Why does my friends with benefits want to hang out but never want to have sex?

[Girlinasituationship]

We met at a small party I threw at my house. He took my virginity and we've been hanging out all the time since then. We both agreed it was casual but he will cover me, play with my hair, get upset when I spoon with another guy, and just seem like he cares. Most of the time when he comes over we just cuddle and he doesn't even want sex. I'm the one who wants it. When he was drunk he called me so many times upset because he thought I was naked with another guy. He also told me he wanted to tell me he loves me. We've only had sex 5 times since we've met. We normally just hangout bc he never wants to. Why doesn't he want to have sex? Why did he almost tell me he loved me when he was drunk? This boy is giving me so many mixed messages. Thanks so much guy!

[SueShe]

It seems that for this guy, sex is not the priority in his life and that he is most comfortable being just with you and without being intimate.

That is perfectly fine and you should accept his friendship as is. Sex is overrated and the catalyst for so many problems as you realize it. Some people want it and some don't need it that often.

You seem to call him a friend with benefits but to him, you are just a friend without too many physical benefits.

He seems to be jealous that you may be intimate with other guys which leads me to believe that he does care for you beyond what a friend with benefits does. Perhaps he has caught feelings for you and is unsure how to express it.

You need to have a serious conversation and clear things up before it is too late and that you leave him because you expect too much or that he leaves you because you want too much.

[Girlinasituationship]

Thanks for taking the time to answer! That's very possible for sure. I'm just worried because I caught feelings for sure but I haven't been expressing it. It's just big for someone to take your virginity. We will definitely talk today more about it. Great advice!

[SueShe]

To make sure you are on the same frequency, why don't you prepare a list of issues and give your answers to those questions. Ask your friend to answer the same question separately. Then you go over the replies and see where your answers are different. Try to find a consensus that is acceptable to both.

This way, you make sure that both of you speak the same language. Good luck.

[SueShe]

Thanks for the MHO

[RearEntryGuy]

Try to put yourself in his shoe.

He could be:

1) the type of guy that fears commitment.

2) the type that fears rejection (hence accepts friends with benefits instead of a relationship)

3) a player, pretend and play hard to get to get into your pants (possible but in my opinion, not likely)

What you can do:
A) allow a few more months to pass, then have a formal discussion to make the current friends with benefits into a romantic relationship.

B) be cautious and not get too attached to avoid a bad heartbreak.

C) have more dates without alcoholic drinks.

D) drop hints that you want a relationship.

[larry69]

Seems like he is afraid of sex
I would want sex every day no matter what time of the month it is.

[Girlinasituationship]

He definitely isn't because he's the one who wanted it at first. It's just confusing

[larry69]

Why would he not be trying now?
If it is good it will get better

[AviatorTom]

That guy is not your friends with benefits... he wants to have a relationship with you.

[spartan55]

Yeah, that's going to end well...

[Girlinasituationship]

It might

[PeterSmith1983]

That's called a friend without benefits... did you notice him not being satisfied during sex with you?

[Girlinasituationship]

No he definitely finishes Everytime. That's possible though. He's had a lot of really good sex.

[PeterSmith1983]

And he does not want anymore... that's very weird I am sure many guys will be very jalous with him having you as friends with benefits cumming each time in or on you

[Avicenna]

Sounds like friends, not friends with benefits

[Girlinasituationship]

Possibly it's just confusing

[In_Trance]

Ask him why

[Girlinasituationship]

I have and he says bc he just isn't in the mood

[In_Trance]

So you put up with it or find someone who is in the mood