Guys, Why can't men ever admit when they aren't interested?

[Anonymous]

im amazed at how many men that can't communicate like adults. Instead of communicating with me directly, they'd rather waste my time, instead of telling me that there really is no us. And I always end up finding out because the guy I'm dating cheats and I catch him or he just flat out starts withdrawing and making no time for me and I won't hear from a guy for at least 2 weeks. But no matter what, they never say how they really feel. It's always "Well, if that's how you feel about me then maybe we aren't right for each other" and act like I'm the one who is overanalyzing things. Uh excuse me, but if we go from dating weekly and talking about making a future together and then all of sudden you go completely M. I. A for 2 weeks , sometimes as much as 4 and expect me to not care, is RIDICULOUS. It's a partnership. Should be a two way street. Just like I put in effort, so should my partner. Or is that too much too ask these days. Seems as soon as guys get sex they think they can do whatever.

[MrOracle]

I don't know you or know anything about you, so don't be offended by what I say next, because maybe it doesn't apply to you at all. But in the off-chance that it does, perhaps it will give you some insight that helps you in the future.

in my opinion, I suspect that either you are going for guys above your level - really popular guys that all the other girls want too - and those guys have tons of options and don't feel any need to settle down with any one girl - OR - you have some behavior or attitude that pushes guys away. Many guys will overlook bad behavior or attitudes in order to get laid, but once they've had you, they lose their motivation to overlook that behavior/attitude and they back away.

Again, not intending any offense, and perhaps I'm way off base, but take a hard look at your relationships with these past guys and see if what I've said is true. If it is, well, at least you know that you have some issues that you can work on so that you have better outcomes in the future.

[Asker]

This didn't start happening until last year. All my friends have considered me a true sweetie with a heart of gold. I'm not quick to anger and I also am very forgiving. In fact I'm told I can be a pushover. So the latter can't be it. The former can't be it either though because my standards aren't high. I actually prefer men with flaws. I'm attracted to flaws- they build character in my eyes. Dad bods or frail thin slim figures with a not perfectly symmetrical face is what you can call my type. I'm afraid though, that maybe it has to do with something you haven't mentioned which I can't change much- my appearance. This issue dating wasn't a thing in the past but it's started since I've been online dating. Maybe they meet me and decide I'm not attractive enough (after all medium looking plain guys often fall for and up with better looking women if they have options).

[VanillaSalt]

Maybe it’s the men you chose? Statistically speaking your failure with men says more about you then men. Perhaps you dress like a slut. Perhaps your boring. You respond with 1 word answers. Your personality has no depth. You put out too early. You don’t put out at all. I can’t count the number of times I’ve gotten 1 word responses... I Casper your ass if you make a habit of 1 word answers and me forcing the conversation.

[Asker]

Wow. I can understand your comment until you said that last part. Most people would'nt want to talk to someone who is rude and assuming from the start, but I'm not one to ever hold a grudge. I don't get upset easily but I'm telling you this so you're aware you shouldn't be condescending to someone you haven't gotten to know. Ya know, I was actually just talking about two dates where I felt an instant spark and could talk for hourrrs to another op. And while I understand looking inward is the first step- I truly do, but on the contrary, majority of the men I chose are very good. In fact for most of my 22 years I have been very successful when it comes to love. While my friends had rough break ups, toxic relationships, dealt with whack sex and boring guys who couldn't talk about anything deep, I on the other hand was smooth cruising from 14-21. My high school sweetheart and I broke up amicably and I've never had any trouble when it came to dating up until last year. Haven't even had my heart broken. But the last year of dating has been awful. Not sure what I should do about it. It's a new experience for me.

[Asker]

Oh and as far as putting out too early or late, I feel that every guy has a different perspective of what that looks like. Some men can't fathom waiting to share their bodies with anyone new and don't judge that, while some guys would be turned off if you started off sexually. I think I've done a pretty good job at trying to weed out who I can tell is just trying to have sex, but it's yet to occur. Maybe I've had too much good experiences thinking I was a good judge of character that in reality I suck at it...

