I have a DELIMA (Awkward shy guy who I think has a crush in me!!!)?

[Nikki6969s]

first time he saw me he would stair w/ bewilderment And actually turn his chair to look at me. Ididn’t care cz I am used to guys staring but caught my attention!!!
I didn’t care
but it got to a point where I thought, I’ll just look into his eyes while he does it , so I did! & it was like a damn starring contest! He then eventually turned away?
Now it’s been several months, he didn’t stop !
I tried to approach him he responded to a hello once barely & never answered again so I let him be, he’d ignore me or look away.
After a while he’s back at it again!!! This time when I look back he gets tense so either he gets up n leave or looks away & hv this weird mad hate look on his face I can’t seem to comprehend?
Ok so after a while, we met crossing paths I smiled at him he didn’t smile back he’s eyes got wide n he looked away !! I keep catching him staring sometimes with a smile other times wide eyed!
Apparently, He has no prob talking to anyone Men or the girls BUT me... I decided to approach him I gave him a cake and coffee he was happy about it ! A couple of days after I was coming towards him ( wanted to get into another person office ) n I knew he was already starring so I looked up n I caught him he was so deeply into it n smiling I looked at him waved hello and said will “happy,,,,,” it was an occasion we had. He closed his mouth blinked rapidly sat straight n grabbed the mouse n answered me with such a sucky way like he gave me the vibes of go away! Answered while looking at his screen n with a low pitch!! N didn’t look at me again for the rest of the day.
I thought he was a shy socially awkward guy n that he likes me n if I approach him a couple of time n try to start a small talk that it would break the ice or encourage him somehow! But no it’s like I’m annoying him?
I really need to know you guys should I completely and utterly just forget the idea of him and let it be ! Or try harder? It’s making me feel bad cause I don’t ever do this EVER.

[Jon_25]

Well that could be from a couple of reasons...

(1) He could be very insecure and feels that either he would have no chance with you and it's better to not even get his hopes up, or he needs to act tough/mean in order to be attractive.

(2) He could have had a bad past experience with a girl he fell for where she crushed him, and he sees it happening again as he falls for you and is trying to avoid it.

(3) He could feel angry/scared that you seemed to call him out when he acted in those ways, and thinks you just feel sorry for him/are trying to make him feel bad for doing them/are sending mixed signals of whether you like it or want him to stop.

NOTICE that, all of these start with *him,* not you. You aren't causing this.

If you want to try to change the outcome of your interactions with him, you can. You will have to change how you are acting, but how you are acting currently is perfectly fine. Don't see this as telling you you are in the wrong, because you aren't. If anything, he is.

In case of (1) your best bet would be to keep at what you're doing. Let him know that you like him, and boost his confidence in small ways like compliments or welcoming/accepting behavior. It may take a while, but he should eventually come around with enough confidence to approach you or at least sustain an interaction long enough to express himself to you.

In case of (2) there isn't much you can really do without knowing more. If he is still hung up on an ex and sees her in you and loves/hates you for it, well I'm sorry you can't really help that. That's on him.
The best you can do here is to treat him as normally as possible, and just give him time to get over her and realize you are not the same. This will definitely take time.

In case of (3) well, you probably would be better off to ignore him for a while. Don't react to his actions if you can help it, and if you feel like that's making it worse then, try to be consistent. If you don't like it act like it. And be firm about it. If you don't care or like that he seems attracted to you, then act like it. And be persistent, no matter which you do.

Again, whether you do these things or not is entirely up to you. It's not on you to accommodate him, but if you want to then I think these ways may be the most helpful in the situation. Good luck, and sorry this is an insanely long comment. :)

[Anonymous]

He might be wondering if you like him or just friendzoning him and giving attention because you feel sorry for him or something. .

A few years ago I had a crush on hot, popular girl at the gym I used to train at. But I know she friend zoned a lot of guys so I didn’t want to be another one of her chumps. We did hang out a few times when I helped her cut weight for her fight and also played pool once (other guys from the gym were present). I managed to tease her but every time I asked to come hang out at my place she blew me off.

So I stopped talking to her. I later had a photographer friend take a professional headshot which I put up on Facebook. She was all over it and told me out loud in front of my teammates that I was “sooo good looking”. She said she wanted to hang out, which she also said out loud.

I got nervous and clammed up. Reason being is think she was only saying that “to be nice” and boost my confidence. She didn’t say that because wanted to jump in bed. Girls rarely do that, especially when they are sober.

Well she got real disrespectful when I met her again a year ago. My suspicions were right all along, she was just using me for attention when she felt like it. I completely blocked her out and will have nothing to do with her now.

[SarahsSummer]

Could it be that when youve attempted to break the ice he was busy with something? I think you should try to talk to him directly and with purpose while on a break or at the end of the day when you’re both leaving, of finding out why he bahaves the way he does. It could be simple as “hi what are you doing now?” (as work gets out) and see if conversation ensues.

[aicarg]

Sounds like an intense yet insecure person to me. I personally wouldn't care to bother with someone who doesn't wish to respond back in any way to spark a bond between me. If he ignores you and plays hard to get, simply disregard him. If him stares at you and it makes you feel awkward, simply ignore his stares by looking past him.

[Thia18]

I’m getting extreme Edward Cullen vibes. Edward glares at Bella thinking, “I hate that I like you so much. I’m a baby and I can’t handle having you as my crush.”

