Girls don't mind being put on a pedestal. What they don't like, is when the guy constantly puts the GIRL'S wants and needs before his. This usually means insecurity, and that is why girls don't like it.
That is also why nice guys aren't attractive to girls. They come off as insecure, even though they might not be. It's just the way things work.
Assholes and jerks don't come off as insecure. That's why girls go to them, even though they make her feel like sh*t most of the time. The girl doesn't care - they keep thinking they'll make the guy change. The sad thing is that if the guy does change, the girl suddenly doesn't want to be with him anymore. I've SEEN it happening, and not just once.
And one of my closest friends is dating this guy, who makes her feel really sh*tty sometimes for no real reason at all. And I know now that if he didn't, she wouldn't really like him anymore.
Just keep this in mind, OK? Girls don't like to be told that they are "perfect", that what they did was "perfect". Well wait, they DO like it. But they aren't going to be ATTRACTED to you if you tell them they are perfect.
Let's say a girl does something for you, and she tried her very best to do it, hoping you will like it. If you tell her how wonderful it is, she is going to get all happy. Should you do it? No you shouldn't. Because in the long run, she isn't going to feel like being with you anymore. I know this doesn't make any sense, but neither do girls.
So I should be a selfish jerk. Great I bet girls will love that when I tell them "hey I love you, but I want to do whatever I want and don't give a damn about you" Also it's not like I'm gonna be obsessive. Just nicer than most guys
Oh they won't like it, but they will look up to you, and get nervous when you're around them, and butterflies will fly in their stomach when they're with you. They will feel like jumping your bones and ripping off your clothes because of how hot you are. All because you love them, but you want to do whatever you want and you don't give a damn about them.
Trust me on this, OK? There's many reason nice guys finish last - I JUST TOLD YOU SOME OF THEM! But keep doing what you're doing. One day...
Yo keep one thing in mind, let's just say that putting someone on a pedestal is an unattractive thing to do.
Even from a guy's point of view.
There was this girl from school in a 3rd grade of high school, I met her social circle, amd started to hang around them quite a bit, then after 1 month she sent me signals, I acted on them, when I asked her out she said she git a boyfriend, even though I knew it was a lie, amd she acted as though she didn't have a boyfriend.
Good thing I saw through that behavior of hers.
Then later when we got back to school I told myself, aight Imma lay low, fall back into a shadow a bit and stop giving her attention.
The second I started giving her very little attention is the second she started showering me with attention.
Like literally she was flirting with me at least 10 times more overtly, she was not taking her eyes off of me.
I thought to myself: Hot damn I love it, I don wanna ruin this by giving her any attention what so ever (romantically speaking ofc).
Like the harder I ignored her that much more she longed for my attention.
Then later on I lost interest in her, she still gave me all attention in the world, and her friends (which are mine too, they are just closer with her) were pointing her out to me.
Or asking me if I found a girlfriend (We were on a einter break, and I did not hang with them for that period even though I was still good with them.
And when she realized thatI lost interest then she got mad, which is just a sign of weakness...
And the reason why I did not escalate with her is, I didn't think her signals and her flirting w me was real.
It's easy you need to show her that you ain't someone to be played with, that you are not someone to be taken for granted.
Be a bad boy, there's a difference in being a bad boy and selfish jerk.
You know what's the mkst attractive about bad boys, it's that they are more authentic, like they're not trying to impress anyone, they're not trying to get anyone's approval.
The only opinion that matteres to a bad boy is his own, bad boy will not let anyone disrespect him, if someone does disrespect him, he will calmly and confidently put them back in a place.
A bad boy has standards and he doesn't settle for what is beneath him.
So growing uo I was a shy and insecure guy, and back then I was so nice to chicks, thinking that they will take it as flirtation, bcs I was a shy guy, I didn't have the confidence needed to flirt and socialize.
Then in a 3rd grade of high school I built confidence and after that I became a charming bad boy, it's safe to say it, aftet I built a large amount of confidence charisma became second nature to me.
Then I met a lot of people, socialized with them, then chicks started flirting with me and sending me signals.
Back then when I was shy and insecure dude ut didn't make sense to me that chicks would ignore someone who is so nice to them, but want someone who is a bad boy and nkt so nice to her.
But when u think bout it, it actually makes sense, a bad boy sends the message that he values his own opinion and himself before anything else, that he is calm and confident, that he can handle adversity, and that he can stand up for himself.
And for chicks they need to feel safe with a guy, they are sure as hell gonna feel safe with someone like that.
And chicks also want what they can't have, which is why they love bad boys.
Bad boy is focused on himself and improving his own life first.
We all have the inner bad boy, but more people should learn hoe to channel the inner bad boy, so that the inner bad boy would take over.
