick glance here or there and I'm guilty of the same.
    If a guy was really bothering me I'd be woman enough to shut him down.
  • Longblackveil
    what BS, women dont stare? Staring is no way relatable to smashing a cats head in. Women do just as much, but you can't see that past your female superiority complex

    more made up feminist problems like rape culture etc, this is the same thing with the same goal
  • CasaNorba
    damn sis, i dont think you could of said it any better!

    i really do believe its time for these little boys to grow up and stop letting their balls do their brain's job.
  • Bandit74
    Girls will stare at guys with hot bodies too.
    Maybe not as much as guys do but still.

    The way you look affects the way pperceive you, that applies to both genders and if you dress in a way that stands out/attracts attention then yes you are going to get more stares.

    Guys can't tell girls what they can/can't wear but you can't tell people where they can/can't look.

    I also don't see how staring at an attractive girl in revealing clothes because she looks good is comparable to brutally murdering the neighbors cat because you were in a bad mood.
  • ArchDruidMordred
    Walks the streets with a tight, low cut dress.

    Gets pissed when she gets hit on.
    • And girls stare at hot guys just as much as, if not more than, guys. I've heard several girls at my school say that they have done some "girl stalking". I would also like to mention all the images of guys online taken without their permission by girls who thought they were attractive.

    • You should try being a woman for a day Arch. Imagine.

    • If I were to live the life of a girl I would have enough sense to realize that when I wear revealing clothing I'm going to get hit on.

  • bubble_tea
    They just don't want to grow up.

    Who also stares at all interesting things or people? 6 year olds who weren't taught by their parents or teachers yet to not stare.
  • LuckyNo13
    Regardless of how I will be judged, it is my opinion that real Men are as respectful as she would prefer all the little boys she's having issues with to be. be aware that real women know how to get attention without showing skin.
    • Kimberly45

      HAHA look at how sexist you are.

    • LuckyNo13

      I'm not. It goes both ways. Mature people know that physical beauty is not what they need to advertise at the end of the day. As far as the science of it facts and test results change everyday. your beliefs are yours and people may agree with you but keep in mind there are nude beaches and places on earth where showing your ankles is considered dishonorable.

      Also as a side note what part of that was sexist? I literally agreed that real Men should (and I think do) maintain a level of respect close to what she would prefer. Adding only the insinuation that Real Women tend not to dress in a way that this is their primary gripe.

    • any idea of "real men" and "real women" is utter BS. Do not let other men define your masculinity. Define yourself.

  • Nice_Guy_Last
    I agree wholeheartedly. It's such a cop out. "You can't blame me for being a man" is a childish statement, and it tells you a lot about the boy who says it.
  • YourFutureEx
    • Octavion

      But technically isn't what she's doing voyeurism?

    • @Octavion - we can't say that she's 'necessarily' taking sexual pleasure but who knows haha.

    • Gawd I wish I was a mod.. it'd save me from the ban hammer that the @QA's about to give me for my comment...

    • Show All
  • Kshppatel
    Not gonna lie, I glance at girls who I find attractive but I don't go full on staredown mode.
  • Mark01
    Boys WILL just be boys. I know it's wrong to say but it really is just pure instinct for us. If I see you and you're hot, my dick's gonna move. That's just how it works. I don't control it. Although I do agree 100% that groping, rape, saying stupid come-ons and whatnot is not and there's no excuse for that.
  • StickStickity13
    I disagree, guys have the right to look at a girl if he wants to. If it makes you feel uncomfortable that's her problem.
  • NateInAk
    You do realize that when a guy looks at you, no matter how creepily, it doesn't mean he's planning to drag you behind a dumpster and rape you right

    Don't get me wrong, it creeps me out when people stare at me too (mostly because I know it's NOT for anything good) but I don't tell them off for looking at me.
    "AVERT THY GAZE FILTHY MALE PEASANTS, MINE VISAGE IS TOO MAGNIFICENT AND MINE FEELINGS TOO DELICATE TO BE LOOKED UPON!"
  • Dakota_The_Rota
    How is staring at a woman at all compared to killing a cat, what the fuck? And this whole premise that a man HAS to look away from women at all times, is harmful to society. You also can't tell me that if you see this guy you would only look at his face right? You wouldn't look him up and down?

    www.polyvore.com/.../img-thing

    It's not just a man's instinct to look at women up and down to see if they think they would have sex with the woman they are staring at, it's women's instinct as well. And if it wasn't because the average man is out of shape in America, more women would be staring at men too.
  • John_Doesnt
    I apologize that my biological instincts irritate you. If you would like me to stop breathing too I will gladly do what it takes to please the feminists. But of course all of your biological instincts that annoy men are perfectly acceptable because girls will be girls right?
  • Drast
    In public you have a right to look where you want. In. Public space your wants to not dictate others behavior. The only thing you can control is what they see.
  • muspelhem_5
    I totally agree, but I honestly don't think most women have a clue on the male sex drive. It is like TOTALLY different to yours. Totally.

