Guys, he just stood there staring at me...does he still love me?

[Anonymous]

My boyfried introduced me to his church. I really enjoyed the service and decided to become a Christian. He recently broke up with me. On Wednesday evening I attended the mid week service. I sat in the very back near the door. A few minutes later he entered through the front door (near the podium). He saw me and stood at the front of the church (by the door) and stared at me the entire service. He never sat down. I pretended not to notice him and left immediately after the service. Why did he stand there staring? Was he upset that I was there? I really want him back. Was it a mistake to attend his church?

[Panopticus]

From the amount that I know about each of you and the situation it is difficult to judge but as I said, his behaviour does not [for me] exhibit maturity. If he was staring at you throughout the service he would certainly have been watching for what you did at its conclusion. If he had the feelings that you need him to have to be able to get him back he would not have made you feel so uncomfortable that you felt you had to ignore him. As I said, I am working with what you have said in a few dozen words but my advice would be to change your place of worship. If he wants to resume the relationship he can still have the opportunity to get in touch but as I indicated before, it is probably time to move on, remember there will be people in the church you change to and among them might be someone who has been waiting for someone like you.

Sometimes after a break-up the biggest pain is the empty hole rather than the loss of the person who made the hole .. the need to be wanted and to be needed can be so strong it is hard to make considered judgements. I hope you receive other answers from both genders.

I also hope that everything goes as well as it can for you if you do change churches. Not easy to cope with so many life changes though. For me and others here to offer advice is one thing ... the way forward can be another thing entirely.

Best wishes.

[Panopticus]

Could it be that he was asked to bring you into the church to increase the membership [some churches operate a "flirty fishing campaign" to create new member.]

It could be that he expected you to leave the church as he cannot feel able to bring future girlfriends there if you are around, perhaps guilt is part of his reaction.

I noticed that you referred to him as your boyfriend rather than ex-bf, is that because you have made it obvious you want to be with him despite the break-up?

Perhaps you need to talk to him in the company of maybe the church minister, if you have been that close to him and do not understand his actions then you need at least a good friend in reasonable proximity as the constant staring should ring the "have caution" bell in my opinion.

You ask if this man still loves you; I assume that this man is at about your stated age range so he is not a youngster who has not mastered full social behaviour.

If this man loves you this would be the strangest way of showing it, the stare is used to intimidate in most cases. If I were in his position and still loved you I would ask for a meeting in a neutral place and ask for us to get back together, the way he behaved was at best immature and I think perhaps you deserve a lot better!

[Asker]

Thanks for your response. I am not a member of a church. I was agnostic and recently converted. I guess your advice is to find another church? Do you think he was upset that I was there? He told me that he didn't go to mid week service so I wasn't expecting to see him.