Why "boys will be boys" just isn't going to cut it for MEN

CommieDearest

On GaG and in society this shit comes up a lot.

"We're men we can't help it"

"Boys will be boys"

"It's in our nature"

"If you don't wanna be looked at, then dress like a nun even if it's 100 degrees, fuck you commie!"

Okay I made the last one up....but

Even women say this shit. Seriously do a quick google image search of "boys will be boys" or look up this issue on gag and watch people of both genders swear that it's just natural for supposedly grown people to shamelessly give you the up and down just for trying to get to wherever the fuck you're going because, somehow, in spite of being functioning members of society, they can't break away from this behavior from back when fertile women were mounted like a bitch in heat with no warning.

I think it's high time that everybody stops giving excuses for people to make other people uncomfortable. If you're an adult and you can't help yourself from staring at someone because..."wahhhh we used to do this when we were neanderthals we can't help it" Then I'm embarrassed for or ashamed of whomever raised you. Boys will be boys I guess, but if you want to be considered a grown ass man, control yourself. I have ancestors from thousands of years ago who did nasty tactless shit too, but I don't smash the neighbor's cat's head in with a rock just because I'm feeling a bit peckish.

Why

Sorry Mr. and Mrs. Jones, I was hungry and it's just natural.

Why "boys will be boys" just isn't going to cut it for MEN
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Most Helpful Girl

  • Ozanne

    People need to be responsible for their actions, and quit blaming their culture, past, background, and gender. People know right and wrong, and use crutches all the time to support their bad behaviour. I get you, Commie, and I've gone through all the cry babies in this thread and it just shows how touchy people get when they probably identify themselves in articles like this, and react poorly because on the Internet, they can.

    Like 4 People
    Is this still revelant?
    • Damn I wish articles had MH. I totally missed this comment lol

    • Jaydog666

      I found this comment completly gender biased and offensive, if this had been a man ranting like a basket case Gager would have deleted it. How would the women on this site feel if I came like came out with some politically incorrect nonsense like "last time I heard a women go off on a rant like that she was on the rag"?#despicabledouble standard

Most Helpful Guy

  • Mesonfielde

    "Boys will be boys" is true, as long as you speak about genetic structure and XY chromosomes. Otherwise, that is the greatest lie ever, your behavior is in your hands, and your sex and implicit sexism are just copouts to responsibility.

    LikeDisagree 5 People
    Is this still revelant?
    • Although to be honest, I do admit that humans are biologically engineered to seek out attractive time mates, and the primary element to determine that is looks, and the body reacts positively (with pleasure ) when you see someone attractive. Guys who ogle probably don't even realize they are ogling. But I haven't been the victim of being stared down like that (yay for my lack of style), so I cannot completely relate.

      I do think females and males actively attempt to seek out physically attractive mates, though. Females could relate to feelings of infatuation just as well, no?

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What Girls & Guys Said

1366
  • RedThread

    It just annoys me that the bar on behavior is essentially lower for men than it is for women. This should annoy all men AND women because the system churns out a lower class of men that believes and expects less for themselves. "Boys fight!" "Dress more conservatively if you don't want men to treat you like a piece of meat on two legs." "Hey ladies if you don't want to get sexually assaulted then don't drink!" The blame is always shifted to male hormones and biology or even worse always on women. Pretty much anything besides having to put the responsibility on ourselves for creating a system where we expect less from an entire gender. Nature makes us what we are not who we are for the most part. Just look at a lot of the male posters on this take that essentially add up to "hey we can't help ourselves!" Like having a penis is a void responsibility label like the sort you'd find on scratch tickets. There's a huge difference between finding a woman aesthetically pleasing and being a pig who lacks any sense of empathy.

    The worst part of it is that if a man speaks out about this shit he's automatically seen as a "white knight" or a "social justice warrior." The white knight label is particularly interesting to me because it is accompanied by the assumption that I'm just being nice to impress girls.. You know because I'm a man with a Y chromosome and everything I do in life is to get my dick wet in a fresh piece of strange because I lack any and all sense of self control (sarcasm). I couldn't just be a decent human being. People seem to always want to protect the status quo even if we are all disadvantaged by it. There are many men who seem okay with it so I doubt that it will change anytime soon. Many women are also resigned to it thinking it's a reality that's to be expected even if they aren't okay with it. People are starting to wake up to this nonsense though.. The world is changing but it never seems fast enough.

