Let’s say you’re talking to a girl, how long do you need to start to feel something? Also, what’s your limit, like, if it doesn’t work out by x amount of time, you give up, what’s that amount of time?
Most guys, most of the time, will know he has feelings for a girl from his first significant interaction with her. That doesn't mean just seeing her in a room or walking down the street necessarily, but even just spending some time around her and watching/listening to her interact with other people can be enough. This also means that if these feelings aren't there from the beginning, then they're probably never going to come. For guys, you either know right away that you have feelings for her, or you never will.
This is very different from women, who often develop feelings for a guy over time. Several of my female friends, including my buddy's wife, did not like their man when they first met, but over time, they grew attracted to them. The guys knew they liked the girl almost instantly.
Obviously a guy can like a girl at first, and then get turned off from her after he learns more about her - maybe he doesn't like her personality, values, or habits, or maybe he just finds a major incompatibility about her - but it rarely works the other direction, meaning guys rarely grow feelings for a girl over time. For guy, those feelings are there from the start, or they aren't.
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Asker
+1 y
Thank you:) how do i know he has feelings tho? Or if he sees me just as a friend? Let’s say, we‘ve known each other when we were kids but he moved far away and we found each other years later on social media and we’ve been talking but sometimes I feel like he’s just playing but other times he’s really nice. Obviously nothing serious could happen because of the distance but how do I know if he sees me as just a friend?
If nothing can happen because of the distance, then LEAVE IT ALONE. Just assume you are just friends and don't hope or try for anything more - what would be the point? ALWAYS DATE LOCAL!
It is not easy to answer because some girls are way more open with their feelings than others. I am actually fed up with the mind games, trying to figure it out if she likes me or not. Perhaps it is the age, but as soon as it happens, I want to: a) tell the woman to just say what she wants from me; b) avoid her.
From the male perspective, I recommend you to be more direct and just say that you like him. All those "signs" like "look at me I'm blinking in a certain way while playing with my hair locks and smiling, therefore you must automatically know I like you" are not always true. Men dislike complicated situations, so the clearer you are, the better as he will know what you want, and will tell you what he wants. It easier and leads to less wasted time on the guessing game.
Usually if I like someone, I tell them pretty much directly. If they like me, it leads to something. If they do not, then no biggie and I can focus on doing something else. I also do that because I know some women think that we can read their minds, but unfortunately we cannot.
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+1 y
Thank you for your answer, I really appreciate it:) what would you say if we’ve been talking for years but we live on different continents, therefore it’s completely hopeless but we still sometimes talk? There’s no point in him confessing since anything more serious is impossible, but he also might have nothing to confess. How do I know if he is just bored or actually into it?
You are most welcome! 😊 Ah, I've been in situations like yours and I think it would not hurt if you just told him the truth. Not only have you known each other for a long time, but we live in an increasingly interconnected world, so there is a good chance he will tell you that he has the same feelings for you, and you can meet somewhere in between.
I think you should explain your feelings to him, but make it clear that you and him can still continue being friends if he does not feel the same about you. The fact that you are far away from each other should actually soften the blow. Actually, I went to another country to meet with my former girlfriend because our initially just friendly and occasional conversation turned into more frequent chats and then one day she just told me after how she liked me. As I felt the same about her, we just agreed to meet in real life. Mind you, the reason why we are no longer together is not related to the fact that we lived in different countries, but due to something else. But that's a different topic. 😅
ok I know I’m not a guy but they catch feels REAL EASY sometimes. i’ve been told sometimes that i’m attractive and have a “flirty” personality, but i’ll just be having a conversation with a guy, we will go our separate ways and then he’ll come back and be super clingy. I really do think it depends on the guy and the girl however.
Okay, just to clarify. It's not the same for men as it is for women. Women will get an emotional reaction during the early stages of relationship long before the man does. As I have explained in previous topics men do have emotions yes oh, it's just that we have two dominant emotions called hungry and horny that seemed to override the rest 90% of the time. it is actually pretty common for a guy to want to f*** you before they develop feelings for you. When a guy does develop feelings it is usually after a strong physical attachment, AKA sex, that will release endorphins into the brain, and trigger the emotional response. The only other way that you're going to get a guy to become emotionally attached to you is a very long process and will usually take about ten or more years or so. During that time you would have needed to demonstrate, and prove to various situations, some of them even may be life-threatening, that you got his back no matter what! Like I said guys are pretty dense. We won't pick up on that stuff right away. However we will notice it over a prolonged. Of time, and it will cause us to think back uncertain situations, with similar results or outcomes. Completely your choice about how you want to go about doing this. However just as a FYI you will not accomplish it by simply just having a conversation with him.
In my experience both personaly and observed men are far more emotional than women, we can afford to be fanciful and romantic, women have the serious business of considering children to deal with and that makes them pragmatic.
There’s actually been a study about it and they proved that if you have sex too soon, the man looses interest and the woman falls in love because they need different kinds of chemicals to fall in love and that activates/deactivated them. So based on that and previous experiences I don’t think that a guy usually catches feelings after having sex. Thats exactly why they ghost right after, usually.
Most guys will actually fall in love in first sight or as soon as you start talking it won't be more than a day.
