Do men ever sit and think “damn I’m hurting her...”?

[Anonymous]

I really wonder this. Because I’ve been hurt and used and taken advantage of, etc way beyond way too much.

[Jaffacakemucher]

Yes men think what they are doing. But some just horrible people don't think of girl as much as they should and are selfish and just want to get laid. Find someone who will care for you no matter what. For example in terms of me I think im the opposite to the guys you are all describing I think I love too much. I'm still struggling to get over a really strong 6yr long crush. I used to be a coward so I didn't say anything to her I didn't know what to say she was just so amazing. Smart, beautiful, intelligent and amazing caring personality. She was in my tutor group and in some of my lessons at secondary school. Now I'm at the same college. I told her how I feel but she said she's got a boyfriend at the moment but she wants me to know she likes me. And I'm trying amd failing to get over her. I share the same lessons with her and even though I still love her it's still really hard for me to be around her as I I'm being near someone I can't be with and I'm a bit jealous of Ewan her boyfriend. Also I've been put in the same d of e group so I will be near her for four days like 16 or more hours a day for four days. Im trying to move on but I'm really struggling. Has anyone get any suggestions how you try and move on from a crush you can't be with but you will have to be neat because of college lessons and d of e and similar friendship group?

I'm really struggling any help would be amazing

[Asker]

How do I find a good man that will love me and accept me and appreciate me and all?

[Jaffacakemucher]

Try being really nice and have an open personality so a guy a can see what you are like. Try if you go out and you find yourself with guys you might like take a step back and stay quiet during the conversation if there's several other friends who can do the talking. And just obserb what he's like - like a teaser trailer
I think I've kinda answered the question you just asked. If not message me privately and We can carry on chatting.

[hellionthesagereborn]

Well, not the ones who do this. The problem is you, as your the one choosing the man so the question becomes why do you choose men that hurt you and clearly never consider what they do to you? I mean obviously their are men out their who consider what the consequences of their actions are, that should be a no brainer, just as we know their are men who do not. So why do you continue to choose the men who don't? What characteristic do they have that you find yourself falling for? Are you misunderstanding their arrogance and associating it with confidence (two very different things), are you seeing their selfishness as ambition? What characteristic did all of these guys have in common, because chances are that's the root of your problem.

[skeptical-kitten]

men honestly don't give two fucks about what goes on our minds. I've literally experienced this with my best friend (or ex best friend) and he literally told me that he won't change himself and that I need to adjust to him being like that (actually the fight was about the fact that he was spending too much time on games and consequently ignoring me on a daily basis and every time I texted I would get single word replies and he has NEVER asked me how was my day or shit) so yea he told me that he'll keep ignoring me like that and that I have to adjust to him being like that or leave.

so don't even for a second think that men actually think "damn what have I done to her..." cause they honestly don't.

[crazy8000]

Little.
Are you the same way when it is something you see as nothing for instance behaviors you do?

[MrOracle]

So, you expect someone to change for you, and then get upset when they don't? You are going to have a rough time in the world if you are expecting people to change who they are for you...

[skeptical-kitten]

I am not expecting him to change god damnit I'm just asking him to be like how he was a year ago. we both used to be inseparable and he's the best thing that has ever happened to me ever. and now suddenly just because of a game he's ready to throw me on the streets. what kind of a person ignores their friends and family and values a stupid brain rotting game more than anything in this world? he's gonna have a difficult time when he faces the outside world and you're gonna have to rethink your words to speak cause you don't know the story.

[little_bird1]

Of course. Then when their guilt becomes unbareble, they ghost you. Because it's easier then to change and become a better person.

[Asker]

Is that why he hasn’t been talking to me and he’s been ignoring me but he hasn’t blocked me?

[MittenstheGlove]

Yes and broke up with her as a consequence.

Let me tell you though: the onus is on you to find your own happiness.

Most decent men should take you into consideration and worry, but there is no guarantee the man you’re with will be decent.

The problem with relationships is emotion, while the aspect of exclusivity is logical. It doesn’t mean that you’ll make the most logical decisions while in a relationship as your actions will be predicated by emotions.

[NatashaJ]

I start to realize if you care for people this type of shit never will happen clearly the guys you are thinking about don't value you as a person probably think of you only a sex object for themselves. Don't dwell on those idiots I bet in the next couple of years they either single, alone or got divorced with kids and not cute like right now.