    I don't think you realise the amount of self-control most "normal" guys muster.
  • Prof_Don
    Well said! My fellow males need to learn to control themselves and stop making excuses.
  • shessoheavy
    I agree completely. It is patriarchy and it is male privilege. I am an asexual male and this shit pisses me off because it is based on the false assumption that all men are sexual, and that male sexuality is less controllable then female sexuality. Sexuality is a spectrum for both genders. And besides, any time you are doing something directed at another person that makes that person uncomfortable YOU SHOULD STOP. Period. End of story. But on the other hand also because I am asexual, I feel like I do not have a relevant opinion in matters concerning on sexual attraction. I honestly do not know what it is like to experience those feelings and how strong they can be. I can only base my mostly irrelevant opinion of descent morality and the knowledge that not all non-asexual men act like this.
    • " It is patriarchy and it is male privilege"

      As a man you should know that there is no secret male conspiracy to oppress women. As a feminist you should know it was invented as a tool to spread hatred of an entire gender. As a human being you should just be honest about the lies you are peddling.

    • "As a man" shit. do not define masculinity for other people. And do not define humanity for people either. I am a white cisgender asexual aromantic male. I recognize that have experienced privilege from being white cisgender and male. I know that to be true from my life. How can you call that a lie? and just what is my agenda?

  • david_smith
    Just because we're guys it doesn't mean that we have can shag any girl we want. It's not true. Guys have to suppress urges to have sex with girls. It's not ok to get a girl drunk and have sex with her.
    • Uh... I know married couples who get each other drunk and have sex all the time lol

    • I didn't mean married couples.
      I meant men who has sex with a woman he doesn't even know or met. Just some stranger

  • JohnBhoy94
    Did someone just break up with you/ reject you lately

    You sound bitter :3
  • evenlift
    LOL. Don't worry. Fewer and fewer men are doing that these days. In fact, more and more women are complaining that they get little or no attention from men. The assertive man is an endangered species.
  • phanindra554plus
    1. boy is boy
    2. girl is girl
    Both are different but getting equal rights is different from this.
    But guys is guy and girls is girls if they change it people get troubles 😃
    And I don't support gender roles😃
  • Despondency
    ... But checking people out and the like is human nature. It really cannot be helped.
    • You're right but that's not the point. The point is, if you ogle at a girl, admit it's because you're horny and couldn't control yourself. Don't use the "boys will be boys" excuse.

    • But the entire value of human reproduction hinges on the notion that one is constantly seeking (whether sexually aroused or not) sexual partners. This is as bad as the social idea that women don't work and function in the same exact way.

  • Unit1
    I did not understand any of this. We cannot read minds.

    Or none of what you just said makes sense at all.
  • Jaydog666
    Bit ott. I think at the end of the day women need to give men a break. a lot problems women (especially young) may have can be laid firmly at their own doorsteps.
  • MrDetermined
    This is probably the most sexist and generalizing take on GAG. I am also overwhelmed by your sheer ignorance and maybe immaturity? Your take sounds as if only men are being unfair and acting like idiots and that women are golden. This is a typical take posted by a woman that is biased towards her own gender and puts all the blame on men while in reality women are MUCH worse then men in every way.

    Your take can be easily contradicted by saying. "Why are women using their own gender as a shield against men? " "Why should women be treated more nicely than men?" and a lot more. This is of course a very atrocious take posted by an ignorant and very uneducated woman living in the 15th century who hasn't come to terms with the modern world yet. Just atrocious in my opinion.
  • Koldhearted
    sooooo why are you wearing revealing clothing if you don't want to be looked at? Just curious.
  • Gonetowardthewind
    Ohh I thought boys will be boys was for little children under 10 who played in mud and got dirty, got into little squirmishes with each other but nothing major, and they didn't care what the world thought of them. I always enjoy when I find videos of boys just splashing each other with muddy water and rolling around in it, and I always comment boys will be boys. I was always told that when my friends, my brother and I got dirty and caused some trouble but not damaging trouble. Anyways I wrote boys will be boys once on a video of a few boys just flinging dirty water at each other, and a shit-storm of comments came after me like I was advocating them raping people. I told them they were delusional and to get a life lol.
  • COCOCHANEL
    in japan girls say โ€well afterall i'm a girlโ€ and โ€be nice to me i'm a girlโ€ as excuses or explanations for questionable behavior or a way to get special treatment. i love it here.
  • pavlove
    I agree. It is rude to stare. if a girl is really attractive sure a man can look for a couple more seconds than usual but just looking at her is impolite and creepy.
  • Phoenix98
    Actually when it comes to attraction in terms of men or women being attracted to or having their eyes drawn to certain parts of the body and just overall being drawn to looking at a man or women.

    That is a biological instinct at the end of the day both men and women check each other out and both stare and simply being found attractive is a subconscious biological reaction. I mean I get cat called when I'm out jogging, I get looked at when I am out and about or at the gym but you don't see me going off the handle and I do the same thing in turn and the women don't freak out and go ballistic.

    Neither gender is free of blame and we all do it or have done it at one point or another. Honestly though you are blowing it out of proportions and this is nothing more then a crazy rant, biased as well. You can down vote me, report me whatever if you'd like I don't care but I said what needed to be said.
    • @Phoenix98
      "I mean I get cat called when I'm out jogging..."

      Yeah, I remember jogging along and having women make comments like I was a piece of meat. It really put an extra spring in my step.

    • Phoenix98

      @I-am-a-nobody Doesn't it?

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