Guys, Motorcycle Ultimatum?

[Anonymous]

(background) I'm a 24 year old female with an established career and am pretty good financially. I sacrificed my teenage and younger years to achieve this, I never really had much fun or friends. I've also had to spend my money a lot to take care of other people (family mostly). I have a love for motorcycles, I owned one before but lost it. My current relationship of 4 years is hitting a rocky patch because I've been speaking about getting another one. We live together and I'm the sole income. He is working on changing that but that's how is it now and has been for a while. He said if I get a motorcycle then he would have no choice but to leave me. He said its too dangerous and that I will crash and die and he wants no part in it. I told him it was a fucked up thing to say to a person and it really isn't up to him. We've been fighting about it for a while and we're at a standstill. He won't budge but I'm now feeling stupid for jeopardising our relationship because I want a motorcycle. But I can't shake this feeling, I can't shake this need for it. I want it so badly and I want to use my money for the first time one something I really really want. I tried compromising with him like, I'll only ride during the day when there's not much traffic, I will always wear my safety gears, I will not speed, I will not ride everyday. He still won't budge. I don't know what to do.

[GingerGuy]

You'll be sad for a while, but the motorcycle drive will help you forget! lol Actually being serious as well as joking. I'm amazed at how some feel this way about motorcycles, because it's not really them that's dangerous as much as it is the PERSON that drives it and HOW they drive it. If you drive it responsibly and sensibly and don't do stupid things (like a lot do, example weaving in and out of traffic at a million miles and hour!). I know it'll be hard for you, and it's easy for me to say not being in that situation, but I'd say "I'm sorry you feel that way, and if you're determined to end our relationship over this, then it's been fun, good-bye!" It's one thing for a person to share their feelings about it, and you can try to relieve them as best you can, but he's not even being that reasonable, just giving you an ultimatum, which isn't fair at all. It would actually make me pretty angry as they just want to control you. It's too bad he feels that way, bye bye! That's my view lol

[Asker]

That's the thing I consider myself a pretty safe rider. I wouldn't even consider lane splitting and I will definitely have my gears. It does feel horrible but I think this is what I'll Do. Thanks much for your advice

[Anonymous]

You're not jeopardizing your relationship; he is.

I mean, he's not wrong about the dangers of riding, but it's not his decision to make, and giving you an ultimatum about it is deplorable on his part. It's your life and your money. Do with it what makes you happy. I say go for it.

It's interesting to see a woman in your position. I would guess this exact same scenario has played out many thousands of times, but it is rare that the woman is the one wanting the bike and the man is battling against it.

Tell your boyfriend to fuck off. Have fun but be safe.

[Asker]

I definitely had to sit back and laugh at first at the situation. I also thought if it was the traditional way there is no way in hell I would have been able to tell him don't get a bike. When I brought it up with him he said oh that's different because he's a guy and I'm not. And with regards to dangers, I work on an offshore oil rig, and he doesn't seem to have any problem with how dangerous that is

[Opinion Owner]

Lol, that's because your oil rig job is financially supporting his ass.

[Fireguy17]

I've had bikes before I had my driver's license.
Yes they can be more dangerous that say driving a dump truck.
Most motorcycle accidents are single bike accidents.
I am a careful rider, watch out for others and so far so good.
If it is your passion then do it, otherwise the resentment will continue to build.

[Asker]

Thanks so much. I will definitely keep my wits about me

[spartan55]

Motorcycles are so ridiculously dangerous, and the biggest danger isn't the rider (although there are plenty of idiots driving bikes) it's the way all other vehicles regard them. Motorcycles might as well be pedestrians amongst regular traffic. Lost a buddy to a motorcycle accident, been in one myself.

[Asker]

Sorry to hear about that 😔

[spartan55]

Be extremely cautious if you choose to ride.

[Asker]

I definitely will thank you. Full gears, full caution and I will be responsible ❤️

[spartan55]

I had a sport bike in college and got clipped by the back bumper of a pickup who did a blind lane change. Busted my knee up, but no permanent damage. Never been on a bike since.

[Asker]

That sounds pretty rough. I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little worried about stuff like that but my fear isn't as much as my passion

[lightbulb27]

Security trust honoring the emotions of the relationship and sacrifice… counterbalances to selfishness.


What’s the root of his fear… being alone… did he lose someone in his life like that? You have to honor the other person.


I’d suggest get a dirt bike and ride smart and safe. Very low chance getting hurt vs road.


Why you want a bike that bad? Because you did that w your father?

[Asker]

No not that I know of. He just thinks that it's too unsafe for me. I want one because I just really love them. I got into them at a young age and it's just a passion

[jamesgoldman]

He doesn't want it becauae he's a mooch and doesn't want his meal ticket at risk

Dump him and buy the bike, enjoy yourself

[Asker]

Thanks man ❤️

[nawtee_me]

He has a point however motorcycle accidents are not that common. Let him know that car wrecks can kill too. If it were me I would buy it with my own money as long as it didn't take away from the household income. He is looking for work but for now you are the sole provider for the household. He may also see the motorcycle as a one person vehicle and you going out alone? or at least being without him? He can't share that time with you sort of thing?

[Asker]

The thing is, I also have a car and he uses it more than I do. He even used it for some females that he knows I have a problem with. So I don't think spending time with is the issue. He's just constantly saying that Im going to die on it

[nawtee_me]

well I think that is the wrong way to think and certainly not something that needs saying. Here is someone who may have an opinion of this too. @dustybiker

[nawtee_me]

You have this question for guys only so I tagged a female that could not respond to it. She asked me to post her answer though. Here it is.
@dustybiker
But the asker blocked pink responses. Would you mind giving her my suggestion?
Tell her to keep taking classes for experience. There are all kinds of weekend classes she can look up for dirt, racing, different levels of experience too. She can get her thrills off the streets. And when she gets very good she might gain trust with her man to finally ride the way she wants.

[Asker]

This is pretty solid advice thank you so much!!

[nawtee_me]

dustybiker is a good person look her up and chat with her, she knows where you are coming from.

[Iron_Man]

That is absolutely ridiculous we have to live free and enjoy life he sounds like a woman that's what women do just wear a helmet at all times and have real good padding. Anyway I like all that stuff and I'm going to be getting a dirt bike very soon myself so enjoy and make your decision very wisely and sleep on it

[Asker]

Thanks man. Safety will definitely be a big part of it if I do decide to get one. Much appreciated

[Iron_Man]

You are very welcome good Luck

[Stevefiveo]

You're the bread winner. Get the motorcycle. If he doesn't like it, he can get the fuck out.

[Jackblue]

Go ahead and get a motorcycle, if he leaves you good riddance.

[Zygum]

You are slave or partner? Do what you like, get another better partner

[Asker]

😂 Thanks lol