My boyfriend doesn't want to watch the birth?

Question

My boyfriend doesn't want to be in the delivery room when our baby is born.

I really want him to be there, but I don't know how to change his mind.

He says he doesn't want to see 'all the stuff that comes out with the baby.'

What can I do?

CindersFire · Accepted Answer

Well I guess it depends on why it was important to you. Because he likely doesn't want to be there cause he doesn't want to see you in extreme agony literally tearing yourself apart while being completely helpless and unable to ease your suffering. However if you really want him there my suggestion would be to sit him down look him in the eye and say something along the lines of, "look I know we have talked about the a lot so this is the last time I'll bring it up. I'm scared shirtless about having this baby I've heard horror stories and about complications other people have had and I'm terrified. And that's why I want you there. I don't give a damn if you watch our child come into the room. When the time comes all I want is for you to hold my hand and tell me everything is going to be okay, to tell me in beautiful, and that you love me. In fact I would prefer if you never broke eye contact with me. But I understand if you don't want to be there and I promise I'll try to not to bring it up again but I'd really love for you to be there to support me."

Boromir · Accepted Answer

I watched my babies being born. Tell him he's missing out a life-time. Tell him you give him the opportunity to become a man in stead of a boy by fathering kids. If he's man enough to put his dick inside you to make you pregnant he should also be man enough to see them being born to you.

NicolaD · Accepted Answer

Its a decision all men have to consider but being there isn’t as bad as he probably imagines. I just hope he doesn’t regret being there in years to come as there is only one opportunity to be there for the birth of that child. Too many men I know have said “I wished...” - sorry, you had the opportunity and you blew it! And all that doesn’t even scratch the surface of, to my mind, he should do it for your support too!!

Poppykate · Accepted Answer

I think that when the moment does come, and you are yelling at him to get his ass in there or else... he will man up because he loves you, and wants to support you. He is just scared.

nightdrot · Answer

As a guy who has gone through three births with my girlfriend - we've been together for over ten years and don't want to be married - all I can tell you is to pass this along to your boyfriend. He is making a huge mistake.

He will regret to his dying day not seeing his child being born. He is not wrong that it is not an artistic masterpiece - nature is not naturally elegant - but there is oddly nothing more beautiful and it has brought tears to my eyes each time.

First, there is the heroism - and no other word applies - as the woman you love gives you the most beautiful gift you will ever receive. My girlfriend was in labor for 12 hours with our first and yet, in the midst of all that - the pain and discomfort - she looked at me and she smiled and told me she loved me.

SHE LOVED ME!! What did I do to deserve that? How could I ever repay her for all the love she has shown me. There she was in pain and yet she told me she loved me. There has been, in my life, never been a moment that meant as much or that taught me what love was.

For all that I thought I knew about life and for all that I thought I had known loved, at that moment I realized what true love was and how it had been lucky enough to find me in this beautiful woman who was doing this for me. There will be nothing like it in his life and in that moment the messy side of birth won't matter a wit.

Then there is that moment when your child is born. He won't know why but when he sees this sqwaking, crying little bundle, and when they finally put it in his arms - mom does get first dibs on that - the only thing he'll be thinking is, "Hey little person, I don't even know you and already I know that I would throw myself in front of a bus to protect you."

This little person - this little gift born of the love that he shares with you - will be all that matters. The rest, I promise, he won't notice.

All I can offer to him is that he should not let pass a moment unlike any other in his life. He will wonder what he is doing and why he is there - and then in the next moment he'll wonder why he ever considered skipping out on it.

Tell him not to do something that he will never be able to undo. Even if you two have more children and he decides to be with you for the other births, there is nothing like that moment when the first child you fathered is born. There will be nothing like it and he would be - not to be too harsh - a fool to let that moment pass.

My children are now, 9,8 and 5 - boy, boy, girl - and they and my girlfriend are the whole center of my universe. As long as they are in my life, I know I can get through the worst things that life can throw my way. Your baby will be that for him, too. However, because he has not been there yet, he can't recognize it.

So tell him from the guy who has been there, it will change him as a man and he will be a better person if he is there to see his baby at that first moment. You can't force him if he does not want to be there, but he needs to know that he will never be able to un-ring the bell.

Skip that moment, and he will be a lesser man for it. Worse still, he'll never know how much less the man, nor will he know what he could have been.

PressOn · Answer

I was in the same spot as your boyfriend so many years ago. My wife wanted me in w/ her at our son's birth but I was uncomfortable w/ the idea. I can't stand when blood is spilt in relation to a bad accident, so I was excused from the expierence. But that wasn't the source of my dissent. It really amounted to such a vivid display of such personal & private matters concerning a female. Over our 24 years of marriage we have shared so much intimately that if such a situation was to happen now, I would insist to be with her. I think you need to reaffirm how much you want to share with him. You need to be vivid what he might experience & this is what couples share together. You need to look deep in his eyes & let him know it comes from your heart that you want to share such a personal thing with him.

spartan55 · Answer

Wtf is wrong with your bf?
I get not wanting to see the baby pop out with all the mess etc. But there is no reason he can't be in the room. It's not like you are giving birth in a janitor's closet, birth suites are typically very spacious and comfortable, so he wouldn't have to look when the birth actually started.
What about all the hours you could be in labor? He won't even be there for that. My ex was I was labor for 15 hours with our son. Our day started at 5am when she was induced. Junior decided to pop out at 8:15 pm.
Your boyfriend is being a selfish prick, I have no respect for guys like that.

nonratracereality · Answer

You have to suck it up because all of these qualities were present while you are together. You didn't push the buttons necessary to show that a person will be there on all counts not just the ones they want to deal with. This will manifest as time goes on because that initial moment when birth happens and they're not there will leave a serious mental emotional human spiritual void. Decide if this person is all you want and not what you think you want now. This us your life the more serious you are the more evident without incorporating excuses to make up for the insecurity incompetence or immaturity.

