Do shy guys like/prefer being pursued? Please help!

[starangel248]

Background:

I'm in love with my guy friend, who happens to fall on the super shy side. It's so bad that all hanging out idea originating from him was through text or he used my best friend as a messenger. All signs point to that he likes me a lot, but he never EVER makes a move.

Recently, he is pretty busy at work, so I called him twice over 3 days which went to voicemail. I didn't really have anything urgent so I just left a "sayin hi" message and that went unresponded...I feel slightly stalkerish at this point. I'm seeing him in a week...should I just make a move or what? I love him but seriously, he's being super reluctant in making a move...

Thanks

Updates

+1 y

So I told him. All things pointed to that he likes me too, what with him planning all those cool stuff to do together on weekend together and us holding hands while taking a long walk in the city. He took me out to nice places for dinner (he paid), and was looking up tickets to go see this game I really like (I'm a bit of a sports nut). I took his hand first, then later he actually took my hand so if that's not "I like you" I have no idea what is.

Updates

+1 y

But he just said, "thank you, I'm really flattered." I have no idea what that means. He's also one of those super awkward shy guy and hasn't had a girlfriend in a really long time. I'm trying to figure out what's going on here. My theories include him just freezing up and that was the first thing that came out of his mouth, and he doesn't want to rush things. He's also very busy at work, so that could be a factor...also we're very good friends so he may not want to mess things up.

Updates

+1 y

So I ended up telling him that I'm not looking for a hanging out 24-7 relationship, that I want him to succeed in what he loves doing and I support him 100%, and that I'll be his friend at the very least no matter what his feelings are for me. argh...seriously, I thought girls are the more complicated ones.

[DaveMicharl69]

LOL Not all guys are complicated. I'm shy too, N I used to be as bad as him but I've come a long way. I don' t know if I'd prefer it exactly, but I sure wouldn't mind. I had one girl ask me out, N at a time when I had lost contact with all friends N couldn't get the time of day. She was REALLY wide in the hips, but she had a pretty face, and it meant SOOOOO much to me that someone WANTED to go out with me that at that moment, I thought she was the most beautiful girl on earth! LOL (Not laughing at the girl, just me own raection) And I do think he either froze up or couldn't talk, but I also thinks he likes you N is interested, or he would have said, I'm flatterd but... Also, I'm positive he DOES NOT feel like you're stalking him. I wouldn't let this go yet. Something's telling me it'll work out...

[starangel248]

Thanks. Yeah, he was all smiles but the words that came out were so confusing! I'm now leaning towards the "he froze" theory. I sent him an email telling him that he was very confusing & that I wanted something less confusing of an answer, but I didn't set any deadline, so...I'm guessing he'll come around eventually. In the meantime I'm just gonna talk to him just like it was before. :) I know he's very busy at work & I support him so I don't wanna be one of those drama queens :p

[Joe814]

Our differences make us complicated to each other, most shy guys or reserved or whatever are usually in need of a girl to pursue a little to get them out of their shells. This is different with each because you might fall in love with a video-gamer who has no social skills if the TV is not on then they will shoosh you, right?

[starangel248]

True. I wouldn't call my guy a video gamer with no social skills, although he does have his awkward-as-hell moments. :)

[Anonymous]

He's just not that into you, if a guy likes you he will pursue you no matter how shy, guys are simple creatures and they express what they want no matter what..sorry if that's a bit harsh but I am a mother of 4 teenage boys so I kinda know a thing or two.

[starangel248]

Well...I've never met those guys, to be honest. They really don't express what they want at all. I guess it's just different type of guys and/or the guys I'm talking about has long left the teenager stage.