[VanillaSalt]

Would you feel better if I said “look lady my back hurts from carrying this conversation. Would you mind helping out?”

No women won’t even respond to me if I give a 1 word answer. Again if your boring I’m not wasting my time. If you can’t talk on the conversation CHANGE IT!

Fact is women are lazy when it comes to dating. Most wait for men to ask them. Most make men pay. Most wait for me to ask to marry. Most make men initiate sex nearly every time.

I’m just saying you sound amazing so why are you single...

I don't know if this fits you but let me put this how women are. Online dating don’t work unless your hot or lucky for guys. I don't know about asking in public but I know this... the more desirable the man you choose the more women want him and the more choices he has. That means if you mess up he’s got others. Your not valuable your just something else. He’s got 8 other women to replace you the moment it goes south...

I suggest you drop your standards and date lower. Find someone with the same goals as you and that’s less attractive. The plumber makes good money and he may roll in shit all day and look like swamp thing but he knows the quality of a good lady.

[Asker]

I actually have no problem carrying a conversation or paying for a date. In some instances I find I'm more socially skilled than my date but I never cared much since I don't mind dating shy, quiet men. As for paying, I almost always pay. I don't like men paying for. e. And I don't prioritize looks. I prioritize chemistry and most times chemistry I feel isn't at all related to how a guy looks. I've met good looking guys with no spark and average guys with a spark.

Honestly I mainly wrote this because I was feeling sorry for myself since it's a new kind of experience for me. Between ages 14-21 I didn't have issues like this until this past year. What hurts me right now is currently being so confused about being ghosted by a man who used to always want to see me and we could chat about anything from science, news, to philosophical things for hours. Maybe I just had to finally experience this to grow and learn. I miss when dating was easy though

[VanillaSalt]

The order of your words... your message. Your feelings... I could cry right now or even jump for joy. “Feeling sorry for myself” “new experience” “i miss when dating was easy”. Finally finally a woman understands!

This is karma. This is what many MANY men experience every single day they hold out any hope of finding a partner. This is justice. I wish all women could feel this... not that it’s gonna change you at all. You’ll keep making the same mistakes and being the same person. Hell you’ll forget about this feeling in a few weeks and never suffer it again. But most men will feel this continuously for years.

[Asker]

Honestly it's concerning that you wish wrong on someone like that, esp someone who puts in good effort into all my relationships, not just dates. That's not healthy to wish wrong to anyone. And if men keep experiencing this with women though it's because of the women they are choosing. Apply that logic in your first comment to me to yourself.

[Asker]

Also how do you know I wouldn't learn? The fact that I am willing to continue talking kindly to a complete stranger who insults me in every shows I have the capacity for growth and to find a middle ground with other people.

[Asker]

By the way, gorgeous cat! I have two that look just like yours!

[VanillaSalt]

Thanks for the car comment. Unfortunately I lost him a while back due to complications. He used to sit proud on my shoulder while I walked. I have his offspring. A black female and I love her.

Look I have feelings for women that are complicated. I hate women for the power they hold in society and law compared to men. It’s very dangerous for me as a man to put myself out there these days. And I’ve never had much success. 3 relationships 4 women 3 cheaters. I’ve always had respect for women and treated them well and I’m still painted with the same brush the shitty men are painted with like you just did by the way. I’m not defending what I did just want you to understand where these feelings come from.

I do apologize for making sick an assumption. That being said I don’t blindly wish I’ll will on others. I wish everyone understand what you just now learned and through suffering if necessary. I think through suffering people can understand and sympathize with one another.

