I'm sick and tired of being treated like crap and I want to know how to move on?

[Anonymous]

I get treated like crap by EVERYONE especially guys, even my friends and my mom. I try to go out of my way to do everything for everyone. I try to be considerate of other peoples feelings. I try to include others in good times. I try to compromise. I try to be helpful. I try to be supporting. I go way out of my effing way to be the best girlfriend or friend I know how to be and it blows up in my face EVERY TIME. I'm sick of it! I'm sick of trying with people. I'm sick of dealing with relationships. And when I don't try hard I don't hear from people or I become looked at like I'm a bad person. I can't win with anyone.

I want to know the best way to go about adjusting to being a solitary person. I've always craved being around other people and being happy in a group of caring friends and a boyfriend and that's just never coming true. I never vibe right with people, the two guys I've seriously dated turned out to both be complete self serving assholes and it's just not going to work out for me so I quit, but it's a hard adjustment. I'm pretty much giving up everything I ever wanted and my ultimate goal of being a mom in the long run so it's a tough pill to swallow.

Tips?

[T-Prime]

You cannot kill the desire, you can simply choose to ignore it as best you can. But it will grow more and more difficult the longer it lies dormant. I understand how you feel, especially about the lack of emotions that you feel others give you.

However, the honest truth that I discovered on my journey with this, is that it is my problem in my inability to decipher and catalogue the emotional responses I receive from others. I lost a very serious long term relationship over it with my fiancée, simply because I felt I was marrying an emotionless woman, it wasn't true.

I just couldn't overcome my lack of understanding as to why she didn't present her emotions in the same caliber as I presented mine to her. It always felt one sided and hollow and I began to analyze a similarity in how everyone acts the same way, it wasn't true, it was me.

It's sort of a deer in the head lights situation. My advice, stop putting yourself out there and let someone else tie themselves to the rails for once, see if they will make the sacrifice for you, as a friend or something more. That way you can get the right reading on who they are and what they do for you emotionally, and if it feels right. Cause then you will know how it feels to be emotionally fulfilled and it's wonderful.

[christian2724]

I've been there. Sometimes I answer questions on here completely innocently and people attack me. It's the way it's always been. Something must be wrong with me. It's amazing how it follows me even on here. Yet all I have is good intentions. I know it's somethingg I do unconsciously and it leads to that. I can't blame everyone else.

Anyways. Yeah, f*** em. But look to yourself before you blame anyone else. You could be doing somethingg that makes them misinterpret you. First off, find some activities to do. Otherwise just try to be a bit more thoughtful when you do communicate. Take some time off and you'll probably be able to adjust back into being more social. You don't sound like an introvert. Me, I never was big on people anyways.

Just step away, clear your mind. Analyze yourself. Don't be impulsive. Be conscious of your tone and your body language. That can be hard. Kill them with kindness. Step back in when you're ready.

[Asker]

I've honestly done the wash rinse repeat thing a million times. I just don't get people. I don't understand why they never seem to form real emotions for me or be there for me like I am for them so it just has to be this way. I just don't want it to be living an unbearable life.

[christian2724]

You can't just walk away though. You need human contact. You can't change them, only yourself. So that's the way to go. Don't interact with them more than you need as well.

[Asker]

The "friends" I have I probably see once a month and I broke up with my jackass, I mean ex over a month ago even though he brought more drama today that I don't even want to get into. It's not the contact. It's the feeling. I want to kill the desire to be around people or get married etc.

[elements]

I'm sorry people treat you like crap. To me, it seems that you may perhaps be a little TOO accommodating. There's nothing wrong with being nice, supportive and caring, but when it gets to the point where you let people walk all over you and treat you badly because you want to remain nice, then it becomes an issue. They see that they can do or say whatever and eventually get away with it because you're nice, caring and you don't want to seem mean or rude. Try to find a middle ground. Be nice, but don't let people treat you like a doormat. How you do that, however, is up to you.

[Asker]

Yeah, seriously I have tried. I really have. This is a life long thing. I just really don't get it. Like I can't communicate with people correctly. Everything I've tried didn't work with that person. I change it and then what I was doing might of worked with that person. Worst of all I give people a lot of chances because I don't have so many people in my life but when I screw up people are so quick to just be done with me. I don't need this nonsense anymore. I want to be happy alone.

[elements]

Honestly, I'd rather have only a few very close friends as opposed to having many friends who weren't close and treated me badly. Being alone sometimes isn't such a bad thing. Eventually you will find people who genuinely respect you and care about you, and who won't treat you like crap. Until then, don't change for anyone -- you're just accommodating for them and it'll give them the idea what they can walk all over you, and you don't want that.

[Asker]

I would rather have very close friends too (hopefully one day I won't) but the fact remains that I am 24 years old. No guy has ever truly loved me and I've never had a real friend. I don't think it's going to happen. It's time to be realistic.

[elements]

Well, I'm a bit younger (21), and I've never had a boyfriend. I've only had one true best friend in my entire life (although all my other friends are great, but I'm not as close with them). It's up to you, but you can decide to be optimistic instead. If you have faith and work towards building friendships, it will happen. It's just a matter of weeding out the bad ones, I guess.

[Asker]

I disagree. I think things you work for should be feasible. Like I'm working towards my degree. You can't work towards relationships. What would you work on? Hoping harder? I want to work on being a loner. I wish I knew a nice place to park and chill in peace.

[elements]

Well, that's your choice, but I respectfully disagree. If you want to be alone and chill, it's totally up to you.

[Toxic]

I'm sorry.

You, you try, you try to get by,

you’re never going to pull it off,

you shouldn't even try.

You're a wet cigarette,

you’re always second best,

they're never going to give a sh*t about anybody but themselves.

So you fight for them to realize,

there's more to life,

there's more to you,

there's more than meets the eye.

And when you're done, the battle's been won,

you sit back, you smile,

And this is what you hum, you hum,

Whoa, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh,

Whoa, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh.

12341234