Can/ Do guys feel closer to a woman after sex?

Question

Im dating a guy now who seemed to be a lot closer to me after sex. He was definitely a little surprised at my ability to give head and loved how enthusiastic I was on top of him. He also appreciates the softness of my lips. I tend to notice guys pull away a little after sex. Not this guy. He'll even come over for dinner or just to see me without getting any sex. Can a guy actually be more emotionally attached with sex? He told me good sex can both keep a guy and make him fall in love. I've never heard of this.

Ratiocinative · Accepted Answer

Of course.

Popular culture\mainstream media tends to portray men either extremely feminine and emotional, or as having almost no emotion at all and merely feigning interest in a woman just to get sex. The reality is almost all guys are in the middle. They want sex, but with a woman they care about.

I work 40 hrs a week and train mma and lift 20+ hours a week. I don't have time for women I don't care about, sex or not. I have had women throw themselves at me, and it is pathetic. If I'm not interested in a date with you, then I'm not interested in sex either. If I'm going to have sex with a woman it's going to be because she's not just attractive, but also because I enjoy spending time with her.

Sure, there are some guys who "fall in love" because a woman said yes to a first date, or guys who swear they will never ever commit to one woman no matter how much they enjoy her company, but those guys are outliers. Most guys want a woman they can enjoy life with just as much as women what a man they can enjoy life with.

However, I would be extremely wary of a guy who you've starting having sex with before and then he doesn't make a move the next time. Women want sex just as much as men, so if he thinks he's proving he's a "nice guy who cares" by not having sex with you and just coming over to talk, then that just shows he knows nothing about women. If you start having sex, then you should be having sex when you see each other. Coming over for platonic dinners is not what lovers do.

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

Here's how it (usually) works:

If a guy has feelings for you IN THE FIRST PLACE, then having sex with you will make him feel even closer to you.

If a guy didn't have feelings for you in the first place, then it was JUST SEX to him, and sex will not make him feel closer to you.

In general, sex does not CREATE feelings for men, but it ENHANCES them if they already exist. This is a distinction that many women don't understand or refuse to believe, because for females, sex tends to CREATE feelings even if there were none to begin with. (Most) men just don't work that way.

To look at it another way: if he doesn't have feelings for you, then you can have sex constantly for a year, and he'll STILL have no feelings for you - because sex will NOT *create* feelings for most men. There has to be a seed of feelings already existing in order for sex to "grow" those feelings - like watering a seedling. Without the seed to begin with, you're just dumping water into the dirt.

Pixiefairylady · Accepted Answer

All of us have a preference that makes us "appreciate" our other halves that little bit more, for some it's spending time together, or receiving gifts for this dude it sounds like it's physical touch. Each person is different (man and woman) we stereotype men as less emotional but generally I've found I just don't attract those men who are more emotional (occasionally wish I did) but as a touchy feely person myself I'd never get anything done, or get out of bed if I did meet that type :) Sounds to me like you've met one of those type of people who likes physical touch and is therefore closer after sex.

The question is, what do you prefer... cause that's what causes the problems down the line, you holding out sex cause he never washes the dishes (acts of service) for example haha :)

miamigirl1970 · Accepted Answer

Sex can be just sex if a guy just wants physical... but if he is interested in you, and wants a relationship, it can bring out emotions as well. Most men are very good at putting things into compartments, while women not so much... After women have sex, they want to love and cuddle, men can just get up and go on about their day... with that being said, your power can draw him to you, and make him appreciate you for everything you are and do, and you can make it so it becomes emotional for both of you!

PinkMichae · Accepted Answer

I know with my man the first time we met we were not wanting any attachments. Just fun sex. However he found out how kinky and passionate I was. He said no woman did what I did wit him. He wanted to know me and took me around the city since I just moved there. We've been together 2yrs now. So yes sex can lead to love. :)

singleforsix · Accepted Answer

Maybe if he already had feelings for the woman. Most men do not associate emotions with sex like women do, but there are a few out there that are wired differently so they probably could. I dated a guy like that once and he ended up stalking me.

