Can/ Do guys feel closer to a woman after sex?

[Anonymous]

Im dating a guy now who seemed to be a lot closer to me after sex. He was definitely a little surprised at my ability to give head and loved how enthusiastic I was on top of him. He also appreciates the softness of my lips. I tend to notice guys pull away a little after sex. Not this guy. He'll even come over for dinner or just to see me without getting any sex. Can a guy actually be more emotionally attached with sex? He told me good sex can both keep a guy and make him fall in love. I've never heard of this.

[Ratiocinative]

Of course.

Popular culture\mainstream media tends to portray men either extremely feminine and emotional, or as having almost no emotion at all and merely feigning interest in a woman just to get sex. The reality is almost all guys are in the middle. They want sex, but with a woman they care about.

I work 40 hrs a week and train mma and lift 20+ hours a week. I don't have time for women I don't care about, sex or not. I have had women throw themselves at me, and it is pathetic. If I'm not interested in a date with you, then I'm not interested in sex either. If I'm going to have sex with a woman it's going to be because she's not just attractive, but also because I enjoy spending time with her.

Sure, there are some guys who "fall in love" because a woman said yes to a first date, or guys who swear they will never ever commit to one woman no matter how much they enjoy her company, but those guys are outliers. Most guys want a woman they can enjoy life with just as much as women what a man they can enjoy life with.

However, I would be extremely wary of a guy who you've starting having sex with before and then he doesn't make a move the next time. Women want sex just as much as men, so if he thinks he's proving he's a "nice guy who cares" by not having sex with you and just coming over to talk, then that just shows he knows nothing about women. If you start having sex, then you should be having sex when you see each other. Coming over for platonic dinners is not what lovers do.

[tiffany_elizabeth]

I have to disagree with that last point. Yes, it's true that we want sex as much as men (some of us more than the average man), but that doesn't mean we want it all the time just like that BS statistic about men thinking about sex every 7 seconds is highly inaccurate.

You've never gone over to your lady's house, or invited her to yours, just to spend time together? Have dinner, watch a movie, and then go home without seeing each other naked?

Sex is great, but it's not all there is to a relationship. There are some days when I'll greet my boyfriend at the door or walk into his house naked and we don't do anything outside of bed for that evening. But there are days when a nice cuddle on the couch after a good meal is every bit as satisfying. Some days I want it and he doesn't, other days he wants it and it's just a chore I do to get him to shut up.

There's really no need to be wary of a guy who doesn't want sex every single time you're alone in a room together.

[Ratiocinative]

@tiffany_elizabeth Sex is not the only part, but it is the most important part. It is the most intimate two people can be. Studies have been done having women describe what being penetration feels like and most women describe the physical pleasure as secondary to the emotional sensation of feeling complete and loved and wanting to pull their man in as close as possible.

It's the man's job to initiate sex. Sometimes she ready to go right away, sometimes it takes a while, but it's part of a man's job not just because he wants it but because she wants it too. It's like exercising. Sometimes you're not feeling like it but you do it anyway and once you get going you feel great and are glad you did. It's a man's job to be the leader and remind her that even if she's thinks she's not feeling it that once she gets going she'll be glad she did.

A man who doesn't understand how AND why he needs to initiate sex is a recipie for a sexless relationship.

[Asker]

For the record, when he comes ovsr for dinner we don't have sex because all our kids are there. It wouldx be inappropriate for us to lock ourselves up in the bedroom.

[MrOracle]

Here's how it (usually) works:

If a guy has feelings for you IN THE FIRST PLACE, then having sex with you will make him feel even closer to you.

If a guy didn't have feelings for you in the first place, then it was JUST SEX to him, and sex will not make him feel closer to you.

In general, sex does not CREATE feelings for men, but it ENHANCES them if they already exist. This is a distinction that many women don't understand or refuse to believe, because for females, sex tends to CREATE feelings even if there were none to begin with. (Most) men just don't work that way.

