My best friend's boyfriend doesn't like me, and I don't know why?

[BrunetteBabe1005]

I can tell he doesn't like me at all. They have been dating for 6 months now. I am very friendly and I incorporate her boyfriend in our convos, so he doesn't feel left out. I asked him what genre he plays in his band and how long has he been drumming. He ignored me, and my friend said "uh Luke Sara asked you a question." He then answered.

He's just super quiet and annoyed when I'm around. I'm quiet. I'm not loud and obnoxious. I am very nice to him. I am very close to my best friend, and we are like sisters. He treats her very good and it's like her dream guy, but I keep asking her if he has a problem with me. And she seems to make up excuses like "No. He is fine. He's tired from work." I don't believe that. He seems really annoyed and ignores me. I also said "oh you're from Marrietta Ohio? that's nice! I love it there. It's a historic little town." He gave me a really disgusted look and said "uh no. It's not nice." But he was like dead serious. I want all of us to have good vibes, so how I can get past this since he's always around too? I can never hang around her only. He kinda kills my fun vibe with her because he's so miserable when I'm around and it makes me feel uncomfortable. I don't know what to do about it. I've been avoiding my friend because of him and his rudeness. It just kills my vibe and I feel uncomfortable hanging with my bestie because of him. How do I approach this?

[btbc92]

I've been in this same situation years ago. And here is my advice:

1. Ignore him. There is nothing you can do since he has no desire to get to know you.
2. WATCH HIM!!! Guys like that are controlling and possessive secretly. If they don't like you, it's so they can maintain control over who they are with.
3. Set Boundaries! There will come a point in time you may NEVER hang out with her. If she is showing changed behavioral patterns, it is time to tighten the boundary. That means letting her know that you will not be getting involved in her mess. So if he does something to hurt her, guess who will have to clean it up? Her. NOT you.

Why I say this? Because it is for your own GOOD. You are about to witness a relationship full of heartache, drama and unnecessary nonsense that will literally give you a migraine. Literally! If your friend won't heed and listen to your warnings NOW, it will ONLY get worse. I guarantee you. 'He's tired' my butt. He already judged you. He hates your personality and who you are as a person because you and him, clash. Silently. You know how I know? Been there, done that, glad I don't EVER have to go back there. Because she is now married to somebody better suited. And what makes it worse, the ex she was with years ago even TOLD her that he doesn't like me. And that sent red flags to her. So keep doing what you're doing.

[twizzy4life]

EXACTLY!

[BrunetteBabe1005]

BEST ANSWER! Srry you went through the same crap. Not fair. I hope I can reach some resolution. I can never hang with her alone, so it sucks to always have to be around his miserable ass. That is why I am cutting myself off because if I were able to hang with her alone, then I wouldn't care, but I can't. He is always around, and controlling everything. So I am just going to let it go. Thank you for commenting and sorry again you went through this. She is like a sister to me and we both helped each other. But I can't deal with this guy.

[btbc92]

the friend I speak of is also like a sister to me matter fact we consider ourselves as sisters. but again sometimes you have to do what is hard in order for you to get the results that is needed.

[BrunetteBabe1005]

Yes, exactly! Thank you for your input. :)

[Rox95]

My best friend's boyfriend is like that. He was my friend first so we'd hang out all the time and chill on our own so we for sure enjoyed handing together as friends, but now that he's dating my friend he's EXTREMELY jealous of our friendship and gets antsy even when we hang out. He'll literally drive past my house and check if her car is there and moan if our sleepovers last too long. (he lives close to me so it's not too creepy but checking is going out of the way for him!)

I think you need to talk to your friend and then also talk to the boyfriend. That's what I did anyways.. he's still really jealous and insecure about me and his girlfriend being close but he's not such a dick about things anymore.

[Rox95]

It's also a good idea to give them some alone time and space to just be a couple.. that is important for their relationship. He may just be annoyed with you if you never leave them to be alone.

[itwasmelaniasfault]

Maybe he is just not the talkitive type. I'd really have to witness it to know.

[BrunetteBabe1005]

No he is the talkative type, but he just doesn't like me but I did nothing to him. I just think he doesn't like how I am close with my friend.

[itwasmelaniasfault]

That sucks, I'm sorry. Maybe try less? Sometimes people don't like people seem like they're trying to hard, it can come off as fake.

[Boromir]

Let it go. You did your best and tried to be nice, now it’s his turn. If he does not want a normal friendship because you’re his GF’s bestie then he can suck it up. Try to spend time with her when he’s not around if that’s possible and stop making it your problem. I understand that you wish for a nice and harmonious relation but not at all cost. Keep an eye open, he might even see you as a danger for their relation, he wants her in a possessive way for himself, both emotionally and physically, maybe even to manipulate her, you would disturb with that...

