So when a guy first messages a girl, clearly showing interest, making an effort to carry on the conversation etc but then takes hours to respond to texts.
My guess is he's trying to act 'busy' or something? It's not exclusive to a guy either, because I've realised a few guys do this. Of course not all, but a lot of them do.
(PS we're on lockdown he can't be that busy)
Why do guys take longer to respond to texts during the talking stage?
It can be a mixture of many things, I can tell you rn that if the guy likes you no matter how busy they are they will always find time to reply especially if they feel that there is something there. OR sometimes they might be super busy to the point they are not on their phone which is possible, but how many people are not on their phone consistently nowadays.
These are the reasons why I've personally have done it before.
As we know women fall for men from what they hear, many times guys are trying to find the right things to say to keep the conversation going as long as possible and not saying the wrong thing that will make the girl stop talking.
Also, there is this idea that if you respond quickly it can show how desperate they look, and can cause the other person to lose interest, so they will try to not reply right away to feel relatively cool. Also, people believe that if you are distant with women that will make them want you more, that is why a lot of men act like they are not interested to create some kind of urgency.
it could be any reason really too eager and they assume the guy is desperate, too slow and it gives the feeling of not interested... but what if it's cos they were busy, everyone has a personal life and yes it's great to have someone to share life with and make new memories but life around us does not change just cos someone met someone else, or started chatting to someone they are attracted to...
to add to this we also have a pandemic on our hands and so the whole world is upside down currently... not everyone is a texter or good with messages, some prefer face to face contact to get to know someone...
and the other issue is there are a lot of fakes out there who prey on those who want a genuine relationship, i have found over 2000 of them in the past year alone... and lets just say it does whittle you down and until you meet the women you are talking to it pays to keep a cool head and take things slow, as many players and scammers give up after a certain time... some however are patient and bide their time...
Totally. I personally hate texting and prefer face to face contact or at least talking over the phone. I also feel the same about preying on those who want a genuine relationship - sometimes it's exhausting and I just want a cool headed person :)
same, i have wanted a genuine relationship for quite a while but seem to only find the crazies... sure every now and again i will find a woman who seems to not be a scammer or a control freak but these days its become almost a serious rarity... crazy thing is in all my years i have never even cheated, always stayed loyal and yet still get cast aside... can only hope that the future brings something better, i hope you finally get who you deserve though :) :)
Totally agree with your point about honesty and commitment being important traits for those who understand and value it. Going forward, I am being careful about who I invest my time and effort with...
We're not playing hard to get and we're trying to "act busy". It's really simple. We get nervous and we don't know what to say. A lot of guys don't view women the same way women view men. We see a cute girl and think of her like a rare flower or princess instead a girl who's just living day-by-day. So we try our best to present ourselves in a manner that would be fit of "daring to be in your presence". I know that you just view yourself as a girl and you probably view guys as just guys, but that's not how we think. My advice: just be patient and try to understand that they're trying not to be a mudstain in the holy palace. I hope this helps. P. S. here's examples of what we're thinking. Delete the part that it says and all the spaces in the links because I'm not technically allowed to share links as I'm not level 3 yet. https:// www. girlsaskguys [just delete this part here] . com /qt/ flirting/q447483- what-do-say-to-my-crush- in-first-text http s:// www. girls askg uys [just delete this part here] . co m/qt/da ting/q3080361-how-do-i-say-to-my-crush-that-i-like-her h t t p s:// ww w. girlsa skg uys [just delete this part] . c o m/q t/relationships/q2594365-what-to-say-to-your-crush h tt p s:/ /w ww . gi rlsask guys [just delet this part] . c om /q t/flirting/q4153257-how-to-be-better-at-texting-girls-i-need-lots-advice-also-i-m-going h t t ps ://w w w. girls ask guys [just delete this part] . c o m /dating/q4 33 779 5-how-do-you-text-girls-to-keep-them-interested-enough-to-get-a-date h t tps :// w w w. girlsas kguy s [just delete this part] . com/q t/dating/q618936-should-text-girls-first
I work in a SCIF and personal communication devices of any type are strictly forbidden. The general rule of thumb is to leave smartphones, smart watches, Fitbits, tablets, laptops etc at home. Most people including myself leave them in their vehicle prior to entering the building which is allowed. Once I arrive in the morning I tend not to leave until the end of my work day. I take a lunch break and usually either eat something I brought in which by the way is inspected upon my arrival or I eat in the massive cafeteria 3 floors below the one I work on. Iād like to get out of there more often for lunch, but weāre located in a rather remote area on the outskirts of the greater Hampton Roads region of southeast Virginia and thereās nothing close by one would consider a suitable lunch unless 7-11 big bite hotdogs are your thing. Simply put I donāt and canāt respond to text messages and personal phone calls during the day nor would I risk bringing my iPhone inside to do such a thing because it not only puts my job at risk, but potentially my literal freedom as well. Nothing personal, but no girl is worth a federal bid plus Iām at work and should be working not bullshitting on my phone. There are unsecured phone lines we can use if we need to make a personal phone call, but most people canāt accept phone calls when they to are more than likely working.