To look at it another way: if he doesn't have feelings for you, then you can have sex constantly for a year, and he'll STILL have no feelings for you - because sex will NOT *create* feelings for most men. There has to be a seed of feelings already existing in order for sex to "grow" those feelings - like watering a seedling. Without the seed to begin with, you're just dumping water into the dirt.

[Lioness]

Perfect analogy 👌

[Goodgirl1]

Best Answer!

[Cooldude21]

i never had sex with anyone before

[scorpio1965]

I love nothing more than to cuddle up with my girlfriend after sex but she doesn't seem to be really bothered about doing that, which annoys me tbh, I feel there's two types of sex too, one where it's a quick fumble and the other where I love to kiss her passionately, look into her eyes and feel a deep connection, I wish my girl would want to cuddle more often after it tho.

[Pixiefairylady]

All of us have a preference that makes us "appreciate" our other halves that little bit more, for some it's spending time together, or receiving gifts for this dude it sounds like it's physical touch. Each person is different (man and woman) we stereotype men as less emotional but generally I've found I just don't attract those men who are more emotional (occasionally wish I did) but as a touchy feely person myself I'd never get anything done, or get out of bed if I did meet that type :) Sounds to me like you've met one of those type of people who likes physical touch and is therefore closer after sex.

The question is, what do you prefer... cause that's what causes the problems down the line, you holding out sex cause he never washes the dishes (acts of service) for example haha :)

[miamigirl1970]

Sex can be just sex if a guy just wants physical... but if he is interested in you, and wants a relationship, it can bring out emotions as well. Most men are very good at putting things into compartments, while women not so much... After women have sex, they want to love and cuddle, men can just get up and go on about their day... with that being said, your power can draw him to you, and make him appreciate you for everything you are and do, and you can make it so it becomes emotional for both of you!

[miamigirl1970]

Thanks for the MHO!

[scorpio1965]

It's the opposite way round for me and my girlfriend, I want to cuddle but she just rolls over type of thing, it annoys me, and makes it all seem so mechanical if you get me?

[miamigirl1970]

@scorpio1965 I understand, I think sometimes both men and women can have tendencies which make them unattached in the bedroom! Sorry about that, maybe reach out and talk to her about it, I mean we all like to be held once in awhile!!!

[scorpio1965]

I have mentioned it to her and she will cuddle me but next time doesn't, it's like I've always got to tell her. gets a bit frustrating.

[PinkMichae]

I know with my man the first time we met we were not wanting any attachments. Just fun sex. However he found out how kinky and passionate I was. He said no woman did what I did wit him. He wanted to know me and took me around the city since I just moved there. We've been together 2yrs now. So yes sex can lead to love. :)

[singleforsix]

Maybe if he already had feelings for the woman. Most men do not associate emotions with sex like women do, but there are a few out there that are wired differently so they probably could. I dated a guy like that once and he ended up stalking me.

[USMC-Crossroads]

Highly unlikely. Highly. The only Real (and fast) way to get a guy the feel "closer" to a girl, is for him to see that the girl is ok with something about the guy, that the guy feels embarrassed or semiconscious about. That's a mouthful, but very true. If he farts in front of her, and she's cool - if she finds out he was molested, and is cool. - If she finds out he wears dentures. - If she is cool when catching him masturbating. - If she is cool with his dick being small. - Anything like that. Feeling closer to a girl, can't come from anything physical... it has to come from his heart or his psyche. Women cannot fucking understand that MEN AND WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT! Women feel emotion in concert with sex... men do not. Girls, understand this; to be closer to a guy, make him feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable. When you make him realize that you are still attracted to him and respect him when he is being vulnerable, then your relationship will grow exponentially, in an instant. How you do that, is up to you. But THAT alone (not sex) is the Deus Ex Machina to getting him to feel closer to you. It will NEVER happen because of sex.

[pnl86]

Only after first time sex, mostly because it's symbolic of a personal boundary being crossed, so I respect that and obviously feel closer to a person that I've had sex with than someone I don't have sex with.

