What does it mean when someone tells you that you deserve better than them?

[Anonymous]

So my guy friend told me I deserve better and I said okay, thanks. He didn't reply and then I asked him something and he said he wasn't strong enough. Is he just not interested and I need to move on or was he looking for reassurance?

[alawsum]

A note for the future: when someone randomly says something like this and has no specific frame of reference, they're fishing for reassurance and are probably having esteem issues or are just a big baby and needs to constantly be reassured of their worth.

Beware because they may well become exhausting to be around.

[Asker]

Thank you.

[alyx92]

When someone says this its mean he is in love with u or have an attraction towards you but he feels he is not good for you or he is not able to make u happy all the life so if you have some this kind of guy try to observe him properly and if he likes you then you had a good option for your happiness

[Asker]

Thank you. I feel like he is inlove with me. I told him may he's not used to someone like me and he says he's afraid to take chances because he doesn't want to get hurt.

[steelheart]

It's either he sees himself lacking as a person compared to what/who you are as a person or he wants to reject you in a nicer and less hurtful way. Maybe you should ask him very subtly about it if you really want to know what's on his mind. That's the only way for you to find out what he really meant.

[Asker]

I kind of did.

[Asker]

I didn't add a lot of context to this post but he said that when we were arguing and it went something like "I still want to talk to you and I want you to be happy, you deserve better than me", he said that because he knows he doesn't communicate like I want him to and sometimes it hurts me.

[AnarchoPunk]

He may just feel like he doesn’t deserve you as a friend, or he may has a crush on you and feel like he has no chance with you more than a friend, or he may be depressed and feel so down and insecure

[CowboyKamp]

Could be a lot of things. Maybe he cheated, maybe he doesn't feel good about himself. I would say he is interested but feels he isn't good enough for some reason. He probably really does think he isn't good enough.

[Asker]

Well were just friends so he didn't cheat but it's more of his distance, he becomes depressed a lot and all I want to do is be there and he opened up and said that he doesn't like to take chances because he'll get hurt and I explained that if you don't ever experience you'll never know and he should take time to think about it and he agreed.

[CowboyKamp]

From that it sounds more like he needs some way to boost confidence. I was probably a lot like him when I was younger, still go back to that sometimes. What really got me out of feeling that way was finding something I really liked doing and got good at it. For me that was line dancing, I never felt super comfortable but people would still ask me to teach them.

[Asker]

Thanks.

[DJ-NO-Love1177]

That means in my own opinion that he saying he has made mistakes in his or her life that someone should come in your life and treat you like a king or queen and better then what your past had put you through all the frustration and hurt throughout the relationship that you both had.

[Asker]

I think your right, but he's not saying he's not interested right? My response to that was that nobody is better than him and he said he's not the best but he try to be so I guess I tried to reassure.

[loveslongnails]

When a guy says "you deserve better", it means one of the following:
a) he's not interested and he's going to prop you up and blame his lack of interest in you by saying "I'm not good enough". The intent is to turn you off to him because he sounds weak, but he's really not interested and this is the game to get out.
b) He actually DOES recognize you're out of his league and he can't keep up with you
c) I'll never be able to control you, so I don't want you

[Drydoor]

This answer for sure, but I would like to add on to it.

D. He thinks so lowly of himself because he is in a dark spot that he actually doesn't think he deserves anyone.

E. He knows from experience that you will end up being hurt in the end and he doesn't want you to be that broken girl... basically he knows something and wants to save you the hurt

[Asker]

Thank you but would you say that he's interested tho?

[Asker]

He says every girl he's been with just leaves and he claims it because he works but I think it's more to that. He's honest and loyal but goes distant and I think that's what he means.