USMC-Crossroads · Answer

Highly unlikely. Highly. The only Real (and fast) way to get a guy the feel "closer" to a girl, is for him to see that the girl is ok with something about the guy, that the guy feels embarrassed or semiconscious about. That's a mouthful, but very true. If he farts in front of her, and she's cool - if she finds out he was molested, and is cool. - If she finds out he wears dentures. - If she is cool when catching him masturbating. - If she is cool with his dick being small. - Anything like that. Feeling closer to a girl, can't come from anything physical... it has to come from his heart or his psyche. Women cannot fucking understand that MEN AND WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT! Women feel emotion in concert with sex... men do not. Girls, understand this; to be closer to a guy, make him feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable. When you make him realize that you are still attracted to him and respect him when he is being vulnerable, then your relationship will grow exponentially, in an instant. How you do that, is up to you. But THAT alone (not sex) is the Deus Ex Machina to getting him to feel closer to you. It will NEVER happen because of sex.

pnl86 · Answer

Only after first time sex, mostly because it's symbolic of a personal boundary being crossed, so I respect that and obviously feel closer to a person that I've had sex with than someone I don't have sex with.

Otherwise, after first time sex, I have to be honest, sex is mostly just physical for me. I know that's not the answer a lot of girls want to hear, and maybe it's not true for all guys, buts that's just me. There's "closeness" in the sense that it symbolically reinforces that we're "still close," or that she "still loves me," and that I "still want her / find her attractive," but it's not something that "brings us closer" (if you know what I mean).

Only first time sex brings us closer. After first time sex, sex just "reinforces" the closeness that's already there.

Not to be funny or crude, but it's like anal. First time anal, it's like, woah, this chick just totally let me fuck her in the ass. She doesn't just let any man hit her in the back. She's never gonna forget a man that hit her in the back. We go deep, no pun intended. This chick just invested in me. Second time anal, it's just like, "Okay, I guess we're still cool like that." If anal is a no go all of a sudden, it's like, "Well I guess we're not cool like that anymore."

Hope that makes sense. It's late, that's the best I can explain it at this hour of the night.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

If a guy is looking for a relationship and not just looking to get laid, having sex will make him feel closer. Men have emotional needs which get much less discussion than women's emotional needs, but men's needs are just as real. Men want to know that they are trusted, that they can satisfy their woman (gives a sense of power and competence,) and that they are accepted. All of these needs are satisfied with sex. When a relationship-oriented guy wants to have sex earlier than the female in the relationship, it is NOT necessarily a sign that he just wants to get laid "just like every other guy." It means he wants to be closer.

MementoMori_ · Answer

Of course it can make a guy feel closer. I'm not criticizing you for asking because I can understand why a girl might not understand. But even though many guys seem like they are only interested in sex, that isn't the case. They too crave romantic relationships. It's just that the average guy is so much more sex driven then the average girl that often they are too obsessed with the sex part to think about the relationship part. Once they take a time out and take a few deep breaths, the sex part is meaningful to them too... and can make them feel closer and more attached to a girl. Of course it they think the sex is really good, that kind of helps too... but not always! Sometimes the sex can be not so great and it still makes you feel closer to them.

inceptin951 · Answer

Can they? Yes. Do they always? No. I have had flings with women before that I felt no attachment to after sex because they were just one-night stands.

However, I have always felt closer to women that I was actually in a relationship once we had sex because that is the most intimate thing you can do with another person. That is a level that even a best friend (presumably who you haven't had sex with) cannot know you to that extent so in some ways you can feel closer to them than even the people they have been close friends with for years.

Longshoreman · Answer

I would say it greatly depends on the guy and what his agenda is and if he really cares about you or if he is feeling lust. I do believe it can make a guy feel closer. Despite what the media tells us guys do like intimacy. One thing to keep in mind women want to be loved and men want to be appreciated. Having sex could show him that you appreciate him being in your life. Another thing that I believe is having sex with someone takes trust this applies weather your male or female. Having sex with someone tells them that you trust them. I'm sure you know what it means to trust someone its breaking down any walls being completely open and vulnerable. So yeah I think having sex can bring your relationship closer depending on the guy.

