Guys, How do I make my boyfriend chase me again? Or ask if he stills loves/wants me without looking needy?

[Anonymous]

We slept with eachother and then he maybe got cocky. He still uses names like "babe, sweetheart, princess" but he doesn't say I love you like before which I don't really mind, I'm not too pressured on the love part, I think we took it too fast anyway. He still hasn't broken up with me yet so I assume he still wants to be with me simple as that, but it feels like he got way too over himself that he feels like he doesn't need to romance me. I know how guys are when it comes to sex, i know they think differently and I know that, by nature, they are built on achievement, not romance, but damn this dude just went from 0-100 (or rather 100-0). I mean, i don't expect him to call me everyday like he used to, but at least keep a little romance alive, you know? I've tried to communicate, but If I say something l, it's either badly worded or I feel like I irritate him by nagging or his ego gets hurt so that's why I'm here! Help?

[Curiousboredguy]

This sounds a little immature for both of you. A mature woman doesn't want to be chased like a teenager. She wants respect and attention. A mature man wouldn't act like he claimed his woman by sleeping with her. He is acting like now that he has had you, you are his and that is it. If all he wanted was sex and he has already gotten it, then I suggest moving on to a man that will want you for more and still want to take you out or spend time with you outside the bedroom. If he is still interested, he will change his attitude.

[Asker]

Well that conversation was one of many conversations. When I say I want him to chase me, i don't mean like teenager, I just meant that I'm still a lady and I need to be treated like his girlfriend, not a bro, you know? The best example I can give is before we slept together, he had duty for 24 hours (he's in the military), he didn't text me for the whole day except for one text that pretty much went along the lines of "hey baby, I'm really busy but I just wanted to let you know I love you" and that kept me happy. But he changed all broseph on me but he still calls me baby and stuff, he's just more insensitive.

[Curiousboredguy]

Ahh. I understand a little better. It still sounds like he was more interested in a friend with benefits type relationship rather than a real relationship. Sounds like you were more of a conquest and now that he has gotten you, he doesn't feel the need to put any effort or real attachment or feelings into a relationship. There might not be anything you can do, but chasing him will only make him think you are his. If you are still going for his attention then he knows you are not looking for a relationship elsewhere.

[Asker]

If he was looking for a friends with benefits relationship, then why am I even his girlfriend? I mean, we both said we'd be straight up with eachother. I told him I was fine with anything as long as he was honest about it. So do I just ask him where I stand now? Just straight up? And if I do, should I do it through text or phone?

[Asker]

Cuz I respect a guy if he wants friends with benefits as long as he's upfront about it. I wouldn't be his friends with benefits, but I would respect his decision. I have no problem with him wanting an friends with benefits but I don't want him to play me like that.

[Curiousboredguy]

I am more of the straight forward type. I wpuld go with a the phone call if not face to face. I would ask it straight where you stand and what he wants. I would attempt to end the games. Just be prepared in case you don't get the answers you want to hear.

[Curiousboredguy]

It could be just the way he treats a girlfriend. In which case, it may not be good enough for you.

[Asker]

I did talk to him and you basically got both right. I didn't get answers I wanted to hear. He hit me with the "I love you but I'm not in love with you. I just wanna take it slow because I wanna focus on my purpose." which, I will believe because I mean, hey, there's no reason I shouldn't. He still wants to be with me, and I wanna be with him, but now it sucks because we aren't in the same page. I feel like if I stay, I'll be waiting for something I already have for him which, there is that possibility, but he even said it himself that Life happens, things change. I'm not so good with change I guess, but it feels like the ultimate rejection rn. I'm really confused because I do wanna be with him but I'm so far off and he isn't. So if I break up with him, I'm free from the suspense, but I could be impulsive, if I don't, do I just take advantage of taking it slow or should I be more worried? It feels great to have more liberty but knowing that it wasn't like before upsets me.

[Asker]

I'm sorry I keep bugging you as a person in particular, maybe it wasn't a question or maybe it was a stupid question, but I guess since you know all the dirty details so it feels nice to not feel so judged for being so unfiltered.

[Asker]

It sucks because I don't feel like I really am being appreciated like I should, but really maybe I'm giving him too much appreciation than he deserves. That's probably why I expect this. That and well he did say I love you to me first and led me on like there was no tomorrow. Now I think to myself he is somewhat released of me. He isn't as tied down to me as I thought and at any moment he could meet someone else and drop me, cold hearted. Is it weird I get that feeling? Like that feeling that I will never really be good enough for him. Like there is a better person out there for him? i wanna take it slow, don't get me wrong. But can you ever go back to taking it slow after going that fast?

[Curiousboredguy]

I think it sounds like you know the answers to your own questions. As you said, you are on different pages. If you are okay with going to his and being more casual then do it. But usually when one person has stronger feelings than the other, it is a problem. It just isn't likely that he will suddenly fall in love later. Hoping for him to change sounds like it will lead to heart break. Like all relationships, he could find someone else or you could and move on especially if you both know one of you is not in love. As for taking it slow after going so fast, I don't know. I think you have to ask yourself that question. What can you take? What are your expectations and what is realistic at this point?

[Asker]

Do you believe that a relationship can never go in reverse? It can only only go forward? Because if that's the case, then this relationship I have with this dude is too far gone to repair.

[Curiousboredguy]

I don't know the answer to that. Sorry.