[DazedElite]

It depends for me at the beginning her happiness was all I could think about, and after a while due to outside circumstances I got depressed and in a rut and at that point all I could think about was not being good enough and not being able to be the guy she deserved and in doing this it made matter worse to the point we're she left, and I'm 31 so being young has nothing to do with it I put it down to circumstances and your ability to deal with said circumstances.

[crazy8000]

A funny thing is that people that get used usually let themselves get used and hurt.

Then you also have that it is relative what everyone sees as being hurt or used, little to many are little unrealistic about what makes them feel hurt or used. we also have those that doesn't see what they contribute with (hurts uses... ) and get hurt for all kind of nonsense.

[GuidoThePizzaMaker]

The narcissist only care about controlling you for his own ego

If he only thinks about using you. When you begin to cry or express your feelings, they see it as your utility dropping.

He probably get frustrated that you are hurt, because you are of less use to him

[Anonymous]

Depends on your relationship?
If it was someone you were in are relationship with then yes they would thing about how they’re hurting you (but usually won’t actually show it, some people a stubborn and don’t like to show emotions)
But if it was a guy you’re crushing on that’s hurt you then they probably don’t care that they hurt you.

[Thatsamazing]

Decent answer.

[fonduegirl]

yes, unless your exes have been sociopaths or narcissistic asses hopefully 2/3 of them are that way. I can tell cause one of my guy friend feels for his ex, he was really a dick to her, he regrets it. Humans can be assholes but their this nerve called guilt and regret.

[JohnAlaska43]

You haven't found the right guy.
Not all Men are like that. Unfortunately you found boys who only care about themselves.
Maybe change the type of guy your seeking. I've found to many superficial women in my life.

[Asker]

How do I find the right guy?

[JohnAlaska43]

Keep looking tell you do.

[JohnAlaska43]

Im still looking for Mrs. Right.

[up_64]

Do women ever think: gosh, I could've save all those young men lots of time and emotional suffering if I had said no instead of bearing around the bush and wasting there time.

[btbc92]

Sadly, not a lot. Because so many of them would have changed and done right by you. Rare to find humble men today.

[MrOracle]

It's not men's job to change themselves for women - it's women's job to choose men who are already the kind of men they want.

How would you feel if I told you that you needed to change things about you that are important to you? You'd be furious, or crushed, or indifferent. Why should it be different for men?

[btbc92]

It's not about anybody changing for anybody. It's about changing for yourself. If you know that you harmed another person why would you want to stay like how you are just in another person? I don't mind if somebody told me that I need to change for things that are important because I care and I love that person. I got to do what I got to do if I expect to have a relationship with them. I am not that selfish. I would not be upset because I know I need changes. And if what I'm doing is hurting another I have two have two choices. Either I change or I'm going to lose that person. What I'll get angry at is where I make the change and that person still unsatisfied.

[btbc92]

That's the difference between people like me and people like you. I have a love for others, while you have a love for only yourself and that's why relationships that you people have don't last. That's why marriages you get into don't survive because you're not willing to sacrifice yourself for another. You all about self. And if you won't give yourself in your whole self 100% you just going to have a failed relationship after failed relationship. Two selfish people won't work. A person that is selfish the person that isn't selfish it's just going to make the other miserable.

[btbc92]

Because think about it they will always be that one person who would do the job you refuse to do. And that person is who your partner is going to want to be with for the rest of your life. It while you're still stuck hopping from one person to another person trying to find somebody who's going to tolerate your BS. Now if you guys love that kind of Lifestyle then that's on you. But there are the mature people like me who just only seek one person for the rest of our lives. Relationships are not all about you is about the other person. And if you can't concern yourself with another person then you don't need to be in a relationship. Somebody else is going to get hurt because of that recklessness.

[MrOracle]

You're missing the point: either he's the kind of person (from the beginning) who cares about you and other people, or he isn't. If he is, then he's going to adjust and compromise. If he's not, he won't. Either way, you aren't going to change these fundamental things about that person.

You need to find a man who is ALREADY that kind of man, because if you're expecting a man to change who he is, then you are always going to be disappointed. But this is a super common mistake a lot of women make - even when people tell them from the start that it's not going to work out.