Personally, even during lockdown, my business is all online and I dedicate 10-12 hours a day to that. Itās my main focus. I think if I was in a committed relationship Iād probably restructure my time differently but not if Iām just on a āgetting to know someoneā kind of chat. I donāt want to jeopardise my business over a girl to be honest because the vast majority donāt work out. I try to keep a schedule as close to a in-person job as possible, making time for other things eventually leads to being less productive in workflow and also procrastination when you get to used to slacking off. Thatās just me though. Iām probably a minority in that sense to be honest.
Heās not interested. If a guy is invested and is looking forward to being more than just friends than heāll be in contact with you every, single, day. When youāre on the mind of a guy he canāt help but to contact you. Itās like the favorite food youāre craving. You know you canāt continue to eat too much of it but the more you try to resist your urge grows stronger. If heās taking long to reply that means heās directing his time and attention else where. When a guy is genuinely interested there will be no questions in the back of your mind saying otherwise. There will be doubts but his actions alone will reassure you thatās heās into you every time.
Also, pick up the phone and call, people! Most people in the World don't pay their phone bill by call, butbin a monthly basis - if the other person can't answer right now, either they will call you once they can (and remember to) ou you can call them to see how they're doing. ("I called last week, and I didn't hear from you - everything OK?" - perfection in it's simplicity). (also, girls, many men struggle with texts: they are either too verbose, like myself, which can hinder communication, or barely understandable between all those abbreviations, emojis and acronyms...)
I'll be honest here, it's been the opposite for me. Girls have been very slow to answer my texts, for the exact reasons to appear busy or to not appear too desperate or whatever. I'm a fast texter myself, I often see messages quickly and I respond quickly, because I think quickly, and I never cared what impression my fast replies would give. But that's me!
But, I would have to guess that he tries to "look cool" or something, so that you'll think he's an occupied and devil-may-care man who doesn't just sit around and wait for your texts.
I can say, and speaking for myself, I am a slow texter a lot of the time because I like to give the person my full focus and sometimes I have other things going on. Might be the same for some of those girls :)
Yeah, I know there are legitimate reasons as well. This is far from all girls but a smaller selection of them who has done that with me and others I've heard of who's done it to my friends.
Well I can't speak for other men but my experience is the same in regards to girls and it's quite common that they take very long to answer and at this point I always at least try to match their efforts and sometimes you just realize that if I don't put in any effort they won't try to make up for it. Meaning that they simply aren't interested and you are sort of wasting your time, knowing when that's actually the case though can be difficult at times but usually I catch on to it after a while. It's like alright I get it, time to move on... Which can be a bummer but everyone has been there I'm pretty sure.
Mogtar think everyone gets boring over text very quickly unless they do poetry stuffs. Recommend poetry stuffs. Motgar got an archive of excellent poetry stuffs. But Motgar try to improve one just off top of the head:
Why you no message, me, see, you don't see? Heart bled over internets, vaginal wets and loss, toss, You toss away our vaginal wets, feelings, seeings, you cold-hearted asshole, hole, hole in the ass, atlas.
Motgar way just start typing and think of stupid stuff along the way. Stuffs-fluffs, you know, shopping-dropping. Baking caking. Trees on pees. Lettuce smell us.
It's video games. He's texting you between rounds of video games. OR, and this is probably more likely, he's actually taking that long to come up with his answer. When guys speak before they think it goes bad. So we need to think for a while to come up with the best possible answer.
Or he went up to his bros and is like "dude! This chick messaged me back! What the heck do I say now" and his bros proceed to mess with his head for two hours until he thinks of something on his own.
Maybe heās playing video games? Sleeping? Something. Guys are guys. Some take a while to respond while others may reply quick. Personally I donāt sit and wonder what someoneās doing when they donāt reply back. Iāll do something else, like worry about myself and what I want to do.
