Recently I met a guy, we started dating. In the process of talking about ourselves I noticed we don’t really have much in common and it surprised me because he was the one who asked me on a date. I’m Mexican, brown, no college degree, I work part time jobs, love cooking and reading, 31 years old and just an average looking woman. Then we have him… 27 years old, Scottish, degree in mechanical engineering, has a stable job, cooks, is organized and looks like a model. Like I just kept wondering, why did this man asked me out… honestly, is it the looks because economically I don’t have much to offer? So guys do you date women based on their looks or her status? Does that matter at all?
Guys: do you date women based on her looks or her status?
Men like looks, of course (who doesn't?), but FAR too many women believe that a man is looking for a woman with all of the traits that a woman wants in a man: a good education, a good career, a high income, etc. Men DO NOT GIVE A SHIT about any of that. Men are not women, and men want entirely different things from a woman he wants to be in a relationship with (and it's important to make a distinction between "relationship" and "casual sex" here - the standards are wildly different).
Most men, when looking for a relationship partner, want a woman who has good morals and values, who is fit, feminine, friendly, cooperative, submissive, domestic, and has a positive attitude. He cares absolutely nothing about her "status" as far as her job/career or her income - rather, he's looking for a helpmate in life and someone he can build with TOGETHER. Most men are happy to be the primary breadwinner (and that's NOT an easy thing to be), but they want a woman who are happy to be part of the team, and who is going to appreciate him and respect him. Far too many women think that having a career means she doesn't need to have any respect for men in general, and her boyfriend/husband in particular - and this is why men are avoiding these women.
I've recently heard about several "mixers" (dating events) that have been organized in major cities to bring men and women (and the women in question are all career women) together, and NO MEN SHOWED UP. There are now at least 4 of these in the last few months that I've learned about: in Atlanta, Miami, Houston, and Memphis. Men, especially men with experience on the dating market, have figured out that career women aren't worth dealing with, and so they're actively avoiding these women. Instead, they're choosing women like you - women that OTHER women might see as "lower value", but women that MEN see as much HIGHER value, because you have more traditional values and would make a much better wife.
Those career women could very well have great morals and are family oriented too but they just wanted to make sure they didn't have to depend on a male partner (in case something bad happend or their was abuse, break up, etc), and then she had to take over the child rearing and the household stuff! Also, having a career isn't a bad thing!
@TenderFantasy For the creation of a family, it IS a bad thing. Women's ideal time for starting a family is in her early-to-mid 20s - but most women are focusing on college and her career until her 30s, and by then, it's too late or nearly too late, and men are increasingly not interested anymore. And that's a very RATIONAL decision.
You have 40 years, roughly, where you can realistically expect to be able to work. A woman who spends 10 of those years starting and raising a family ( around 25-35) until the youngest is in school could still spend 30 years on a career - but you cannot move your fertility window. Once that window closes, that's it. And this is NOT men's fault - it's FEMINISM that has been lying to you, and MEN whose voices have not been heard.
I'm NOT trying to attack you personally here. I know it's hard to hear, but I'm not saying this to be mean - I'm saying it because it's the truth. If you observe men's behavior, you'll see that what I'm saying matches up to the greater reality of the current world.
From the 1960s through the 1990s, most men thought they could accept women following the Feminist path and that everything would be okay - and men got DESTROYED, having their wealth and their children stolen from them by laws and courts that encouraged exactly that. This is why so many men are choosing not to participate any longer, and the men who are the exception to that are increasingly those who can get what they want: a YOUNG woman with a limited body count who is focused on FAMILY over career - at least until her kids are in school. They've seen what happens when you try to have a family with a career-focused woman, and it's a DISASTER - and they're just not having it anymore.
I'm not saying it's men's fault entirely but you do know with every increasing year (decade), especially starting from the 60's on up, 2 (double income) households have been the basis for even a middle class status right? Also, if your partner loses their job, do you go on welfare? Do you work 2 jobs? One in your regular job and a night shift at Subway or Mdconalds? Times have changed and things got more expensive. What's the solution then? And as I mentioned, even in my 20's, the guys my age were either too busy playing video games and ratting on how bad women were. It's like they didn't grow up! Either that or they were stuck drinking boos and doing drugs. I actually DATED a man like that (weirdly enough, he had a divorce and baby mama behind his belt! It was VERY annoying and not to mention disappointing and disgraceful. I felt like I was daitng some used goods!).
