I am so into this girl. I want her so bad. (friends would be better than nothing) do you think It could work?

[LeviSD]

I met this girl at a gymnastics gym she worked there. I went once or twice a week for a drop in which lasted from 8-10 pm. I always thought she was really cute and after a few months I started talking to her a bit more. I found out right away she had a boyfriend, which disappointed me but I thought that's okay ill be her friend.. a few weeks went by and I added her on Facebook. I really wanted to tell her how I felt but was too shy because I knew she had a boyfriend and I didn't want to just say it to her. I noticed she had an honesty box so I anonymously said "so cute." 2 days later were talking on Facebook chat for about 30 min and she asks me if it was me. I said no because I didn't want her to get mad. She kept bugging me and finally I said yes. Anyways we starting talking and texting each other like all day long and she said the boyfriend didn't talk about some things with her cause he thinks she should be over them.. so I figure why not be a good friend and be there for her. And at this point I didn't flirt with her cause whenever I did she got offended. couple more weeks passed of talking all day long whenever she wasn't with her boyfriend we were talking and me being a lonely guy got attached. I told her this and she would always say I don't know what to say I just really like talking to you... then other times she would say I'm really cute or she wishes she was single, or her boyfriend is so controlling she feels so good with me... then in this last week I have been upset and having mood swings... sometimes I like talking to her even though I can't have her I just have to talk to her! and other times I would get really really upset and talk to her about my feelings and I or her would say we have to stop talking. But then one of us would say like 2 hours later I'm so sorry I can't stand the thought of not talking to you! we both admitted that we were basically best friends but the difference between her and me was... she had a boyfriend to go home to and I am completely lonely... we hung out 2 times this week and and its hard for me to be so close to her without being able to kiss her. She lets me hug her and massage her shoulders and she leans her head on my shoulder as she's talking to me... but doesn't let me hold her hand and I never tried to kiss her even though it was pretty much all I could think about... Today I got upset and instead of talking about my feelings I completely told her off and chewed her out for leading me on and she agrees and says she's so sorry but still can't stand the thought of losing me as a friend... which made me even angrier cause being friends with her is just hurting me a lot and I feel like I can't do it anymore! I'm still going to go to the gym and I will see her but... what do I do? should I talk to her? or am I a complete idiot for letting myself fall for her in the first place? I still really like her and I also feel so empty not talking to her... wow I could say a lot more but 3000 char is done... please reply! :

[browolf]

There's a reason why she's dating a guy that treats her badly and also a reason why she hasn't ditched him. Whilst what exists between you two are the things which she's missing from her relationship, these are the things that are more prominent in friendships and you are filling that void for her. The trouble is the things she is ultimately attracted to are not the friend-things you have between you-two The attraction-things are boldness, confidence & attitude, things which you don't have. She's also hoping she can change him to be more like you. In this circumstance you're in a no-win situation.

However what you should take from this is knowledge that what you are and what this guy is, are equally important in the scheme of relationships and if you can find a way to develop the other guy's attributes in addition to your own your chances of finding another girl as good as this one will be vastly improved.

As to you friendship, it's best not to have it to preserve your own sanity. The girl might be hurt but it's her problem to deal with her own issues. Because you can't fix people they can only fix themselves. The best you can hope for is she learns something from having known you.

[techninefan]

Boyfriend is nothing but a word, a title but the one she feels safe around and connected to is the one she truly loves!!! Try to muster the courage to ask her why she would stay with such a mean guy!! I can sense that you're a good man who deserves it!!!

[Standingpretty]

Yikes, she shoulden't be dating this guy if she feels more attached to you, plus, she's leading you on if she "can't" have a relationship with you. Next time she talks to you you should ask her why she can't tell her boyfriend her complaints about him. It sounds almost like she's scared, because early she complained that he was controlling and she may feel that she can't leave. You should tell her to consider you more (because, she even said she feels better around you then her own bf) because of her attachment to you. Why would she be so worried about losing you if your just a friend? Would she be sad if she lost her bf? You should just lay it out because it's really weird that she would do all this and still go home to the guy she doesn't like as much.

[DirtyMindedInnocence]

It sounds like her boyfriend doesn't appreaciat (did I spell that right?) what he has. And I don't know being a girl you sound like a really good friend I think yo. Should maybe start talking again. But maybe keep your distance. So there isn't so much temptaion.

But if being arround her is hard and it hurts you. I would say don't. I know I'm probably not helping. Maybe try talking with her about her relationship with him. But other wise maybe staying away will stop the hurting.

I hope some of this made sense. And/or helpped. Good luck