I think a gentleman spends a good portion of his day playing with his penis. And sum guys tell me that it often involves lotion or other greasy substances. So texting becomes harder when their hands are covered in goop or their fingers are glazed with freshly ejaculated seminal fluid. This is probably the main reason they take a long time to text sometimes. They are busy pounding one out or cleaning up the mess. :)
Busy on playstation? lol.. we worry more about how to reply for LEAGAL, and personal reasons... dont want to answer wrong cuz you women are too damn sensitive and over judgmental. Hell we can't smile at a woman without being worried about being judged as a womanizing wannabe player, or some pervert only wanting sex... SO YEAH... YOU WOMEN WANDER WHERE ALL THE... GOOD MEN... WENT... YOU SCARED US OFF.
Oh the games people play, so silly. But if this is the case (truly waiting to respond), probably the same reasons women do it, to not look "desperate". I personally respond to people right away as soon as I can (if busy or when I get the message), no matter who it is.
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Opinion Owner
+1 y
Someone said video games and that could very well be a big reason. We can get totally lost in them for hours. We'll hear the phone go off and think "I'll look in a minute", and next thing it's an hour later lol
Most of the you don't get passed the texting stage. It is hard to stay interested if that's all you do. Girls might be able to get lots of joy out of texting guys, but lots of guys don't. Besides there are times I don't even feel like having a conversation. Also being busy can be a factor, or even just being busy to where you don't want to have one of those send a reply every few hours conversations. It would be much easier to do it all at once.
I absolutely agree with this. I can "just text" for a few months, maybe; but eventually we're going to have to move on to the next stage. Otherwise what's the point? I mean, I like talking, but the reason men talk to women is to get sex (at least eventually). It should be a natural progression from texting to talking to hanging out to dating to being in a relationship. But there has to be forward movement. If you're just going to text someone your whole life, you might as well at least talk dirty once in a while. I mean, at least do SOMETHING worthwhile!
Lol hard to believe but you women are just a thought before you become a priority. Sure in person if weāre interested your the priority generally but apart unless heās thirsty your just a fill in the blank h til it becomes serious.
Ya I figured as such. This is how it should be. The trick is you have to leave women to stew for a few days after big plays. After a date you wait a few days to contact them otherwise they lose interest. Your too easy if you contact immediately. And women that want a relationship really need to learn not to fuck a man on first date. Well push for it weāll fight for it like a lion that hasnāt eaten all day will fight for a piece of meat, but if you give it up your no longer worthy of the relationship.
Yep there was a woman on YouTube venting about this. She was on a first date with a very high quality man. Hot, rich, nice, they clicked. She was smitten. Well long story short she went home and put out and when she asked when they could see each other again he said he donāt date women who put out on the first date.
See all men want sex from most women... but when they want a wife the things they look for are different. How you conduct yourself will effect what foreign the relationship goes.
There are many reasons why a person does not immediately respond. It can range from lack of interest, he is texting other people (girls), or has real life stuff to do. It is VERY presumptuous to expect a prompt reply over text. My suggestion: Call them on the phone and get a date request or make your own. See them in person. Who wants to date text on a screen?
Even during a lockdown it's easy enough to find yourself doing something that means you can't be checking your phone or texting all the time.
I leave my phone on vibrate because of work so if I've put my phone down and I'm gaming or maybe painting my attention and focus is on that and it's easy to loose track of time and not notice my phone.
What you need to do is make sure your sending messages that he won't want to put the phone down between!
I do because I don't text, tell people, but they text me anyway, then get upset when I don't respond, leading me to want to respond even less than 0, because I imagine if they're this upset by something this small, what continuing any relationship will be like.
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
+1 y
I migjt have agreed with you bur you said hrs. If it takes me that long to respond to ANYONE i'm doing it intentionally. And i seldom do. Unless tjeir asking me a question i just don't feel i can answer. I'll admit when i talk to a woman i'm going to take longer because i'm weighing what i want to say. But i'm NOT going to take anywhere near rhar long 15-20 minutes tops.
There is really no excuse for the "im busy " for both males and females if want to talk you make time like you said... it all comes down to if we want to talk or actully just want to do other things as let's face it... its 2020 we all have phones glued to us ( you'll find we will be the most talkative when we really really like talking or horny.)
We're actually highly organized individuals, and we prefer things to be scheduled. If you don't specifically say, "Hey. Let's chat now until this time," then there's no guarantee that he will be present and active within the time frame that you wish him to be. Sure, you can wing it, but that's going to be hit or miss and you just have to accept that reality.
