Why do guys say they don't want to get attached too fast and want to take things slow, but continue to call?

I have been talking to this guy for almost 2 months, and we had the talk about taking things slow and not getting too attached too fast to avoid either of us getting hurt if things didn't work out. He just got out of a long-term relationship about 6months ago and I think is afraid of being hurt again. Both time that we have had the discussion about getting attached too fast, he has been the one to bring it up. The first time we talked about I was totally coo with it and kinda slowed down a little with the calling and texting but yet he seemed to pick up the pace! And then after about 2wks of him calling every night on his way to work and every morning on his way home, I didn't hear from him for a couple days...So naturally when I did talk to him I asked him what he had been up to? And again I get the "let not get too attached" talk...

I don't feel like I'm the one getting attached when he is the one doing the majority of the calling and texting!

I'm confused!


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Frankly, this guy is trying to have his cake & eat it too. He's setting emotional boundaries, and trying to manage/circumvent those boundaries when it's convenient for him. I wouldn't be surprised if he's got one or more other women that he's telling the exact same thing to. Think about it, these "talks" are buying him time away from you so he can screw around with the others. I'd be willing to bet that the other women are wondering where he is the few days of the week when he's focused on you. He's a player, I know it, and I feel like deep down inside, you know it, too. Don't be so naive as to let this guy play you and your emotions like that. Besides, when you sit & think about it, is this really the kind of behavior & situations you want to deal with out of a boyfriend/husband? I don't think so, so why even waist your time with this jerk? If he's playing mind games now, wait until you commit to a relationship with him & you'll definitely get your heart broken. You deserve better. Assholes like him are what give good guys like me a bad rep.

    • Thank you for you honesty from a guy's perspective! I would like to think that because is one of my best friend's cousins that he would have more respect than that, and also we share a lot of the same friends. but then again guys think totally different than girls do, and its hard to know what to believe, especially when you have been lied to and cheated on in the past. I feel like I judge other guys because of one loser and that's not fair either...so I have just stopped making myself available!

    • I think you're on the right trrack by not making yourself so available to him. Excessive availability on your part definitely leaves you vulnerable in this situation. In fact, if I were you, I'd actually ignore his calls, emails, & texts for a week or so. Just text him back & say hey, I'm really busy & will call you later, etc...then leave him hanging like he does to you. This will show him that you're not willing to just sit around & wait for him to spend time with you on his terms only.

What Girls Said 1

  • I think he wants to keep up the communication as usual but chill on the emotional aspects. He seems like he may be wanting to go with the flow and just let whatever happens happen. He wants you to know he's into you so he still calls and texts.

    I would be concerned about the not calling for a few days. Its good that you mentioned something to him so he knows that its not cool. Go with the flow but don't take any crap.

    • It's so hard to know what to think!! we work opposite shift, he work nights I work days, so it's like I want to believe that it's due to different schedules....but then it doesn't take much to send a quick text or something..ya know? and he's the one that is still keeping in contact, not me....i'm just not making myself available as often

    • I would continue to do what you are doing. If he's really that into you, he would call you. If he calls you or texts you, return them, but do so on your own time. Don't reschedule your whole day or any of your plans for that matter, for him. Make him prove himself.

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