Girls why do you avoid talking to a handsome guy even after he introduces himself?

[Icedice]

So here’s my situation, I'm above average looking guy, or so I've been told that I'm very handsome indirectly and directly, sometimes overhearing in conversations around me in public. To paint a better picture of myself I was never the center of attention, I’m a quite dude but not shy, I’m not the type to do stupid sh*t just to become the center of attention, I tend to keep it to myself and crack jokes when I get a chance. Anyways now in college, one strange occurrence has started to happen when I find myself around girls, I notice that all hot/average looking girls try to avoid eye contact or any form of social interaction when I’m around, be it with group of guy friends, I become invisible as if their looking through me. For example I'd be grabbing a cup of coffee at a stand and a cute girl would come up to it, as a sign of good gesture I would pass here an empty cup looking directly at her, she would take it without making eye contact, mumbling "thank you" under her nose and walking away as if nothing happened. I get the same problem has happened with girls whom I socialized briefly before…they would quickly become friends with my “guy” friends and direct their entire attention to them, and as I would walk in to say “hey how’s it going” they would either look briefly my way and continue socializing with them, or give a muffled “hey” in response, without directing their conversation towards me. I get the same muted response when I see them on their own, I would walk past and greet them and receive a shallow response in return, as if they avoiding any form of social interaction like I’m some kind of freak. I’ve made some assumptions as to why this is happening, maybe they are intimidated because of the way I look, or they think I have a boring personality since I don’t entertain them like my friends do, but really I don’t have a single answer that would clearly pin point to one answer…maybe they think I’m gay because I’m too good looking for a straight guy lol… I really don’t know what to think by now it’s very strange, maybe someone can shine some light on it. Much appreciated

Updates

+1 y

So the conclusion I derived at is this: these girls show lack of interest in me because they don't want to come off too friendly and fall into the friends only category, ruining their shot at being my girlfriend. That is why they pretend to not notice me?

[Anonymous]

I'm older now, and it only gets worse as you age. When I was in high school and college, it was an absolute nightmare. I was so lonely, I can remember actually being at parties in a room full of people and my body would actually ache from the loneliness. So, what was my situation? I was handsome to the point of it being ridiculous--like catalog or magazine handsome (although I had no idea). If that wasn't bad enough, I have an IQ that, depending on which test you put your trust in, is somewhere between 133 to 150. So, when I could actually get a nice looking girl to talk to me, I'd open my mouth, and within 30 seconds she'd find some reason to run away and go talk to some scary looking gorilla.

I always smiled. I was always really nice. I was excruciatingly sensitive. And I was always, always, always lonely.

It got to the point where I used to play my guitar all the time alone in my room because I couldn't get a girlfriend. I played so much guitar that I got into a band that sort of turned me into a local rock star. And the loneliness got even worse. When I walked by, girls would actually turn away with their drinks. If I tried to start a conversation, they would stare at my as if I looked like strawberry yogurt with eyes, or some hideous thing. I would walk up to a table where some of the band guys were talking to girls... and the girls would immediately shut up and look away. I felt like some sort of freak... a creature. It got to the point where, during breaks, I would just work on my guitars so I didn't have to go through the agony of being ignored, stared "through" as if I weren't there, or receive what came to be known as "the look," that inimitable stare that just seemed to scream "Why are you talking to me, please go away!"

Years later, a really nice woman named Becky explained it to me. She told me that I was terrifying--I was too handsome, too smart, too talented. Girls didn't think that they had a chance with me, so they fled. I still don't really get it because I see myself as really just an ordinary guy. I really do. It took Becky to explain these things to me in a way that sort of made sense. I didn't see what she saw.

So, here I am at middle age. Alone and wondering what the hell happened. So, all you nice girls out there, when a really handsome, nice, smart guy walks up to you and starts a conversation... please smile at him as if he's not a creature that you're afraid of. I would hate for someone to end up like me: lonely, sad, and old.

