How to deal with a girl that has a lot of pride/independence?

[Anonymous]

I've started dating a girl that has been cheated on before. Her ex broke her heart, and she swears she's over him but she keeps bringing him up every once in a while. She prides herself on being independent. She keeps very busy, working 25 hours a week and taking 20 hours of classes a week.

She's told me how she's always been alone for Valentine's and didn't really mind it. She won't call or text me first, as if to say "I don't really need you, I'm an independent woman and if you want to spend time with me you contact me and I'll make room for you".

All that ambition and strength of character kind of turns me on (lol), but at the same time it hurts that she doesn't open up to me and depend on me in even the tiniest way. Sometimes I feel like I'm weak, wishing we would talk more or see each other more.

Don't get me wrong, the times we do see each other she melts in my arms and sometimes even gets nervous and I can tell she really likes me, but her strong pride would have her lose me before calling or texting me showing me that she needs me.

How can I make her open up to me more and in a way "admit" that she wants me and sometimes even needs me?

Updates

+1 y

Taking things slow is good then right? She gets nervous when we get physical/intimate..for example she got tense when we cuddled, and she's dodged my face when I tried to kiss her. If I don't let it bother me and take things slow, it will build trust ya?

[CMeow]

Part of her behavior is because she is nervous to begin to need you and depend on you for emotional support. She has been hurt before and it is easy to avoid being hurt again if you dont let yourself become invested. Even though her emotions are already there, preventing you from filling that role offers some protection from them beint hurt too badly. Once she realizes you want to be there for her long term and do not have eyes for other women she will gradually open up. That aside, I think there is a secondary factor to this which is that women are put under the impression that clingy or needy women are a turn off. Sometimes there is a fear that by opening up or being the first to text, we are acting against what the guy wants or showing too much neediness too soon and will scare him off. Maybe subtly suggest how youd like to hear from her more and she might be more comfortable... or text her about more mundane topics throughout the day more often to show you are veey open to frequent contsct, no matter how signficant

[Elizabeth_20]

I understand why she is the way she is.

She's been hurt, that takes a while to recover from, you can see that in the way she likes working all the time, to have something to do.

She's afraid of getting close to someone because she doesn't want to get hurt.

Ever heard the quote ''Love is giving someone the power to destroy you and trusting them not to''?

She's only scared, treat her well and with time you see how she becomes more and more open, until you're the only guy her thought revolve around with.

You're helping her, really, and she likes you from what I've read, so just wait a little longer and you'll see how she comes around :)

[Michaelarredondo]

She probably been hurt way to much times and isn’t sure if you will do the same as the other guys, show her how important to she is to you, bring her a rose or something she likes every time you see her, write small paragraphs about how much she means to you, she will start trusting that you are different from the other guys as long as you make the effort to be the change she needs, don’t ever turn your back on her and don’t try rushing anything, somethings just take time and just trust that it will all fall into place when it’s the right time, Get to know her a lot more and be her friend not just her boy friend, let her know that it’s safe to talk to you and she doesn’t always have to keep her guard up around you

[NerdInDenial]

Just be patient. The fact that she's dating means she's opened up. She doesn't trust guys because of what her ex did to her. She doesn't want to be vulnerable again; thus, she's not going to call you or contact you. She's trying to protect herself by demonstrating her strength. Let her wear the "pants" for a while. Eventually, you will gain her trust. Then, she'll be more open to you.

[Anonymous]

Wow you sound like a great guy and i wish i had a guy who was concerned about me just as you are about her! You restored my faith in men, wow wow wow!

Just take it slow and shower her with attention, show her you want her.
She has that steong woman shell build up so a steong and loving guy like you will come along and break those walls wirh sincere love.

Dont give up on her. You will need patience but it will be worth it cause that kind of girl will love you, and only you.

Good luck!

[shimmeryns]

As long as she's responding positively to every contact you made then thats alright. You probably have no idea how much she thinks of you while working and doing her classes. Dont expect her to just tell that to you because you need to prove yourself first if you really into her.

[princessfromjupiter]

Sounds like me.
I think you just need to make A LOT of effort to prove to her how truly committed you are before she will open up.
And honestly, I don't think she'll ever admit that she needs you because she probably doesn't. But she certainly wants you and that should mean much more to you anyways.

[bamesjond0069]

Who gives af if she messages you first. Be a man. When you act like a man she will feel safe when she feels safe she will depend on you.

[Lovelygirl420]

She seems like a lesbian