[twizzy4life]

Best answer here! Gotta suck it up and ignore the douchebag and possibly get rid of your friend or only hang out with her while he isn't around. If either of them can't handle it then tough shit... I'd say he probably is annoyed because you could be way too clingy or over attached to your friend and he may feel you are invading his personal time with her as well. Chances are he feels exactly how you feel about him.

[BrunetteBabe1005]

@twizzy4life I can't even hang with her without him! It is so annoying. I wish I could. The minute we had a girls night and he wasn't around, he was blowing up her phone and they were texting non stop. Like even that was unenjoyable. It reay sucks because we both helped each other through hard times and we both are like sisters.

[BrunetteBabe1005]

I think you are right Boromir because he seems very controlling. Mary wanted to go out to a bar which i hate bars, so I wasn't interested. Then she said "Well Luke doesn't think it's a good idea because we just moved to the area and don't know the area." They only moved 20 minutes away from where they were originally living. It's not like they moved out of state or something? I thought that was strange, but I didn't care because I don't like bars, but it's the point that it went through him.

[twizzy4life]

Then let her fight her own battles. When she's had enough if his control and manipulation she will come back. You'll just have to sit back and laugh at the stupidity of her choices. Just make sure you can say "I told you so."

[BrunetteBabe1005]

@twizzy4life Swear. I am at that point with her. Thanks for your input :)

[twizzy4life]

You'll have to be a friend from a distance for a while and stay with her on the sidelines so she knows you're still there for her. Let her know how you feel but she will deny it in the face of infatuation and manipulative ideals. He doesn't understand either and he is doing what he feels is right based on his own experiences... You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. Show them the door but they will have to be the ones to walk through it. The more you push the more they pull... and vice versa. As sad as it is, you'll just have to give them room and warn them but hope for the best. There is nothing you can do, unfortunately... trust me I've seen it happen myself, it's painful to watch but it's a lesson for everyone.

[Boromir]

@BrunetteBabe1005 I can so imagine your frustration! Frankly, all the writing on the wall is bad, to me all the things you say sound like false excuses, and she’s walking into it with open eyes. As @twizzy4life said, in some time you can say ‘I told you so’ but be careful and wise now, she will not believe your warnings and the wig might get deeper that way...

[twizzy4life]

Right. It may not even be good advice to warn her because that could only help him in the manipulation. It might be best to just stand back and let her figure it out. Then you can smile when she comes through and say, "I'm still here for you, we still have eachother!"

[BrunetteBabe1005]

@twizzy4life Great advice! It's honesty sad thought because I don't bother her. She invites me over and I am not suffocating them with my presence because I have a job and school. We have busy lives, and I see her often, but it's definitely not every day. It's more like once a week or once every two weeks I see her. But you are right. I am going to have to do that.

[twizzy4life]

What he's attempting to do from what I'm deducting is called gas lighting.

[BrunetteBabe1005]

@twizzy4life I am honestly thinking that too! :(

[Danny_dan92]

What the hell did you do? Lol jk

I don't know that's strange. Do you remember influencing your friend in any way? Sometimes girls throw their friends under the bus and tell them that they talked to their friend and they told them something that they need to be concerned of.

But if not... I don't know maybe he finds you attractive and gets pissed off cause his inner self gets frustrated that he has to conceal his true thoughts

[BrunetteBabe1005]

I never influence her. Mary (my bestie) is a free spirit and does what she wants. I don't drink at all. We had a girls night and we went out with my other friend Kierra. SHE wanted to go to a bar. I didn't because I don't drink and I don't find bars appealing. He seemed to have hated me more after that, yet I was the one that got his girlfriend home safe because I didn't drink, but I am the bad guy? When it's her choice to even want to go there. I think he is just manipulative and controlling but thank you for commenting.

[Danny_dan92]

So the little bitch hates you after it was in fact his girl that wanted to get shit faced on not you 🤔

Ok I got an idea, I mean you can choose to do it or not. But I would first talk to your friend about it.

So here it is, tell your friend's insecure boyfriend that it was in fact HER idea to go out and drink and for the record you do not drink & more importantly you are the reason she got back to him safely. If he still hates you after that then I'm gonna rule out that he simply likes you

[BrunetteBabe1005]

Yeah, I will probably try that. Thank you for your input. I appreciate it, and yeah he seemed weirder with me after that incident when I didn't do anything wrong. If he's pissed at his girl, then he should be pissed at her, not me because it was her decision to get shitfaced while I was the DD and brought her home safely. He even said to me before he left "Keep an eye on her. Make sure no guys hit on her." I was like "Will do." but I thought that was strange.

[Danny_dan92]

"Make sure no guys hit on her"

Yeah, he's insecure

[BrunetteBabe1005]

Yeah, I would say so. Lol.

[Danny_dan92]

Don't know why she's with him...