[Drydoor]

I don't know the guy, but if he is interested then he will smile or laugh a lot around you. His mood will boost positively. If he is not interested then he will multitask when he's with you. He will be on his phone all the time instead of talking with you. If you really want something with this guy, or if you're still curious, then just talk to him one of one. Person to person. Tell him no hard feelings, nothing will change between you two, but that you want to know the honest answer and go from there

[Drydoor]

I've turned away several women that I thought would be good for me, because I knew I wouldn't be good for them. For instance at that point I was cheated on by back to back two year relationships and it absolutely destroyed me. I tried to get back up there, but I felt nothing while they got attached, so I broke it off early with that same excuse he's using. Maybe his heart is just bleeding and he's not ready? He might need more time to heal.

[Asker]

Okay, he says he isn't ready and there's no one else so I guess I'll be patient and trust him. I don't know why he wants to talk every other day instead of everyday. Maybe he feels he's getting too close.

[Drydoor]

Some people need their personal space lol! Don't feel bad if he isn't talking to you every single day. Sometimes if you're overwhelmed, you just need a minute.

I always hated texting all hours of every day with my S. O. because it would make phone conversations and in Person hangouts dull. I've always eventually ran out of stuff to say over the phone. Plus I'm a super busy guy, I don't ever have time to pick up my phone. Maybe he's busy too? Work, school etc

[Asker]

We basically talked and I told him to take some time to think about it because he says he's afraid to try something what he's not used to because he thinks he'll get hurt.

[Asker]

Yeah he works a lot. Our arguments don't help either lol.

[Drydoor]

Well two things there, if you're arguing already and you haven't even started to date, maybe you should begin to consider other options? Also, he's afraid of being hurt. Who's not? We've all been broken and abused at one point or another. He can't keep using that as a crutch to stay single. It's just a down spiral to the lonely road of depression. Unless it just recently happened.. then it's understandable. Especially if he was blind sided. It took me the better part of a year and a half to completely get over my most recent 2 year relationship when I found out she cheated on me.

[Drydoor]

He shouldn't blame his next woman for the faults of his last.

[Asker]

Well he agreed to what I said about trying new things and taking chances because not everyone is the same. Thing is after I said take some time to think about it, he said thanks for the advice and I didn't reply. Any thoughts on his response? Is that him agreeing to make a decision? Was it rude for me not to reply?

[Drydoor]

Well he was easily convinced lol.. I don't know. Just send him a heart emoji or something and see what happens? It's your relationship now! Do what your heart tells you!

[Asker]

He was easily convinced because that's what he really wants lol. He doesn't do the emojis anymore or at least right now because he's been going through a lot and hasn't been in the mood I guess.

[Drydoor]

Best of luck, friend! Keep me posted!

[loveslongnails]

@Drydoor Umm... I have to point out, that if "D" is true, "E" should never come about because they're really one and the same. If his self-esteem is that low that he won't get involve because he feels unworthy, he'll never hurt her as described because the relationship will never happen... again. It likely happened once, at least.

[Asker]

Oh okay lol. I say he's interested but needed reassurance. We were arguing at the time so I'm sure he doesn't want me to find someone else. Now I can see if there wasn't an argument and he just said that then yeah he's just trying to be nice and politely say he's not interested.

[Nada_Brahma]

It means that they feel like they can't live up to what they feel you deserve. Because they know they can be better as a person for you but they aren't. Girls often told me this stuff "ur too good for me" turns out i had to dump each one that ever said that because they'd always end up cheating or something.

[Asker]

Well me and him are friends but he's not a guy to be out there like that and seems loyal.

[Asker]

We aren't even together and he's saying-

I don't have anyone and I have told you that many times. Why can't you just believe that I'm telling the truth? Why would I lie about something like that? I do care about you and I want you to be happy. And I don't need attention, I actually don't like attention. It makes me uncomfortable cuz I'm shy. I try my best to be nice and a good person. I find it frustrating that you don't believe anything I say no matter how many times I say it. And sometimes it feels like you expect me to text all the time and I don't like to feel expected to do things. And it seems like there ends up being a lot of drama no matter how careful I am to make sure what I say isn't misunderstood.