    LikeDisagree 10 People
    Reply
    • best response thus far

    • ""being a pig who lacks any sense of empathy." "

      Fun fact, it is a learned behavior because callousness and being unemotional and purely logical is part of the expectation associated with being manly and or being masculine, or just being male in general.

    • Drednaught

      @been_waiting
      Your username depicts exactly what you were doing to see a good post like this. :P

    • Show All
  • heavensgift2girls

    Male sexuality is slightly different from female sexuality. Men are just more likely to stare, because are more sexually driven. It is men that have always had to be the aggressor in finding a mate, or else he wouldn't pass on his DNA. A woman only had to wait for a suitable mate to come along and accept him. You can't expect us to completely rewrite our DNA just because you don't like how male sexuality naturally expresses itself.

    If it wasn't a part of our DNA then women would be just as guilty about this as men are. Men know it is wrong to slap a woman on the ass, but if you slap a man on the ass chances are he won't mind. Why? Because male and female sexuality are not exactly the same. We need to stop pretending like it is. Most straight guys don't even care if gay guys stare at us. We realize it is a part of who men are.

    Just because you don't understand it doesn't mean the guy is doing anything wrong. In other words you are slut shaming men for our very natural sexuality. We have a right to look where we want. We don't need to explain our behavior. Hence boys will be boys sums it up perfectly. Attempting to shame men for our natural sexual urges is actually very sexist.

    LikeDisagree 9 People
    Reply
    • you completely validated her take by saying men are naturally programmed to do this and can't control themselves, which is a bunch of fucking bs

    • I didn't validate her at all. She is thinking men should act the same as girls and that "boys will be boys" is just an excuse, and not a reason. The truth is that "boys will be boys" is a reason, and therefore we don't need an excuse. This is just another example of male slut shaming. There is nothing more natural than a guy staring at a pretty girl.

    • Male slut shaming? No, male slut shaming would be calling men who have had multiple sex partners sluts. That's male slut shaming.
      "Boys will be boys" is an excuse, not a reason. You have the ability to resist staring at someone. You do. You choose not to, because society says it's okay for you to act that way because "boys will be boys."

    • Show All
  • RationalLioness

    Agreed. I don't feel uncomfortable when it's done, but I think those who feel disrespected should have a voice.

    THAT SAID... if a man compliments you, there is no reason to take offense and file a harassment suit. I don't know why some women do this. If a woman finds herself extremely repulsive, then that's HER. Don't get offended when a man politely and genuinely says different. Especially at the work place.

    I want to tell those women to GROW UP.

    Like 3 People
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    • I agree. I think too many people are thinking I think people should never look at each other... my real issue is saying you can't help but to obnoxiously stare at someone if you have a penis. It's the excuse that bothers me more than the action

  • DodgersGM

    Great Take.

    Lots of simple-minded people like to absolve themselves of personal responsibility, and this is definitely what drives the "I'm a man/woman and can't help it" routine.

    In the case you posted, dudes that ogle women definitely are aware that they're ogling; they just don't care enough to exercise restrain or control.

    I also believe that they lack a sophisticated sense of empathy (after all, who would want to be ogled and examined/scrutinized to the point of discomfort?), but maybe that's a discussion for another topic.

    LikeDisagree 11 People
    Reply
  • 26ukdude

    Actually, glancing at women and checking them out is automatic, most men do it without even knowing we are doing it, I say this because IM A GUY and do it myself, can't we look where we want? I can appreciate getting annoyed at wolf whistles and comments, but looking? seriously?

    Like 5 People
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    • There have been studies done showing even women instinctively check other women out. It is hard wired into our brains to scan and check for gender.

    • Glancing isn't what I'm referring to.

