How should a married man approach you if he likes you?

Question

Please don't lecture me about the sanctity of marriage.  I don't want to explain the complications of my marriage, I just want your opinion of how a married man should approach a single lady to let her know he is attracted to her.  What signals can he give to let her know.  What signals will she give if she is not interested?  Will the lady tell everyone or be discreet?  Please give honest answers in a case where you are attracted and a case where you are not.  What would you do?  Would you intentionally try to embarrass him if he was the shy quiet type?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I was the other woman.  He started flirting real lightly like asking about my perfume, or sometimes even teasing me about things.  I didn't even get that he was flirting with me.  Then he started complimenting me on my eyes and then I picked up on what he was doing.  We flirted back and forth and he told me about his sucky marriage and how he was leaving his wife.  That's what gave me hope that there could be something between us.  We ended up having a seriously hot affair that made me feel more alive than ever.  The compliments gave me tons of confidence which made me high on life.  WARNING.You need to make sure that she doesn't want more than you do out of this.  I believed he was leaving his wife.  He never did.  Instead they moved away, kids, dogs and all.  I have never felt such pain in my life.  If you care for this woman make sure you don't put her through that.  During our affair he had given me one of his flannel shirts to snuggle in and a pair of boxers that I wore to bed.  Well, after he left me heartbroken, I approached his wife, returned his shirt and underwear to HER and answered any question she had.  Can't you possibly end your marriage before you pursue this woman?  I only ask because I can't imagine anyone going through what I did.  Especially because he told me I was his soul mate and he loved me.  I won't judge you because I had no idea how easy it was to fall into that kind of situation, just be prepared for something you may not want to go through.  I would be happy to talk further with you on this if you want.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

A lot of eye contact, make her feel special, ask her questions that keep her talking about herself, engage in conversation at every opportunity. This should get the ball rolling and let her know you have more than a friendly interest. After this she should be able to let you know if she's interested also. If she is then maybe you can ask her for coffee or lunch. If she says yes then you've got your green light. If she says no she may be hesitant because of your marital status. IF she is truly not interested from the start she will find a reason to stay clear of you by not being anywhere you're at. If she is offended that a married man is hitting on or flirting with her, be careful. I've heard stories where the woman embarrasses the guy to put him on public display for his actions. I too know the complications of marriage but have been attracted to other men. My personal opinion is that you don't want to leave the one you're with but you need to find something to make you smile again and make it through another day. It's less complicated that way. Good luck.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I was in a similar situation. I had a married man going after me. I had feelings for him, so the fact that he was still with someone and hitting on me made me want to make his life a living hell. I blue balled him several times and nade him spend money on me on dates and guess what... Haven't slept with the asshole. Right now I think he has a póster with my face on it and probably throws darts at it while getting a hard on.

Work things out with your wife first please. Go to therapy and if That doesn't works out end the relationship and part in amicable terms. If you have children, there is no doubt that staying together is good for them but being happy yourself is essential for you to be emotionally available to them and to be a better father. In retrospect, I wish my mother has has some kind of self respect and divorced my father when he cheated on her not once but several times. She passed on her abuse and Her low self worth to me Her indefensive kid who had no fucking clue of what was going on.

pervertedjester · Accepted Answer

Wow I know I'm late to this question but just to clear up the confusion: Lecture= A speech of warning or reproof as to conduct; a long, tedious reprimand. Hope that helps everyone else.

Atomizer · Accepted Answer

Do you want to let a lady know you're attracted to her, or do you want to cheat on your wife?  There's a difference.

seahorse · Answer

why a single person too - unsuspecting single girl falls in love... wants you to leave.. you won't... strung along for a few years, taking away her chance at a life with someone who can give her what you'll give your Wife without the cheating... So you can have a life and a half, and she has half a life ? Don't you get, that once the 'fun' wears off she WILL want more from you, no girl who goes into a relationship like this won't want you to leave your wife no matter what she says... they'll be drama, she may tell wife and will get bitter by the end. It rarely if ever works out.  But you're just looking for a bit of attention and love outside of the marriage right, it'll be okkkk... maybe for you ! but not for the other girl or your wife, and ultimately NOT for you either... but you'll see, trust me, you will.  Why not talk to you wife, get a divorce and THEN date a single girl... seriously, what is the big god damn deal with divirce if it's not working to the point you're willing to cheat, try work it out with your wife, tell her your issues.. if can't be fixed or whatever the comlications you can still - move on from a bad relationship before getting selfish enough to mess with a single girl !

Bubblebror12003 · Answer

If a guy was married, no matter if the marriage was going well or not- any self respecting girl would run the other way. No one wants to be an on the side girl. The only exception is if it was an open marriage, and the wife also supported it.

Any girl that would go out with a married man is extremely insecure and thinks she can't find anyone else, or is after money or wants to be a home wrecker. Because it is embarassing to be the mistress on the side, she probably wouldn't tell anyone, unless feeling guilty, and then maybe your wife.

Unless you are in an open relationship, please get couselling- there are a lot of places that offer it free.

addicted · Answer

First,  MAKE SURE SHE IS INTERESTED!  I actually went through this myself (once being the single girl approached and once I approached a single guy when I was married).  When the married man was hitting on me, I always made it clear that I like him by constant eye contact, touching, heavy flirting and we would e-mail each other ALOT!  When I approached a single guy, I did the same things and he did the same with me.  I knew 100% that the other person would be discreet and this would be a NSA relationship.  In both situations, we started out friends, then it looked like more than friends, then one of us suggested "Hey, we need to go out for drinks after work one day!"  By the way they answer, you can kinda tell whether or not there is interest or not.  Maybe, even start out as a group getting drinks and then see how much you and her talk, touch, etc.  It might even turn out that you are the only two left.see where I'm going?  It worked this way for me each time.  Good Luck!

Anonymous · Answer

I am the woman in this current situation. I want him, he wants me. We are both married to other people. Problem is, I don't know if he's just interested, or wanting to have an affair.

This leaves me behaving spectacularly aloof, so in return he probably doesn't know how much I want him too.

I wish he would just initiate having 'that' conversation with me, I don't feel like I can initiate as he goes between staring me, double taking, and when I attempt to return some semblance of "normal interested" behaviour such as smiling and saying hello, he says nothing and puts his head down.

Bottom line is, I would totally be interested in having an affair under the right conditions for me, but I don't know if he just wants the ego boost from a girl 20 years younger than him or if he would actually cheat on his wife. Men eh?

unsubrowe · Answer

i just want to know how you want us to "give honest answers" when you also "don't lecture me about the sanctity of marriage."

so, what are you really asking from us? an honest answer, or something that's not a lecture...

VolleyBallBaby0xx · Answer

domnt tell the girl your married, it will make her feel like the "side-dish"

addie2008 · Answer

i think you should go to church and pray for forgiveness,no normal girl would want a married man.think abt your wife and how she would feel.

How should a married man approach you if he likes you?

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