Why do guys pull away when things start to heat up?

[Anonymous]

He’s admitted that he likes me and I like him but right after that, he began to pull away then poof.. ghosted. I don’t understand.

[JustNotherHuman34]

Well, there are multitude of possible reasons why this occurred.


One reason might be that he’s afraid of love and/or commitment. That’s the stereotype for men, anyway, especially younger ones. He may not want to be devoted to you just yet. There are some guys who definitely overthink things. Though I definitely don’t speak for all guys who overthink, I’m definitely speaking as one of them.


Another possible reason could be that he’s carrying some baggage from a past relationship. Unfortunately, I do know plenty of heterosexual cis-gender men who think the worst of women, solely based on one or two crappy ones from their past. Deep relationships with messy endings can scar men more than some people might think. It doesn’t even have to because of an ex. It could be because of a woman who wronged him, his mother or other family member or close family friend. Even if it didn’t happen to him but someone to whom he was close, it could’ve altered his view on women or just relationships in general.


Baggage or no baggage, it’s also possible that he just doesn’t want to get hurt. The old “push you away before you push me away.” There may be some things about him that he’s not comfortable sharing with you, or a side of him that he may not want you to see. For some men, it’s hard to be vulnerable. We’re taught from a young age that we get caught up in our feelings and can’t let them out. That’s societal pressure. He may learned from his guardians, family, friends, coworkers, teachers, the media, and/or society as a whole that men don’t cry (which of course is bull-crap). He may have also learned from any of those groups that certain traits he may have are negative and he must hide them from everyone. He may believe that he’s just be protecting himself from future rejection.


Obviously, these make a crapton of assumptions with absolutely no knowledge of your situation with this guy. If he’s a friend, then it’s possible that he may not want to ruin the friendship with you. Relationships can do that, and that scares some people out of pursuing something more. If someone you just met, then it’s possible that he’s attracted to and vibes with you, but he doesn’t trust you just yet. Or, he could just be really shy. I’m also one of those guys, unfortunately 🤣


Hopefully he follows his heart and does what’s right for him. It may be a good idea to let him figure out for himself if he wants to pursue you. However, if you’re really into the idea of being something more, then you may have to drop a pretty big hint on him. Some guys can be oblivious and while you think you’re dropping a huge hint, it may be going right over his head. If he doesn’t go for that, then it’s probably best that he’s left alone to figure himself out. Just make sure you’re ok with rejection if that doesn’t work.


Whew. Sorry for the crappy novel 😅

[Asker]

I really appreciate it. Thank you

[Red_Dawn123]

Not all guys are like this, I promise. I’d say this particular guy was either scared of commitment, which better for him to do this now than later when you would’ve been more invested in the relationship, or he doesn’t know what he wants. It’s not your job to figure that out either. You’ve said you’re interested, he said one thing but his actions are saying something else. Always pay attention to a persons actions. Their actions will usually reveal the truth far more clearly than the words coming out of their mouth. People won’t act outside of what they want or their “best interest”…. usually. I would move on. There’s many men looking for something more and who aren’t afraid of things getting serious/fiery. You deserve someone who knows what they want and isn’t afraid of going after it. No ghosting. No Pulling away for dumb reasons. 🙂

[Cynicaldreamer]

"He’s admitted that he likes me and I like him but right after that, he began to pull away then poof.. ghosted."
Why does this sound like the last guy I liked? It's eerie actually...
He claimed he liked me, I liked him. But as soon as I asked him out on a date, he pulled away and immediately lost interest in me-

Now there's a few reasons: he either found someone else he liked a bit more, and he was just enjoying the attention you were giving him in the meantime. It could be he enjoyed the "chase" of trying to get someone, but not committing to them.

Or he could just be an ass- I like that theory.

The fact is, he pulled away- as soon as anyone does that, treat them like they treat you. DO NOT chase after him or try to get his attention!!! That's what they want. Ignore, block if you have to so you don't be tempted to message or check on him, and move on with your life.
Because if he wanted you in the first place like he claimed he did, he wouldn't have ghosted you in the first place.

[Xoxocutekitty]

Some people want everything on a golden spoon.

I once met a guy from a dating app. First date went really well and he asked for my phone number. He texted 2 days later and I responded, agreeing to another date.

He then out of no where lost interest and said it was because I should have waited 2 days to text him back after he first texted me. "Why? That sounds like a mind game." I asked. He said that he 'lost interest because I responded too fast and seemed too available for a proper chase.'

Dating is weird. Every person has their own superstitions and triggers and few take the time to communicate them.

[DryGermanGuy]

What an idiot. Where do they get such „information“, I wonder? ☹️

[Unknown_Swan_]

I had the same problem with a girl nearly a couple of months back.
She knew I liked her, she reciprocated, she texted me that night something sweet, I then reciprocated and sent her a text asking to meet up again near my College Christmas break. Nothing. Never heard from her again. That was December 1st. It's now nearly January 12th 2022.

