Girls taking initiative in dating?

Question

i am early on in the dating with this girl and it troubles me that she never takes any initiative in setting up dates or at the very least calling/texting to say what's up. I read this possibly as disinterest, although actually on the dates she seems interested and cheerful. so do girls often seemingly not put much effort in the early stages of dating? and why might this be?

ravingprincess01 · Accepted Answer

I think she is interested in you because you said she seems cheerful and attentive during the actual date. For me, if I ask "When am I going to see you again?", it might constitute as desperation to go out with you. It is somewhat confusing and frustrating because couples tend to overthink things when we can all make dating as simple and painless as possible.

When I started seeing this guy, he would ask me if our date is still on, what time should we meet etc... for maybe the first 2 or 3 dates. After that, I would be the one asking him if he's free this week because we both have busy schedules. I understand that sometimes I have to do it and I don't mind it a bit because I want him to feel that I would like to see him again.

If you want affection, you need to show affection first. It sucks that guys have the upper hand in dating, be it initiating the date or calling/texting someone. Call or text her and see how she answers back. It doesn't hurt to make her feel wanted especially since you obviously like her. That way, you can determine if she is as affectionate as what you want your girl to be. If she is, then let her know that maybe she can tell you what she wants to do on the next date. If not, then it's a good thing you're just in the early stages of dating. That way, there's not much emotional attachment involved if you feel like it's not going to work out.

Either way, be honest with her. You never know, maybe she is thinking the same thing, like why haven't you asked her out again? If you want to see her, then say so. Maybe she is just the shy, quiet type who needs a little more time before they can get comfortable enough to initiate a date. Goodluck!

Alice89 · Accepted Answer

Well. For me, because I know sometimes it's easier on the guys, especially if they are the shy type, (which is sometimes what I go for) I like to make either the first move..or continue to contact the guy. With some guys, you could wait but I find you may be old and gray by the time you get to talk to them again just because of the plain fact that they just don't know what move to make next. We confuse you. So as I said..I like making the moves sometime. Now that being said..I am very different from a lot of girls in that way.and that's just my opinion.

But MOST girls especially in the early stages like (and it's been drilled in their heads) to be the one being chased..not to be the chaser. We are "supposed to" play hard to get. Apparently guys like that (BS) so thus..that is what they do. Don't take so much from it. it's either A) she is just a shy person in general and is testing the waters to see how badly you want contact with her or B) She's using the lame advice society has given us and eventually she will stop using it as you two become deeper involved with eachother.

p.s. girls are really not as complicated as we seem to be. Keep an oopen mind with us, you'll go far ;)

cheerclover27 · Accepted Answer

If you already feel like she's not the right one for you, then listen to your gut. There is the chance that she's that type of girl who plays hard to get because she thinks that's what guys like. But if she's never making any effort, she might not be too into you. The best thing you could do is to not contact her for a few days, and see if she tries to get in touch with you. Most girls TRY to play hard to get, but they can't last too long, so ignore her and make her squirm (:

Funkster76 · Accepted Answer

Some women (like some men) are just submissive and don't wish to make any major decissions ! For them its just easier to let someone else run the show. No responsibility, no blame if something goes wrong.

I'd be more concerned if she is a control freak!

Sit back and enjoy. If you're foolish enough to leave her - send me her number! LOL just kidding - good luck and hope this helps

sinful1620 · Accepted Answer

Girls aren't expected to take any initiative... in our culture, it's just a bonus. Be open and tell her you wish she'd take initiative sometimes

-StillWater- · Answer

It IS connected with personality. Some girls try so hard not to look too eager (in translation - desperate) that they look disinterested. Don't worry, she's definitely interested if she's going out on dates with you and smiles and looks like she's definitely enjoying her time with you. But you should most definitely kiss her soon just to be sure.

(she'll loosen up after a few more dates, and since it's been 11 months, I bet she did.)

Haha

kiwi22 · Answer

Same thing as everyone else has said she probably exects you to do the chasing especially if she's shy. She may also not want to come off as desperate and needy/clings as that's what most girls think will make gys run for the hills. So just keep doing what you are doing, text or call if you want as well and see how she responds. Its when she starts ignoring your attempts and making excuses why she can't meet up every time that you should worry.

Anonymous · Answer

In the early stages you should be texting her a majority of the time and that's just the way it is. Sorry. It sucks for men I won't lie but most girls I know expect the guy to initiate in early stages. It is when she ignores your effort completely that I would start to worry.

imsoclueless · Answer

because, girls don't chase guys. its how we're programmed. doesn't mean she doesn't love you. I'm the same way too. I never text the guy first, but I can be in love with him lol. Guys do the work.

sooooo DOOO WORKKK :)

reneebaby · Answer

she might not be playing the game that's girls play c we act don't call you tour text to make it seem like we don't  need to so you start wondering y is she not doing ... and so you want know so you keep try ing to keep in touch with her so basicly she is just playing hard to get on the side but most likely she really likes you so daont worry

pumpkinspice · Answer

No, it does not mean that she is not interested. It means that she is playing hard to get and wants you to keep going after her and that she doesn't want to chase you and look desperate for attention.

scott63a · Answer

Traditionally, the guy is supposed to pursue the girl.  Sounds like she is expecting you to do just that. It may be the way she was raised.

Anonymous · Answer

Its just the way it is, most girls don't do anything in the early stages except accept the date requests lol.

Anonymous · Answer

Depends on the girl and how good of an actress she is. She also could have a busy life. Btw. I like your body.

Girls taking initiative in dating?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Girls taking initiative in dating?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.