You're creating an extreme dichotomy here. There's a lot of middle ground between hoisting a girl on a pedestal and treating her like crap. It's fine to treat a girl nice, pretty sure most girls like being treated nice. But as others noted girls don't like it when a guy comes off as clingy or desperate, it reeks of low self confidence which is an instant turn off. Treat a girl like a person, someone you enjoy being around and spending time with. Showering a girl with compliments, or getting her gifts all the time will likely just make her feel uncomfortable, as any normal person would (imagine for a moment if the roles were reversed how you would feel).
Girls like an attractive guy with confidence. They like a challenge just like guys do...they don't want some desperate guy who will do anything to have them. Lots of women choose dirtbags because they always want to believe they are or will be different with them. Most women do not want jerks, they just want confident, strong, funny, charming, kind, generous men. We don't like being used or abused! It's just that a lot of the jerks are outgoing and charming, where many of the nice guys are shy and withdrawn. How can we become attracted to you if you don't talk to us? Even an ugly guy with lots of confidence and personality will do better then a good looking guy who is afraid to talk to a girl. We will think there is something wrong with him.
So, if you want a girl, build up your self esteem, learn to talk, know how to make them laugh...and they won't care how fat you are! And they will love that you are sweet and kind and adore them! We all just want to be loved and appreciated! So, you can never lose by loving and appreciating your woman. Just don't be a doormat, we can't love you if we don't respect you!
Maybe you could talk to us, LOL sorry I had to say it. But how is a nice guy supposed to compete with confident superjerk who has the best bod, when a nice guy is usually average at best. Also women do care how fat a guy is. They aren't as bad as men, but think of it this way. Any girl can get a man even if it is a drunk guy at a bar. Men have to be outgoing. Women just have to go out.
omg why does it have to be one of the 2 extremes?
when you put someone on a pedestal, you in essence putting them higher than yourself. so that means you lowered yourself in her eyes.
say I just started dating a guy and he is putting me on a pedestal...if I am not head over heels in love with this guy I will start to respect him less because its like you don't even know me like that. your doing too much. you can treat a girl nicely without worshiping the ground she walks on. and that doesn't mean you have to beat her ass and be cruel to her either.
and if your such a nice guy, why are you so shallow? OK you don't have to date gross looking girls, but do you really think that just because a girl isn't that hot gorgeous prom queen type of girl that she isn't worthy of u? if so then reevaluate how nice you are because that is pretty sad. there are avg looking cute girls that would love to have a guy appreciate them but if your gonna put down everyone who isn't the hot party girl type then fk it maybe your not ready for a relationship
Look your right, I don't want someone perfect, but even the more average girls don't want to go for me. I have to settle for people with either major issues or are way down the scale. Besides most of the hot party girls are sluts anyway. I just want a nice girl whose a little above average and I find attractive. She doesn't have to be a perfect 10, just good enough for me.
You're talking about 2 extremes. Abusing the girl or treating her like a queen. There is an in between you know, where the girl is treated with respect and love, yet not smoldered with attention and gifts.
"I mean I'd rather treat a girl nice because I'd want to be treated nice back, "
Sorry to break the news to you, but treating a girl nice, is the most basic thing in a relationship. You're not doing anything out of the ordinary. 99% of guys do treat girls well, it's just the 1% that's getting all the attention cause everyone loves a disaster story
You are right, but what frustrates me more is that the girls I like don't seem to like a guy like me. Not that they want the dbags I'm describing, but it's like what do I have to do. I'm 21 freaking years old and I've never had a date. I mean I'm fat I'm a bit introverted and nervous, but I know people who are bigger losers than me who have girlfiends(granted they're usually dumb or ugly) but what do I do? it's like I'm destined to be alone
It's good you realize your faults because realistically speaking, if you're going for the supermodel girls, you're going to be single forever. You need to date in your range and not outside it
Thank you! I don't understand why more guys don't understand this. It seems like so many of the guys on this website are miserable because they don't understand that they're going after girls that they would never have a chance with instead of girls that are in basically the same situation as them.
So basically date someone ugly and fat? that's great, I'm sure if I told a girl this she'd ball her eyes out. I mean no girl want's to hear "hey your too ugly to get that hot guy over there, try for that fat loser" why should I or any not so good looking guy or girl have to settle. Honestly go for who you want.
Yeah go for it, but then don't come here and complain about how you're not getting the girl....it's no surprise.