@TenderFantasy I hear you, and you aren't wrong about men not growing up - but that's actually a symptom of men not being able to find women who care to be mothers and start families when they are young. It's that very responsibility that has motivated men to become productive and responsible all throughout history - but when young men realize that they have little chance of having a family, then why should he bother to work so hard to build himself up - for what?
And tons of these "men" have been raised by Feminist single mothers who further destroy their motivation, and have never had a masculine example to follow.
I still blame men (boys, really) for some of their lack of motivation - I believe they need to OVERCOME - but let's not pretend that they weren't sabotaged and didn't have their motivations destroyed, because they did and they have.
Men have ALWAYS done EVERYTHING in order to increase their status among WOMEN - you can bet the wheel was invented to try to make a woman happy. Once men realize that they can't possibly get what they want, because women are no longer willing to provide it, why should men care about providing what women want? It was women who changed the game, not the men, remember.
"And also, why are they punishing ME for something some bad women/bad apples did?"
Can you be more specific about this? I want to give you a correct/relevant answer (as well as I can), but I'm not sure exactly what you're referring to here.
Rememeber when I asked about my frustration about finding another love relationship but having some bad luck with dating, even online, in recent years. That's what I meant.
I like you Mr. Oracle, you seem like one of the nicer, more matured users here lol.
I agree with everything you’ve said and it makes perfect sense. I do think that a woman should not not be so dependent on a man, It must be suffocating for him too if she is clingy and so dependent of him. I believe in companionship, a helpmate, someone I can help build something meaningful together. This guy I dated for example told me he ended his relationship with his ex because she had career goals that didn’t include him and he felt left out. I understand some women make their careers a priority because it gives them knowledge, status and value (knowledge is very valuable though). This situation just reminded me how powerful that thought is within our society. Perhaps that’s why I ended up with this sense of inferiority after my date with this guy because I’m not rich with a degree, I got out of there thinking in what way can I contribute to a relationship with this guy if he has everything and we’ll.. I got nothing! I prefer being an autodidact, managing my time to do things I love like helping my family, cooking, practice soccer, read, go the beach…etc. It is why I couldn’t understand why would he insist…but I thanks for reminding me what really matters! 💛
@TenderFantasy I genuinely want to help, but you have to start with the truth or you can't build anything solid.
Yes, you are going to find it tough going, but as I said, you DO have some advantages going for you that most women your age lack: you have a low body count and you have experience living with a man long-term. Make sure you advertise those characteristics.
A man who is going to consider you for a relationship is going to look for a woman who can provide him PEACE at home. He wants a woman who is FEMININE, so that HE can be MASCULINE. Talk to prospective men about those things. Never, EVER lead with your career or your income or your education - let him ask if he's interested - because that's a turn-off for most men. Remember that you are selling yourself to a man, so talking about things he doesn't care about - or sees as more of a negative than a positive - is NOT going to work in your favor. Talk instead about things that he likely DOES care about, and tell him how you can bring peace and femininity into his life. That's going to put you at the front of the pack, because most women can't or won't do that. But you also have to be able to back it up with real actions and attitudes.
For a lot of men, having a woman at home that brings peace and femininity into his life is like a force-multiplier, and many become far more successful at whatever they do because they have a strong motivation to please that woman and improve her life. Men who may not be big winners already could well become big winners once they have someone on their team, so if a guy has the right attitude and some potential, that can be even better than a guy who has already made it. Just something to keep in mind.
You don't need a college education or a fancy job or a high income to bring value to a relationship. You can educate yourself (the Internet has the world's information at your fingertips - read, watch YouTube videos, and learn about whatever interests you!) if you want to be better educated. College hardly holds the exclusive key to knowledge.
But you also have so many important things to give to the family - things you are already doing and things that need to be done - and men find value in those things. Do not think less of yourself - those things are IMPORTANT! Clearly your man agrees.
Feminism's goal is to DESTROY male/female relationships. They've made that very, very clear, and it has nothing to do with what's in women's best interests, because the leadership of the movement cares nothing about that. They are MARXISTS who are pushing a Marxist agenda under the cloak of Feminism - but they only care about weakening western culture - destroying it so that it can be "built back Marxist." You've been lied to by Feminism your entire life, and everyone, including you, have suffered because of it. Everyone has lost because of it. Reject it and be proud to have done so. Build a strong future with your man and be stronger together!
Apologies for the late reply, I had a family emergency but I still do have things I wanna say:
First of all, I could probably just LIE about my age (luckily, I can get away with it somewhat because I do look somewhat younger. Maybe pass for late 20's or early 30s no joke), if men were really THAT much into age.
