Any advice for living with a nit picking female roommate?

[Anonymous]

She will send rude texts or paragraphs of text to me about the smallest things. So what bothers me is that she's not only has no respect or manners when she texts me. She sounds like she's my mom. 'Do this, do that.' I am actually her elder.

The second thing is she is being way too dramatic by telling me little things that bother her. She acts like I leave my hair in huge globs strewn across the shower or in the drain. Today she sent me a text saing Get yourhair out the sink". When i came home and went to get this terrible hair out the sink... It was the smallest amount of hair. What the hell? Just ridiculous. she's just a terrible roommate and person to live with. I feel bad for any man she ever marries.

[Sonorous]

If this was happening to me, I would:

• Express that it is not my intention to upset them. And that I prefer harmony.
• Be assertive with what my boundaries are & state that I do not appreciate the way they're conducting themselves.
• Let them know how I would prefer to be spoken to. Especially when it comes to things we disagree on.
• Initiate a calm & civilized form of discussion by asking her questions about her preferences.
• Provide the reasons for why I might disagree with her. And if she only wanted to argue, then I'd say "Well things aren't likely going to improve on your end if you aren't going to be open to coming to a reasonable compromise.

[Asker]

I like it. Unfortunately many immature people are not worth wasting breath on.

[Sonorous]

Well it might not make them change their disposition towards you, but it could prevent them from overstepping your boundaries.

[Asker]

Thats what i meant though - i see that i can be a waste or even escalate further to spend the breath on certain people - and that they won't respect you no matter if you tell them to.

[Sonorous]

It's up to you

[Asker]

When has it worked for you?

[Sonorous]

With unreasonable people? Not well. So I just had to put more emphasis on being disagreeable but in a civilized way in order for them to stop causing me to suffer as badly. They're still inconsiderate, but now they've made efforts to change what they were doing since I was so vocal about how I didn't like it. And I've also made changes that allow me to ignore them more easily. Which helps keep me calm.

But they wouldn't have changed unless I expressed how much it bothered me. Because people often don't have much empathy for situations they can't relate to. And they also wouldn't have changed the way they did unless I recommended that they do. So it was all because of the communication. I especially had to stress that I only wanted a small thing to change at a time. As we tend to agree to change more when major changes aren't being made at once.

Sometimes the escalation is necessary in order to get them to change their ways. But I personally didn't/don't care about burning the bridge I have with them. So how you respond would be better off aligning with the outcome you want.

You could ignore them, be playful & remind them that these aren't serious matters, be serious & assertive, all of the above & more. But if anything, I think it would just be good for them to know your intentions & boundaries.

[Asker]

Thanks

[Sonorous]

No prob 👌

[boobliker]

don't bite back, just let it over your head. and think that spot on her chin is getting bigger with ever nit she picks,

[Asker]

Ur so right. Im finally letting things go.

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

Sit down and talk with her about it. Tell her that you know what you have to do and don’t need her to tell you.
It’s difficult to live with anyone, but if worst comes to worst, move out or have her move out

[Iron_Man]

She can move out or you can move out

[Iron_Man]

@Anonyus8910 You’ve gone too far you have a problem you were warned not to keep pushing me and bothering me and stalking me

[Iron_Man]

@Anonyus8910 Do it here then I’ve gotta go

[Anonyus8910]

Please, I can't live without you. I didn't mean what I said. I said everything out of anger

[Anonyus8910]

I swear I didn't mean anything I said

[Iron_Man]

@Anonyus8910 how many times have you told me this like 50 you never change your ways anyway maybe later we’ll talk I’ve gotta go now

[Iron_Man]

@Anonyus8910 OK I’ll talk to you once a week

[Iron_Man]

That’s not true

[Iron_Man]

You’re not blocked

[Iron_Man]

@Anonyus891 I said you’re not blocked