Every date you do on and relationship you are a part of is a race that you can always try to win. But for men like me were still waiting at the start line for the damn gun to go off. Almost any man you all will take you on a date and you can at least try. I don’t get that chance. I think something like 30% of men will die without ever dating. When the populations basically 1:1 for men and women. We humans seem to want to pick mates based off biology like wanting the tall man that can protect and provide and still get the other things that only society brings like being able to be super selective and still survive. 100 years ago a woman would have a hard life if she didn’t have a husband to provide... she also had a limited selection. In return for this raw deal the men devoted themselves to their women supporting and protecting considering chivalry with women and children first and men sent to war to fight and die for their families and things like alimony.

[VanillaSalt]

Now though women want traditional values from men but don’t provide the traditional values themselves. And I’ll be honest the number of times I hear from women I’m not like that or I’ll ask men out or I’ll pay... I swear it’s like every woman I meets the exception... you know statistically that’s not possible right? Most women now want to have their cake and eat it too. They think they deserve a rich hot romantic man and refuse to open their standards at all and becomes like you describe... I’m so amazing yet I can’t find a good man.

I hate women so much for that stupid hypocrisy and ignorance and yet there’s nothing I want more than what only a woman can provide me... so ya sry for snapping end rant.

[RHK36]

You're dating boys maybe 🤷🏽‍♂️. I have no problem telling how I think or feel. Communication is key for any type of relationship.

[BarryLiverstone]

Because if they are honest and tell you they aren’t interested you would leave them

[Anonymous]

This sounds more like a you problem.

[Asker]

Right, because one shouldn't take responsibility for lying and leading you on

[Opinion Owner]

When one person consistently has problems with the opposite sex, to the point where they feel the need to post nonsense like "men can never" this or that and men always this or that, that person, if they have any sense, at some point has to stop and ask what is the common denominator here. Seriously, think about how you would feel about reading this from someone else.

[Asker]

That whole look inward only works if you're not being cautious about things. I am actually looking for men who say they want the same things. No matter how good you are, you can't help it if others want to waste your time and lie

[Asker]

Also, you're wrong- I've actually mostly had good experiences with men. So much so that I've never actually never had a messy break up or toxic relationship. I don't know what real heart break is.

[Opinion Owner]

"Why can't men ever admit when they aren't interested?"

"I always end up finding out because the guy I'm dating cheats"

"But no matter what, they never say how they really feel."

"I've actually mostly had good experiences with men. So much so that I've never actually never had a messy break up or toxic relationship."

Hmmm...

[Asker]

Lol I was having a bad day and exaggerating. I'm still good friends with my high school sweetheart and up until last year, I've been never faced this issue tbh

[Opinion Owner]

OK cool, carry one then.

[Opinion Owner]

carry 'on

[Asker]

In all cases I've simply let it slide and got no closure once things hit the fan. Part of it was because I just genuinely felt I couldn't do anything. After all if they lied about big things, then what else is a lie? But after having this happen three times in a year, I've developed some insecurities that I never had in my 22 years. As a teen up until I turned 21, I felt sparred from the headaches most my friends dealt with and I felt like I was a really good judge of character. But maybe I was just "lucky". I don't know

[Asker]

To add to the being lucky ^^ I also found that while all my girlfriend's complained about even smaller things like whack sex, or he never wants to talk about deep, philosophical shit- just sports and small talk- I was having the time of my life - no trouble with any of those things.

[Opinion Owner]

Am I correct in understanding that the issues you had were with one guy?

[Asker]

To add to the being lucky I also found that while all my girlfriend's complained about even smaller things like whack sex, or he never wants to talk about deep, philosophical shit- just sports and small talk- I was having the time of my life - no trouble with any of those things.

[Asker]

No. Well the cheating and lying yes. But the ghosting? Happened with a couple different guys after just 2 dates where I felt we connected strongly and had great chemistry and would chat for houuuurrss

[Opinion Owner]

Sounds like you've had a similar experience to most men and women your age.

[Asker]

I know it's common but it's a new experience for me as of turning 21. And now that I'm 22 I'm just over it. Scared to date. I miss when dating and romance flowed smoothly for me as it did when I was 14-20.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah it gets more complicated as we get older. But keep a positive attitude and don't give up looking. You'll find a good guy who is right for you.