Do some guys choose to not be in relationship with a woman they think is way hotter than them/out of their league?

Question

Like if they’re insecure or something and they’re used to dating average looking women (not saying looks are the most important but it does play a huge role), and say he starts dating a super attractive woman he isn’t used to dating, would it make him feel insecure or like he isn’t good enough or maybe he doesn’t want to?

abc3643 · Accepted Answer

Yes, but not so much because of who she is but partly because of who she thinks she may be.

Let me explain... It's related to something I call "Beautiful Girl Syndrome Type 2"...

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If you Google "Beautiful Girl Syndrome", that's basically saying that beautiful girls can be bitchier and high maintenance because guys are willing to put up with more because she is so beautiful. Guys won't put up with so much shit and work if the girl isn't so attractive.

"Beautiful Girl Syndrome Type 2" is a phrase I coined, but it's a real thing I discovered not quite 40 years ago. This will take some time to explain...

All guys need to feel that they can "win". They view things as something like a competition in which there is some goal that they want to achieve. If a guy wants something and he believes that there is SOME possibility that he may get it, he will get emotionally involved. If he begins to believe that he won't get that, then he begins to withdraw and get emotionally detached. However, sometimes a guy doesn't even think he has a chance, so he doesn't bother...

And this is where "Beautiful Girl Syndrome Type 2" comes in. If a girl is really beautiful, a regular guy thinks:
1. There are a zillion other guys who want her.
2. She almost certainly already has a boyfriend.
3. There is no way she'd be attracted to me; I am not anything special.
4. If she did date me, she'd dump me for some better-looking guy who will hit on her and there definitely will be such a guy.
5. She's going to be bitchy and high maintenance. (In other words, he's thinking she suffers from normal Beautiful Girl Syndrome.)

So, he basically thinks that
1) he doesn't have a chance to get her,
2) if he did, she's going to be a lot of work, and then
3) he'll lose her.

Because oceans of guys think like this - the only exception being the hunky guys - the beautiful girl either can't find a guy or goes with dickhead hunky guys (who suffer from Beautiful Guy Syndrome). Of course, the regular guys see the beauties with the hunky guys and that just reinforces their belief that they don't have a chance...

Oh, and one more thing: Since the beautiful girls can get guys, they are getting laid... So, any new boyfriend has to "compete" against all of her past lovers and many guys don't think they are going to "measure up" (if you know what I mean) compared to those past hunky guys.

So, a beautiful girl needs to be proactive and hit on men instead of waiting for them to hit on her. A beautiful girl being proactive removes doubts males have regarding Beautiful Girl Syndrome Type 2.

Just to reiterate, this is Beautiful Girl Syndrome Type 2 in a nutshell:

If a girl is attractive enough, many guys will not approach her simply because:

1. He thinks he doesn't have a shot because:
A. He thinks she's already taken. After all, a girl that attractive is going to have lots of guys hitting on her.
B. Even if she was available, like with all women, no guy wants to get shot down. With a beautiful girl, guys expect that they will get shot down.

2. If he did get her, she'd be a lot of work to keep her.

3. ... and then she'll eventually leave him for a better-looking / richer guy anyway.

LightEnd · Accepted Answer

A lot of men aren't getting into relationships In the current dating climate. Even mediocre women get so much attention on social media.

There are a ton of factors that could be contributing to his decision not to get into a relationship with you that do not involve insecurity but we don't have many details.

I'll give it a shot in th dark and guess that he is not that attracrive but maybe has money and confidence.

He may be assuming that you are just settling for him which no man wants.

You are probably a good person and genuine, but a lot of women are out here swinging from man to man like monkey bars. Look at the PJ Washington story. Too many women are simply taking advantage of men. No matter how attracrive you are, to him maybe your just not worth the risk of potential problems (emotional and financial) that could arise in the event that you later decide to get with a man who is "in your league".

Aethereal · Answer

From my own perspective, the reason is not exactly what you think. I consider my girlfriend to be very beautiful, and somewhat out of my league. At the same time, I didn't let this stop me from trying to start a relationship with her.

The reason I would not have wanted to be in a relationship with her has to do less with her beauty and more with how she handles it. Some beautiful women use their looks to get favours, manipulate people, and overall develop an arrogant or entitled attitude. Others love the attention and seek it incessantly (flirting with and leading men on). I wouldn't have entered a relationship with my girlfriend if I got the impression that she was like that.

I was primarily looking for a relationship with a certain kind of personality. The beauty was a nice bonus. It would not have made up for the absence of the personality I was looking for though.

MCheetah · Answer

Yeah, all the time. Because at any given moment, the "hot" girl can leave him and break his heart. Dating "within your league" is the safer option. At least for men. Women don't believe in "leagues" because Hypergamy. All women feel entitled to 9s and 10s.

Aristomachos · Answer

Yes, but it is the guy's problem. Confidence is key. Otherwise you will live a living hell, for every time you make new friends they will be considered as a threat from him. Guys are better off chose a girl with a feature that can be a repellent for rest males and enjoy safety. I guess less confident more likely.

Anonymous · Answer

Perhaps. But the very attractive woman I've chosen not to be in a relationship with is all down to her personality.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

I wouldn't be deterred if she's physically attractive. Not at all. But if she's richer than me, than I would leave her alone.

Hulk30 · Answer

from my perspective i'd rather date 7's with bangin bodies than 8's 9's or 10's with the same dynamic because of the strong possiblity of arrogance as a result of bein dimes and the fact that women's confidence is generally based on their looks

spartan55 · Answer

That's the most twisted logic I think I've heard about this topic. I can't see ANY guy ever doing this.

Anonymous · Answer

Nope. I'm a big time reacher. I reach for women I probably shouldn't have.

Anonymous · Answer

I actually don't care much about looks especially if I think she won't be faithful.

fred_durst · Answer

or they are too stingy to spend money to any other people

humanearth · Answer

Who knows

Do some guys choose to not be in relationship with a woman they think is way hotter than them/out of their league?

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