You can always send him a text asking 'What are you doing? We like each other, so let's meet again. If not, then all the best to you.'
If you hear nothing after that, then it's his loss. If he comes back after that, like months or a year later, show him the door. Because he's then playing you.

[Asker]

I’ve tried asking him what’s going on but have gotten the run around from him. I know that I wasn’t imagining a lot of the things I’ve felt because he made me feel safe enough to be vulnerable and vice versa which is something we both don’t do. We were building trust and healthy communication and then nothing. When I mention the change it’s as if nothing has happened but the distance is still there and now I’m questioning myself like did it ever really happen?

[Unknown_Swan_]

I would move on.

It's probably going to be hard, as it sounds like you really like him. But it looks like to me, he's either playing hard to get or toying with your emotions. Neither is a good sign. You deserve better

[ArchivalMars2]

Yeah, there's a long list of possibilities unfortunately. One could be that he's afraid of commitment due to losing his freedom or for past experiences (this is a stereotype mind you but still a possibility). Another could be that he was just with you for the sex and just decided to cut bait and run and had no real intentions for a relationship of any kind to begin with.

[Diodoro]

He liked you for sex, but wanted to maintain his freedom as a single guy. He could see a relationship was imminent for sex to continue. Rather than face that he dipped out.

That's pretty much the only scenario that makes sense here. He may have liked you as a person. Thought you were nice. But he didn't want a relationship.

[sheikalana]

I think most men in general don't like confrontation and avoid drama but that guy's behavior was a bit weird. He says he likes you and then vanishes. Hmmm I don't think he likes you that much if I like someone I'd want to be with them. That's very contradictory of him.

[Anonymous]

Because love is gay and we don't need it. We only see you girls as sex objects that we use. And since we hate you bitches. We don't want to give you that gay ass thing you all desire called "love" pfff... We jus wanna fuck you and scram, love is for sissies and cringelord cheesey ass romance fantasizers, love doesn't exist in the real world Hun... Maybe if girls was nicer People we would try to give them some "love". But since majority of girls these days are all sour ass moody bitches.. we don't wanna give you the satisfaction of receiving any kind of love.

[Opinion Owner]

It's jus how guys are. Get used to it

[Opinion Owner]

I'm sure most guys internally agree with me, maybe they would say different cos my opinion is offensive or not the politically correct thing to say, but secretly all men know this is the truth. They may not even realise it but it's true

[Opinion Owner]

Maybe it's you girls fault for visualising a future. witj said guy and thinking he's yours for life now jus cos you're saying, why do. you develope feelings? that's stupid, there's no guarantee of long-term, we jus see it as a temporary fling we may or may not continue with... Why don't you girls do the same?
Have a emotionless relationship with no feelings involved. Then if you're together for years and find you both really like each other... Then you can develop feelings... you only have yourself to blame. for. developing feelings so. early on. No guy is guaranteed to stay long. Especially not in 2022. That shits in the past

[cookiecrusher]

Most likely you aren't that hot, or someone hotter game along. A lot of guys are shit buckets like that.
Tell you what you want to hear.

If he is not in a coma with corona or etc.

I would suggest take a mental note, avoid such guys, change up you type and pick better guys.
Most assholes in both genders are pretty easy to spot, take your time.

Good luck.

[hsshannah96]

Because they don’t want to express their feelings to us.

[AviatorTom]

Deep down in a guy's intrinsic biology is an urge to impregnate many women so as to produce offspring and continue his lineage. This makes it difficult to commit to one woman, even though the guy believes that's a good thing to do.

[awkward_author]

He might be afraid to commit due to past experiences.

[Anonymous]

Does he know that you like him back?

Maybe you didn't show him that you like him, so he pull away because he thought that you were not interested

[Asker]

I did. Even reassured him if it

[Honesttguy]

Its not guys its only him. I dont give two shits about heating up, i will put you in your place.

[BestWoman]

then he talks to a lot of girls and there are two kinds of birds. one is the bird in the hand and the other is the flying bird. Men say that the bird in the hand is in my hand anyway. their eyes are on the flying birds

[LegendaryIcon]

Why do girls leave you on read

She could be not reading my messages at all, like a lot of women do but, with her, she'll read them, but then not reply

WHY WHY DOES SHE DO THIS

[Franky666]

I guess you didn't reflect his feelings enough and constantly so he choose to pull away to save his dignity. If you like him too, you should make someone effort

[Asker]

I have. It was reciprocated and known with the actions to match

[Anonymous]

Many men can find being in a relationship emotionally draining. They need time away from it to recharge.

[guttss]

Sometimes we are not ready for the responsibility that come with it. So if you kind of met a person behaving like try to keep him close in any way possible, coz these are the gud stuff

[scott04sa22]

I get ghosted all the time

[Luopio27]

That is a sexist way to post a question.

[attackgrrrl]

no it’s not 🤣🤣

[Joker_]

because we prefer to cool down

[joshctlee]

He may not be sure he wants to commit to you