Second, I don't think it's Feminist movement that is wrong. Like I said, ever since the 60's, things have been getting more and more expensive (cost of living I am talking about here). If your partner works a minimum wage job because they didn't graduate high shool or get some type of college degree at the very least, then their job prospects would be limited. It's just the truth! I've looked at BLS websites on average salaries for certain positions. A lot that I've looked at that had 70 to 90K (70,00 to 90,000 per year) salary, you need to have a college degree! I don't know if you'd be happy/satisfied with just getting $16 to 22 dollars an hour for the rest of your life? That's the thing I am not understanding with your explanation on why guys intentionally choose someone who can't even contribute to the household budget, especially in a significant way! What if that guy (one of my exs for example), was used to driving a nice BMW or Mercedes (about 300 to 500 plus monthly depending on if it's new or used), likes to own nice mini mansions and travel several times a year? I don't think he'd be happy with someone (especially his partner) just working at Mcdonals or being a "stay at home" mother, especially if he himself isn't jackstone rich!
The really rich can probably afford a prostitute or arm candy or trophy wife, but I am not so sure that the average guy can!
Not to mention any dependent costs, emergency costs (car breaking down, house flooding, etc.), health insurance, etc etc. should be factored in as well, NOT just..."is she young and beautiful?" but yeah, I get it, Mother Nature will always has her way!
Finally, I DOUBT anyone (or most, unless they were lucky enough to have wealthy parents) in their 20's has a high, stable income and a wealth of life experience and knowledge behind their belt! I am sure you can agree to this.
@TenderFantasy Obviously nothing is UNIVERSALLY true, but for the majority of men, they absolutely ARE willing to either take a step down in lifestyle, or take a step up in their career (even if it means harder work and more hours), in order to get a family-prioritized woman. That might be less true if the guy doesn't want kids, but most guys who don't want kids don't get married either, so not sure how much that really matters.
A family is going to be a LOT more fulfilling than a new BMW or a nicer house (to the vast majority of men, anyway). Yes, a man who is lower-middle income may NEED his woman to work, but even then, he'd rather she worked just enough to get the bills paid and spend the rest of her time with the family, more than he'd rather have her work full-time so they could have more money. That's because the family is the priority - and because he'd rather work harder or take on more responsibility in order to earn more (if he possibly can) in order to keep her from having to work - at least until the kids are in school.
It's not at all that men don't want women to be educated or to have careers - once the kids are in school, she can do whatever she wants to do and he'll support her. Women have a roughly 40 year window to work, but the first 10-15 of those years overlap with her fertility window, and if those years are spent on college and career, you can never get the fertility back. Is 25-30 years of career time not enough?
Interesting take. But as I said in my case, I was jack poor in my 20's and I even had a "friend" that said indirectly, "Why should I have kids when I can't even take care of myself?". I looked at my life and she had the richer parents and I didn't, while I was driving a beat up civic that my parents helped me get a few years prior, and was only working at Subway (not to mention going to school full-time). That was at 21/22 years old. I graduated at 24 with an Associates in Speech Communications..
But yeah, I don't know... time really does fly as they say. Seems like it was only "yesterday" I was in my 20s and thinking about sex 24/7, yet also being afraid to lose my virginity (cuz I knew how much that would hurt) AND afraid of being left pregnant by the wrong guy and also most guys around that time were, as I previously mentioned, doing video games, partying, drinking, doing drugs and having (protected I hope) sex! I was too afraid to go to bars alone as well. I really DID want to find someone special, but by the time I did, I was in my early 30s (and he was 40 with a young child and an ex wife). BAGAGE I didn't want!
@TenderFantasy That's understandable. But as I've said, even though you aren't in your 20s anymore, you still have some significant advantages over other women your age, and if you put forward the things that matter to men (rather than the things that matter to women), you still have a good chance of finding a quality partner without those major red flags and baggage - just don't expect a movie star-looking guy.
@MrOracle - You mean garbage men look for women that they can abuse. If a woman doesn't have a career or a job after all she is dependent on him and has to tolerate his demeaning, abusive, etc. ways.
This IS why INFERIOR males look for younger women that they can target, manipulate and turn into VICTIMS trapped in an unwanted relationship because they never knew there was better out there. Since you refer to the 1960s let's look at Married with Children. THAT is the household of "lovely" generations - a husband that worked & bitched that he was the only one working, a wife that hated her lot in life, and children that wanted to get out of the household as fast as possible.
@RoseyGal That's some very revisionist "history" there. LOL. Tons of women today are trading a family for the opportunity to go to a job for 40 years. Sounds like an amazing bargain to me.
