Male friend claims age difference is an issue to date, but doesn't want to lose me as a friend, why keep me around at all?

[Anonymous]

I have a guy friend. We talk almost everyday about anything and everything, we've talked about dating each other a few times but he says our age difference is an issue long term. He's 18 years older than me, I feel it has more to do with him not being remotely over his ex. I've seen this first hand. He constantly flirts with me and occasionally will hint at more even after he says things about our age difference being an issue. Is he just using the age difference and the supposed fear of losing our friendship to keep me around as his back up plan? If we can't date then why keep me around when we obviously have feelings for each other? My gut and my friends say that he's using the age difference to string me along as a backup plan. But I wanted other opinions to see what others thought. He's also shown jealousy when we hung out or I mentioned my ex after he did his.

[noohair]

To me, it sounds like you have been dancing around this issue. I would suggest a face to face serious talk. Make sure you tell him that you don't like things the way that they are now and what you plan to do if you don't get together. All the best and I hope you find what you want. Good luck.

[Asker]

Last time we hung out, we didn't even really talk about it, it was him just giving me constant mixed signals while saying things that didn't match. He keep touching me and my leg (not friendly way or pervertedly), and acted like he was going to make a move but never did. Then continued to talk about his ex. I've been waiting for him to ask me to hang out because he's always seems to be busy with something. Every other time we were supposed to hang our has been canceled for this or that reason. So I'm pretty sure he's just breadcrumbing like one of the other ladies said.

[annabananna]

Maybe he thinks that because of age difference y’all will want different things and he doesn’t want to hold you back in that aspect but still enjoys your company as a friend. Or maybe he is just streaming you along.

[Asker]

We've already said we wanted the same things. But he claims the age is an issue. So, It's more likely he's stringing me along as a backup plan? He claims he loves our friendship but rarely makes plans to hang out or they get canceled last minute.

[annabananna]

It doesn’t sound like he sees you as a priority then.

[Asker]

I've never been a priority to any guy I've dated or talked to, or even friendship wise. This guy wants to be a professional musician so bad, he's constantly doing something related to that, if it's not that, he's has his 16byear old son. If he's not hanging out with his son, he's hanging out with his 30ish something nephew who's also trying to break into the music biz. This guy is incredibly immature for his age.

[annabananna]

If I was your friend I would tell you to move on because you deserve better. I know it may not seem like it now but you can find a guy that will treat you like you are a priority.

[pixie215]

your friends sound right, cut your ties and find someone better

[Asker]

Should I not even be friends with him? Are my friends right about the situation. I've never dealt with a situation like this before.

[pixie215]

i had a situation like this he will just breadcrumb you. nope he isn't worth you friendship, like i got told i was to be kept in the back pocket as his end game, i was like nahhhh thanks you twat. cut off the friendship i did two weeks ago.

[Asker]

Breadcrumbing is basically just being the back up plan for when whatever else doesn't work out? Am I getting this right? I was in a 5 year relationship before this so out of the loop with dating terms. Sorry for my naivety. End game being the guy that was stringing you along was keeping you as a back up plan? That is messed up. Sorry to hear that.

[pixie215]

yes it is. no no worries for anything

[pixie215]

basically, he will flirt and give you alittle attention to keep hold or you or keep you thinking he is interested while he does whatever he wants with whoever he wants, and nahh im not sorry, i dodged that bullet!

[Asker]

Welp. Guess I need to end the friendship. My friend said the same thing just different terms. She said he'd give just enough to keep you around for when he's ready or whatever else doesn't work out. I'm definitely not a back up plan. I enjoy the conversations, but not if I'm just a back up plan. That sucks, because my ex was not a good person and this guy knows that.

Glad you're good! We can both do so much better! ❤

[pixie215]

yes we can, plus he now told someone im the one for him bwhahahah yeah sure keep moving foward and dont look back girl!