[talias288]

Dude you spoke to my heart. I've been wanting just one decent friend male or female since I was 5. I was so lonely. Being a biracial Swede I never fit in anywhere. I'm saving myself for marriage. But everyone avoids me. I'm extremely outgoing, fun, friendly and loyal. I'm sensitive too, so learning that I was HSP helped. Sometimes I drown my sorrows in my piano playing.

[talias288]

Don't you hate the stares? LIke when I'm introducing myself or being friendly. I get that look from females too. The only people that aren't intimidated by me are parents, elderly or children.

[Googledude]

icedice, I forgot to add that subtlety is practically second nature to women. Men are simpler and more straight forward, don't expect this from at least 60% of the women out there.

Also Look out for Bitches. A bitch is another brand of **** (misnomer woman), degenerated woman, who only tries to get the attention of movie star looks guys to pump her own ego. In turn they'll treat you like sh*t, that's why you can't be a nice guy to properly get laid with that brand of ****, if you want them. They tend to also be extremely subtle.

Concieted, damaged goods women = A BITCH, tramp or gutter slut etc etc. Distinguishable in a split second by guys like me and boy do they upset when they find out that you've seen right through them and never fall for their little traps, HAHAHAH! All snakes in the grass. More dangerous than men.

This generation has made many bitches but we still can't generalize. Individuals are different. There will always be good and bad people alike. To explain this in a nutshell for now - all the way down to the science ;) I've done a lot of stuff, quite frankly do take it from me.

[bladeyblah]

A lot of guys who hit on me have some terrrrrible methods. I'm not too bad looking myself to be honest, and I say this in the least cockiest way, but a lot of times, guys who try to hit on me tend to be too pushy..or just overall creepy. I know a lot of girls who get really intimidated and are shy...but do you really want a shy/intimidated girl? Confidence is the sexiest thing. So if you say you're as good looking as you say you are and try to make the first move, you should definitely ask the girl's number if she can say more than 6 words to you...5 words might be pushin it. just joshin.

OR

you should totally force her to give you her number..or take it from her. just push her down and grab her phone. write down her number..maybe her mom's number too so you can call to confirm her hot daughter is not in the hospital. what I mean is, just ask for her number. a good way to break a girl out of her shell is to have a phone conversation. if you guys can chatter for a long period of time, she'll probably be less intimidated and voila! ask her on a date.

[Icedice]

Well give me the run down, check my profile photo, where do I stand on the scale from 1-10...I need an honest answer, you won't hurt my feelings...do I really look that intimidating? even making the first move I still have to work for the girls attention, like throwing logs into a dimming fire.

[budweiserlight222]

It's tough because as it's been mentioned: girls find really hot guys intimidating, and vice-versa. This is also because hot guys tend to be douches because they can get away with being an ass and still getting laid. I'm not saying this is your case, but it is for a lot of really good looking guys that I know.

You seem really nice though, and have genuine intentions, so I suggest finding any way to try and get into a good conversation with a girl. Random run-ins won't do it - it has to be full-blown conversations where she can see that you're smart and sweet and not just hot. That'll intimidate her more - but at least she's on her way to getting to know you better.

And the more you try to get her attention, the more she'll realize that you're into her for real.

[Icedice]

I guess the nice hot guy that you say I am are a dying breed then, when ever I talk to a girl I hold a level of respect towards her, and that level changes based on her positive/negative response back. One thing I never do is start hitting on the girl right away when I spark a conversation, I come off as neutral towards girls I talk to whom I'm not attracted to, and I guess this pisses them off because they realize they have no chance with me...and thus the revenge ignorance persist...

[Twincapersred]

I agree, girls need to know that you're more than a pretty face, and they might just think you're trying be nice and social. And if you are that intimidating physically then how about group dates or hangouts, small social gathering so there's no pressure. Or official dates. You need the girl to know you as a friend first.

