Why do guys hate giving reassurance in a relationship?

[Audiofox]

I’ve been dumped four times in the past 8 months because I’ve wanted reassurance because I have anxiety. I tell them up front that I have anxiety, they say that they can deal with it and then it ends up pushing them away anyway. It’s getting to the point where I’m thinking I’m trash and I shouldn’t bother dating. I’d really like to get married and settle down.

[ouroborosidiot]

If you've jumped from one relationshit to another, 4 times in 8 months, that's like roughly 2 months per each one.

That means: The initial lovey dovey phase -> actual understanding each other phase -> whatever fights and bam boom -> a little phase of feeling sad , if at all -> next one. Everything in less than 2 months.

Judging from the time it took you to move on, it looks like even you yourself haven't gotten close to any of them - to feel bad long enough after the break up. So is it really fair for you to expect constant reassurances from, what looks like to me, total strangers? What exactly do you want to be reassured of? "Oh baby.. I don't even know you that well, but i won't ever leave you till the end of time?"

Plus chances are the more times you get "dumped", the more anxious you'll be about the next one and it looks like a classic vicious cycle to me.
So i say take a break from screwing around. Work on yourself. Make friends. Good friends. Ones who would give you that sense of security, and will have your back in case anything goes wrong. Maybe then you'll be less of a nervous wreck with the next guy you like. And hopefully he'll reciprocate and be there for you for that once in a blue moon when your nerves get the better of you.

[Juxtapose]

Well not all men. I personally don't mind some insecurity from a woman so long as it's not constant and ever present in her.

After awhile of reassuring a woman about the same things over and over I'd start to feel like she won't listen or just can't break out of it. That alone wouldn't make me leave but I'd feel frustrated.

I clawed my way out of depression with determination, the refusal to be destroyed by my own mind. You can't teach someone that (usually), the person has to truly want it.

In the end I eventually want a mentally strong woman, someone who won't falter in the face of danger and who I know will have my back in my most dire hours.

If you want to leave your self doubt behind, stop caring what other people think of you so much.

That being said, you seem like a nice gal to me.

[Audiofox]

I have anxiety. Clinical anxiety. I can’t help getting worried about nothing.

[Juxtapose]

True but that doesn't mean you can't change yourself.

Maybe you should try some 420 to chill out and relax? Or try meditation?

I was in Martial Arts for 11 years and meditation is very helpful. Eventually I could reach a state similar to meditation when moving about in my daily life. It's called moving mediation.

[Dark_Sunflower]

First off, let's be clear you're not trash.

However, you can't expect a guy to know how to deal with your anxiety, if you haven't got a strategy yourself. A lot of people still don't understand how some mental illnesses work. Sometimes we have to be our own reassurance.

Like some of the guys have suggested, I think you should take break from dating and work on your anxieties; find out what makes you happy; surround yourself with loved ones, but also take time out to enjoy you're own company. Once you've done that, then go back to dating; equip the guy with enough information, so that he can make an informed decision. Once he knows how to fix the problem, the reassurance will follow.

[booshlinux]

Classic. Your not paying attention to them when they do give you reassurance. Just because it's not /exactly/ how you want to hear it. I've had relationships in the past where I've been through similar things. They always needed to know that I loved them, which I reminded them almost daily. But they were dead set on the 'fact' that I never did. Which just caused tension and eventually departure.

[Audiofox]

I am paying attention. I have clinical anxiety. I get worried without reason and I can’t feel comfortable unless my partner is okay with holding me and telling me it’s okay regularly.

[booshlinux]

Well if that's the case maybe you could figure out a way to minimize the anxiety? Another guy shouldn't be the answer to cure it, you should find out how to cure it independently

[BertMacklinFBI]

it's most likely not that you're trash.

you straight up told them you have anxiety and they said it's cool. well obviously they fucking lied about it, so it's not you, it's them. you've been dumped by a bunch of liars. keep trying, you'll hit your mark eventually.

[qwert1234]

As what the other dude said - some of us doesn't want to repeat things over and over.
If I told you I love you and that you're the only one - I mean it. I don't want to be telling it every day. It becomes a chore. It's tiresome if it becomes required.

[Audiofox]

Mental illness (anxiety) isn’t a choice.

