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This is likely a misunderstanding on both your parts. He thinks that you're too good for him or that you are using him for your own entertainment. You think he is mad, but he's probably just confused. The $20 should have come with a small note saying, "thanks for dinner, this should cover my end," or something along those lines. From what you said, it could be mistaken as payment for his services, to put it nicely. No one wants to be a toy/tool for another's amusement. When he said that all have to do is ask and that he wants to treat you, he was saying that he enjoys your company and wants to treat you, not have you treat him or pay for things himself. He might think that you don't appreciate that he doesn't expect you to pay, it's like reimbursing him for a birthday gift. It was a gift in his mind, just take it. He's not mad, but he may not be used to being treated like an equal, his past relationships may have expected him to put in a lot of effort for next to nothing. Just ask him about it, or next time, ask if he is ok with you paying for yourself or something. Most guys are traditional when it comes to paying or things, and wanting to treat the women they love.
Men are built from the ground up to protect and pro it for women and kids. It’s 200,000 years of behaviour evolution, be can’t have babies so we do what was once the difference between success in a tribal aspect. Dr Laura Schlesinger has very good inside into marriage, and men. She used a somewhat unflattering summation of men are like dogs, but her advise is bang on. Men will take a bullet or walk through fire for women if treated well. and I’m sure you were meaning well, but a 20$ etrans is like getting kicked in the nuts.
Right or wrong you emasculated him. Some of use still like to believe we are men. Men’s egos and natural behavior has been subjected to constant negativity, like masculinity being added to the. DSM5 by thee APA as a mental disorder, we are constantly label predators, toxic, for doing what came naturally for men and boys. So when you sent him 20 it was probably insulting in a passive aggressive way, it’s kinda like returning a gift and implied he could not afford to pay.
In future dealings show appreciation in other ways like a invite to supper at your place, even something cheesy like flowers... hmm, no don’t do flowers. Be creative, a fun small gift like a bobble head, a cheesy game on steam, an alien head keychain (well it was popular when I was young, Xfiles}.
I don't think he got mad. Just that his pride took a bit of a hit. Most females don't do this so he is probably feeling like you had more of an agenda than just doing something nice for him. Maybe he thinks that you think he can't provide in that way. That was actually very nice and considerate on your part hun but you're probably the first girl to ever do it for him. For most people in general, we tend to question nice things because we have a hard time accepting that nice things are done with no expectations or hidden agendas. Keep doing you though, don't let it get you down.
Yeah. You didn't do anything wrong at all. It was actually incredibly generous of you.
Doesn't sound mad. Sounds like he doesn't want you to think you have to send him things to get him to like you or to spend time with him and he'd feel more comfortable being the one giving things. Or maybe he thinks three weeks is still too soon for those kind of gestures
Opinion
61Opinion
I think he was indirectly saying he didn't want to be spoiled as much as you are paying for meals and what not. I think this is why he got mad (even though I personally didn't interpret his words as being angry I just think he didn't communicate his feelings properly) so I have a few recommendations. First of all I would recommend to have a conversation with him about paying for dinners and what not to see if he is okay with you paying the dinner bill or if he wants to split the payments or maybe where you pay for one date and then he pays for the next date and then you pay for the third date etc. Second of all I would recommend to consider asking him if he was actually mad or if maybe he was just trying to communicate feeling bad because you are the one who spends the money in these scenarios instead of him. There are some people who don't feel the need to have money spent on them with gifts or dates such as myself since I tend to enjoy going outside in nature personally and obviously that does not cost any actual money. Third I would recommend to ask him if in the future he wants to go on dates that do not cost money such as going to a lake together and then going swimming or maybe going on hikes on trails or going on walks around parks instead of constantly going on dates where one person pays money for the other person.
u For some men, providing everything on dates is a part of their ego and how they seem themselves as worthy men. When you offer him cash for a meal, it lessens the importance of what he is trying to offer you. Of course, he is thinking only of his feelings and not the unintended rebuke that he sent your way. He did not mean to hurt your feelings, and he may not even realize that he has done so.
Don't react to harshly but note it as a subject to be talked about perhaps in a few weeks. Emphasize to him that your attraction and interest is not based on how much he can provide for you financially and that you are simply wanting to show him that you want to be an equal partner.
