I wonder if guys do know how sad we are if a man offer us money for sex?

[Aidelwaish]

I matched with this 38 yo guy on tinder.

We matched, we chatted, was nice talking to him and met up.
On our first meet up, after quite a long convo is the restaurant in a hotel, he blatanty told me this:

He wants a travel sex partner.
He thinks im attractive.
He offers me usd 6000 a month.
In a month, he only requires me to accompany him to travel 2x a month. Due to his work.
Each time only spends max 3 days on private island.

He stated firmly, in his life he only had 2 women.
1 woman 4 years and other woman 2 years. Both of them were his travel sex partners.
He never had a girlfriend. He admit that it is funny he doesn't like sleeping around.
But he also doesn't wanna have a relationship.

I was completely shocked, choked, and extremely sad. Extremely-sad. I felt very low and degraded.

On my first impression, this guy has a charisma, calm, straightforward, his attitude is genuine but too brutally honest. Which is supposed to be good.

But still i feel really humiliated. I refused him politely with such a bitter feeling, and left him. The most unbelievable thing I've ever experienced and heard.

My question, do guys ever know what they said or did might have humiliated/degraded a woman?

[xkildy]

He was not degrading you or any other women. He was simply offering you a job , where you can make a lot of money in a short amount of time. and the only thing you had to do was enjoy the company of a man who. Did not beat around the bush n telling you what he wanted.. Would you have rather him say this.. I would love to see where this goes but i have business a lot in other area's of the world , I can't really stay in one place to often but if your interested. please let me know so I can make time for us. !!! So while you are dating this guy. say for years (no pay) he only spends 72 hours max every few weeks with you. And that's the kinda of guy you want. He was saving you the trouble of waiting on him.

[pumaOH24]

Don't take it as a bad thing that he asked you since it was a long process that he had to go through to ask you it and I'm sure he just doesn't ask every woman that question.
Did he only want you for sex or were you going to be a companion and do other things with him too?
If it was just for sex, what would you be doing the rest of the time you are with him on the island?

[Aidelwaish]

I dunno. I didn't ask him further anymore. I was already so shocked and felt so degraded. I was shocked. And sad. That was bitter. Thats all.

[pumaOH24]

I would take it as a form of a compliment instead of feeling degraded. Now, if he approached you at a bar the same way then you could have felt degraded since he could have asked many the same question that night.
Which part of it made you feel worse? Just wanting you for sex or that he offered you money to do it?
Would it have made you feel differently if he gave you the money to spend on things for yourself while you were his "companion" and not mentioned it was only for sex?

[Aidelwaish]

I know it is a compliment.
And i also feel really degraded that he just wants sex from me and pays me. Then i am a prostitute.

I will become a prostitute.

[pumaOH24]

He was basically paying you to be his "friends with benefits" is another way to look at it.
You weren't really a prostitute since they do it as a job and a source of income.
He only wanted you for it twice a month and not every day.
Not saying what he did was OK... just explaining the differences.

[GingerGuy]

There are all different types of people out there, but try to take yourself out of it a little bit, ie, not so personally, because he was thinking selfishly. I understand how you feel don't get me wrong, but this wasn't his intent in any way to make you feel like that. There are probably a lot of women that would take him up on that, and that's what he wants and he knows it (at least he was honest right?). Good you know now and not find this out later. You are hurt because you were hoping for something else, but his intent wasn't to humiliate/degrade you. I'm not saying you don't have the right to feel that way, just that it wasn't his intent. So think of it that way. Just be glad you found out and move on.

P. S. I'm not sure I buy the 2 women or doesn't like sleeping around lol, but maybe?

[GingerGuy]

But you're right, he was thinking about what he wanted and not how what he was saying/suggesting, might offend you or make you feel that way.

[DavidK-SB]

Sounds like you have a low opinion of sex workers. Sounds like he has a similar view and that that view is different from yours. I don't personally share that opinion, but many people do and I accept that.

I'm sure you've heard of the sociological spectrum between individualistic cultures and socially-based cultures and how people clash over how they were brought up. Well, you two are clashing over being on different places on the spectrum of beliefs on the morality of sex work. Neither of you is wrong and neither of you has to be.

You feel hurt and that's valid. He is probably ignorant of how that made you feel and while it's insensitive of him and hurtful, he is under no more obligation to make you feel better than you are to make him feel better.

You're doing the right thing recognizing your feelings; it must suck to feel you have a price tag on your back or that someone would think of you as product to be bought or sold.

I wish you the best. <3

[Smegskull]

No. Because to most of us sex is just masturbating but with 3D interactive porn. It's a pragmatic approach, women attach emotions to sex all the time and it just makes them sad, in light of that why would men start attaching emotions to sex? (We aren't that stupid).

[jimyee]

He was just looking for a sugar baby (not saying that he was in the right or okay to make that offer). Honestly if I was in that situation I don't know that i would have been able to turn it down.

[Aidelwaish]

I want money. It was tempting. The feeling of being humiliated is much more dominating for me. I just felt really sad.

I might accept his offer til i have no option left and i have such a difficult life. For example my mom has cancer or has an accident, i believe i would do it, though i will really cheap and sad.

I just can't believe what i experienced last weekend.

[jimyee]

6 grand for 6 days of travel with someone you obviously thought was attractive and had good conversation with doesn't sound so bad.

[Aidelwaish]

Yes doesn't sound so bad. In fact, if i was a robot, i was gonna deal with that.

Second, we never know if he is a psycho inside. We never know that he is gonna do something bad with me. Things will change. Situation is never predictable.

Everyone can gives such a nice first impression if he is good at acting.

[jimyee]

You don't know how it's going to go but people generally don't rape/murder someone with leaving a paper trail like that. It would be very obvious that you would be traveling with him (even if you didn't tell any friends or family) as he would be purchasing your plane ticket.

[englisc]

I find it shocking how so many guys defend prostitution as if it isn't fucked up. Maybe those losers do so because the only way they can get laid is to pay for it.

[howlyz]

I think you did the right thing because you can never know who this guy is and that is a pretty shady and straightforward offer, it could be genuine also but I don't know

[howlyz]

I mean it seems straightforward

[howlyz]

I wonder how that guy looked, did he looked attractive to you? why would he just offer that much money if he could simply ask if you will go with him "on private island! no less, this sounds like a pimp more, or a porn producer, more that than some bussiness guy

[partydelights]

Rich guy he is. Maybe he thinks money can buy all things, or love?

in my opinion, you did the right thing.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

I think it's terrible that a man wants to pay a woman money
in exchange for sex yes he is totally wrong.

[NoPoliticsPlease]

I think it is a fucked up immoral thing to do that but on the other hand you should take the money hell 6 grand that is great

[Aidelwaish]

Yes. Its fucked up. I feel like.. if i accepted that, i would made myself as a sex doll. 6grand is so huge for me. But when i accepted it, i feel weird and like i have no value. Sometimes I've been thinking about what has been happening to the dating world nowadays. Why many people become so weird, so emotionless ( i know guys quite avoid this kinda of stuff, i was hurt many times as well, but many guys are kinda paranoia with feeling stuff), i wanna say "immoral" but i will be judged, but some guys know what i really mean. Im confused with guys nowadays.

[Rangers]

There's so many whores in this world, far more than ever before. Thank you for keeping your self respect and not joining this disgusting trend. Forget about him