[qwert1234]

I never said it was.
I'm just saying that it's tiring to say things over and over without seeing any results.

[thechico79]

one thing you need to do is learn to take a compliment and listen carefully to what the guy says, i am sure they told you plenty of time, but you just don't listen, you might hear it but you don't listen to them and take their advice, so they get tired.

[Audiofox]

I am listening. I have clinical anxiety and I get worried about things a lot and have no real control over it.

[thechico79]

anxiety is a mental illness than can be cured. you need to put the foot work in and stop letting it control you.

[Audiofox]

Mental illnesses are not “curable” but good try.

[Blackmoonsns]

Ok men for the most part dont get how to handle women with any type of problem other than give answer on how to fix it. If i was dating you, and you came to me worried with a problem i know this mean to hold you tight, and just listen not solve the problem just hold you, and listen. Maybe say im here its ok.

[winterfox10]

Well first off, I looked at your profile picture and I just want to assure you that you're a dime piece! Those men are idiots. Guys don't like reassuring relationships because if we give our word and then we screw around, we're liars. If I never give you my word about the relationship though, I have plausible deniability.

[Tron5678]

Relationship is a team work. First few months is getting comfortable with each other and when u ask reassurance you both need to work together and If a guy has dated you long enough and stayed loyal and then when u demand this constant reassurance that guy will feel like he is lacking something and annoyed/confused and there goes your relationship in the drain.

I get that you have clinical anxiety but you gotta work on it but moreover I think you are scared and think too much.

[Anonymous]

A lot of guys think they can handle things when they haven't even tried. "Clingy girls? Not a problem for me! I'd love a clingy girlfriend!"

Then reality gives them a cold hard kick in the face.

Anxiety is another of those things. A lot of guys think they can handle it, but the reality is they can't.

[Yes-Man]

They think they can, or they know thy can't but you're too good to pass, I don't know. Either way, guys don't like to repeat same things over and over - it becomes routine and they get bored of it. So that's the reason.

[Audiofox]

Anxiety is clinical, real and not a choice.

[Yes-Man]

I know, because I have anxiety of my own. But they don't.

[OlderGuy965]

Anxiety is not an easy thing to handle. It takes a LOT OF patience. I guess the ones you've been with don't have that patience required to be with you. Sometimes we men think, "yeah, I can handle that", then realize "oh shit, what have I got myself into? Run!"

[Kuzzu]

Don't rush things. Live for yourself. You're not trash. Don't force yourself to date and find someone. Let you some times.

You'll find someone who can really communicate with you.

Currently, you want something you can't force... It's easy to say and hard to do, but you are stronger than what you think.

[Shreyash108]

If your partner hates giving reassurance... either he is not the one... or you need to discuss with him the reason why!

[Messorem]

Oh poor you. I'm the same, but literally the same. I was dumped 3 times and I think that tomorrow or somewhere in the near future will be the 4th time.

[mrperfectbytch]

It's not just guys but ig sometimes people feel like they don't have to buy not knowing how it make the [so] feel

[TsubasaCorrupted]

I actually never understood that. I love giving reassurance because I have anxiety too as does my partner.

[Anonymous]

To be fair, women like reassurance, so do men. If they're not doing it for you, why should you care about them.. If they're not doing it for you, break it off

[Anonymous]

Because we don't want to have to parent our partner. You are a grownup, you need to act like one. You shouldn't need constant praise and reassurance to feel good about your lack of self-esteem.

[Nahid1234]

i give reassurance to the girls i care about here and there.

[Tyberius]

We like women who have self-confidence, just like women like the same in men.

[TheAnalyst]

It's annoying to constantly have to do it and it shows that you don't trust us. If you don't trust us then the relationship is pointless.

[Anonymous]

no never gonna do that again women do not deserve it

[TripleAce]

Well try a different approach lol hahah duhhh

[HamAndCheese]

Dunno, it's not something I've ever done.

[Raamie]

I wish my girlfriend reassured me more

[Paddy3]

Probably they known they won't marryy you

[justwondering444]

Keep u on ya toes girl shut up and get n the truck

[jimmy2]

Yes that would be good for you

[itsjoshua]

Cuz we don't show affection properly