  • DonkeyKong1979

    I'm ambivalent about this post.

    I can understand you getting upset about sad guys making excuses about ogling and lack of self control, I can totally see how that would be annoying and tiresome.

    But I can't for the life of me understand why you have such a beef with people smashing kittens heads in with rocks, that's just a fun afternoon.

    Like 6 People
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  • Watermelonoma

    Guys and girls are always evaluating each other based on looks. There isn't anything sinister about it in my view until it gets either physical or stalkerish. Beyond that, I don't really care about girls physically evaluating me with their eyes, (as they've done in the past) or the other way around. My day isn't hampered by these people.

    Like 5 People
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    • "until it gets either physical or stalkerish" yeah that's what I'm referring to. Obviously people look at those around them but there's difference between glancing and STARING... and the point of the take isn't even about that, it's about the excuse.

  • rthomas43

    I respectfully disagree.

    People are free to look at whatever they'd like.

    Touching and/or inappropriate comments however is a whole nother story.

    LikeDisagree 8 People
    Reply
    • I'm right there with you. Totally agree.

    • That's all good but I just want to take the opportunity to clarify... I think a lot of people read this and assumed no one should look at anyone ever. I'm talking about shameless freaky long lasting staring. Furthermore... it's the excuse that bothers me more than the act. I'd rather people say "I don't care if I make other uncomfortable that's their problem" instead of lying and saying "I literally cannot stop making other uncomfortable it's not my fault"

    • Jaydog666

      So she is saying u can look but dont stare, and if your unattractive your looks are creepy fuck me.

  • CincinnatiRedsfan

    Even as a guy, I must agree with this. This excuse is getting old and it's time for men to stop living like lifelong children.

    I see this all the time at my college. A girl was caught underage drinking five years ago and everyone freaked out, saying she was a "slut" and "trashy." However, guys get in trouble all the time for underage drinking, acting stupid while drunk and so on and people say "boys will be boys."

    A guy hooks up with girls, cheats on them and says "boys will be boys" but if a girl does it, she's a "hoe" or "slut."

    I can go on forever but men seem to get the pardon here. It's time to start taking responsibilities.

    Like 10 People
    Reply
  • Bluemax

    I quite agree with you about the "boys will be boys" mentality as an excuse for rude and boorish behavior. It's no defense, it's no excuse. By the way, I do tend to believe that there are certain general innate differences in the mentalities of men and women. However, we are masters of our own behavior (or at least we should be).

    For the record (and you can believe this or not), I generally don't stare at women, beautiful or otherwise. That being said, you kind of zeroed in on the one behavior which I think is often blown out of proportion, that is staring at people. Perhaps you could define a stare, commiedearest. I think you'll have a hard time coming up with an objective definition of it. What one person considers staring, another might not. What might be a welcome glance to some might be an unwelcome one to another. How could anyone know for certain? How can anyone know what the thresholds of comfort are to all people? Now, you can say that we should pick up on nonverbal cues, but not everyone displays those.

    And why are the people who feel uncomfortable always or almost always in the right? Sometimes, in my opinion, the person who is uncomfortable for someone staring at him or her has an overactive imagination or is being unreasonable. I've heard the argument that a person has a right to set his/her own boundaries, to which I agree, but I also feel that we have the right to disregard those boundaries (barring of course if it causes actual harm) if we think they're bullshit.

    Like 1 Person
    Reply
    • Bluemax

      @been_waiting
      Is there ANY point at all at which you would say that a woman is being unreasonable if she is offended and/or uncomfortable for a guy looking at her, or are her instincts correct always? I have seen fights break out over this. I have seen guys kicked out of places for doing NOTHING more than looking at a girl. It is a minority, but I liken that to Muslim extremists. Most Muslims are good people, but there is a SIGNIFICANT minority who make things harder for good Muslims. And anti-staring policies are very much on the horizon in the workplace. I have a friend who teaches HR and she'll tell you. I never want to see anti staring laws in a free country... ever.

    • All I've said on here is that staring is rude. I'm not really sure why people are bringing up people being arrested over it or being thrown out of a public place.

