Do I have the right to be upset?

[Anonymous]

So it’s been going on two weeks now that my boyfriend spends 12+ hours playing video games. Now I’ve asked his brothers and their girlfriends and I guess it‘s a pretty normal thing around here to always be playing video games. No one is working right now so there isn’t much to do. The reason I’m upset is simple. He plays video games from 8PM the night before til 8AM the next morning. He sleeps til 3PM, we take a walk, he has dinner with me and spends an hour or so with me and is back on by 8PM. And it’s this vicious cycle. I normally get upset, but not upset to the point that I want out. But today, he pushed it. Yesterday he slept til 6PM, ruining not only our day but the last day his whole family is in town together. When he finally woke up, we all had dinner and by 8PM he was back on the game. It is 11:30AM and he JUST went to bed. And only bc I yelled at him and threaten to call his boss since he’s going to work at 4PM and it’s unsafe for him to work without sleep. Then he expects to come home from work at midnight and already told his gamer friend he’d be on at 1AM to quest. I’m so angry bc it’s like he never fucking spends time with me, he never sleeps next to me, he ruins our day and the bit of time we actually get to spend with his family, and on top of all this? He just yelled at me saying I’m negative and I’m the reason he doesn’t want to come to bed and how he’s a grown man and gets to decide what to do with his time, etc. Like somehow by victimizing himself, I’d understand why he games. No! Instead it makes me want to leave bc what the fuck is the reason for me to stay? I am so angry but I need to know, do I even have the right to be angry? What should my next move be?

Yes, do this...

No, this is gamer life

[nawtee_me]

You have a right to feel however you feel. No one can take that away from you. But, what you do while feeling those feeling you may not have the right to do. Everyone has the right to their feelings. In this case you do have the right to feel angry. And if you have talked to him about your feelings and he has dismissed them or gotten mad at you because of your feelings then he is clearly in the wrong. However, he also has a right to his feelings too. So, for you to get mad at him because of his feelings that he has is not right either. And all of this is because of lack of communication.
Understanding that you both have a right to your own feelings and that those feelings may not be the same for you both is half of the battle. Now comes the relationship part of this. If you both acknowledged the other persons right to their feeling, then it is time to decide whether or not these feelings are worth talking about and saving your relationship or not.

[spartan55]

Wtf why are you with such a controlling asshole? You are in an abusive relationship, and should leave ASAP. I am shocked you seem more concerned about his video game habits... I mean why would that even matter when he is abusing you?

[_food_lover234]

honestly, there is no reason to say. its sad to say this, but your wasting your time with him. ok, so some guys are really into video games- but he has an unhealthy addiction to it. if you've expressed how that makes you feel, when he plays video games all the time ( which it sounds like you have) and he's not changing or proving to you he wants to spend time with you- then your wasting your time.. I'm sorry to say. look, its so unhealthy his addiction to the point where I honestly think he needs help. he needs to prove to you, why you want to stay. if he hasn't sold you, then move on.

[Ciarle]

That's definitely not healthy, I'd say he has a proper addiction. Also, the way he reacted, shouting at you and blaming YOU for HIS addiction. That's scary. I don't like what I see

[Paypig_slave]

He should be slave of you and obey you. Problem solved. Feminism (female supremacy) can solve any problem. Femdom and findom are the way to go. Likely I am slave of all women. My feminist mistress taught me that. Believe me she is right. Thats the only solutions.

[Asker]

I never once said he should be my slave. In fact? I am controlled by him. I wear whatever he deems appropriate. I don’t have social media bc I’m not allowed to. I am not allowed to go to the gym or go on walks. I have a limited amount of friends. I can only go visit my family 2x a month. I do WHATEVER he asks. So before you assume bc you're sexist, be careful

[Paypig_slave]

ahahaha you are so funny. So you are the slave of him. Good girl! I appreciate it :D

[roxbby]

Woah, um. Nobody should ever be controlling your lifestyle as a whole in a relationship. He shouldn't be your boss or control you in the real world or your typical everyday lifestyle. That's so wrong. He's obviously used to giving you orders and not receiving them. You've put him into this habit that he's more "superior" and can always control you and himself, and he will, for that reason, be ignorant of your suggestions and demands. You should really take a step back to understand that you shouldn't be in such a relationship. Of course, there is clothing etiquette, and you can't wear too skimpy clothing in public, but HE SHOULD NOT BE MAKING THESE DECISIONS FOR YOU. You should also be able to make your own social media account without the control of him. Absolutely not okay. You can't go to the gym or go on walks? This is so controlling. Having a limited amount of friends? So, after all of that he has asked you, he can't listen to you to stop playing videogames? I'm sorry, but if I were you, I'd definitely just break it off. If you're 18-24, you should be able to be independent. You'll look back at this and remember how stupidly insane this relationship is.

[Asker]

@roxbby we are fighting rn. He’s mad at me for not answering his phone call while I was making tea (15 min away from my phone.) He came to my house acting violent and when I refused to let him in, he sent me a million of messages called me names and saying all the ways he was going to get over me. Just now he texted me how he’s at another girls house to get over me and now refuses to answer. What do I do? Or say?

[roxbby]

He doesn't sound worth it. You should really cut it off with him, no matter how hard it seems. The way that he is treating you means he obviously doesn't deserve you, and you shouldn't be scared of being alone. Unless you really depend on him for financial reasons, if you believe you can live independently, you should definitely leave the relationship as a whole. Controlling relationships are completely wrong, and nobody who is in their right mind would ever do what he was doing. He is mad because he didn't pick up your phone? It's so controlling. If you decide to stay with him, everything you do will be under some man who completely controls your life. Get over it now rather than later. If you think this is okay, you're obviously madly in love because it's so obvious that he isn't treating you right. No matter how hard you think it is, you have to find a way to just avoid him and stay away from him.

[roxbby]

Find someone who treats you right. Do you really think it was reasonable of how he acted to get mad you didn't pick up a phone call? Take some time to really consider whether his actions are justified and if you happen to recognize, it's not. Fighting over something like this is absolutely immature from his side, and if he's controlling your common lifestyle choices, that is a COMPLETE RED FLAG. If I were you, I would end it regardless. From what I have read, your boyfriend is far too controlling, so if you can end the relationship and thrive independently, end the relationship and find someone else who treats you and RESPECTS YOU. This is all due to his lack of respect to you. If someone had actual respect for you, he would be arguing that you didn't pick up his phone call and be fighting over something like this. You really need to try and see your situation from another person's perspective because this is NOT okay. He sounds so ignorant that if you brought the situation up, he probably would get mad at you. It's time for a change, and I really wish the best for you. You deserve someone better.

[coffeewithcream]

Move the fuck out and let that loser play his video games every waking hour he has until he's 90.