Otherwise, after first time sex, I have to be honest, sex is mostly just physical for me. I know that's not the answer a lot of girls want to hear, and maybe it's not true for all guys, buts that's just me. There's "closeness" in the sense that it symbolically reinforces that we're "still close," or that she "still loves me," and that I "still want her / find her attractive," but it's not something that "brings us closer" (if you know what I mean).

Only first time sex brings us closer. After first time sex, sex just "reinforces" the closeness that's already there.

Not to be funny or crude, but it's like anal. First time anal, it's like, woah, this chick just totally let me fuck her in the ass. She doesn't just let any man hit her in the back. She's never gonna forget a man that hit her in the back. We go deep, no pun intended. This chick just invested in me. Second time anal, it's just like, "Okay, I guess we're still cool like that." If anal is a no go all of a sudden, it's like, "Well I guess we're not cool like that anymore."

Hope that makes sense. It's late, that's the best I can explain it at this hour of the night.

[OlderAndWiser]

If a guy is looking for a relationship and not just looking to get laid, having sex will make him feel closer. Men have emotional needs which get much less discussion than women's emotional needs, but men's needs are just as real. Men want to know that they are trusted, that they can satisfy their woman (gives a sense of power and competence,) and that they are accepted. All of these needs are satisfied with sex. When a relationship-oriented guy wants to have sex earlier than the female in the relationship, it is NOT necessarily a sign that he just wants to get laid "just like every other guy." It means he wants to be closer.

[MementoMori_]

Of course it can make a guy feel closer. I'm not criticizing you for asking because I can understand why a girl might not understand. But even though many guys seem like they are only interested in sex, that isn't the case. They too crave romantic relationships. It's just that the average guy is so much more sex driven then the average girl that often they are too obsessed with the sex part to think about the relationship part. Once they take a time out and take a few deep breaths, the sex part is meaningful to them too... and can make them feel closer and more attached to a girl. Of course it they think the sex is really good, that kind of helps too... but not always! Sometimes the sex can be not so great and it still makes you feel closer to them.

[inceptin951]

Can they? Yes. Do they always? No. I have had flings with women before that I felt no attachment to after sex because they were just one-night stands.

However, I have always felt closer to women that I was actually in a relationship once we had sex because that is the most intimate thing you can do with another person. That is a level that even a best friend (presumably who you haven't had sex with) cannot know you to that extent so in some ways you can feel closer to them than even the people they have been close friends with for years.

[Longshoreman]

I would say it greatly depends on the guy and what his agenda is and if he really cares about you or if he is feeling lust. I do believe it can make a guy feel closer. Despite what the media tells us guys do like intimacy. One thing to keep in mind women want to be loved and men want to be appreciated. Having sex could show him that you appreciate him being in your life. Another thing that I believe is having sex with someone takes trust this applies weather your male or female. Having sex with someone tells them that you trust them. I'm sure you know what it means to trust someone its breaking down any walls being completely open and vulnerable. So yeah I think having sex can bring your relationship closer depending on the guy.

[Bananaman177]

100% true, men have a very difficult time expressing or feeling love without physical intimacy. We're physical thinkers, and physical feelers, as opposed to women who tend to be more verbal. That's why women need to hear "I love you" every day, even though nothing has changed, there's no reason for constant updates. Men need those constant updates too, but instead of hearing words, we need to feel actions. Words can be false. Actions are usually more reliable. And easier for us to tell how a woman really feels, then just hearing her say what we want to hear.

[vishna]

I had a boyfriend pull away, emotionally and physically after sex, he wouldn't talk to me for hours after. It never worked out. I never got pass that feeling. I resented him deep down how he pushed me away.

I haven't been with a lot of guys, and I'm not a guy, but I know that it's different for each guy.

My current boyfriend, we feel deeper afterwards :) He sometimes kisses my forehead after we kiss when it's over. He's an angel.

[Wolfstarking]

Thanks for judging men as individuals instead as a whole because of one unlike many other women.