    • Bluemax

      @been_waiting
      "All I've said on here is that staring is rude."
      Yes, I know because you've repeated this many times. I would agree that it CAN be rude (and there is a big difference between saying "it is rude" and "it can be rude"). What I'm saying is Commiedearest seems to have focused on the one issue which I feel may very well be overblown. And I've asked you a very direct question which you didn't answer. I'll ask again. Is there ANY point at all which you would say that a woman is being unreasonable if she is offended and/or uncomfortable for a guy looking at her? The reason I ask is because it seems as though too much credit might be given to the offended party. Personally, I'm not automatically swayed simply because I hear someone say she or he is uncomfortable or offended.

    • Show All
  • Hannah591

    Good take and I agree. Often if a guy does something bad or cheats on a girl, people just say it's in their nature as a male but as adults, we know right from wrong and they shouldn't be able to get away with poor behaviour because they're males and women certainly shouldn't be supporting it.

    LikeDisagree 9 People
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  • PT1911

    I'm seriously trying to figure out how I should feel.

    Your headline is great, but what you're ranting about... eh not so much.

    People look at other people all the time, and I would assume you'_re talking about in an everyday setting, not one of going out and showing the goods so to speak

    People stare at you, give them them the "DA fuq you want?" Always gets them to back down

    Like 1 Person
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    • After reading many comments I feel like I should have specified that I mean like ridiculous ogling and what not. I don't expect anyone to walk out in public with their head down lol

    • PT1911

      Fair enough lol.

      I'll admit I do it to haha, but its ways her face I notice first. I always think "damn she's gorgeous"

      Also Illuminati confirmed

  • meatballs21

    Are you aggrieved that only men you deem unworthy are doing this to you, as opposed to hot eligible hunks that you find irresistable?

    Like 10 People
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  • Eiffelgirl21

    sorry but, staring is allowed in my country. and if you don't want to be stared at, then ya don't try to draw attention to yourself. you will never come across as logical to anyone who is intelligent.

    LikeDisagree 8 People
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  • Roycaryn

    There is a difference between looking at a girl because you find her attractive (even sexually) and staring her down like a piece of meat that you're about to make off with like Helen of Troy. In any respect, I guarantee that it's mostly just the men who don't know the difference between the two who are making excuses.

    Like 4 People
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    • Yes, unfortunately many people making the accusations can't tell the two different kinds of men apart and paint us all with the same brush. Their idea of "equality." I guess...

  • Scrambled

    Men, maturity, who gives a shit. Control? that's what makes nice guys go home with daddy long legs in their pants and a high phone bill for downloaded porn. Why do you think men do this? Because somewhere it worked. a hot boy who does this gets action, soft boy does this and is a creep. Yes when it gets to rape and overtly violating some bodies boundaries, then there is a problem. But in terms of aggressive attraction... men who are animals win over the man who isn't.

    Like 2 People
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    • patriarchy is not just a problem for women, it is a problem for men. The only winners are men who adhere to the standard of masculinity and are successful doing so.

    • Scrambled

      On the money man. I live by the mantra "in the game, your fellow man is your worst enemy"

  • Dandeus

    Sorry, but you don't have the right not to be looked at. It's one thing if the guy is making unwelcome comments or is being a pest, but simply being found attractive is a subconscious biological reaction. Even guys who try not to look really can't help it. Half the time we aren't aware that we're looking. We might be lost in thought and our heads turn because of something we catch in our peripheral vision.

    LikeDisagree 5 People
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  • BelleGirl21

    I think you're blowing it way out of proportion. I rarely have guys stare at me to the point where it becomes uncomfortable. It's usually just a quick glance here or there and I'm guilty of the same.
    If a guy was really bothering me I'd be woman enough to shut him down.

    Like 3 People
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  • Longblackveil

    what BS, women dont stare? Staring is no way relatable to smashing a cats head in. Women do just as much, but you can't see that past your female superiority complex

    more made up feminist problems like rape culture etc, this is the same thing with the same goal

    LikeDisagree 2 People
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