I see women who get with a guy who is emotionally distant - from Day 1 - and she needs an emotionally available guy, and she does everything she can to change him and in the end, he doesn't change, and she's surprised and hurt - and takes no responsibility for her initial decision to pursue him. The same thing with Bad Boys and trying to make them decent people - it never works.

The kind of men who would hurt you and not care are NOT the kind of men who are going to change for themselves either - because they DON'T CARE. You seem to expect that they should want or expect to change - I'm trying to tell you that they don't and won't, and you (and all women) need to learn this, and realize that, for your own sake, you need to learn to avoid trying to get into relationships with such men from the beginning, which means you need to invest time and effort in the beginning figuring out what kind of men they are BEFORE you get too attached to them and are still able to walk away. If you don't do that, then you're likely to end up in relationships with those kinds of men, and they're going to hurt you or disappoint you, and some of the fault will be yours.

You need to know what you need, and find it. If you live in a house at the end of a long, rutted dirt road, you don't buy a low-slung sportscar, because it will never make it to the house - and it's not the car's fault if you chose to buy it.

[MrOracle]

It's YOUR job to know that a sports car with 2" of ground clearance isn't going to make it to your house, and no matter how cool it is, no matter how good a deal you got on it, etc., it's not the right choice for you.

With men, you need to know what characteristics are vital to you and which ones are dealbreakers, and no matter how good he looks or how much you are attracted to him, if he's missing some vital characteristics or if he has a dealbreaker, you have to let him go and move on. Wasting time and energy trying to "fix" him is pointless and only going to hurt you. A Porsche 911 isn't going to turn into a 4x4 just because you need to get down your driveway, and a selfish man isn't going to become a giving, caring man just because that's what you need and deserve - it's your job NOT to choose a selfish man in the first place. Not because it isn't wrong to be selfish - it is - but because, right or wrong, he's not going to change.

[btbc92]

Look I say it like this. People need to get themselves together or they going to miss out on the best things in life. I have no time to be fooling around with a person who's not going to take life seriously. I'm not missing the point of anything. The point is simply this. Are the people change and do what they got to do so they can get themselves to a better place, or they can just stay there and they can just be by themselves their choice. I am not going to be dealing with the stress of a man who isn't going to take care of himself by doing what he has to do for himself it's not my job to change him. But I don't that accept him if I see things that I don't like either.

[btbc92]

You're telling me things I already personally know and that's why I'm not stressing myself over it. People at the end of the day or just very selfish. A healthy man changes. Unhealthy men are either fickle about it or they don't. At the end of day if you're not healthy you just going to wind up with the same problem.

[BeHappy1985]

[Syrian_survivor]

You didn't think twice before getting on with those guys, it's not really their fault you are hurt, they are shitty insensitive people yes, but you were too emotionally-driven to actually think about who you're throwing yourself at.

[NicolaD]

A lot of men do but in most barrels of apples there’s always a bad one

[samanderson1812]

Yes they do. But depends, if he gonna make it obvious that he is feeling sorry for it or not. Some people realized their mistake and say sorry and correct it, some don't

[devilman666]

Some men do. Some men don't. Some women are this way as well, I've been hurt by many women.

[devilman666]

This is because a guy was ignoring you? I meant women cheating on me.

Get over it? You're being kind of childish, imagine if you were ignoring a guy who you didn't like but who clearly liked you, and then he messaged you "I AM SO DONE WITH WOMEN!".

[mynesterion]

Yeah, why not. Of course it was always after the fact:)

[Sweatyotterr]

Sometimes women get butt hurt over the littlest things if thats the case then no

[Robertcw]

Yes. I have PTSD from one experience where I was manipulative and got what I wanted.

[anuragk033]

Yeah if regret too but hurting her is never my intentions

[chriscdi]

yes I've been to the point many times where i swallow my pride and take the L and let her win the argument so i dont hurt her

[Anonymous]

Um, no. Most are secretly gay, so they take their frustration out on women.

[sasukeuchiha7]

Most are not secretly gay. Men who are gay accept they are gay and the ones who aren't don't.

[Opinion Owner]

Sure sweetie.

[Thotkiana]

😂😂

[WhiZzz]

This answer should be on reddit, lmfao 😂

[Opinion Owner]

Why?