[Nicms]

Could be that he's insecure about himself and wants to hear your day he's good enough for you, or that he wants you to see him in a better light. Regardless he sounds needy

[Asker]

Thank you.

[Nicms]

No prob👍

[Asker]

I think he is insecure because I was like someone said I look and smell good and he was like it's good that I like to look and smell good but not too much tho. Whatever that meant lol.

[Asker]

He probably wants me to be insecure too that's why he does and say certain things. Why tho?

[Nicms]

Means he's way insecure and doesn't like feeling like you're out of his league. Don't let his problems be yours though

[Asker]

I agree.

[bigdaddyj469]

Looking for reassurance or past that point he obviously hates himself or something about himself ahow him what you see it takes time but will help him in the end

[Asker]

Thank you. I told him may he's not used to someone like me and he says he's afraid to take chances because he doesn't want to get hurt. I understand that and I responded and said how would you know if you don't take the chance and he agreed and I told him to take some time and think about it and he said okay.

[bigdaddyj469]

That's all you can do

[Asker]

Right.

[DualityGreen]

He needs you to reassure him that he is good enough. He just lacks some confidence.

[Asker]

Thank you. I told him may he's not used to someone like me and he says he's afraid to take chances because he doesn't want to get hurt.

[BeWithMe]

He is lacking self confidence. Stick with him, and let him know how much you like him.

[Asker]

But why say I deserve better when he knows I want to be with him tho

[Asker]

He also says he wants me to be happy

[BeWithMe]

Exactly. He does not think he is good enough. He needs the assurance that YOU want to be with him.

[Asker]

Thanks.

[alinarc]

Nice one.

[dominatedude]

He had legitimate reasons to say that. Time to move on. Most men are direct. Also, that statement comes from a lot of guys dealing with personality disorders and or trauma. Leave him be. Maybe in the future, like 5 years or more... hopefully you've both moved on by then. Lol.

[BruceInLB]

He was probably seeking reassurance, or has low self-esteem. The 3rd possibility is he doesn't want to be blamed if it doesn't work out. No matter which one, it also means he thinks highly of you!

[Asker]

That's good, thank you. I'm thinking it was reassurance because I said okay thanks and he didn't respond.

[Asker]

He usually keeps the convo going or say your welcome.

[BruceInLB]

It's up to you on whether you want to take your chances, but I'd say the guy definitely likes you

[Asker]

Thanks.

[Anonymous]

He may not be confident and feels that there is someone better out there for you.

[Asker]

I guess.

[worthless_boi]

He means he doesn't think he's worthy of your time or energy

[chrisv]

Usually it’s a compliment to you- saying you are a better person than they are...

[zecky]

He is practically saying he's weak and that you don't need someone who depends on you but works with you in hard times. I think...

[D_Bone_Steak]

It means you deserve better than him. You can move onto something better, or settle for less.

[GreenGold1992]

They may feel like they're not good enough for you.

[Onlythisone]

He doesn't want a response it's a nice way of saying "I don't want to be in a relationship with you because that would involve effort on my end, I just want to have sex"

[Asker]

I didn't add a lot of context to this post but he said that when we were arguing and it went something like "I still want to talk to you and I want you to be happy, you deserve better than me", he said that because he knows he doesn't communicate like I want him to and sometimes it hurts me.

[Alexive2145]

This is one of the very early excuses that humans made for politely breaking up with their partners.

[same22]

I think it means they think that you could do a lot better than them and that they need some reassurance

[Streamhopper]

He's trying to be polite when telling you that he's not interested any longer. I wouldn't push it.

[Asker]

I don't think that.

[Streamhopper]

Fair enough. You don't have to think that. Time will tell what the real intentions are.

[Asker]

Well when he said "You'll find the right person to understand you, because obviously I can't do it" then it tells me he doesn't think he's good enough and other stuff like "maybe I'm not strong enough" says something else lol. Because he hasn't had a hard telling my friend he wasn't interested.