Is it ok for my big brother to get angry that i’m dating his friend?

[Anonymous]

Hello so, my brother found out that i’m in a relationship with his best friend because he saw us kissing in the car and he lost his mind. He got super protective and angry and asked me to break up with him and find better guy. I love my boyfriend and he’d do anything to make me happy. I guess my brother’s out of line in this one.

[Sixgunsound]

That’s not necessarily true. Some people keep lesser people around to build themselves up. He has probably seen how this person treats women, and is willing to let it go for some random girl he feels nothing for or has no obligation to, but for his family he’s like hell no. He’s probably joked with or had locker room conversations with this guy and heard some pretty bad/disgusting/nasty things coming out of this guys mouth about how he thinks of women or sex stories and doesn’t want to hear about or think about his sister who he loves and cares about as this guy’s latest conquest. How do you think the next conversation they have about sexploits is going to go? “Dude, your sister is so effing hot and great in the sack with amazing (.) (.) and a great ass. She’s great at x y z and I banged her three times last night”. After he finishes spitting out whatever is left of his teeth, the beat down will have him within an inch of his life.

Boys grow up fighting for the honor of their female relatives, or at least they used to. In grade school it’s your momma jokes and then in secondary school it’s I banged your sister. Be happy you have a brother who loves you enough to get mad, instead of one that tries to use offering you up as a sacrifice to gain social credit.

[Asker]

Now what to do? :/

[Sixgunsound]

You need to have separate chats with both of them about the reaction. Then they need to have a chat. If you think there could possibly be a future where his best friend marries into the family that chat IS going to happen. There might be a few hands thrown for emphasis, but that is how some guys struggle with intense competing emotions like sister and best friend. An emotionally stable brother who cares about you will understand that he has to let you grow up sooner or later. By let I don’t mean you need his permission but that he needs to wrap his head around the fact that you are going to grow up and move out and maybe get married or not, maybe have kids or not, and that you are happy that he loves you enough to care but he also needs to love you enough to know you will always be his little sister but you’re a young woman who gets to have a life and love other men too, which means kissing and maybe sex some day. I have a 17 year old sister who attracts not only douchebags but a male teacher who had to be arrested for touching her, and let’s just say it’s a good thing they have metal detectors in court because the teacher was not sorry at all for what he did and it became difficult not to protect her from him physically.

[Sixgunsound]

The chat you need to have with your boyfriend is about why someone who knows him and loves you would be upset about the two things coming together. Boyfriend is either going to panic because he knows he’s a snake or he’s going to have learned from mistakes he made on the way to you. Being in error or making mistakes is not in itself bad, because error has no moral stance. The problem is if he can’t or won’t learn from his past he might not be the one you want to invest any more emotion or time into. If he realizes he may have said or done some things he shouldn’t have, or described things to your brother in terms no man wants to hear their sister described in, that’s something you and your boyfriend as well as your boyfriend and your brother have to settle. Dating your brother’s best friend could be the best thing or the worst thing that happens to all three of you, but it depends greatly on emotional maturity and the quality of the people you are dealing with.

[Asker]

I’m sorry for what happened to your sister it’s horrible and scary.

[Sixgunsound]

Do you think they would be willing to sit down and talk? Preferably far enough apart that they can’t reach each other?

[Asker]

There shouldn’t be any issue since they’re best friends. I wasn’t hiding my relationship but we were waiting for the right moment to speak that we’ve been together for months. Maybe my brother’s hurt but he should sit with me and talk instead of being so mad and give me silent treatment.

[Sixgunsound]

Give him the benefit of the doubt that he is having a reaction to two formerly separate worlds colliding unless he comes out with some truth bombs about why his best friend is unworthy of his own or your attention, at which point he has some explaining to do about his own choices. He hasn’t had a lot of time to come to terms with you being an adult woman; you’ve been his kid sister so much longer! Men take longer to mature and struggle harder to deal with emotional things for a variety of physiological and psychological reasons we don’t need yo get into here, but the net result is that it’s his love for you that is making him angry at any threat to your honor, and in a society descended from puritans kissing or god forbid sex are threats to not only your honor but the family reputation and legacy. Is he (brother or boyfriend or both) a lot older than you? 19 is old enough to make your own life decisions as an adult, he might just need some convincing of that. Your boyfriend being a quality man who treats you right would help, which from how you describe him that is the case.