Honestly, if he’s going to ignore you—ignore him back. He’s weirder than Edward, and that’s saying something 😋

[Nikki6969s]

Oh wow you are so right !!! Spot on analogy but what if stairs? Do u stair back n when I do he gets tense and does something else ?

[Thia18]

If he doesn’t respond to me when I say hello, and avoids me and acts like I’m not there—then I will act like he isn’t there and when he stares at me, I won’t even glance in his direction. I’ve tried to talk to him. He was rude. So he’s going to have to approach me to talk, but In the meantime—he doesn’t exist. If he wants to play the avoid game, fine. I’m the queen at it.

[Nikki6969s]

Thanks Thia

[royalben]

He is happy in his world admiring you, fantasizing you in his own world. He is too afraid to take risk get to know you and lack confidence that he will be able to attract you in the long term. He is afraid of you destroying his fantasy about you that didn't really exist. Nothing will work, his mind has been brainwashed by love stories that don't exist. The only way to get close to him is being within his circle of friends where he feels comfortable. Not a worthwhile effort though.

[Renegade_man]

This will be harsh but if he is shy or not and he can't have the respect and decency to talk to you even just a little then he isn't worth your time he needs to man the hell up and show you the respect you deserve I think he is a waste of time yes its harsh and msybe rude but its how I feel

[handyman129]

He is too shy to even know what to say. His mouth goes dry and he probably can't even speak when you get close. Unfortunately in this case, you need to make the move and actually carry the conversation for quite a while before he will get comfortable enough to say anything.

I would say that you want to start with... how you have enjoyed looking at him and the eye contact and how yoh have been trying to work up the nerve to talk more with him and how you are attracted to him and want to know home better and ask him for another coffee date and get his number before the date is over. So you can text... because he will likely be much better at that.

[Loser94]

Dude reminds me of myself, first of he's not annoyed he's just very secure he must have had his heart crushed before or something else that has made in socially awkard with certain people, for me i had an experiance a lot like that but back in high school and i got played good by this one girl so now my trust in woman is very thin. So look at it from his point of view "wow that girl is beautiful there's no way she'd like me, well i can look but i can't touch." then you look back "uh oh she notices me great she thinks im a creep" then you approach him "dang she wasn't all mean maybe naw she wouldn't like me she's just being nice" so now he's no sure if your really trying to get to know him or if your messing with him for him staring at you a lot.
Thats all i got for you hope it helps somehow.

[buttercupshero]

I think you intimidate him. His reactions toward you are his way of dealing with it. Here's a way to get him more comfortable. "Hey, I going to (fill in the blank) if you would to join me." If he does jump at the opportunity then move on. He's not worth your time.

[Jaye234]

I have no idea. He's contradicting himself.
If it were me I'd walk up to him and ask him why he doesn't speak to me yet he will stare at me. Or id ask him if he has an issue with me if not then I'd ask him out for a coffee or such.
If he refused to go then I know he's not worth thinking about.

[OlderAndWiser]

Maybe when you express interest, his makes him thin about dating you and he is so awkward that he gets nervous just thinking about it. So approach him and say, "I was thinking about going somewhere for dinner Friday night and, if you aren't busy, it would be great to just sit and talk over dinner, but not like a date. . . just sitting and talking." And during dinner or afterwards, just reach over and take his hand and start holding hands.

[Jjpayne]

I wish I was used to people staring at me lol. But it sounds interesting. I'd keep on trying to break through to him. It's sounds like he might want distance but keep trying to reach out to him. Ask questions and the more you try and the more time you spend with him he might open up

[aceexp]

That's really weird. Never heard of this and I used to be shy as well. Maybe he's shy to the point where he thinks he can't sustain a relationship or dating, so he might subtly avoid you to avoid escalation.

[Anpu23]

Try this, "after work I am thinking of stopping for coffee, wanna come. My treat" If he agrees then all is good, if he responds negatively then you know. If he dithers or delays, he's shy and you should keep pushing a little.

[SheldonHolmes]

The guy u r talking about, is just shy like me... But he is too much..
I too get shy in front of girls when i first meet them, but after a while i get into it...
Soo my suggestion to u is don't waste time on him. MOVE ON..
If he really needs you in his life then he only will make efforts (Usually guys only have to make efforts lol😂😂)

[gunducci]

If you are into him, I see no reason why you shouldn't make the first move. Go for it.
Although, I'd make sure that I find out what the guy actually is, shy introvert or a creep.

[Hans222]

The answer is, I think: if YOU want it, you should try harder :D

[OldSchool_Metalhead]

try to make the first move since he's too scared to. it might help to break the ice between you two

[MeganForreal]

U have already asked this once and just like i said the last time.. let it go..

[KingDio]

He honestly sounds like a werido to my stairing at someone is just child's play and then acting like one every time you confront him

[Fromdusktilldawn]

I don't think you're annoying him. Apparently he is really into you but very insecure and doesn't know how to act and tries to act maybe like a tough guy who looks uninterested, he is experimenting.

[sunjr]

If you go after him most of guys change roles and act as a girl should. to my opinion you should go back to the time where he was looking for you and wait if he doesn't react to that easy just forget about the guy and move on

[MajGriffin]

I think he might have a crush on you but gets to scared when you try to approach him and he changes how he acts, im shy but i usually dont stare and I can hold a conversation but for me it's hard to start convos with a person i like

[FrenchyRomain]

i'm not going to answer because quite honestly i don't care... the only thing that got my attention here is DELIMA?
It's dilemma*
have a great day