[chimi]

Shame man jst believe in yourself hey and don't let shit people say of u stop u 4rm doin ur thing.jst take it as a complement if they scared of u its probably cse u so freaken gorgeous that they are scared of u jst do what I do and jst strike up a joke. U shd try ur hand at acting or even modelling with wateva job u doin 2 gain confidence like I did cse u get some people that because u look a certain way they assume u dumb, or arrogant or stuck up which is jst sad really.besides most guys that have treated me well have been really good lOokin anyway if they give u muffled tones instead of crawling back in ur shell maka joke of it and ask them what gibberish is that lol good luck

[Cyhhgg]

Can you post a literate version of this, please? Thank you. :)

[ElaN351]

Oh boy! So I am a girl! I personally don’t feel I am pretty enough in looks for a handsome guy to like me. I do think my personality might attract good looking people, but enough about me. I think you’ve been surrounded by people that have not taken the time to really get to know you. They’ve only seen the outside and concluded that your looks are more important and according to today’s society your looks make you an “unattainable guy” for us average looking people or you might be a jerk or conceited. It is also an immature way of looking at the world. I mentioned earlier about my own issues, I am one affected by this society where average looking girls cannot be with an above average looking guy but an average/below average looking guy can and should be with an above average looking girl, WHAT! Yeah is a common believe. I’ve heard many girls say, What is he doing with her? as if his looks make the guy too good for the girl he’s with. Bottom line: find the right people or the right people will find you😌 Aside from your looks you sound to have a nice personality and that will be what shines through. Looks fade away after getting to know someone. Be confident in what you are looking for in a partner or friends and forget about the rest! TC

[Googledude]

The girls responses on here are not entirely honest brother. I was in the exact same shoes as you. North American girls are particularly like this. If you were in Europe the tables would be turned - hot guys getting approached even, especially ones with substance. I've lived in canada and US, US is still better than canada in this regard. Canada for example, is just as you've described but to a far greater extent than the USA even! Focus on your studies and get out of college.

College girls are low standard women. North American women have a chip on the shoulder toward handsome and with substance men. A level of backwardness but not a big deal. It's their loss. My advice - don't be a nice guy but retain your attractiveness. Girls find nice guys forgettable but in your case it's just that they're simply full of sh*t - intimidated.

Some of the girls who posted on here are not entirely honest. Takes an exceptional woman to admit they're intimidated by handsome men with character. Women are also terrified of truth.

[cutebubble]

No that conclusion is probably not correct. One, they are probably shy. Its not a mind game. If you want to hit on them, try starting a conversation. So not just this non verbal gestures, actually just talk to them. They are not ignoring you, its just that if you were really interested in them, you would talk to them right? Girls need to know they are special. If you flirted with everyone, then they are not special. If you don't talk to them, they are not special. Get the idea here? it's not that they don't want to talk to you, they want special attention. It sounds like you've been acting friendly to many people or everybody, so that's never motivation for a girl to think about getting to know you, whether good lookin or not, especially with shy girls.

[talias288]

I definitely agree with that. Girls are really guarded and keep telling themselves he's just being polite.

[MissyO]

You must be really good looking, cause I know that I get really nervous, awkward and shy around hot men, who especially look right at me. I guess it is an intimidation thing. If I see a hot guy, I usually think, "he probably thinks I'm ugly, etc." just because you are good looking and I think I'm not at you're level.

[Icedice]

Ic it's the same system with guys, when we see a good looking girl we get nervous thinking she's out our league, and the girl is probably thinking the same vise versa, total mind fk.

[Anonymous]

are you sure it wasn't your mom or grandmother that you overheard talking about "how handsome a young lad you've become"?

[Icedice]

Lol I knew this would come up, again to each his own...didn't mean to sound arrogant at all, I'm just saying that I'm not a bad looking guy so in my case looks are not the root cause of the problem.