[Asker]

I’m 19 and my brother and his friend are 25

[Xhuy_006]

It's probably a sense of betrayal he feels about his friend dating his sister. But he'll get over it. What better person to date your sister than someone you know and trust.

[Aurora1010]

I mean he's his best friend, he probably knows a lot more secrets about him than you do and that might be the reason why he's mad. I'm not saying that what he's doing is right, but just a thought.

[SnakeBoop]

If your brother is saying someone better. Listen. Your boyfriend is temporary relationship wise. Your brother is life long.

[Trevelyan88]

No...
If he got protective and angry and literally told you to find a better guy... Not another guy, but a BETTER guy. His issue obviously isn't that you are dating his friend, but that there are things he knows about your boyfriend that make him not a good guy.
Maybe he is a player or treats women like shit etc.
The way guys talks about the girls they are dating/seeing when they are just around their guy friends tells a lot about how they view them.
Your brother probably know your boyfriends history with girls a lot better than you do.

[Phoenix-gb]

Not OK that he's trying to be controlling, you're entitled to live your life and make your own decisions, including regarding who you date.

Now it might be he knows something about this guy you aren't aware of and is looking out for you, but if he's not going to tell you what it is, he can't expect you to blindly do what he says. You need the information so you can make an informed decision about what to do.

[Anonymous]

I think you’re in the wrong here. These days it’s very hard to find best friends. Why would you do a thing like that? Besides he told you to find a better dude, not his friend. He knows things about his friend that you don’t. I have some really good friends that would die for me but at the same time the way they treat women I couldn’t see that happening w my sister. You should have at least talked to your brother first. I don’t know how you’d feel about your brother taking away your best friend if he was seeing her behind your back? Not cool bro lol seriously it isn’t.

[Joker_]

don't care ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎‎‎‎ ‎‎‎

[TheMajesticKing777]

I guess so mostly cause he knows his friend more than you, he possibly knows shit that might be threatening to your emotions which I guess can lexplain why he might get angry, I know if I had a sister my friends would be nowhere near her, cheating ass mfs 😂

[Honesttguy]

Yea pretty disrespectful. Friendship is over pretty much

[Asker]

How come?

[Honesttguy]

Think for sec, lets say one day u see your brother making out with your bestfriend.

[Honesttguy]

Also the sense of invaded privacy, cus best friends are close, its like personal space, he might talk about things he doesn't talk to others now thats out of the window.

[Ironic_Method]

Doesn't sound like a best friend to me. I'd be pissed too.

Also, sounds like you're dating him out of opportunity rather than choice.

[Asker]

What do you mean i am dating him out of opportunity?

[Ironic_Method]

As in... because he's been around you often due to your brother rather than you finding someone on your own.

[Asker]

He’s not my first boyfriend and we fell in love with time

[Ironic_Method]

Not sure if I would trust a guy who wouldn't tell his best friend who he's dating.

[one1wild00]

I don't know about angry, but he may know some things about his friend that you haven't seen. or he is just playing brother and being protective of you.

[Wise4myage]

Yes, because you should have mentioned it to him to make sure he was ok with it.

[Asker]

But he is dating me not my brother?

[Wise4myage]

It doesn't matter, your brother will think you both went behind his back.

[exitseven]

He knows this guy better than you do. Maybe he is a jerk.

[MysteriousDarkness]

Your brother was indirectly saying that you can do better than his friend.

[Asker]

But He wouldn’t be his friend if he was a bad guy

[Staximus]

The question is why would he say "find a better guy"?

[Asker]

It just my brother being paranoid over nothing. My boyfriend’s very good and we are both happy.

[RandomGuy1030]

He isn't out of line. He knows his friend is low tier

[Anonymous]

He might know some secret like if that guys a cheater or druggie

[Klinklins]

It is okay

[Asker]

Why?

[Klinklins]

Yes it might be over controlling, but still no brother want to see his friend's kissing her sister

[Nahid1707]

You are happy

[TrillXHippy]

Is it?

[In_Trance]

I guess

[clemdenim]

Brother is wrong