@MrOracle - I don't know. I look after two disabled parents. If I didn't have a job in health care they would be living in homes where abuse is rampant, etc. You obviously don't have a single clue what it means to have family and what one's proper priorities should be.
That same medical training will ensure that I am well versed in medicine and not stupidly or blindly following the advice of doctors or pharmacists saying yes sir, yes sir three bags full sir. Like a friend who listened to her child's doctor and the goddamn worthless moron (the doctor) almost killed the child by saying the kid "only had a flu" & go home. No antibiotics, etc. Yeah "flu". Suuure. That's why the child ended up in an oxygen tent for 14 days.
Personality. You can be sweet, charming probably your vibe is great.
Me personally i can date same as your background. At longest she knows she love herself. When you love yourself you attract love. Their is some females that enjoy stress free just work those shifts and enjoy the rest of the day. They spend their time by either working out, hobbies and reading books. Bet if a guy ask a knowledgeable question even the female doesn't have a degree but she is a book savy. Could give an answer.
When a female dress up nice, not hot looking like hey 👋 I am here ran me over🔥. I am saying as formal, gives you a hint she respects herself and offers respect, also she is not in a hurry.
My background is some college but never finished. I used to work part time jobs. I saved up and decided to start my business. Lawn care and Landscaping. I am self-employed. Is been 6 successful years. I am still single 😆. Some females do like hard working guys or others like office looking guys at longest he is financially stable but knowledgeable. Cuz if y'all end up having kids you want your hubby to have some knowledge right? 😆.
If a man talks to you sooooo sweet like baby or honey or sweetie on the first couple dates 🤣🤣🤣 take off running. Just want to lizard you on bed. Unless, you want it to happen.
Eh... Looks, personality, just generally what sort of person she is like to be around. I can tell you from my perspective as a quasi-successful filmmaker and soon-to-be lawyer that I basically don't care about women's social status. Just be fun to be around and a source of peace
To be blunt and to get down to basics its because you girls get us hard and the more we think every little move you do is magic the keener we are (yes that line is from a song). And really girls the more we want sex with you the more you have to work with. So it is win-win so far.
The one thing we don't care about at all is your job & weekly salary. The second thing we don't care about is your intelligence for the most part. I for one do like a girl to be interested in stuff other than dresses but you don't have to have a degree in stuff. But being interested in stuff is not directly related to intelligence but more about your curiosity about the world. There is some correlation I agree it but is not exactly the same.
There was a bad period in world history, which praise be seems to be ended, when girls thought they should be interesting. They would actually ask you do you think I am interesting? The under breath reply was no you are being boring and what has this got to do with you making me hard and wanting to get you out of the restaurant asap?
Anon, dread nought. This guy is getting something from you that he wants more of. You say you are average in looks but he is liking your look. But what else might it be?
You could actually be a loving woman and he likes that. You seem to respect & value him and he might like that.
He might think you are liveable with and he could make a life with you. He might think you would be a good mother when the time comes.
Overall I think men make the mistake of thinking girls are more complicated then they are and women make the mistake of thinking men are simpler than what we are. We are fairly basic in what we want but complex in the finer details of the fundamentals.
You just keep on doing what you are doing and I think there will be two happy people in this world. :)
Status? All I really care is that she has her shit together. Have steady work so she can provide for herself and pay the bills, or be in the process of learning new career skills or going back to school. Just be moving forward in someway. If she's independently wealthy and doesn't wish to work, have hobbies and things she's passionate about.
Looks will never not play a role, it's often the first thing we notice about someone when we see them, what they look like. But looks alone can't build nor sustain a healthy relationship.
For me, personality, chemistry, and shared values are definitely more important than either of those.
Do I like her personality? Do we vibe really well? Do we share the same values when it comes to life and relationships?
Looks comes secondary to those intangibles.
Status doesn’t really matter to me. They could be famous or an unknown—it doesn’t matter to me.
Like, an average-looking girl with an amazing personality, that had amazing chemistry with me, and saw things eye-to-eye with me when it comes to our values. She’d be a 10 in my book.
As compared to a girl with 10/10 looks and is high status but I don’t like her personality, we don’t vibe well, and her values are very different. It would be meh and she’d become like a 5 or 6 in my book.
Maybe he likes your tits, maybe your smile. But what matters most is that he is interested, and if you like that interest by him or not.
This is a mistake inexperienced girls make on dates. This is not some product you're buying from a supermarket, which you can mull over for a few weeks and read the labels and reviews. You need to ask quick and fast before, during and after the date.