[Anonymous]

to keep the convo going...just keep asking open-ended questions and have them talk about themselves. make sure to smile and be friendly through the convo so they get comfortable with you

[Icedice]

I try to make the best of it, even with a level of personal social anxiety, another occurrence would be where they need help with something and I would come by and resolve it for them getting the same muffled "thankyou" no eye contact. The other time they have the same issue they would go up to one of my friends perfectly knowing I can help them just as well if not better, and get them to do it, sparking conversation in between...I guess my social skills with woman blows

[Opinion Owner]

you are being hard on your self...try this:

(1) spend some time reading through materials from david wygant and david deangelo and pick up the stuff you find useful for you in your interactions with women. I think you can be chivalrous and nice but also a bad boy at the same time. you are damn lucky though...you have one aspect most guys would kill for...which is really great looks

(2) don't solve a woman's problem...you are their to listen not solve. solve when she asks you to solve

[Icedice]

I've familiarized my self with the whole PUA culture, I've read material here and there, variouse books like the infamous "The Game"...and I'm slowly testing it out here and there, my biggest fault is that I'm not really that out going, with final years in college and start up business it's difficult to find time and motivation to hit a club and talk to a bunch of random people.

[Icedice]

Looks can kill as they say, I've had my share of time when random people started sh*t talking behind my back when their jealous girlfriend was eyeing me up, almost got me into fights...so it has it's negatives.

[Opinion Owner]

i actually like david wygant stuff since he talks about meeting women during everyday activities...shopping, eating out, classes, school, etc.

i am telling you...the college years are the best to find someone...you are in a age group that you want to hang out with and find someone really awesome...once you get out in the real world's workforce it gets tougher. make sure you facebook friend with every college girl you can now...since these girls will meet a lot of other girls you can meet l8r

[Icedice]

The PUA stuff comes with numerous effort and practice like anything else in life, I've studied the material but haven't given it a fare chance in the real world...and the times I did I felt really awkward like I'm acting a repetitive play. The girls in college whom show very little interest in me have all added me on FB, this is what gets me why add me when you don't socialize? and I don't want to come off as a creep with a random message to them saying "why do you ignore me"

[jacar288yahoocom]

Man I feel your pain I know how you feel they did the same thing to me.

[Anonymous]

They like u but they want you to show more interest.

[lolli]

Intimidation

[Icedice]

How would I go about in reducing my uber intimidation factor, I do the opening in the conversation, I try to be friendly enough, but it leads to nothing, the girls just shut down on me lol

[lolli]

Maybe approah her when she's with a friend.

[Icedice]

The thing is I'm not really attracted to her or her friends to strike up conversation every time I see them, in a case if I was I'd go out of my way to talk to her for sure...I'm a picky guy with high standards, which bites me back in the end I guess...do you think she senses that I show lack of interest in her and in return she and her "girlfriends" retaliate by purposely ignoring me?

[lolli]

Oh. Probably. I'd probably be the same if someone ignored me.most people can sense that. Or you can all just be friends and mention other girls you are interested in so they don't get the wrong idea. Ignoring each other isn't nice.

[lolli]

And when they get more used to you, they'll know you for more than just your hotness and be less intimidated.

[Icedice]

So if the group of girls are scared and intimidated towards me, and completely open with my friends with giving them hugs and kisses...where did I go wrong then, when I was there initially when we all met them, you see what I mean it's like they avoided me from the start without giving me a chance...

[Anonymous]

scared and nervous

[Icedice]

Can't be all of them, some girls are more confident than a guys...

[Opinion Owner]

mm I don't know. if I see a really cute guy and I think is potential boyfriend material I tend to ignore them because I'm scared/nervous to talk to them. Do guys do the same thing?

[Icedice]

Well if I see a good looking girl I give her eye contact and a slight smile, if she notices me she would hold it for a split second then look away and subconsciously start playing with her hair...thats when I get nervous ;(

[Opinion Owner]

hahahahah you read girls well.

[Icedice]

Funny how I'm still single at 21

[Opinion Owner]

im 18 and never had anything serious

[Icedice]

Well time is on your side then...mines ticking away rapidly 22 in a week fak