Guys, why is this uncomfortable for you, if it is?

Question

I've had one guy do this and I literally melted. Why is this so bad? Guys why is this so hard for you? Masculine thing? I get it but its not like ill scream it from the rooftops.

NamerOfStars · Accepted Answer

My guess would be social media. We live in an age when many people broadcast nearly every moment of their lives, and most of the rest of us often feel compelled to follow what they're doing, giving us the idea that there's One Right Way to do pretty much everything, and that sociopolitical acceptability is the only thing that matters in deciding what it is. Depending on where and exactly when you are, what that One Right Way is will vary, but heaven help you if you defy it. This is very stupid, but also very human.

We're told "you shouldn't let your partner take advantage of you", which is true. But it ignores that sometimes, your partner needs you to be supportive of them more than they are of you, at least at the time. We're told "it's bad to be sexually selfish", which is true. But it ignores that sometimes, pleasing someone else purely for the sake of pleasing someone else is a pleasure all its own, and that sometimes, it's actually BETTER if everything isn't perfectly 50/50 down the middle at that very second. And we're told "the old way of doing things in a relationship is wrong; your expectations and obligations shouldn't be determined by your gender" which is true. But it ignores that humans aren't JUST their genders, and that while it's a good idea to question gender-based behavior patterns, it's not a good idea to simply replace them with DIFFERENT gender-based behavior patterns. When you're snuggling with your guy, you're not snuggling with some Kantian, much less Platonic, ideal of what "a man" is; you're snuggling with Jimmy, who likes baking cupcakes and watching football and bright, pastel-colored power tools, and is currently writing a musical about sentient monster trucks teaming up with the god of steak sauce to fight off an alien invasion. Or whatever.

If all you have is lust, then something that damages that lust can scuttle the whole partnership. And most women ARE attracted to masculine stoicism* (which is far from the same as emotionlessness), and the psychological toughness that comes with it- evolution doesn't end at the neck, after all. But 1. women aren't unthinking, instinct-driven beasts, they're just as human as men are, and 2. a healthy relationship requires a connection deeper than surface-level lust. That's another issue right there; people thinking that love is something you *find*, rather than something you *build*, but that's a much bigger issue; though it is the reason I'll fight back against people using "making love" as a euphemism for "having sex" until the day I die, even though that fight was lost long before I was born.

All that said, if it's something you'd like your guy to do, he'll probably be willing to try, if perhaps only physically at first (trust is hard, no bones about it). Be careful how you phrase it, though: something like "Here's how I'd like you to cuddle up with me" will go over better than "I want you to put your head in my lap".

*It's a weird coincidence, but I actually overheard two guys in the mall talking about this just a few hours ago; the specific way it shows up in the old vs the new Star Trek movies. I'm not sure on the details, since I've never watched them (having not gotten into Star Trek), but there may be some insights in comparing the two sets of films.

mobiusforniner · Accepted Answer

It's not weird. Geez, I did that all the time when my wife was pregnant so I can feel and hear my kids. Now my kids are so big and I get to hear them tell dad to go screw off.

Hellraiser1984 · Answer

I love doing that. It's comforting and relaxing. But only if it's ok. Some women may see it as weak and pathetic. I like it when she puts her head on my chest or tummy too. Some women and men like doing that when she is pregnant.

DaveJord · Answer

It shouldn't be hard for a guy to do... I never knew guys didn't like doing this.

Miristheiss · Answer

I like to cuddle. It helps me feel connected and close to her. That position? Not the beat. From experience I hear gurgles and digestive sounds from her tummy.

MCheetah · Answer

I'd be fine with using a girl's boobs as a pillow. In fact, this would be a fantasy of mine come true! It's not an unmasculine gesture, to me.

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

I love doing that I'd do it all day if I could. Why do you love it so much what does that do for you

FunkyMonkee · Answer

I don't get it. What, exactly, are we talking about?

NathanDavis · Answer

it's just cuddling... not uncomfortable at all

exitseven · Answer

It is not uncomfortable to me.

SuitAndTie · Answer

I do this all the time. I love it.

2021biguy · Answer

It's not uncomfortable, I like cuddling :)

LegendaryIcon · Answer

i don't get it. why do you like it so much

Anonymous · Answer

I'm ok with it in fact i'd love it

jasco · Answer

i don't know, i like it when a girl does it for me

Anonymous · Answer

Not for me, I do this right after my wife pegs me.

WhiteBoyChill · Answer

I love cuddling! ❤️

Jmmmfi4 · Answer

Its fine

Guys, why is this uncomfortable for you, if it is?

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Guys, why is this uncomfortable for you, if it is?

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