My boyfriend is on his phone A LOT and it's starting to annoy me?

[Anonymous]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for over 4 years and will soon be moving in together. I love him very much but lately I've been feeling like he's been bored with me. Whenever we are spending time together, 80% of the time he's scrolling through his Instagram or IGN or any other social media or website and it's really starting to annoy me and make me feel like he doesn't want to spend time with me. Last year I remember we got into a HUGE fight because he was ALWAYS on his phone and after the fight, we spoke and he said he'll try to spend less time on his phone. Fast forward a year later, it's happening again. I hate repeating myself and don't feel I have but I cannot STAND when I see him on the phone. We can be laying down in bed, watching a show or a movie and when I look over, he's on his fucking phone! It's annoying me and really making me feel like shit, like why spend time with me when you're on phone. It's like a drug for him. In the morning, the first thing he does is check his phone, takes it to the shower, holds his phone when he sleeps...ugh! I know (or hope) he's not doing anything wrong because he's very honest with me but I can't shake this feeling off. I don't know how to approach the issue when the last time I did, it ended up into a huge fight. Please help!

[Eyesofthewhitesun]

You need to have a serious calm conversation about this with him. Tell him that him being on the phone all the time makes you feel undervalued and that you really need to spend some time together each day/week without the phone - perhaps set aside some time each week to he quality (phone free) time together.
If he is willing to make the change then understand that it won't happen overnight but it should be obvious that he is making an effort for you.
If he can't understand this then perhaps you should reconsider how much he really values you and whether the relationship with him is worth sacrificing so much of your self worth.
If he isn't willing to make an effort to change or says he is but doesn't actually make a difference in his actions then it shows he doesn't really value you should probably end the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Don't move in with him, the fact that he didn't listen to what you said before is a HUGE red flag. It will only get worse. Stop rewarding his behavior, there has to be consequences for him to change.. If you've asked him before and he's doing it again, he'll keep doing it if you move in with him like nothings wrong. Dump him and if he comes back a truly changed man, good for him, if he's still in love with his phone.. at least you got rid of that phone loving jerk before things got too serious.

[knotme]

You have to be able to feel comfortable in your relationship without feeling hesitant, first of all. For some a phone can be an addiction, and it might be for him. YOu should talk to him again and tell him how you feel and you perception of the situation

[madhatters4]

well the last time you brought up...over a year ago...it started as a fight

it needs to start as a conversation. not a combat. you have to be able to express rationally, calmly and rather concisely the issue and how it makes you feel. explain to him that you understand and aren't asking him to never be on the phone but that when he is on it all the time you feel like there is a disconnect between you two or that somehow your company isn't enough.

if the behavior doesn't change don't wait a year. you can re-visit this issue every month or so if there isn't a change.

but really make an effort to address the issue when you can do so calmly so that you are both more receptive to working out something

[stubbsy]

be sarcastic, ask him who else he is sharing his time with and could you have their number as well because if he can share his time with you and them, then surely its better than what your doing, so you want in on the fun aswell, and do this every time he looks at his phone, x

[1932ct]

sorry I find this a little funny as this is the first time I have ever herd a girl complaining about a guy doing this...lol

here is something to try both of you leave the phones at the door/ or counter when you come in the house or car when you go out that way the two of you can spend time together without being disturbed by the phones or other electronic stuff

[Prof_Don]

To avoid a fight, talk calmly to him about what you feel and DON'T have an interrogating attitude.

...and talk to him BEFORE you get super mad; it sounds like u hold oh n ur emotions and then explode.

[Asker]

You're right, I do that a lot

[Prof_Don]

Thats something u definitely need fixed...otherwise you come off as a complaining and dramatic bitch. You dont want to be that girl. :)

[yaddayaddayadda02]

You tell him that you are not going to be in a relationship where you have to fight for attention from him. Agree on set limits of electronics use. 2 hrs a day or whatever.

[Anonymous]

You need to learn how to talk your man constructively.

[Asker]

How do I do that?

[Opinion Owner]

By learning how to present a problem (and possible solutions) without framing it in such a way that all he hears is "This is a problem, it's YOUR fault, and YOU need to change"

[Asker]

I don't even know where to begin to address the issue

[Metal189]

is it work?

[Asker]

No it's not

[Metal189]

is it family?

[Asker]

Nope