[Opinion Owner]

Hahaha then he should really be able to let you know what he wants but I'm telling you girls make guys seem more complicated than they are..we're the complicated ones we're the ones that over analyze EVERYTHING guys don't it's not in their nature..but I don't know maybe you're the exception

[defytraditiongirl]

bullsh*t

[Opinion Owner]

Well I don't know maybe the guys your around are pussies but my husband chased me sh*t I did not have to run after him ha ha girls start surrounding yourself with real men lol

[starangel248]

Ok can we stop with the fight? Just because a guy doesn't go around chasing girls doesn't make them any less of a man. Every man is different, so it's okay that some guys aren't into pursuing girls. That doesn't make them pussies or whatever disrespectful name you want to call them. Your husband pursued you like crazy, good for you. I'd like it if you didn't start calling names and putting people down. It's not a respectful thing to do. Please take that somewhere else.

[Opinion Owner]

My whole problem is chicks can never fathom the possibility that maybe that boy just isn't into you. I have chased many guys in my day and it was not fun or worth it..why? Because they didn't like me so I made myself look hella desperate for a guys attention I'm not saying what I say to be mean I'm just keeping it real, if a guy is not giving back what you put in (say it with me now) HE DOES NOT LIKE YOU! God theirs books on these things,girls get over yourselves and realize not every guy likes u

[starangel248]

If a guy isn't into me, whatever. I have loads of guy friends and I am pretty sure that most of them don't view me as girlfriend material, so really, I don't care. I was just putting the question out there to see what other people think, because that's what this site is all about. So I see your point, and I appreciate that you took time to answer. I just wish you didn't go around repeating yourself over and over just because people didn't agree with you.

[Anonymous]

I think so. All of my first exs used to be shy and I pursued them and ended up dating them. Sometimes it's not that they're shy sometimes it's actualy disinterest. Find out which before you pursue. Good luck!

[starangel248]

Thanks :)

[Opinion Owner]

Yw

[sarah-a180]

Yeah, if you wait for your shy guy friend to make a move, you probably will be old and wrinkly by the time he gets the hint. Some guys you just have to make the first move.

[starangel248]

Thanks. We live a bit far so next week I'm finally visiting his town because I'm moving there. He's suggested we hang out and go see a movie so I'd take that as a date...and there were many many other signs that he likes me. I've been dropping hints here and there but I think he needs more super obvious ones... sigh

[sarah-a180]

Yeah the problem isn't that he doesn't like you. It's that he's shy and doesn't really know how to approach women. I have to disagree with the anonymous girl above. I've totally met guys who will sit there and pine away for a female friend for years and never do anything about it.

It's a combination of them being scared, insecure, low in self esteem, and just not knowing what to do. If you really like him, I think you should just kiss him. Or do the lean in really close thing so it's obvious.

[starangel248]

Yeah, he has girl friends, but not girlfriends, if you know what I mean...So I agree that he's pretty clueless on how to approach women. Somehow I tend to scare away guys (I don't bite! argh) so I have never been asked out in my life...I always end up making the first move. I've been thinking about the kiss thing, actually. Thanks :)

[sarah-a180]

Good luck! I hope it turns out well.

I've dated a guy like that before, and so I can kinda tell you what to (maybe) expect. At first he's going to seem like the best boyfriend you ever had. He's going to tell you he loves you, really listen when you talk, and be totally attentive and caring. You won't ever fight. He will probably do anything you ask and with a smile on his face.

Don't let him be this way. You'll need to teach him to be assertive.

[sarah-a180]

If he puts your needs above his own all the time, he will end up a bland, clingy guy who has nothing to offer you. He won't have any opinions or ideas of his own, and you'll get totally bored and annoyed with him, then you'll have a sad & painful break up.

I'm not trying to scare you, just tell you how these relationships can sometimes go so you can avoid it with him! You need to help him not be shy about his feelings. If he never gets mad at you, that's a problem.

[sarah-a180]

But if you can help him be honest with himself and you and show his true feelings, he can turn out to be a great guy.

And maybe this is just my experience and I feel like it's kinda a pattern I've heard from other girls. I don't think at all that it's inevitable though.

