I betrayed my boyfriend, how do I make it up to him?

[FranksGirl10]

A couple of months ago I cheated on my boyfriend of three years. It was a huge mistake and I regret it to my very core. I told him and he forgave me, like the loving amazing guy that he is. But every now and again he gets sad and won't kiss me. He tells me that my kisses are tainted and it brakes my heart. I understand that I hurt him so much. And that the thought of me with someone else must torture him. I just don't want him to hurt anymore. I want to be able to make him smile and just give him the world. I made the biggest mistake of my life and the guilt is killing me. What hurts worse is the look he gets in his eyes when he remembers what I did. What can I do to make it up to him? How can I make that lost look disappear from those eyes? I am willing to do anything to make him happy again. Whatever it takes. I love him so much. I need advice!

[Mahalko]

No way he'll forget - forget that, both of you. So the question is about the forgiving part. And that is his part, really - there's nothing you can do to "influence" him: damage is done, and he's the only one to be able to repair it. Not you. I don't want to say you should be the "cold b***h" about it, on the contrary! But the more you'd want to focus on "helping him cope", the more you're focussing on "the thing you try to forget": and by focussing you're not forgetting. You actually seem to be very sensitive, and since he's even trying to forgive you, so must he be. But you both must relativate what really happened - it was a big mistake, you won't make it again, and he will have to trust you for that, even though his trust has been damaged. He will be remembered by what happened now and then, and he will get sad about it - look, we all got hurt or will be (cheating, death, accident,...) . The grieving part can only last so long before it starts becoming feeling sorry for oneself, which is unhealthy. I know what it feels like, I was in your boyfriend's situation once. But look, you're still standing by his side and so is he - it's been a couple of months already... instead of trying so hard to make him forget (which is impossible), you risk to change who you are to please him so much to the extent you will be unhappy yourself - no relationship holds that way. I'd suggest to pick a time to really talk about this again in full length (including for example why you really did this, if relevant..), once and for all, and then not to have it come back as a topic no more. You'll have to see it both as a new start - also to prevent this thing from coming back in any argument again in the future. You seem to have a great guy there, understand he may need some grievance still also on his own, and remember except standing by him, there's not a lot really you can do. Remain the person he fell in love with, and if his love and forgiveness is strong enough, he'll slowly regain his faith in you again. I do wish you both good luck with this.

[ironheartorlove]

After you have told him what happened, after apologising, after everything, what have you done to make him feel special, to make him feel that he is the one you love

It's time, you, even if you get hurt, you have to make him feel that you respect him. Treat him better than the best you can.
Give into whatever he wants to.
But most importantly, every time you meet, hug him, make him feel loved with your kisses, just look into his eyes and tell him how muvh you missed him. Don't make him wait for you. Always be there before time. Treat him for lunch, and when he starts feeling good, he won't let you spend your money. That should work as an indicator that your work is paying off.
Listen to everything he says, talk to him whenever he wants, till the time he wants, and don't givr him time to feel alone or neglected. Bug him, hit him on his hands and yell at him that you love him, don't give him space for himself for some time. He'll get irritated but just keep smiling, and your smile will not allow him to stay irritated. Gradually he'll start smiling for you.
Now, do stuff for him, prepare some food, or keep clicking pictures together, hold his hand when you walk together, you've to make everyone understand that you love him just as and when they see you two together.
Stay close to him always.
If you're watching a movie, lean on him, keep his hand in your hands or hold his hand over your tummy or thighs or near hold it in front of your chest.
Don't let him feel insecure. Don't let your friends come in between you two. If his friends are there, then, talk to them, be friends with them, but, don't let go of him while you talk. Keep holding him, hugging him for no reason, biting him.
Yeah, believe me, biting works in an amazing manner. Men love it when they get bitten on their neck, ears and lips. Each time he looks at you and smiles, kiss his shoulders or arms or anywhere you can but not on lips at that moment.
Kiss his chest while you sit and hug.
Make him feel wanted!

[Anonymous]

You have to understand two things that are paramount to overcoming something like this. You made this choice and hurt him, only you can fix it. It is not up to him, he can't undo what you did and he didn't ask for you to do it. So you can't expect him to have to put any energy into fixing it outside of being open to giving you the opportunity. You have to accept full, to the very core, responsibility for your actions.

Secondly, there are plenty of studies and material on this, you have to feel his pain. You have to hurt at least as much as he has, and you have to accept it willingly. How that manifests itself is different for each couple and incident. I'm not saying you should be abused or anything, but you have to get to a point where you are as sullen about this as you have made him, and he has to see it. It can't be contrived and it can't be done just for him. It's got to be within you. That too comes from fully accepting responsibility for your actions.

Past that, you can't make any mistakes for a while. Yes be extra good to him, but don't make it over the top or it will backfire. Don't let him be vengeful towards you either, and if he is stop him, and don't make it a huge deal. You did this, this is the process, accept it. All of these are temporary and only time will tell how long it takes to get back to a normal level of interaction. Just remember you did this and you have to be fully responsible for it.

[ArtistBboy]

4.5 until that similar situation happened to me. Trust me, move on. You'll do both you and him a favor, and then when a LONG time has come between you two- it may distance the hurt, but not likely.

I've tried everything, and that pain is harder to "Get over" than people understand. Mine was due to my ex-best friend and the one I care about hooking up sexually. I don't know how bad yours got and I don't care (no offence)... The easiest way for him to get over the pain, is to forget entirely.

~ ArtistBBoy

[Littletad]

These things take time. My ex cheated on me and it took a turn for the worse. Not every guy is going to stay. But for those that do, they can remain haunted now and then by the thought of you and another guy. Or whatever it is that you did. Over time he will get over it, as your relationship reaches new levels of commitment and familiarity. But there is nothing you can do that will short-work the process. Just be with him.

[jtj25m]

You can't really do anything to 'make it up to him' unfortunately sweetheart. The only thing you can do is to prove by your words and actions from this point on that you have changed and will not make the same mistake again. I imagine he will probably carry the pain for a long while, and you cannot change that, but you can ease it a bit by not becoming that person that hurt in in such a manner ever again.

[jtj25m]

Hurt HIM* O.o

[Frank-the-Man]

You will never fix it, period! And in the long run you will start suffering just as him because as you said from time to time he will be reproaching your action and words coming out of his mouth will be harder day after day. Probably the guilt is telling you that you “love” him so much; but you need to examine yourself cause when you love somebody you don’t cheat on him/her; so move on… tell him go and learn from your actions so you won’t make the same mistake on future relationships.