Could be why she wanted to go out and get drunk. So she could escape him

[Rafy2020]

Don't approach him as a nice person. Approach him normal without being to nice or bad person. There are some reason why he maybe acting like that. Frist he may think you like him or have feeling for him. Second maybe he super shy or have trust issues.

[BrunetteBabe1005]

No, i am just friendly. I am not flirty at all. I am just cordial and respectful. I think he's controlling to be honest. Because I don't drink at all. And his girlfriend, my best friend, not me, wanted to go out to a bar while he was working night shift. I went with her as her designated driver, and he seemed to hate me even more when he clearly knows I hate bars and Mary even told hi it was her idea, but I got his girl home safe, so I don't know why he is acting like that. He's weird, but thank you for commenting.

[Browneye57]

Some people just don't click. And likely he sees you as interfering with his relationship with your girlfriend. Right or wrong, it may simply be the reality of it. You many have to limit your time with them. Sometimes this happens, good or bad.

[BrunetteBabe1005]

Yeah. Unfortunately. I do limit my time with them. I only see my bestie like one a week or once every two weeks. I am not around her that much due to our busy schedules. But yeah i know what you mean.

[ilovesexyfeet]

He probably fancies you so makes out he doesn't like u

[BrunetteBabe1005]

Lol, I hope that's not the case.

[Marklaw12]

Probably because your decision influences your boyfriend behind closed doors.

Probably the way you look at him makes him want to fuck you. I bet if you're invited for a threesome, you'd agree. Sorry, just projecting a fantasy. Lol

[madgoat]

I'm guessing three's a crowd. It's not personal. He perhaps feels he's competing for her attention with you.

[edgyfox]

He could just be jealous because he wants her to himself or he could just be nervous around you for some reason.

[BrunetteBabe1005]

I think he's jealous. I think he just honestly wants her all to himself.

[edgyfox]

It's highly possible.

[Insanyx12]

He's a jerk don't take it personally if he doesn't like you whatever don't let it ruin your friendship

[BrunetteBabe1005]

I am trying not to, but I feel like she should be seeing this behavior and not be ok with it. She has dated psychotic guys and knows the red flags. He does seem like an ok guy, but he doesn't talk much and he's super weird now. He is rude and ignores me when I ask him a question and she knows that is rude. But she seems to accept it. I can never hang with her alone. He is always around, so it's hard for me to hang with her alone. i just feel like it kinda is ruining the friendship because I don't want to be around a negative dumb asshole.

[Insanyx12]

just stay strong and tolerant maybe tell her about this? if not just stay strong

[Fortheholidays]

Maybe a bad experience with other girlfriend bff's in the past? Still no reason to act like that to you though

[BrunetteBabe1005]

Maybe. I just think he is controlling and my friend should see that since she has a history of psychotic clingy guys. She should see the red flags here. But oh well. Thank you for commenting.

[Matt-G]

So your making yourself responsible to incorporate him in her life... Thats not controlling at all x maybe you appear out of nowhere too?

[Gopi_1729]

Surely he won't answer you if you ask him directly..
Get the answer from your friend why he behaves that way?

[BrunetteBabe1005]

I asked her and she said "oh he is just tired." I don't believe that for a second. He doesn't come off as "tired". He comes off as rude, annoyed, and quiet. Totally different from "tired". I think she doesn't want to hurt my feelings.

[Gopi_1729]

You had any past fights with him?
Or with his friends?
There should be some connection else why would he will treat you that way..

[BrunetteBabe1005]

I don't know any of his friends. I don't know him. I only knew my bestie for a little over a year. Her last boyfriend was an asshole but he never got weird with me like that. I never did anything. Me and my best friend get along great. we never had any problems.

[Gopi_1729]

May be they need some privacy.. only thing is only your friend should help you in this regard else you get it touch with them once in a while

[BrunetteBabe1005]

I work all the time, plus school I only hang out and see her once every two weeks. I am not around her that much due to both of our busy schedules.

[TheUglyMonk]

Hang with her and do everything you want as if he is not there. Treat him like a ghost.

[Nahid1234]

Don’t let that bother you

[Kimosabi]

He don't hate you... It's just you who likes him.

[BrunetteBabe1005]

Uh no. I am just about good vibes and everyone getting along. That would be disgusting if I were interested in him. That's my best friend's boyfriend. I am just about being harmonious and not having hostility. I do not like him like that.

[Kimosabi]

🐒🐒🐒

[Axeblau]

Maybe he just doesn't lile ur face

[Anonymous]

I'm in the Cleveland area, by the way

[Mathart]

fuck him fr

[BrunetteBabe1005]

Lol, right!

[yashjpr]

Tough question

[yashjpr]

Best to talk only to your friend even if he asks something answer that to your friend not to him

[Anonymous]

No problem