Professor kept staring at me?

[Anonymous]

During one of my seminar classes, my professor was always really friendly to me. I didn't think much of it becuase he was young/handsome/etc. but also married (!) and therefore *not* of interest.

I thought it was odd becuase as each seminar period would go on, he would light up more and more as I contributed opinions, until he seemed really happy for me to answer questions and would like promote my opinions (ish) etc.

Even odder, I would look up sometimes and catch him watching me with this... amazed or stunned or fascinated or something look on his face, and he would immediately look away. I got good at noticing it - he'd be doing it for several minutes and I would pretend not to notice just to see if I was actually seeing something or making it up. Also, despite his general enthusiasm for me to talk, when i had to walk over to him to ask anything he would get all clipped and impersonal.

uh - ideas? I obviously couldn't ask my classmates about it and I'm still a bit puzzled

[Anonymous]

With guys' behaviors, what you see is what you get and their thinking is fairly logical and straightforward---they don't play mind games or indecisive like the females are; I think they cut out through all the junk and see the solution clearly. That said, if your professor is giving you stares and is fascinated by you I do believe it is attraction, because if he wasn't attracted to you trust me, as most guys behave, they'd disappear around the corner.

However, if you don't make a move or anything, there is very little that he can do to you. I mean the worse thing he could do to you is somehow sexually harass you outside of class, but what are the chances of that unless if he actually hangs with you on a downtime you know? lol

[Asker]

I mean, he was married, so that automatically made him not interesting to me - but I was kind of fascinated by the behavior (and I, too, thought it was attraction). And he seemed to get all awkward/quiet when he ran into me outside of class.
(As far as I know he's moved away - kind of glad. I thought he was a neat professor but - the awkwardness was real.)

[Opinion Owner]

wow yeah. Well I am glad for you!!! But you also have to understand that while it may be unnerving for him to do that, guys can't control what their penis wants to think. If you were a guy you'd understand this...

[Asker]

For some reason I got the feeling that he just thought I was really beautiful or something, I don't know. It's hard to explain - it was the way he looked at me. But again secretly and he was quite professional (overly so maybe) one-on-one. It was kind of confusing and that made it more awkward.

[BellePepper]

I don't think it means anything. Maybe he was just happy you were getting more involved in class.

[Asker]

Hmm ok - he didn't to anyone else as far as I know and I was always involved in class, so maybe... I don't know.

[BellePepper]

Like you said he's married so it's not like anything can amount to anything anyway. Better to forget these types of ideas.

[Asker]

I agree absolutely - I just honestly couldn't tell if he was fascinated by what i was saying or by how i looked (and I dress conservatively) or what, so I felt slightly uncomfortable from the attention. It felt like some form of attraction but I am not sure.

[BellePepper]

Understandable. I think the one on one behavior is what speaks here.

[Asker]

how so?

[BellePepper]

Because that's when you know he's just interacting with you as an individual and not in front of a group.

[MrScTi]

Professors love students who contribute and have insightful opinions. I'm the same way (making contributions), and my professors are males. Students like ourselves make lecture very easy and enjoyable. Do they pay extra attention to main contributors? Of course, but not in some romantic way. It's an appreciation for showing enthusiasm and transforming "work" into a free-flowing conversation.

Professors HATE silent rooms/auditoriums. When they invite feedback and even the crickets aren't chirping, the job is hell.

As for why he gets impersonal, its because his stage personality and his actual personality are far from similar.

[Asker]

This is really useful, actually - as a former TA I agree that the job is painful when no one contributes.

I just honestly couldn't tell if he was fascinated by what i was saying or by how i looked (and I dress conservatively, so not like cleavage or something), so I felt slightly uncomfortable from the attention. It felt like some form of attraction - I've never seen an instructor stare at a student with *that* type of look on their face - but I am not sure. It looked like he was mesmerized (not exaggerating), and not even when I was talking - just... very often.

I mean, as BellePepper said, he's married, and yeah no - I just wondered what people interpreted it as.

[Asker]

And I don't understand why he'd look away quickly every time I noticed if it was just attention to a contributor.

[MrScTi]

Using my amateur social "scope theory" to answer the question, it really depends on the lens you're using to analyze the situation. If you're looking for reasons why he may be attracted to you in a romantic sense, suddenly everything remotely associated with attraction is suspect, even though it's entirely coincidental. Much like a confirmation bias.

[Asker]

Yes, that makes sense. I kind of went with the assumption that the enthusiasm was class-related and the staring was not, given that (a) it didn't make sense for him to watch me if I wasn't the one talking (and he didn't seem to do it to anyone else that I can definitively remember) and (b) I tend to assume people are *not* attracted to me so it was pretty far out of the ordinary enough that I noticed.

[MrScTi]

At the end of all this reflection on the matter, the question becomes "is this significant?" The answer to that question leads to either a concentrated effort in finding the truth, or a simple shrug of the shoulders in acceptance of the unknown.

To me, it's not out of the question that somewhere along the way, some professor had a staring problem and you happened to be the target. But the question is, is this significant? If yes, then you might want to uncover facts from primary sources close to the situation, including him. If no, then you say "what he did was very strange. Strange people exist, and I may never truly know what he did what he did."

[Asker]

It's not significant at this point, as far as I know.

Are you in academia by the way because you speak as if you are.

[MrScTi]

As a student, yes.

[Asker]

What do you study?

[MrScTi]

Marketing. What about you?

[Asker]

Communication.

[MrScTi]

What school? If you dont mind...

[Asker]

I'd rather not say on here, sorry - but it's fairly well known, I think