Bananaman177 · Answer

100% true, men have a very difficult time expressing or feeling love without physical intimacy. We're physical thinkers, and physical feelers, as opposed to women who tend to be more verbal. That's why women need to hear "I love you" every day, even though nothing has changed, there's no reason for constant updates. Men need those constant updates too, but instead of hearing words, we need to feel actions. Words can be false. Actions are usually more reliable. And easier for us to tell how a woman really feels, then just hearing her say what we want to hear.

vishna · Answer

I had a boyfriend pull away, emotionally and physically after sex, he wouldn't talk to me for hours after. It never worked out. I never got pass that feeling. I resented him deep down how he pushed me away.

I haven't been with a lot of guys, and I'm not a guy, but I know that it's different for each guy.

My current boyfriend, we feel deeper afterwards :) He sometimes kisses my forehead after we kiss when it's over. He's an angel.

TadCurious · Answer

I think the answer is "yes." Contrary to stereotypes about guys, we really do have emotional connections to people we have sex with. Having orgasms with somebody else releases hormones/neurotransmitters that promote bonding feelings. It's nature's way of promoting a pair bond.

1squatch7 · Answer

YES! We've broken up since, but when my ex and I first started exploring our sexual sides (high school relationship - we were both virgins) it made us so much closer to each other! I think if there's a solid emotional base in the first place then sex does nothing except add to that, especially if both parties are excited and mutually invested in having a fun, loving experience. Enthusiasm is always a plus and intimate things like oral and passionate sex just make it better and better. I know that's how it was for her and I; sex just made us so much closer together and felt more in love. As for cuddling, I was always up for a nice snuggle session afterwards - she would often mess around to get me ready for "round 2" or more, but I would be content with just the one time and then cuddling if that wasn't the case. It all depends on your emotional attachments to each other!

Angel_123 · Answer

well he just wanted sex then some guys i know wants sex then he'll want more because he liked it and craves for a good bang lol aha!!
probably can be emotionally attached but guys are usually attracted to phyiscal unless he's serious to be emotionally attached to you ^^

nandinikhaneja · Answer

of course, you can have attachment with this guy,,, if he is asking you that means he definitely cares about you. being fall in love with guy whom you had sex is not a bad thing or unless you know his behavior, you cannot judge him. and there is not need to know everything in a relationship, seems that he really likes you and wants to be with you.

AnonB17 · Answer

I'm not a guy but I know that for me, I HAVE to be close to have sex. I won't have sex to get close. However, when my ex and I first started dating, we were very awkward and closed off to each other. And then as soon as we started becoming intimate. We became more open with each other, more comfortable. So yea... in a way... it did make us closer...

Anonymous · Answer

Nope never. Guys will disrespect women after sex, and they will talk to you less because they only care about pussy and use women for sex. All women should use men for their money and play them, this what i do. I lie to them and talk to other men behind their backs

uknaked · Answer

A good relationship needs a number of things, strong attraction by both partners, including personality, good communications, and mutual trust, honesty and respect. If you have all that, great sex compatibility is a very big bonus.
The whole package creates a loving environment, that can lead to a more permanent loving partnership.
Personally I have often fallen in love quite quickly, but later the partner has tried to change me into their ideal. That does not work!

AustinMan · Answer

You were smart enough to somehow achieve equal emotional investment in the relationship. Take a look at this and let's talk. This is extremely interesting to me:

AceOtana1 · Answer

Personally I do. If I'm intimate with someone, I tend to stick with them, and even try to strengthen the friendship even if we're just enjoying each other physically.
I knew a woman years ago who I wasn't all that into but, one day she sat on me and suddenly I started to feel differently about her (in a good way). Not in an emotional way, but just more interested in her as a person. She became more interesting if you know what I mean?

HandsomeRaj · Answer

To each his own I'd say. Such things differ from person to person, situation to situation.

