Why aren’t guys friends with unattractive girls?

Question

You know the saying, “men and women can never be just friends”? Well, I’m starting to believe this is true.

Why is it that men are never friends with unattractive women? I have never seen any straight man be friends with below average women. Sure, not all their friends are hot, but none of them are ugly either.

Why is this?

Obtuse · Accepted Answer

It's culturally the norm here in Japan for guys and girls to be friends. I actually find it so odd that it's different from the rest of the world. It gets to the point where I feel the need to make caveats when I'm friendly to a girl from other parts of the world that my friendly gestures are only with friendly intent so as to not be lumped in with those who think guys and girls can't just be friends.

It's not important whether she's attractive to me, let alone single. If she has a boyfriend or husband, I'm eager to meet him too. Let's expand the entire friend group! I'm down for good times with some good company.

That said, in hindsight maybe most of my friends (both guys and girls) are reasonably attractive people? I'll let other people be the judge of that. They usually don't struggle to make friends or find dates.

We're all one big, fun-loving group united by our fondness of partying, drinking, traveling, hiking, camping, things of this sort. I think just due to these mutual interests, it tends to exclude those who might be a bit reserved, maybe not very sociable. That said, I have a few who are very overweight (I feel rude here suggesting that's "unattractive"), but they are charming and a blast. What I find difficult to get along with are those aren't very sociable, and maybe a lot of them I find difficult to get along with will be considered "unattractive" to many either due to their absence of social skills or insecurities or physical body or a combination of these things.

I see some guys saying it's impossible for a straight guy to be friends with a girl due to sexual attraction. I'm sexually attracted to some of my close female friends. I don't find that to be a problem since these are really close friends. I've been friends with many of them for over a decade and a half, and I've known many of their boyfriends. It takes more than a sexual attraction in my case and a "Hubba bubba" instinct when I see them bend over in a bikini at a beach for me to desire them deeply in ways that could interfere with a friendship, and the fact that I've been such close friends with all these girls has led me to realize that some girls can be really great friends for you but would probably make horrible girlfriends for you (for example, one of my friends is somehow so gracious as a friend but seems like a full-blown diva queen with the way she treats her boyfriends). It doesn't take nearly as much to be "friendship compatible" as it requires to be compatible as lovers.

Below is a small sample of my friends. The full set comes from across the world and is about equal numbers male and female (in part because I tend to become friends with the girlfriends of my male friends or friends with boyfriends of my female friends). Yet this photo was from a reunion a few years back here in Japan where it was mostly only the girls who could make it. They range quite a bit in age as well. The third woman from the left has been my friend since I was in my mid-20s and is almost 20-years older than me. The Indian one on the very left is like a sister to me along with her now-husband who is like a brother.

I'm very much straight as well! I joke about my sexual orientation sometimes since I find the stereotypes like how guys aren't supposed to find puppies cute or be friends with girls to be ridiculous.

I'm just down to make friends with whomever I find to be a good company regardless of their looks. It might be difficult though if they don't like to drink and party or socialize with large groups of friends. We tend to be a rowdy bunch.

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

It's the same reason that (single, straight) men can't be "just friends" with attractive women. If you're a man, and you're single, one of your top 3 priorities is to find an attractive woman and hopefully have sex. Spending time with unattractive women works against this goal. (Making "friends" is much further down the list of priorities.)
With a limited number of minutes in the day, it makes sense to maximize your chances by spending your time and energies on women you find attractive. It's simple logic.

Plus, if OTHER women see you with attractive women, they think there must be something interesting or attractive about you, and so they become interested too. If they see you around unattractive women, they think there's something wrong with you, and they won't be interested in you. And women are MUCH more critical of attractiveness - especially of other women - then men are.

Men simply follow the formula of success. It works.

btbc92 · Accepted Answer

Because attractiveness is subjective and plenty of friends with so-called unattractive people. It's best to ignore that ignorant phase because they can't poke or open their legs to the people they want sex with. That's all it is. It's about sex. They don't know how to keep anybody without hidden intent. Never believe the hype. It's a dating tactic to get you into bed with them. Real friends don't treat you like commodities.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I think there’s more to it than that. I hate to say this some unattractive to average looking people can be very hard to be friends with because some people are extremely insecure and bitter. That’s not fun. This applies to men and women

Jenko_21 · Answer

Lots of guys are conceited and superficial and think that being seen with a conventionally unattractive woman would be a blow to their social status. People are very judgmental and unfortunately, that makes many attractive guys not want to have friendships or relationships with unattractive women. They could be worried about how it looks, what their friends would think, or if the girl starts liking him and he doesn't feel the same. I am shy so for me, I would say that it would be easier to be friends with someone less attractive than me. I also care about the feelings of others and chances are if she is unattractive, she doesn't have many or any friends (male or female) and that's a hard pill to swallow. I would have no problems befriending someone ugly if it made them feel good about themselves.

Lynx122 · Answer

Why are so many celebrities good looking? People want to be in the highest social circle they can because that will raise their own value. I care the most about how interesting a person is but that's beause I'm weird and my piorities are all different.

AynonOMouse · Answer

Because if she isn't at least somewhat attractive why would he talk to her in the first place? It is only after talking with someone that he found attractive did he realize they weren't compatible for a relationship, but could still be friends with them. That's my opinion anyways.

F-eight · Answer

That's not completely true. Some just are like that and go for looks even in friendships. I think in terms of friendships, look matter the least. I've been friends with girls who are average or so, and still have been good friends of mine.

Teyfet · Answer

Because one party always wants sex (usually the guy or less attractive person) - assuming they are both heterosexual.  Watch When Harry Met Sally... & Something about Mary.

ecfresh · Answer

My best friend is a woman. Men and women can be friends.

IlyaTheImpaler · Answer

It's easy to be my friends, just take the same class and talk to me, so I am friends with plenty of girls I find unattractive lol same with most guys I know. It's not unusual at all.

Sevenpointfive · Answer

if you don't have to be, why would you go out of your way? i do sometimes but it's never worth it. might as well go for the girls that i like

Jamie05rhs · Answer

That isn't true. Most of my female friends are not attractive to me.

fla1980 · Answer

I dont have any female friends. If we beckme friends then we become lovers

Guanfei · Answer

Most people aren't friends with unattractive people. Because people are drawn to those who look good to them, appearance is the first thing you see.  Trust me, I could tell you a lot about that.

Anonymous · Answer

Because males only make time in their life for girls they want to fuck.
Why can’t women ever get that.
We don’t need you for or want you for “friendship”. That is a card we play when we are forced too.

farhaan7part2 · Answer

I have seen many women behave like this. I guess people are just mean regardless of genders.

motownplayer2000 · Answer

The same reason women aren’t with the nice guy, or the short guy, or the fat guy lol same reasons

Anonymous · Answer

But isn’t that just based off what you deem as attractive?

alance99 · Answer

I dont see a person's looks or personality before becoming friends with them

TallAnon · Answer

Personally I just don't pay much attention to unattractive girls and girls like attention.

Nik1hil · Answer

That's not true!..

Anonymous · Answer

I love ugliest , stinkiest girl 😋

legalboxers · Answer

not me...

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