[WhiZzz]

Do you honestly think that most man are secretly gay? 😂
When I look at the man I see just a walking meat bag, nothing else

[Opinion Owner]

You don’t like meat?

[WhiZzz]

Maybe I'm vegan? 😂

[Opinion Owner]

You aren’t though. U love meat, and u think men are meat bags, so u love men. As expected.

[WhiZzz]

Who told you that I'm not vegan? Where are those facts coming from? 🤔 :D

[WhiZzz]

What is the reasoning and logic behind that tho? :D

[chris_987]

Lol she sound like the female version of me

[Opinion Owner]

I guess you’re enlightened too.

[chris_987]

There’s way more evidence that women are gayer than men though so I don’t see how can come to that conclusion

[taleswapper]

Yup. But the ones who do are the lest likely to hurt you.

[sasukeuchiha7]

The good men don't cause they aren't hurting women in the first place.
The messed up ones may or may not think this.

[Cristian97]

I don’t take advantage of women that’s so messed up that guys take advantage of you

[Asker]

Yeah it’s really hurtful and sad and also maddening and depressing for me. How do I find a good man that will love me and accept me and appreciate me and all and not take advantage of me or hurt me or anything?

[Robertcw]

Problem is there is a tiny number of guys who are physically attractive and won’t take advantage of you.

They are the unicorns of men. Perhaps the ‘elite 5%’ of all men out there.

In men’s communities there’s this expression that 95% of all women ain’t shit. And 5% are unicorns. I think the same basic rule can go the other way — basically of all men out there, those that take care of their looks and won’t take advantage of you, they are 5%. And they’re probably not the ones getting laid all the time, they’re probably guys who turn down opportunities for drunken sex more times than they engage on consensual sober sex.

They do exist though.

[Asker]

How do I find them? That’s the question

[Robertcw]

Well, they make themselves hard to find by not going to social events with alcohol.

Their very nature makes them avoid such places. They probably do their homework in the library at night, and then sleep.

They go to class, surely.

They participate in hobbies they like an may try to find women at those hobbies. Things such as acro-yoga, pilates, hiking, skateboarding, surfing, maybe skiing (if not a raging alcoholic).

They might have smaller friend groups and not be popular at school because they don’t do the things guys do to gain status (which largely involves hurting women).

They will be at the gym working out like all the rest.

[Hayat_bir_savaştır]

this is a bit of your fault
you should be cautious and not trust them

[Snakeyes7]

When I was with my ex I actually thought this way too much

[crazy8000]

Maybe she was manipulating you to believe that. It's very common behavior.

[Snakeyes7]

No I don’t think so. It was definitely my own insecurities. She was my first major girlfriend and one of the very few nice women I know of so I made damn sure I wasn’t gonna lose her over something stupid that I have done.

[Lance1965]

Some do, some don't. It is a human thing, women are the same way. Some care while others don't.

[Stan_Control_]

I think i'm always gonna worry about her when i'm going to be in a relationship.

[WhoDatGuy]

Then that really says something about the men YOU CHOOSE

[PondyPand]

Most men don't hurt people on purpose in general.

[marciojerseyboy]

Men rarely think that for the same reasons as women

[Secret6620]

I'm sorry that happened 😔

[Asker]

I’m sooooooooo done with guys and dating

[Asker]

I feel like texting this guy that’s ignoring me “IM DONE WITH GUYS!!!”

[Secret6620]

You let it out girllllll 💖💗

[Miss_Savanna_Dry]

Nope... I don't think so..

[Miss_missy77]

like completely destroying everything, yea

[Celtero]

Other people can only hurt you if you let them.

[princessfromjupiter]

I genuinely doubt it..

[NerdInDenial]

Many do not because it’s about supply and demand.

[HereIbe]

So, what? Women never think anything like that.

[yeeeeeeeet]

Nope

[SpanishGuy12]

everyone does this
men and women

[Thatsamazing]

... Yawn.

[1828avaava1828]

some might

[Twenty2]

Wanna talk?

[Asker]

Yes please if we can

[Asker]

Please and thank you

[Twenty2]

Text me or follow me if you are level 1

[Asker]

I followed you

[Twenty2]

I texted you

[GoBlueSC4]

Wish they/we did

[yourfavperson]

hhaahahahaahahah

[hanzohasashi]

Always