Now I'm not gonna generalize anymore this is just me
So basically if I like a girl and I will start flirting for a couple of times (depends on how much we see each other) if I feel like she isn't not interested or she doesn't care I'll stop after that and move over, I tend to get bored easily.
However, if that girl has an amazing personality that really got me invested in her then I'd go ask her out after dropping a few hints here and there.
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4 Reply
Asker
+1 y
What about a really long time, like, a few years? But there’s a major obstacle that wouldn’t allow something serious so you don’t even bother to do something serious but you still casually talk? What about that? Could that be just playing?
If it was me I think I won't be invested after that long time if let's say I couldn't ask for some reason, and I've hinted or tried to flirt and she ignores then I'd have 100% moved on already. However, thats by any means a general standard, my best friend had guy that had. Crush on her for three years, can you even believe that 3 YEARS and he told her in the mid of the forth year, but he used to do sooooooo much for her and she kinda felt like he is interested but she didn't really like him. He used to buy expensive stuff on her birthday also was always around her, so yeah he cared a lot and after 3.5 years he confessed his love to her and I think she rejected him.
I guess it depends on the guys past and how he relates to that in his own mind. Some people builds walls to keep you out. Eventually they move on, some sooner than later. This and a whole lot of other things can stand in his way before he lets himself feel.
Sometimes we feel right away and either build it up from there or it fades. But I think feelings can appear a long time after meeting someone, don't think there is a limit to that.
How long does it take to give up? - depends on how bad you want someone and if there are other 'candidates'. If real bad I could wait years. Guessing up to 2-5yrs. But I am a patient guy. I can't speak for people that regularly hook up or switch partners every other year, I am not that kind of guy. I am a loner.
It depends but I would say that I have been able to draw some general conclusions about this based on my own experience and also observations of other people's experience.
1. As a rule , I would say that younger men with less experience tend to fall in love easily. With age comes experience and with experience the heart becomes more callous.
2. Men with limited social contacts tend to fall in love more easily.
In both cases the man meets some cute girl , starts talking to her and then one day he realizes that he is getting feelings for her. But she does not feel anything for him. She sees him only as a friend.
I personally have always been quick to catch feels for those who i relate to, who relate to me intellectually and emotionally, and those who accept me despite my flaws. As for a time table, i have none. If i let the feelings grow freely, it would last forever. Generally the moment i notice a crush developing, i stab it with a sharp object until it goes away. Why? If i dont, that little crush would erupt into aomething much more difficult to contain. :3
I have had always feelings to girls I have been together with, immediately after one or two dates. I feel euphoria and happiness if I like her and she likes me. Most my thoughts is about her. After some time the euphoria disappears. Sometimes the happiness continues, sometimes it turns into negative feelings.
I believe it depends on each person, no matter the gender and their other half, but it obviously doesn't happen fast nowadays on either. If there's chemistry it can happen with hours/days, otherwise a long friendship can turn to a love interest even years later. I tend to give myself to a relationship, mean it and not just do it and see later, so I guess I personally fall in love quickly.
It's pretty easy for me. As for a timeline is if I find out that she has a boyfriend, or romantic interest. If not then I'll continue to be her friend for the foreseeable future. If I get a hint that she likes me back then I'll start to see about a romantic relationship.
Personally, compared to most guys, I take a super long time to catch feelings. It takes AT MINIMUM a playful glare before I start to have feelings for you. If you actually speak to me with any sort of intelligence, sarcasm, or humor; I've already began to plot
Dude.. This is why men are being trashed more & more... Because we say things that make the ladies lose hope in us. Read you wrote, and ask yourself if that's a "Natural/Instinctive" thought you have toward this? Be AUTHENTIC and do so by not putting artificial limitations or thresholds that you predestine the outcome and an artificial reaction cause everyone else's timelines aren't the same as maybe your owns
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
+1 y
Most guys have the ability to compartmentalise feelings when it comes to women. It may seem near psychopathic to the female sex. But it's true.
It's also has shades of the vampire mythos (best typified by Buffy/Angel) where once the guy/vamp gets what he wants, he loses all interest in pursuing the girl or having feelings for her.
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
+1 y
Like with women, it depends on the guy (we're all different), and depends on the specific woman/relationship. It varies and isn't always the same. But can guys sometimes, with certain women, catch feelings easily... absolutely! We aren't any different than you women. We are all human beings. But, guys may not let it show as much as women do sometimes either. We are taught by society to hide most of our feelings. If you show them, you are "weak" etc
Usually a guys timetable isn't allotted for the next true love and romance it has been figured out on a schedule formatted for maybe one of the lady's of the oldest profession. That could be a new York minute or maybe two
Guys get attracted real fast if they think you like the you dont even have to look that good. Guys will literally stay in the friendzone for years if they think you're worth it
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
There's no fixed limit. If you're trying to work with numbers then you're being retarded.
It depends on the girl and everything else that going on, so it *wholly inappropriate* to be setting limits based on nothing. I've had girls that have had be smitten after a couple hours of conversation and I've had girls that I've floated around for months before noticing them.
"if it doesn’t work out by x amount of time, you give up" This is not a thing, *do not* do this.
I sometimes have caught feelings right away. Other times, it takes a little bit of time, occasionally, a lot more time. I have no limit, just what seems to work in the situation.
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