[TadCurious]

I think the answer is "yes." Contrary to stereotypes about guys, we really do have emotional connections to people we have sex with. Having orgasms with somebody else releases hormones/neurotransmitters that promote bonding feelings. It's nature's way of promoting a pair bond.

[1squatch7]

YES! We've broken up since, but when my ex and I first started exploring our sexual sides (high school relationship - we were both virgins) it made us so much closer to each other! I think if there's a solid emotional base in the first place then sex does nothing except add to that, especially if both parties are excited and mutually invested in having a fun, loving experience. Enthusiasm is always a plus and intimate things like oral and passionate sex just make it better and better. I know that's how it was for her and I; sex just made us so much closer together and felt more in love. As for cuddling, I was always up for a nice snuggle session afterwards - she would often mess around to get me ready for "round 2" or more, but I would be content with just the one time and then cuddling if that wasn't the case. It all depends on your emotional attachments to each other!

[Angel_123]

well he just wanted sex then some guys i know wants sex then he'll want more because he liked it and craves for a good bang lol aha!!
probably can be emotionally attached but guys are usually attracted to phyiscal unless he's serious to be emotionally attached to you ^^

[nandinikhaneja]

of course, you can have attachment with this guy,,, if he is asking you that means he definitely cares about you. being fall in love with guy whom you had sex is not a bad thing or unless you know his behavior, you cannot judge him. and there is not need to know everything in a relationship, seems that he really likes you and wants to be with you.

[AnonB17]

I'm not a guy but I know that for me, I HAVE to be close to have sex. I won't have sex to get close. However, when my ex and I first started dating, we were very awkward and closed off to each other. And then as soon as we started becoming intimate. We became more open with each other, more comfortable. So yea... in a way... it did make us closer...

[Anonymous]

Nope never. Guys will disrespect women after sex, and they will talk to you less because they only care about pussy and use women for sex. All women should use men for their money and play them, this what i do. I lie to them and talk to other men behind their backs

[noheadphones]

😂😂😂😂

[Rask420]

Wow! This is funny asfuckxD Ahhhaah

[sedrftvgyhujik]

Thats more to do with ever you or the guys you have been seeing.
Unless they have a screw loose being money hungry puts guys off especially the more attractive ones or ones with more options.

[uknaked]

A good relationship needs a number of things, strong attraction by both partners, including personality, good communications, and mutual trust, honesty and respect. If you have all that, great sex compatibility is a very big bonus.
The whole package creates a loving environment, that can lead to a more permanent loving partnership.
Personally I have often fallen in love quite quickly, but later the partner has tried to change me into their ideal. That does not work!

[AustinMan]

You were smart enough to somehow achieve equal emotional investment in the relationship. Take a look at this and let's talk. This is extremely interesting to me:

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a6869-relationships-how-they-work

[AceOtana1]

Personally I do. If I'm intimate with someone, I tend to stick with them, and even try to strengthen the friendship even if we're just enjoying each other physically.
I knew a woman years ago who I wasn't all that into but, one day she sat on me and suddenly I started to feel differently about her (in a good way). Not in an emotional way, but just more interested in her as a person. She became more interesting if you know what I mean?

[HandsomeRaj]

To each his own I'd say. Such things differ from person to person, situation to situation.

Closeness may well induce sex but it's not necessary that sex induces closeness though we may have the assumption during the time we have sex

What this guy says is right, this is his individual feeling & situation - there are people that way as well (:

[Bvroon]

I know I do, and while it is true I do very much enjoy the sex, I also enjoy everything that goes with it, the closeness, the sense of intimacy, feeling special, feeling affectionate and desired as well. In my mind it's a sort of a package deal. There have only been a very few occasions when I did not feel this way after sex.

[glock33sig357]

Yes we feel closer to women after sex but not as you may think ; some of us will want to cuddle up" risking the too clingy type guy view from you " while the others tend to find other activities to do instead of laying in bed doing nothing unless your up for a pillow fight afterwards which can always lead to ROUND 2.