Do guys care if they hurt women's feelings?

[Anonymous]

Whether it's girlfriends, friends, acquaintances, coworkers... etc.

A dude at my work that I thought was single, I thought was fair game to flirt with and maybe some day we become a thing. He went along with my flirting and at first he was blushing and doing nice things for me. Then he goes off all cold later as months go by. I find out through IG by opening his stories, that he does have a long term girlfriend. Had I not open the stories I wouldn't have known. He then knew I saw that. Then he looked guilty when I saw him the next day, but didn't directly say anything to me or apologize. I followed advice from reddit to just confess just so he can be flattered. Sure enough, he was... but after I just felt dirty instead of relieved. The worst part aside from me feeling hurt, is the girlfriend has no idea... and i think they are a long distance relationship. Sure he never actively cheated on her... but still it just feels weird to me to be in this position. Almost like he cared more about validation than about the feelings and thoughts of us.

[Anonymous]

“Almost like he cared more about validation than about the feelings and thoughts of us.”

This just sounds like something women do all the time. 🤷‍♂️

I think you’re making more out of this than nothing.

Is this what young people do now, start going through someone’s Instagram and Snapchat to nose through their lives?

Oh no, he has a long term girlfriend (what does that even mean?) and she is “long distance.”

Well... Who knows what the status of their relationship is. He may be very unhappy in it and the long distance is not working for him. Maybe he was happy to meet a new girl and possibly find true love with someone who actually lives in the same city.

Women move from one relationship to another, having another guy waiting that they are already-kinda-sorta interested in all the time. Why can’t the same freedom be extended to men?

Or is he being ungentlemanly? Or is it that you want him to be as interested in you as you are him?

To be brutally honest I think you were excited and interested in this guy and overly romanticizing the idea of the two of you together (this is not an insult, we’ve all been infatuated with people or had a crush we were excepted about) but then you saw that he already sort of had a woman in his life, and then that somehow sullies your feelings about everything. Like it’s spoiling it. It’s not what you pictured or were hoping for.

If only you hadn’t checked out his Instagram.

Maybe he would have decided it was time to finally break up with long distance girl and actually find love near by.

[Asker]

Actually, we had added each other on IG Before I even thought of him in a different way. As we worked with each other for a year prior. I was seeing hints at first when i saw some stories but I wasn't sure. He viewed my stories as well (but i have no other guy in mine) by that time this guy would still say "sure I'll get something replace... for you" maybe he was flirting still or just teasing me at that point I don't know. A big deal out of nothing... it can be seen as nothing... but to me i was more upset that he would do this while his girlfriend was not around to see it. I only felt alittle upset about him being in a relationship, but already told him if he's in one I won't home wreck.

[Anonymous]

He's selfish, and selfish people only think of themselves. Your feelings won't have even registered to him. So when it doesn't even cross their minds, there isn't any opportunity to care.

[kinggeorge007]

Both of you have messed it up it seems. It's not that he wanted to hurt any of you or you wanted to hurt any of them. Just a mashup. The best thing to do is to avoid making further contact and if there were further contacts, make it clear that you didn't want to make anything complicated and apologise for asking out even after knowing that he has a girlfriend.

The worst thing that could happen is, that he leaves her girlfriend and comes to you. If you feel like he would do that, and if you don't want that to happen, immediately let him know it was a mistake.

[Asker]

I didn't ask him out at any point. I said we flirted with each other. But yes I do believe we messed up. I did tell him I wouldn't come between the two. A part of me wishes he apologized, but i know he wouldn't cause he didn't think it was a serious offense.

[SimpleGuy95]

Yes but it depends on which women and how close they are. The closer a woman is the more we care. He might feel bad as well that's why he went cold after some time. I wouldn't assume that he's gonna see a need to apologise because he can tell himself that there he didn't do something wrong the whole situation just went wrong.

[spartan55]

That's why you find out up front if a romantic interest is in a relationship... it's pretty basic stuff. Blame yourself for not performing your due diligence first. Of course it's easier to blame the guy... smh

[Asker]

Okay well i'm still young and still learning. What do i say or ask him if i were still in the middle of it?

But don't you think its odd that he would still try to be flirty even after he showed some ambiguous hints on social media? I didn't try to get more flirty myself after being confused of what was going on.

[spartan55]

Guys don't typically do ambiguous hints so I don't know what you mean. Find it odd that he is still trying to get in your pants? Uh... no? He's a cheating shit bag, that's what they do.

[Asker]

Alright. Yeah its hard to explain the whole story through text so I'll just leave it at that.

But please, what should i have done or said? I was never in a situation like this before.

[spartan55]

Just told him you didn't appreciate him acting shady pretending he was single. Leave it at that.
It's never a good idea to get involved with coworkers, or bosses. ALWAYS check on your own if they are married, because they WILL lie about it.

[Asker]

I did say that though. We don't flirt anymore (its been a couple months since i said i won't home wreck), but the situation just mind fucked me so i decided to share here.

I wanted to ask directly "do you have a girlfriend, cause I like that we get along so well and would like to explore that further" but I was too afraid that it would make interaction as coworkers awkward. Looking back i probably should have just said it that way. I'd still feel embarrassed, but things wouldn't have gotten so messy.

[spartan55]

It surely would have made it less awkward.

[ArtemisSilver]

Ah, monkey branching. Usually it's women who do this.

Some people just flirt for fun too.

In any case it doesn't sound like much came of it anyways.

[Asker]

What is monkey branching?

[ArtemisSilver]

hackspirit.com/.../

[mark000h]

It's women who dgaf about men's feelings at all. Kinda hard to feel bad for it happening to a woman.

[Asker]

Okay

[TrillXHippy]

I know that I would never flirt with someone if I was in a relationship or if I was talking to someone seriously

[Anonymous]

It really depends on the relation to me. No, I NEVER want to hurt anyone's feelings. But some it's inevitable and some it's just unavoidable karma.

[crmoore]

Some do, some don't. I'd imagine most men do.

[FunkyMonkee]

Well, I guess turnabout's fair play.

[Asker]

What do you mean?

[FunkyMonkee]

Women hurt men's feelings, too.

[In_Trance]

Some do some don't