How to turn a guy down without discouraging him to pursue later?

[Anonymous]

There are times when I'm not sure about a guy just yet. I want to get to know him a little more before doing anything but he's going for it now. How can I politely turn down guys in these situations so that they aren't discouraged from asking again later?

[Phoenix-gb]

It's a tough one, because if he's respectful, that type of rejection is usually seen as a soft no, and he'll just take it as a no at that point. If he's not respectful, then he'll probably keep trying to pursue, but before you're ready, likely turning it into an explicit no.

Birdlegs probably puts it best with the "take some time to think about it" approach, as it's not an outright rejection, but like he says, there will then be a limited time before he takes it as a no.

Part of the issue is guys see dating as the getting to know someone part, as their experience getting to know someone before asking them out usually results in their already being labelled "friend" and getting rejected, which then sours the friendship as well. So he will be afraid that holding back from actually dating while you get to know them will result in you thinking they'd be better off as a friend when that's not what they wanted and did the right thing in making that clear from the start.

[Asker]

Ohh that is a problem. I see.

[Kaneki05]

I mean if you start showing signs of no. I would just think ya didn't like me and I would rather not make things awkward with a hard no.
So you would have to say something like, I may like you. Not sure yet. Slow down a bit etc.
Or keep flirting but never confirm or deny anything really.

[Little_Bumblebee]

Maybe say something like "You seem like a good or cute guy, but it's a bit too fast for me, I would like to get to know you better first," or something like that?

[Asker]

Ohh okay. Okay I'm going to practice saying that.

[Birdlegs]

I don't know how you could do it in a way that they would ask again but you could say “I want to think about it first” then take a little bit to decide and then tell him. I doubt you’d have like a month window though

[slatyb]

Say what? It's yes or no. The point of dating is to get to know someone better. How can you get to know someone a little better if you won't go out with them.

[Dragonstarterplus]

Turn down a guy pursuing what? A date? Sex? Cause if its a date, isn't the point of a date to get to know someone better?