You're at the after stage I suppose, so it's likely you've put him off or just not got enough to make a decision. Better luck next time.
Status doesn't matter. You are Hispanic so you are more likely to be family oriented. You also like cooking which implies you aren't a feminist. You like reading so you are more likely to be able to have interesting conversations and know about a variety of topics. If you work part time that could mean you would be more available to spend time with him when he is available.
The only thing you said on here that I could see as a possible negative is being over 30. Other than that, all of the things you said are positives.
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
1 y
It doesn't matter as long as you love each other. Love does grow. Just because you don't have a degree doesn't mean you're not intelligent. You look at other avenues for education. You do love to read. My wife and I have been married 44 years I have a degree in engineering. My wife decide to drop out of school so that we can have a family. My wife is a beautiful woman and we have been married for 44 years. She looks at other avenues to help her along her way as a provider for our children. Just hang on if things are to be they will happen. Just date and have a good time and if he continues to date you he likes you and loves you I just let things happen.
Sweety, there is no rhyme or partucular reason to it. We see what we see. Looks play a part in my opinion. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Don't try to make lot of sense out of it that he is so handsome. Why he is with you. Lot of us feel that way. Learn to receive love. I am still struggling with last part. Caring and loving comes in different forms and shapes and not always easy to see, identify or it makes sense. That is more to be at peace with yourself. Thank God thank him be happy and be able to enjoy.
For me its a combination of looks and how affectionate she is.
As to your case its probably the fact you are probably in his eyes beautiful and the fact you can keep him from going hungry and make the food probably taste great. Probably has him going crazy for you.
The average guy really only wants like 4 things: Affection, food, someone to talk to when things get rough and just a life long partner. If you nail those categories you pretty much fall into the categories of being a keeper, wife material and probably also mother material if a man wants to have kids.
I would say that status doesn't really matter for a guy, they usually go based on looks and then go from there. Status is just a plus if they do have one but if not we really dont take that much into consideration. Also, you mentioned that you would consider yourself average, well technically speaking most men would prefer average women since they are more likely to find happiness with them but doesn't really work the other way around.
Status never mattered to me at all. I go purely by looks and by how well we get along.
I wouldn't date a woman that I didn't find physically attractive. But there is more to choosing a potential partner. Does our conversation flow? Do we have any hobbies, beliefs, passions, values, hopes and dreams in common? Do we like each other?
In regards to status: I don't care how much money she makes as long as she is self sufficient, smart, ambitious, and has a good work ethic.
It’s a good question. There are for most of us multiple variables we find important. When it becomes problematic is when we get tunnel vision and focus on one trait but kids red flags elsewhere. I’ve dated women because I really found their looks, intelligence or something else outstanding. In your case, you don’t say anything about your personality. Maybe he likes that. Maybe he finds you exotic (everyone loves Latinas).
A woman's status means far less to men than a man's status means to women. There's more than just her looks of course, but status is pretty far down the list of things we look for in a woman. A pretty and feminine woman who works part-time and loves to cook and read books will often have more male suitors knocking on her door than the corporate career woman who acts masculine and refuses to do anything for the man in her life.
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
1 y
Like with women (although in general guys are much less "selective" lol), it can depend on the specific person and be anything. And especially when it comes to looks, you might think you're "average", he could think you're hot as F. And different things matter to different guys. For you to know, you'd have to ask him this and what attracted him to you.
I’ve been on both those ends when looking for partner. I’ve been in spot where I dated someone who just a waitress and felt she had no ambition or anything to offer long term (if you’re in school or trying to start business get a job that’s different) but I’ve also been in spot where I’ve dated much more successful women than me and have felt inferior to them. As a man I feel pressure is on us to support women more than they support us. So maybe this is the case with this person.
Neither. Unless you're in porn your looks won't do much for us and you're status is literally material if your lower than me in status or higher it only makes people who don't matter opinionated as to why I'm with you or vice-versa. As long as there is a connection I'm neither vane nor conceded enough to use looks and statuses as dating requirements. We just need to connect on some level and connect well.
Looks may attract but it's what's inside that come outside in one's behavior and attitudes that keeps a relationship going. I have met gorgeous women with lousy personalities and non-conventional women with golden hearts and cheerful personality.
Men have never cared about status, if a man does search for women for status. He's not a man nor valuable to begin with. A man can find a girl laying In a dumpster and if she's hot enough, he'll take her home. Women... not so much. A good example is the ugly retarded male billionaire that can still have many women chase him. An ugly/retarded female billionaire is in trouble.
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