Guys say I'm too smart?

[IndigoGirl]

I'm 17 and in high school, and up till this point guys haven't really taken an interest in me. I know of one that said I have a 'perfect face' but other than that guys don't really notice me. They all say things like 'she's really smart' when they say anything about me. It's really frustrating. I don't purposefully use 'big' words when I speak, it's just the way I am. I like having intelligent conversations, and I do really well in school, but I'm only human and I wouldn't mind having a boyfriend. My friend once asked a few guys what they thought of the girls in my group of friends and why they would/wouldn't date them. One of them was 'too childish' while I was 'too smart'. How is being smart unattractive?

I'm not stuck-up or anything - I'm friendly and laugh a lot, I'm witty and I have a quirky personality. I'm slim with a good figure and I've had a few people tell me I'm pretty, but high school guys don't seem to see it. They fall for a different kind of girl and I don't think I fall into that category.

What can I do to change this? Intelligence isn't the be-all and end-all of my personality.

Right now I like a really smart guy in the 12th grade, but even he sees me as 'the smart girl'. Please help me out here..

[themorbidpeach]

I was in your same position 8 years ago and unfortunately being labeled as "the smart girl" early in life has had the same effect on me as it has you. No guy wanted to go near me in high school and unfortunately it has stuck with me throughout college and grad school, and to be honest with you, I've pretty much given up on dating at this point because I've been conditioned to expect rejection and the same bullshit answer of "you're too smart" and well, ain't nobody got time for that. And no, I'm not an ugly troll living under a bridge somewhere, I'm pretty decent looking.

But I'm not trying to dishearten you, I'm not sad to be single at 25 AT ALL, and neither should you. Romantic relationships are not going to validate your existence, and statistically speaking you'll find someone eventually, most people do (I did for a brief time). Smart women (hell, I'd argue smart people in general but that's a political argument for another day) are devalued in our society because of so many cultural expectations regarding gender (again, another discussion for another day).

I guess what I'm really trying to say is that dating sucks for pretty much everyone, smart or not, and you shouldn't even be worrying about it. People your age (and mine) make dating choices based mostly on hormones and it's going to be like that for a while. It's better to be patient for someone actually worth your time. The worst thing you can do is change yourself for a guy, dumb yourself down or settle for someone you're not into because you think intelligence is a hindrance. It's not. It's Goddamn sexy. Now if you'll excuse me I'll return to my corner of science until I meet a guy who shares that same opinion.

[brkadv]

This is sad to read because your intelligence is a great thing and I promise you someone will one day treasure it as one part of a great person. But for anyone to use the phrase "too smart" just says more about them than you. It says they are intimidated by it and insecure about their own intelligence probably. If you really are smarter than most, then you will want a partner who appreciates that and isn't intimidated by it.

So you'll want someone who is at least secure enough in their own intelligence to not be threatened by yours. And the bonus of that is that will probably be someone you can have the more intelligent conversations with, in addition to lots of other fun things.

I've seen some studies that said that if there is more than a certain level of difference in IQ, it makes the relationship harder. So there really is something to these guys picking up that maybe you aren't compatible intellectually. They may be saving you some trouble by weeding themselves out.

So where should you look? Get involved in groups that are setup for more intelligent purposes. Look for groups that revolve around issues that you care about. If you go to college in a year or two, this will be even easier as most schools have groups around lots of issues. There are a lot of groups out there for those who value intelligence or "gifted kids" and if you meet some guys there, I doubt you'll hear them complaining about you being "too intelligent." In fact, I bet you'll find yourself very popular.

[Young_Money]

NOTHINGG you don't have to be stupid to get a guy

i promise you tht the guys tht say tht your too smart just want a girl to mess around and ain't lookin 4 somethin serious and in my opinion they don't deserve you

i know for a fact tht guy who want somethin serious want smart hot girls like yourself because the other chicks are usualy sluts :P

o well hope I helped and by the way DONT CHANGED ANYTHIN ABOUT URSELF NEVER DO THT!

(ask me because I used to be a neeerdddd! :P then I changed to bad boy lol but still ain't getting lucky wiz da chciks lol :P

anyways hope I helped :D

gd luck :D

[TheGoodTheBadTheHOT]

I'm one of these "smart" people and I'm sure as hell it discourages girls aswell. It's possible that because of your achievements in school people see you as stuck up (even though you probably aren't) for example; if someone asks you what you got in a test or how difficult you found that test, if you answer with a high percentage or say that you found it easy then they may think you're bragging -just because you're smarter than them-

And it is intimidating for guys to have a parter smarter than them (yes I know, its stupid) and that may be another reason guys aren't interested.

People don't like others that are superior to them in one way or another, it's one of humanitys less rewarding attributes.

[solstice06]

don't take it as a bad thing, guys like that are just intimidated by your intelligence and don't know how to handle it. I myself would love a smart girlfriend, even if she was smarter than myself. If you don't want to be seen as just the "smart girl" try joining a club or event. Sports would have guys more focused on your ability and even how hot you look in your uniform lol. You never know what's going to get someone's attention, but guys aren't suffering from an over abundance of depth most of the time, so a cute uniform might do the trick. The only caution I leave you with is what kind of attention and guys you'll be attracting by doing so. You're a smart girl so I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. When you get to college, I'm sure things will be different. Just hang in there and keep your head up.

[WeaponZero]

No such thing as too smart. No such thing. For me intelligence is a must. The smarter the better. Maybe not all guys are like that I know because lots of guys feel uncomfortable when their girlfriend is better than them in areas concerning intelligence or athletics or earning, but that's not your problem, its theirs. You're a strong, modern woman and many guys would love one like you.

[Habakkuk]

lol I know what you mean, I'm the "smart guy" of my senior class but even I see the "smart girl" as "THE smart girl" but she's not particularly attractive, just average, but she's been in a relationship with a good friend of mine who's a football player for like the better part of 2 years now, so it's not out of the question

[stercor]

Go out with college guys?

The intelligence pool is much shallower in high school than in college.

You can infer everything here that I'm implying.

Joining Mensa is another option. It saved me.

[Jaleel]

well what you need to do is join a sport and they will go by a different name. or just talk to guys more, in general to build up a popularity status and they will see you for who you are.

[Anonymous]

then again.. why are you so frustrated that stupid cattle men of the masses dont like you. i'd be sad in your place if i ended up with one of them. find a man like you. except if you are doing what you accuse te thers of doing. as you claim that they like the dumb sexy slut maybe you like the dumb sixpack stud?

[Jake1995]

A girl with a perfect face who I can have an intellectual conversation too? Did I just enter heaven?

[mortablunt]

Find a man with a PHD. Most guys are scared by smart women.

[ihatework]

"they fall for a different kind of girl"-get used to that, most guys are dumb as rocks.