Most text back faster than me these days lol. I feel bad for not keepin up because i have a very bad short term memory and will forget im messaging sometimes. But i def rather have a guy who messages faster than one who messages slow
@DizzyDesii I have that problem too sometimes, tbh. One time I initiated a conversation with one of my best friends and then I got distracted scrolling through FB and I forgot all about him lol.
if its like once every 10 minutes? I'm texting you in-between games. if its a couple times then absent for a couple hours? I'm working. if its a bunch for about 30 minutes then ghost for like a day? I have lost my charger and saving my battery for as long as possible.
If I really like a girl I like to respond relatively quickly. I mean most of the time i want to reply right away and have her right away but, I guess that weird or something apparently so thatās why I try to make is more casual with response time.
u thibk my one is playin hard to get he cuts me off 11months ago naw 1 week ago emailed me asking for my snap then i replied give me urs instead so i did a follow up after same text 2d later and he hasn't got bck to the first message so I don't know i canr stop thinkin what happened since HE reached out to ne
Personally I'll read the message at the top of the screen, so it does not show I've read it. I'll then maybe take 10-30 minutes to get respond as I don't want to seem too eager or clingy. I guess some guys like to prepare a message before sending it or maybe don't want to scare you alway by replying to quickly. As long as we reply it's all good. :D
Personally, I'm usually stuck trying to think of something that doesn't sound stupid if it is a girl that I like. Girls tend to just ghost a guy immediately at that stage if they say ANYTHING wrong.
Girls do this too.. it's a dating tactic.. The basic idea is to make yourself more attractive by not being available all the time.. Thus making you look harder to get.. and thus more attractive.. overdoing it is unattractive though.. Also.. someone who is available all the time, is someone who likely has little to nothing productive to do.. watching TV and Netflix all day, Tiktok, games, movies, etc.
Sometimes I take longer on purpose so I dont look interested. I've heard if a girl thinks she's already got him she loses interest, for to keep them wondering
Oh right now I'm over it, I was talking to one I liked and thought we had something in common with, but she takes even longer to reply and even tho she says meeting at a bar would be great she never wants to go. Im tired of asking her the same question sounding like a broken record.
Not gonna keep trying random small talk, so right now I'm not playing into the stupid games, she was into something cool but fuck it, we should have meet by nowš¤·āāļø
If he really liked you you wouldnāt be confused whatās up and asking strangers on here. Heās probably busy with other girls and texting them is more of a priority
I think some guys refrain from replying quickly because they feel it seems desperate. If they think that a girl is playing hard with them, they do the same thing.
That makes a lot of sense! Cause they'll start doing that when I take ages to reply too.. but for me it's cause I am busy and trying to stay off my phone for my mental health most of the time.
If you make this clear to the guy you're talking to that you're off your phone due to mental health issues, he'll understand if he's a sane guy. Can we be casual friends? :)
Lowkey we kinda dumb, and forget half the time... at least for me... and I get sidetracked easily, gaming, cooking, etc.. can't be sure if all or most guys are like this.
If they are like me, I have just one finger. Not like some girls I've seen they are a full speed, thumbs fingers and chat to her friends at the same time..
We don't want to appear to desperate. Women like us more when we ignore em
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Opinion Owner
+1 y
like I was taking a while to reply to this girl caused i missed her text cause my data was turned off, and you know what? Her interest in me increased. She double texted me asking how i slept the next morning etc she seemed interested. I texted her back immediately and apologized for missing her text, u know what she did?
That's right! Ghosted me! Haven't heard from her in 2 weeks
Lol XD I appreciate your honesty, itās really frustrating when girls lie about this dynamic. So you really would ghost a guy for replying to soon? Sheesh that is a little far in my opinion lol u girls are nuts. From now on your all getting ignored as much as possible
Lol I tried to think of what to ask... and honestly, at this point I pretty much know everything as far as I can tell XD been on this site for too long. Your honesty is refreshing, but it doesn't tell me anything new lol... unless you can give me an answer to a question I don't yet know I want to ask
it's a double edged sword, because if we respond too quickly, she loses interest. and before you say that that isn't true. How do you think guys learned to wait to respond?
This is very common for girls, I'm just trying to get to the bottom of the situation. Is it because y'all don't have any hobbies or friends? ... Y'all are like "omg he didn't respond in 10 min, I'm gonna get mad and ignore him for half an hour when he writes back" like dafuq is wrong with all y'all?
And you keep making shit up in your heads over and over. He's not responding straigh away, this must mean he is playing games/hard to get/isn't interested... Y'all need a psychiatrist.
I guess we are wired a bit differently than men, and we like the reassurance and just emotional feeling of the guy's presence. A lot of us are actually really busy... You know what I mean?
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