Help him find a voice where he can speak up for himself, and it will all be great :)

[starangel248]

Thank you so much! Somehow all guys I've dated fall in the "couldn't make moves" category. I'm actually serious about this one so I don't want to screw things up. However, I know he gets girls' attention a lot, being this nice, cute and smart guy, so I don't want to lose a chance (thus me thinking about just making a move). So far (at least from fb) it looks like he's toned down hanging out with his girl friends since we started talking a lot. Thanks again for your help :)

[Reggie1]

I think it helps to approach a guy if he's gunshy. However unsubtle you are, it may not mean he sees that you're interested in him, and he may expect you to say "no" if he tried.

[starangel248]

Thanks. Yeah, I'm pretty unsubtle at this point, with sending texts and messages almost everyday. So I'd think he'd take a hint by now, but then he's super shy. So much so that I seriously thought he was not interested in me for a good while so I stopped contacting him. Then he started contacting me so I realized he was just ridiculously shy...

[CVader]

Just go for it, while he may be shy and may be a bit slow to respond I'm sure he'd return the feelings if approached.

[starangel248]

Thanks :) I've known him for about 4-5 years, and he's been there through thick and thin so I know the feeling's there. Just that he sucks at small talk and making a move...haha I'll probably just go for it :)

[me_just_me]

All guys like being pursued. Period. ( OK I'm sure there are a few out there who don't but it's very rare)

[starangel248]

That's pretty good to know :) Thanks!

[Anonymous]

I'm sick and tired of all the bullsh*t that people say that "if a guy does not initiate, does not ask a girl out or do the chasing, he is not really into the girl"

[starangel248]

Thanks, I absolutely agree with you. This guy I'm talking about is by far the most clueless guy when it comes to girls; however, I know he likes me a lot from what he has done over 5 years span...then I told him I like him and he freaked out like crazy. sigh...

[Opinion Owner]

freaked out in a negative way? if so then he never was the right one for you

[starangel248]

freaked out in a very ambiguous way. he gave me a very vague answer and disappeared for a bit...no idea why

[Opinion Owner]

so he wasn't interested? well then he just wasn't the one for you

[starangel248]

No everything pointed to that he really likes me. Apparently he's one of those very clueless guys...and went "deer in headlights." Anyway, it's all in the update section...

[SemperFidelis]

it's not as complicated as you think. Men are simple. Personally I don't mind being pursued as it takes the load off me...

[starangel248]

Thanks...well...his response seemed pretty complicated to me... argh

[defytraditiongirl]

i'm sure anyone feels that way regardless of gender

[starangel248]

hehe I suppose that's true :)

[stillagoodgirl]

Confess your feelings and if he does nothing then move on

[skinnyriblover1]

By their very nature, shy guys won't pusue girls. Although not returning calls is a little different

[starangel248]

Thanks. Well, this guy is by far the most clueless guy I have ever known...somehow it's got into his head that he can't initiate contacts etc. argh...

[Anonymous]

Sometimes. I wish it would happen to me from some girl I felt the same about

[starangel248]

Thanks. We live a bit far away and I'm finally seeing him next week, because I'm moving to his town so I'm scoping out the place. He suggested we hang out and go see a movie...which sounds like a date (to me at least). He's not exactly my bro-friend, so I doubt he'd suggest all that unless he likes me. Anyway...I'm thinking about just breaking the touch barrier at the least... Any suggestions? lol..

[Opinion Owner]

Take interest in what he's saying. Smile at him and compliment him. You could even greet him with a little hug. I LOVE when girls hug me when we meet. Also when girls have that caring nature about them I feel comfortable with them and can open up to them more

[starangel248]

Yeah the hug is most def happening. I know he stays at work until at wee hours in the morning and sometimes has to work weekends so that's why I don't really call him out on not returning calls etc. I just leave random notes so he knows I care, but I think it's about time for something more obvious. :p

[Opinion Owner]

well just take it slow and drop some hints

[nepangue1988]

make the move first ;)

[starangel248]

Thanks :)

[Electric_Dreams]

In my case yeah.

[starangel248]

Thanks :)

[nepangue1988]

i think he likes you ;0)

[starangel248]

Thanks :) I hope so too...I suppose I'll find out eventually.