Closeness may well induce sex but it's not necessary that sex induces closeness though we may have the assumption during the time we have sex

What this guy says is right, this is his individual feeling & situation - there are people that way as well (:

Bvroon · Answer

I know I do, and while it is true I do very much enjoy the sex, I also enjoy everything that goes with it, the closeness, the sense of intimacy, feeling special, feeling affectionate and desired as well. In my mind it's a sort of a package deal. There have only been a very few occasions when I did not feel this way after sex.

glock33sig357 · Answer

Yes we feel closer to women after sex but not as you may think ; some of us will want to cuddle up" risking the too clingy type guy view from you " while the others tend to find other activities to do instead of laying in bed doing nothing unless your up for a pillow fight afterwards which can always lead to ROUND 2.

Tony1974 · Answer

It depends on the people involved. We are individuals and have our own beliefs and value systems. I know I need to be emotionally invested to some degree in order to "give myself" to the apple of my eye.

Science says that once the hormones start to flow, there's a feed-back loop of hormones and feel good chemicals which increase pair bonding to ensure couples stay together to raise healthy offspring.

AllThatSweetJazz · Answer

Absolutely. Definitely. I mean, I suppose not all guys all the time of course, but yeah. I feel like that is the case for most guys. No less than girls do in my opinion.

"He told me good sex can both keep a guy and make him fall in love."
I wouldn't say good sex exactly, it's a bit trickier than that but whatever maybe it'll work just to say that.

Tammy94 · Answer

When a person has an orgasm during sex, they have a surge in oxytocin, which is a bonding hormone. It's designed to make you feel closer to the person you're with. Mothers release it too so they'll bond with their newborns.

madhatters4 · Answer

some do some don't i know i personally feel closer to a woman after sex; hence the reason i've always waited to have sex until i felt like the relationship was serious to avoid influencing my feelings

Anonymous · Answer

I would say so. Having sex is pretty much the ultimate boundary breaker in a lot of peoples' mind. After having sex, being with that person becomes a lot more comfortable cause by that point it is pretty much the end of the awkward part of the dating phase of trying to read people. Or at least that's my view on it.

Penyair · Answer

Yes some guys can be that way. Sometimes it's nice and sometimes they go overboard and get clingy which triggers the wish to flee response. I'm glad if they stay cuddly, friendly and don't quickly run off.

Anonymous · Answer

It's very possible, some people do connect through sex. But there's a lot of other things that are important too, but yes, sex is very important and can be the main reason two people become closer. The attraction and the chemistry. The emotions during sex and how you connect. The enjoyment of talking together, cuddling, laughing and being silly together :)

ObscuredBeyond · Answer

It's possible. But if she reveals to you shortly thereafter that she lied about a critical piece of information, just to abuse your trust, because that's her idea of fun... that closeness can turn to rage very quickly.

animus1988 · Answer

he is trying to act like the "good sex" is what makes him emotionally attached but its really because he's lonley and doesn't have any other fwbs probably. he doesn't want to look like a bitch so he uses the "good sex" as a scapegoat.

lostgirl_searching · Answer

Depends on the guy, my boyfriend is really attached to me ( emotionally) and we don't even have sex.
But that's good that your guy does that because some guys will pull away a little that's what I have been told by my friends.

PiuBravoRagazzo · Answer

My brother has a disorder that as soon as he sleeps with a woman, he can't stand her anymore and usually breaks up with them, its crazy

I only made love with one girl, and we were so close for so long, definitely brought us much closer.

Kaazsz · Answer

Of course! Absolutely. If you have sex with us it makes us feel like you actually have feelings for us, and you aren't just using us as a shoulder to cry on and someone to spend money on you and listen to your problems.

SarahsSummer · Answer

I believe that. That's why I personally don't believe in saving sex for marriage. Sounds like you two have good chemistry.

Hannah591 · Answer

I had sex with a guy the other day for the first time and then I panicked that he'd just disappear, but now he seems to have gotten closer with me. It happens sometimes if the guy really likes you!

IronLady7 · Answer

Sex is an emotional thing, but I don't think it makes you fall in love. If the love was already there it gives much greater attachment and the sex is far different than with someone you didn't love. However, if you didn't love them it doesn't give that attachment.