Seriously, be realistic and just accept the fact that you can't get an hot girl. And an ugly girl can't get a hot guy. It's life
Yeah, easy for you because your'e probably a hot party hearty club slut who'd suck any guy who had a six pack
Opinion
6Opinion
Because its artificial and not sustainable- anyone on a pedestal falls when you actually get to know them. They are on your pedestal not theirs. No human being lives on a pedestal. You;ll be disappointed and they'll be alienated that's why its no good. I think perhaps you do not have a proper concept of what a pedestal is. Being nice is being nice- that's cool. Seeing a person on a pedestal is being shallow and delusional. Why do you have to put them on anything. Human beings like to be valued for who they actually are, not by worship. Just be respectful expect respect you guys should be fine :)
PEDESTALS are for paintings not people.
peace:)
Actually they are for statues LOL
I know, I was agreeing with you. I just thought I'd point out paintings arent' on pedestals. I get it
When someone says don't put her on a pedestal it has nothing to do with being a stalker, abusing her, or anything like that. All it means is don't hold her higher than everyone else. In other words don't get stuck on her and only her.
A good example is when your friends want you to hang out and you always say no to them because of her. Your life doesn't need to revolve around her, instead you should do both hang out with your friends and hang out with her at different times, but don't always hang out with her all the time.
You probably heard of bros before hoes right, well that's basically the same thing.
No man, it's not that they don't like being treated nice.. All girls love being treated nicely.
But there comes a point where sometimes your nice might seem too much to them... one compliment can be flattering but over showering a woman might become very unflattering and they can get annoyed with it. Its not that they don't like compliments either, its just that there's a time for everything, when a man suffocates a women they will not like it. They need space to breathe, be themselves. when you over do it, they sense its fake and they wil probably feel confused..
Whatever this post is truly about, let it go. Women love to be with someone who makes them feel loved and valued. The healthy ones anyway, the ones WORTH pursuing. If you had a bad experience or met unhealthy women, stay away from them. A girl worth knowing and dating is one that treats her man with respect and expects that in return. Women love to be with men who truly care about them and treat them the right way and say nice things. They will also do that in return. If you aren't seeing that, it's a huge red flag - stay away.
You can treat a girl nicely without putting her on a pedestal, you know. The majority of girls would rather have something in between being treated like sh*t and being put on a pedestal. If somebody puts somebody else on a pedestal like that it is a sign that they have extremely poor self-esteem or something, which is unattractive. Also it's kind of annoying and creepy.
But it seems like girls almost like being treated like sh*t. I mean they go for spikey haired dbags with their affliction t's and basically are perpetually drunk and find them hot, even though they are tools, and yet nice normal guys like me get kicked to the curb just because I am not good looking or I don't have confidence. (which basically means being a dbag and treating a girl nice until you get in her pants and then you leave her, and I am not that kind of guy, yet girls don't want me)
What does that mean
Well no offense I don't find that attractive. Thus that's why I' am working on myself. also just like girls don't want to date guys like that, what guy would want to date a girl like that. Sounds like you are telling me to settle, and I don't want that. I want the best I can get. I don't need perfection, just someone I find attractive and smart and all of that. I don't need them to look perfect just good enough
Oh I'm the douchebag. I don't act like a damned retard who thinks he can get girls just because he's hot. I want a girl who will like me because of my personality. I know I should do the same for those girls who aren't as good looking, but it's like I have to choose people way down on the scale. People say I'm a solid five, yet it seems like people who would be rated 1 or two would like me.
Girls do want to be pampered and loved and be treated well. There's a difference between respecting someone and worshipping them. When you put anyone a pedestal, you are elevating their status to a demogogue. That adds a lot of pressure for the person. Then, the person who is worshipping tend to not be confident since he or she is not worthy. What's the point of that relationship when it's only one sided?
No one should approve of assaulting or abusing anyone ever . That said. " Nice guys" almost never get laid. There is a huge difference between " beating" someone and being a dominant male. You can figure it out if you try but stop watching main stream media --- they are trying to feminize all men. Be a man first and a sensitive human second.
well , girls liking bad boys syndrome is about the confidence they have and nothing else, when they see a bad guy, their instincts tells them to try to make that guy better, its not THAT common to find a nice guy with confidence, but the best type of guy of a boyfriend material would be that guy ! who is nice to girls at the same time he isn't clingy or needy, girls hate that clingy guys, you have to act male at the same time :)
Yeah I agree with "rainbows", girls want to feel special but not superior to you. They want to have someone who treats them well but at the same time someone they can joke around with who will tease them.
The fact that guys will treat girls who worth "only sex"
as more than just sex when there are good women
they can chase after and try to impress romantically.
well, everyone can be nice, only a few dare to treat them like sh*t so they stand out from the crowd lol
I don't see anything wrong with that and I'm a girl...I would want to feel loved and cared about...I think the girls out there that don't like that are weird! I know I love when I feel wanted or needed.
It puts too much pressure on the person, no one's perfect!
Also we want to be treated normal not like some statue behind a glass window
There are two ways to a girl's heart: a fat wallet, or treating her like sh*t.
i agree with you id rather be treated nicely
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