What is going through his mind? Does he like me as a person/friend/more if at all?

[Anonymous]

I have this co-worker who is basically the male version of me. From looks, to favorite foods, favorite movies, and most of all, personality. We haven't been working together super long, but when you spend 4-11 hour working in a classroom together everyday dealing with 20 kids, you can get close quickly. Today during the kids recess time, we literally talked for an hour, deep stuff, him doing most of the talking. I thought we got along really well. I'm starting to like him at an even deeper level. The way he was talking the other day, I actually thought he was going to ask me out. Spoiler alert, he didn't. He's insanely friendly with me in person, but doesn't really ask questions. He listens extremely well, maintains eye contact and stuff, but that doesn't mean he cares. So outside of work, he leaves me on read a lot, which I just text him work stuff, and has ignored my Facebook request even though I'm pretty sure he sent it and then half lied to spare my feelings. He has been going through a lot, physically, mentally, emotionally, and there is a possibility that he'll move in about 6 months. His last relationship did not end well. So part of me is wondering if maybe he's afraid to get close. We both have extreme trust issues. Maybe he thinks it's a lot of baggage to handle right now from me too. We're getting closer emotionally every day, but it's like he won't put in much effort. It's like he cares and likes me, but he couldn't care less at the same time. One of his closer friends hates me, so I wondered if that was it? Maybe he doesn't want to hurt her? Basically I'm just looking for opinions. He's super sweet, and I don't think it would be obvious if he didn't like me. He defends me all the time when people kid, and I think it's because he knows I'm sensetive. Does he actually like me as a person? As more? Does he just need to do things on his own time, and warm up? Do I just need to leave him alone completely?

Updates

+1 y

Oh, I should probably also add that when we were meeting to discuss who was assigned what grade, be made it clear that being in my room was temporary. Like he seems to care in the moment that we're hanging out, but seems to be depressed a lot and just doesn't care whether he was with any of us or not.

[Sixgunsound]

Dating a coworker, especially in a large or governmental organization, is really really dangerous for men. The last couple of decades have conditioned men to realize this danger, and sacrifice the benefits of potential relationships out of fear of legal or employment consequences or being canceled. Most humans take the safest path of least resistance in life, and since men are not mind readers, there is no way to know before creating evidence that will be used against them whether or not it will be reciprocated. If not the social legal or other consequences are too great of a risk for people who have things to lose. A professional tier civil service position/pension is something to lose, as is a reputation as is the ability to work in that field or go out in public. He might be a wonderful man with a lot to offer (as you describe him) but in today’s PC sue-happy culture men have been burned hard and deeply enough to know that the juice of getting close to coworkers is not worth the squeeze. Certainly there will be exceptions, but for the rational male with an instinct to self preservation it’s just not worth it. Thanks feminism.

[Asker]

That's the sad truth. I guess that honestly could be a part of it is that he's keeping me at arms length to avoid us both getting hurt like that. We don't work in a traditional school to where it's a government organization, but it would complicate things. Probably would involve one of us moving grades as well. Thanks for the perspective! I hadn't thought about that angle in too much depth.

[Sixgunsound]

There are lots of women’s perspectives on issues that men can’t see, just like this male perspective on an issue that women tend not to be able to see. Dialogues like this are valuable because the approach angles are so vastly different to issues along gender lines. Being able to see the other perspective is great for cooperation and mutual benefit to men and women.