I'd like too give you a helpful response, but honestly, I'm so baffled and 😕 confused by your question, that I wouldn't even know how to go about asking for clarification. (😕🥊
🤯!!!)
I got a how many times have you because if he has ever been with a narcissist this would concern him if you did stuff like this a lot cause it's called love bombing you shower him with gifts and praise then once they got him the Start the devaluing starts it's treat him like shit until he's about to bounced then it's show the sweet side again then when it's come to the end they would pull off the discard and the finally gaslighting so giving a lot of gifts out right away might not be the best idea if he has dealt with a narcissist.
If you want to give a gift to someone you care about, no one will complain.
Sending money to a guy that paid for a date is beyond insulting. Where did you learn your manners?
Consider just being grateful instead. Say THANK YOU. Do something nice in return.
Sending money, or insisting on paying for a date, conveys your thoughts that you don't want to be obligated for sex. And if that's the case, you're mistaken. But really, if you just don't want sex then don't date in the first place. What are you really trying to accomplish here?
I don't think he's mad. I just think he wanted to treat you, and by sending him $20, he feels like he wasn't able to.
My boyfriend is the same way, and even more so lately. Lately, he doesn't really want me to pay him back for stuff, so I've compensated for this by doing or buying nice things for him. I bought him a few pairs of jeans because he mentioned needing jeans. I'll DoorDash him smoothies to his work on hot days (he works in an outdoor environment so the heat is brutal, but I don't live close enough to just swing by). I also buy meals whenever he lets me, but he has a strong opinion about paying for the "bigger" stuff.
He may have been treated poorly by other women in the past and/or he may be more traditional where he wants to be the provider. Give him some time to adjust to you actually being good to him; some have a hard time understanding when they are used to being treated poorly in the past.
He was being sarcastic - he was teasing you - so don't take him seriously. He wasn't really upset, but he likes feeling like he can take care of you. It's one of the way she shows that he cares. So, keep doing this when you want to, but also, when you're in person, tell him thank you sincerely (a hug and/or kiss isn't bad either) and let him know you appreciate his efforts. That's what really matters.
People especially guys i think don't understand that kinda niceness of someone been like that.
Then society wise it's always guys have to spend there money on women not that women spend money on guys. Even though this is outdated rubbish, it's still what comes into the minds of many.
Plus sounds like he may hold that outdated stuff as one of his values which means he will always want it to be the way society wise show.
Sounds like he has more traditional dating values, where the man pays for the date. Maybe he likes feeling and knowing that he can afford to do nice things for you, like take you out on dates, and when you pay him back for those dates it might make him think that you think he can't.
has a more traditional guy, its because a women shouldn't be paying for a guys food. in the traditional relationship mindset it's emasculating because we're supposed to be the ones that spoil you.
i've been said I'm sure he appreciates the sentiment but he wants to be the one treating you not you treating him
morally its not wrong for you to treat him but morally it's not wrong for him not to want to except it.
A lot of guys see it as their perogative to pay for the date. It's a guy thing.
Read "His Needs, Her Needs" by Willard Harley or "Wild at Heart" by John Eldredge. Men have needs we're not comfortable talking about. We look to be inspired to be real men by women
Well his pride was a bit hurt maybe. But than again he may simply not be used to the type of attention your giving him and he simply wishes for you to stop giving him so many random things. Not be mean to him but just keep being you without giving him stuff
Chill and stop sending apples or whatever it is lol 🙃.
He wants to spend time with you what's the prob huh?
Over gifting can make suspicious of intentions also may come as clingy like there is a trap and you are baiting him
So limit the gifting and be more personal as in spending quality time and yes let him do his bid as well
By cash app-ing him without his knowledge or asking for it, you are undermining his generosity to you. Your threatening his self identity as the male provider. I would recommend you agree how your going to share the costs for dates like when you order the appetisers rather than after the meal.
There is people that haven't really learn to receive something, that is one of the hardest learnings for them, I struggle when someone complement me, I just get stressed, I do not know what to answer or how to react. Often men do not receive much care and when that happen we do not really know what to do and stress. Is a learning curve.
He's probably worried that you are trying to pay him back so you won't "owe" hime anything. Some, maybe even a lot of women will do stuff like that as a way of saying that the guy should expect things to go anywhere.