Your_secret_nerd · Answer

He's pussy whipped. I wouldn't call it love. Don't confuse love with lust

Amanda2 · Answer

It is suppose to if the guy is looking for a serious relationship. A guy that only wants pussy will pull away

feminismisnarcissism · Answer

totally, sex is 100% necessary and a deal breaker. it's the most intimate thing we can do-her attitude must be there or it's a waste of my time... I'm not settling in a few realms, sex is one of them.

DreamingScholar · Answer

Generally guys that pull away either have gotten what they want or they pull away to get a feeling for how the relationship is going to go. Men who grow attach usually feel comfortable with their partner.

Gig0682203927 · Answer

If she is good in sex, and she make him happy with sex... yes.
The man just wanted good sex and one girl that him make happy, sex is a good and important voor one relationship to. So, if you are good and you doing what him likes por exemple: if his wanna you sucks you most doing and good, not 1minuut but doing 5 minutes...
Hi is happy and crazy about you because you doing what his like...
So, crazy man. Is in yours hands...

Theleftguy · Answer

Yesss I went through the same thing too. When my ex and I broke up we had a lot of sex still. And that honestly made me fell more in love with her. It was unbelieveable

AndyOh · Answer

Yes, a lot of guys do feel closer after sex. It is our connection emotionally, at least for me... also why I like to cuddle. And if you want to keep a guy around... sex him... a lot.

electromagnetic · Answer

Absolutely can but it really depends on the person and the mind set they had going into it.

Anonymous · Answer

When it's not casual sex, I think the following is generally true… Women need to feel close in order to want sex. Men need sex in order to feel close.

brain5000 · Answer

If she is really good, yes. If she is terrible, it's a repellent. If she is in the vast middle ground, it won't do anything. Her personality, looks or other qualities might be more of a factor.

Amorphous · Answer

Virgin here. Wish I could help but I would assume so.

Blonde401 · Answer

In my experience it's temporary - it's the sex they feel happy about and not much else. I'm aware it's different for some people tho.

tyber1 · Answer

If his goal was sex then he will pull away because he got what he wanted. If his goal was to date you then it will make him try harder. If both were high on his agenda then it could go either way.

Prof_Don · Answer

I definitely feel closer to a woman after sex! I am man enough to admit, that I do like being wanted. :)

capturemyheartnow · Answer

Actually , when we have sex , hormones are released in our bodies. Some of these hormones help us in bonding together after sex and creates more desire to be together. for along long time.

Paul09 · Answer

You guys seem to be in the right level. You had a mental attraction frist, then physical attraction which brings you closer since you already had something for eachother. This proves he doesn't just like you for the sex.

Anonymous · Answer

I wish I knew, however I imagine he's just being a guy and, maybe he wants more. If you're dating, however, he actually likes you, not just for, whatever you do, thats a definite. Why not just ask, I was in a relationship a few months ago and my partner would literally answer anything I asked, and in the long run asking made me feel better about myself and the relationship.

DarkManX · Answer

For me I'd say yes, it's like you fulfill all of his desires, so he want to come again and again, he is happy :)

swolebookworm · Answer

There can be many variables here depending on many men, but my short answer would be : "yes, most definitely".

Anonymous · Answer

It's just his dick speaking, don't put any stock in it.

Anonymous · Answer

If you're trying to land a guy, get his penis and balls on board first. His heart will follow, then his (other) head! lol!

I hope when I comes over for dinner without getting any sex you at LEAST suck him off!

jcoldstream · Answer

Yes. Well, I do, anyway. After a hard fucking, I want to wrap my arms around my boyfriend and hold him close to me for ever.

Unit1 · Answer

"Can a guy actually be more emotionally attached with sex? He told me good sex can both keep a guy and make him fall in love." Yes, some of us really can and it's powerful!

TheBootyChest · Answer

I will agree that some guys will become closer with a woman because of sex. I know I am that way myself.

FinnishBeautyGirl · Answer

Agreed with @Decentguy I ain't throwing myself to just anybody

Can/ Do guys feel closer to a woman after sex?

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Do guys feel closer/more attached after having sex with a girl for the first time? We've been friends for 5 years and have an emotional connection?

Can/ Do guys feel closer to a woman after sex?

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Do guys feel closer/more attached after having sex with a girl for the first time? We've been friends for 5 years and have an emotional connection?

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