Has she realized her mistake?

[itsallinyourhead]

Last year I was dating a girl and we completely fell in love. She always made it clear to me how strongly she felt about me, and I while I am someone who normally has trust issues, she told me she loved me and would never leave me, and I believed her completely. We got into our first fight on New Years Eve, and 10 days later, on our 6 month anniversary, she left me out of nowhere and couldn't even give me a reason for it. We didn't talk much after that, but in June she emailed me to see how I was doing, and we started talking and it came out that she left me because she was scared. She has been hurt by other guys in the past, and so she put her walls back up and ran. She also said that it took everything she had not to pick up the phone and take it all back. We discussed getting back together, and this went on for a few weeks, but then she put her walls back up again and pushed me away as far as she could. We stopped talking again, but recently I started seeing someone else and she heard about it through my friends. All of a sudden all her statuses on FB seemed to be about regret, making a mistake, and even had one that said something like "just when you think you're over someone you realize you're not." I didn't have her on FB at this time, but some of my friends did and told me about them because as soon as they read them they immediately thought they were about me. About a week later she added me as a friend on FB for the first time since January. We talked a little, and I told her that even though I'm with someone else now, I still think she is the only one for me. She gave no indication that she had any feelings for me, but she did this before even when she did have feelings for me, and again, I've read all her statuses and it's hard to believe they're not about me. It's almost been a year, and I know that's a long time, but I'm just wondering if you think she's realized she's made a mistake? But maybe she just doesn't want to say anything because now I'm with someone else. What do you think? Does anyone else have stories similar to this? The new girl I'm seeing is great, but I am only with her because I'm not with my ex, and unless she comes back to me, I have to go on with my life which is what I have been trying to do.

[Anonymous]

I've been through this myself but the other way around. My ex did the same thing to me for years. He would disappear and then come around again just as I was moving on. He actually had me leave a great guy for him once. We ended up living together and I realized that he just wasn't the guy for me and the only reason why I was with him is because he had some type of hold on me that I couldn't let go. I left him for good and so happy I did.

If this girl regrets hurting you then why does she wait until you are seeing someone new to do so? You gave her more than enough chances and she just keeps blowing it. She wants to have her cake and eat it too.

Ignore her and cut all contact. TRUST ME. She only wants you because she can't have you right now. You'll end up leaving a person who did nothing wrong and your ex will end up leaving you again.

She's playing with your head and its working.

[itsallinyourhead]

I'm really sorry you went through a similar situation, and with everything you said I know you're probably right. The problem is, like your ex, she has a hold on me. It's kinda like how slot machines have a hold on people, you're afraid if you walk away you're going to miss the jackpot. And I admit that my thinking is naive when it comes to her. I think that maybe it took me getting a new girlfriend to make her realize her mistake, and I know that's naive. I guess the difference between you and I is

[itsallinyourhead]

that you guys got back together and ended up living together and that made you realize he's not the guy for you. I haven't got that chance with my ex. Perhaps if we got back together I'd realize she's not the one for me, but I worried that unless I do, I'll always wonder. Which will prevent me from completely moving on. Thank you for your comment.

[Opinion Owner]

I understand EXACTLY what you mean. When I went through this situation, everyone told me the same thing I just told you. Of course I didn't listen, but for a while I wished I listened to them. Until I realized that if I didn't, I would still not be over this guy today. Sometimes we need to learn these things on our own, So if you do decide to go for "the jackpot" please keep your feelings in mind. Try to think about how much this person has already hurt you and work hard on not allowing her to

[Opinion Owner]

do it again. Try not to show too much emotion as well. At least you won't feel like a complete SHMUCK like I did if this whole thing blows over. Oh and more importantly, please consider the feelings of the girl you are now dating. Remember the great guy I mentioned that I left for my ex? Well I'm still hopelessly in love with him and there's nothing I can do to fix that. Just be careful and good luck.

[Anonymous]

All I can say is please be considerate about the new girl you're with. If you still have feelings about your ex, leave this new girl until you make up your mind and stick to it. Otherwise, you're going to end up hurting this new girl going back and forth. How do you think the new girl feels if she ever found out she's like a substitute? How would you feel if you're a substitute, or some kind of temp? She's great but you're only with her because she's the alternative? cmon. That's no way to treat a girl (or a guy). (If you have feelings about your ex and you can't make up your mind, don't go into relationships with other girls. I understand that the ex. isn't helping. But you're going to have to make up your mind about her and stick to it).

[itsallinyourhead]

First off, I want to say that I know it is not fair to the new girl, and I am not trying to defend that, but I do think you may misunderstand me. I do have feelings for my ex, but I am not going back and forth. My ex claims she no longer has feelings for me, that's the whole point of my question. And the new girl is not a substitute, she is me trying to get on with my life. All I meant was if my ex never left me, I'd still be with her and not this new girl.