When he said stop sending me random stuff, he likely didn't mean never to, but to do it less often, because he wants you to know that he just wants to be around you, for who you are.
he specifically told you “why are you so good to me? If you want to spend time together all you have to do is ask. I wanna treat you” That’s your answer, right there!
Not everybody likes being treated but don’t feel bad if he doesn’t want gifts from you, you can spend the money on your parents for Mother’s Day and Father’s Day in May and June
I'm the same way; difficult for me to let others treat me, especially my girl. I'm old-school that way, I guess. But he added he would rather spend time together, and that is endearing. Come up with ideas that you can still do something nice for him and join him in doing it together and I think he'll really appreciate that.
All this unnecessary discussion instead of honest "thank you". It sounds like he doesn't trust you at all and builds up some weird theories.
I think it sounds like you guys have different love languages. Yours might be giving gifts while his is quality time. That is the reason for the clash here.
Because he gave you an open invitation to spend time together.
I know. That's the point. He wants you to see him.
Well, maybe his "manly pride" was hurt a bit, but only to the extent that he seems to have the qualities of a gentleman who wants to date "the old way" where HE pays. I don't think that qualifies as "mad".
this is most likely a sign that he loves you, he may think of you as more important than himself he may think that you need the money more than he does he is selfless and thinks highly of you.
I would really appreciate a girl pitching in for food. I'm a dutch dater so I prefer she pays her full share though haha.
Hmmm, he feels 'not worth it'. There's low self esteem at foot. Does not make him a bad guy. It may make him a good guy actually. Just make sure he's not super needy or something like that.
well obviously for him, fullfilling the provider role is very important for him. what do you think that implies for you in a potential relationship with him later down the line?
Sending money is a very poor choice. If you want to give him a gife then don't in person and not money. Buy dinner and take it to him and share it with him. Time with him is a far better gift and it sounds like that is what he wants.
He is the type of man who likes to do everything for his woman, including picking up the check. This is a very good quality to have in a man. He is a keeper in my estimation. I like to pay for my woman as well.
It was a nice thought. A big part of the male identity is to be a provider, so maybe money isn't the best gift to show your appreciation. It was very sweet of you to think of him and I'm sure he appreciates that.
Well he wanted to treat you nicely with respect and pay as well but when you did that he was hurt.
He reacts this way because he wants to pay himself.
That definitely does not sound like he is mad. Sounds more like he just wants to spend time with you and treat you.
"Beware of Greeks Bearing Gifts"
He's probably concerned that you'll ask him something he doesn't/can't do for you because you were so nice
I don't like cash. It is not a transaction relationship. It is something more than that.
Gift and stuff has no monetary value
i wouldn't send money, i would't care for it sent to me ether. i would think to my self why is this person sending me money
he said “why are you so good to me? If you want to spend time together all you have to do is ask. I wanna treat you” isn't that the answer?
He was just playing with you, he liked the gesture but also wants feel like a man by providing too. Don’t need to be mad , he appreciates the gesture
Don't take it too bad, surprise him once in a while. Let him do stuff for you too, as a guy he might want to. Enjoy your relationship.
I think that he wanted to pay for you to be special to you. Sounds like you both wanted that :) You'll work it out
He's overreacting but you should be able to reason with him.
That's an awkward thing to do it seem as if you treat him as a prostitute or something. Who randomly send money to their date?
Very weird maybe he is insecure and not used people being g nice to him 😕. But some guys don't like getting money from girls that they are in a relationship with.
Give guys something you bake such cookies. Don't give guys money.
That wasn't really him getting mad. It was the same as politely saying "you shouldn't have".
Money doesn’t buy love. I’ve been on both sides myself.
He sounds like the classic classy kinda guy that pays for the date.
I think it was a nice gesture on your part but a bit unusual! Nevertheless, he should say thank you and appreciate it.
Well actually he is good man he wants to spend time with you and does not care about money
Some guys don't like to get paid by girls including me , I don't know why I feel this way.
He definitely overrated. What dis you do when he texted you
İf you send money to him allways he can use you for your money..
You did something nice so try not to let it bring you down
I think he's being unreasonable for sure
He wanted you to give him a Hummer.
He was teasing you in a romantic it way.
You are very nice apple girl send some 🍎
Why are you sending him money though?
He wanted to treat you for once 🙂
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