DamnSam · Answer

Nah... he had the balls to jizz in you which produced a new life, now he should have these balls and stay on the side of his girlfriend in these hard hours... if he does not, he is just a pussy
Plus, who will be there for the bonding if you can't in the first moments

I know what im talking about... I was there, close to nervous breakdown, needed little breaks to throw up and drink some water and did the bonding after my daugther arrived... and I slept lesser than 12 hours in the first entire week

But I need to say there could be another thing why he tries to refuse... there are entire generations where the father wasn't there, so they dont know how to act and often acting like their own father (being not there)... but our generations need to cross that line for a better life and a better world...

chimeara · Answer

It is both a beautiful experience and a very traumatic experience. If would be great if you two were on the same page but I think you aught to seek the help of a douala to help you in the absence of your boyfriend and just accept your boyfriends fears. He likely wants to still be there for you just that part is too much. Have him wait in the family room while momma does all the heavy lifting on this one.

MrConceptkitten · Answer

I can understand how he may feel woozy seeing something like that *If that is the reason* but sometimes you gotta man up for opportunities like this because they are special moments that you don’t get to experience too much in life.
It’s something that isn’t looked down upon by looking back in the past and replaying that great moment of seeing what you created.

Wonderer89 · Answer

He can just stay away from the business end? He doesn’t have to see anything if he stays near your head and holds your hand. My husband didn’t see anything except the gunky troll looking baby with the cord attached and that was it.
Given what you have to do it seems pretty weak to not come in and support you

Anonymous · Answer

Just prick a (clean) needle in his hand or somewhere on his body.

Ask him if I hurt.

And tell him that he's not going to feel the pain that you're going to feel during your delivery.
Tell him how you really want him to be there.

Tell him how much better it would feel and how much difference will it make if.. and only if he was there with you..

Tell him that if he doesn't to see the blood, then he can at least be there to caress you.

Tell him that you're mentally ready to go through it alone.

jasco · Answer

I dont think there is anything wrong with that and I zonf think u want ur boyfriend to get sick from seeing child birth it is quite disturbing to some plus I think he rather see the bady after wards so he can look at u smile instead of covered in blood

NineBreaker · Answer

Well, he needs to man up, and go in there. I understand why he feels the way he feels, but he needs to grow a proverbial pair.

Also, FYI, where he'd be standing, all he'll see is the baby being raised up by the doctor. That's it. No blood. No placenta. None of that stuff.

Nik1hil · Answer

Don't expect him to do something he isn't okay with..
He just might end up..
Not finding you sexual attractive anymore..
If he sees all that stuff..
He will be a good dad..
But he is not a doctor!..
Or is okay with such stuff that medical and human body

Evil_Chuck · Answer

Same experience. Saw video of woman giving birth, very gross, was NOT okay with it, and do not wish to see it again. I don't blame the guy at all. Difference is, I would have told the girl this back when we were still planning a child, and he should have said it then too. Many fathers in the past were traditionally not in the delivery room at all, and it didn't mean they loved their children any less.

TonyMetal_86 · Answer

Too bad, a man should be in the delivery room with his wife and doesn't need to look if he can't resist...

He is his wife's everything, he shall be there to support and make her strong, in the end he's the only person in the room whom she trusts with her life...

Also this baby is his baby too, without him, she wouldn'r be pregnant pr having this baby, so it's so beautiful and i'll never miss it...

Cause my wife and future baby will be my everything.

CaptainSmartass · Answer

It's ultimately his decision as to whether or not he wants to watch. Also, you don't want him to be throwing up at the sight of wall the stuff coming out. Let's face it, giving birth is kinda gross.

Your boyfriend needs to be strong so he can help you in the days immediately after the birth. All you can do is to let him wait outside and give you your privacy.

Simples...

nathanp97 · Answer

My dad ended up throwing up in the delivery room when my mom had my brother. Do you really want that in the room with you?

Farawlaa · Answer

If he doesn’t want to be there, he shouldn’t have to. Let him decide for himself, no matter how important this is to you.

You’re both going to have different memories, but his won’t be pleasant.

sassygirl13 · Answer

Some guys can't handle the seen and even passes out.  Try to convince him to be in the room maybe holding your hand but not directly looking might ease the idea.

princessfromjupiter · Answer

I mean isn’t there a curtain or something like that between your upper and lower half lol I think he could just stay around your upper half and it’d be fine?

Gavyn · Answer

Can you honestly blame him, though? As someone with 6 younger sisters, it's a REALLY gross process, even if it is the miracle of life

My boyfriend doesn't want to watch the birth?

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