Friend medic in my platoon told me he cheated on his wife recently, what should I do?

[Anonymous]

So, I already know what I will do but I’m curious to see what everyone’s thoughts on the matter is.

So, I was on watch recently with this guy who I do consider a friend, although not really a close one in the slightest.
He’s an alright guy but has some things about him that I don’t like

Anyways, he went out with a few of the boys from the squad and it was here that he he told me he recently slept with another woman.

Now, I know he’s married.

I pretended it was all good, smiled, etc.

Really, I felt something else less innocent.

So, since his wife is on Instagram, I’ll message her telling her exactly what I know. We get back home in less than a month, so I’ll do it then.

I might do it anonymous too.

Updates

+1 y

I’ve never been good at just standing by and doing nothing because it’s convenient for me

It’s lazy, weak, cowardly, etc.

Im stubborn that way, it’s just me I guess.

Updates

+1 y

Enough people in the world do that already.

[Gent207]

I am like you (minus the military service) I can't stand cowards betraying the one's they are supposed to love and protect. It's unacceptable and someone should do something.
But consider the threat that such a decision could pose to the integrity of your squad, especially if they find out. If they can't trust one of their own because they are a rat then the whole platoon suffers a drop in moral and effectiveness. As a further consequence your leaders may punish you for it.
So in a matter of speaking keeping his indiscretions a secret may in fact be your cross to bear for the sake of squad and platoon. You would not neglect your duty to your squad.

[WindAtMyBack]

For sure I'd give him shit for it. When I was much younger I ran into this at least once that I can think. I didn't say anything to her. I didn't have an easy way to contact either.

Many years later a good friend told me he was thinking about it and I gave him shit for it. I knew both him and his wife very well and I really didn't want to get in the middle of them. She was a real keeper and a sweetheart.

I know a lot of people say they'd want to know, buy would they really, even if it meant ruining a marriage? I don't know if it's my place to make that decision - maybe it's better to let things run their natural course.

[CrazyGirl2]

It’s a violation of the UCMJ (Uniform Code of Military Justice), you are both honor bound, AND duty bound to report what you were told up your chain of command. This is out of your hands, now do the right thing, and honor your oath. How do you know that you are not being considered for an amazing opportunity, and they want to make sure they get the right people, and they ordered your friend to tell you that to see if you’ll do what’s right, Vs. what feels right in the moment? Again, do the right thing, and honor your oath!

[EllaNella]

Personally i probably wouldn't do much more than cutting him out of my life. I don't mess with the relationships of others.
If i felt like i couldn't go on without telling his wife i would give him a week or two to tell her first. She should hear it from him.

[Texaskid1]

You could tell his wife what he told you but keep in mind:

1. She may not believe it. Do you have video , photos, audio recording? Werethere witnesses with you when he told you this? From her perspective it will be some random guy who sent her an anonymous message about her husband.

2. Did he tell other people? If you are the only person he told he would figure that it was you who snitched.

3. Do they have open relationship? Some couples are into that kind of thing.

4. Are you going to work with this guy again in the future? If so, how could this effect your working relationship?

5. Does this guy or his wife have any kind of instability issue that could cause them to become violent if this news breaks out? Homicidal or suicidal?

No good deed goes unpunished.

[yucychan]

Since you have already decided to tell his wife, then go ahead.
If you have a girlfriend that cheated on you behind your back, and her friend knows about it, wouldn't you want that friend to tell you about your cheating girlfriend? Same logic here.
If I'm the wife, I would want to know.

[RACSKC0B]

So you like dudes wife, and you think you're gonna get to smash if she finds out he cheated on her.
Which is why you fake smiled, and pretended like you were his friend. Also it's why you plan to tell her anonymously, because you know that it might not go to plan, mostly because you have no evidence. So if it doesn't go how you want, you don't want him to be able to readily find out who told her.
Sound about right?

[ShadezMcgee]

Well, he better be ready for the grueling nightmare of infidelity and finances because the Army has a safeguard for the affected party, so his wife should make bank on all of the damages. Good chance he will lose everything depending on how it is handled by command.

[BlackBeauty90]

So many of the LOSERS on this site are crying like ass-fucked manwhores passed around a prison block by Bubbha and his cronies about how the woman is awful, etc., etc. when she cheats.

And yet when a trashy man cheats you're saying don't say anything. Fucking pathetic.

@Fuentes - @SamIam96 - @Zolly99999 - @guy13 - @exitseven

[Fuentes]

HAHA!!! Cry me a river 😢 😭 😿 😢 😭

[Zolly99999]

I stay out of other people business.. I never cry about women being awful... I love women and everything about them. I have had a few bad ones but I also don't paint everyone with the same brush.

[Jamie05rhs]

This may be an unpopular opinion, but this is what I think, so, so be it:
If you're deployed in a war zone, wait until you get back before addressing this matter. Safety and unit cohesiveness is of the utmost importance. It's a matter of life and death.

(Having said that, definitely roast his ass at the appropriate time. I hope he gets court-martialed as well.)

[SaoirseS]

This right here is why I’ve told all of my Guard teammates NEVER tell anyone a personal secret about yourself unless you want it broadcast everywhere.


It’s not your place to tell the wife. Stay out of it.

[Asker]

I’m making it my place.

Tell me, if you see a woman getting raped in an alleyway do you do nothing?

Technically, it’s “not your place.”

Such a coward’s and pussy way of thinking
“Not your place.”

Take action because it’s just the right thing to do.

[SaoirseS]

False equivalency. You are being such a girl.

[Asker]

I’ll accept that, only if you accept being such a coward and pussy.

[SaoirseS]

No, I’m not. Keeping confidences is not being a coward or pussy. It’s respecting other people’s business. He’s not even a friend as you point out, and unless you were there when he supposedly cheated, how do you even know. It’s his place to say anything, not yours. It’s beyond me why GI’s over share. But you are neither father confessor nor moral police. If you can’t be trusted to keep someone’s confidence, I highly doubt you’ll be able to safeguard the sensitive information you’d be expected to protect if you end up where you want to go in the military.

[Asker]

He randomly told me this

Didn’t say “hey, I have a secret if you don’t mind not sharing. . .”

No

He is a friend, but more of a coworker

My question literally says “friend medic”

I don’t know if he cheated, only what he’s told me, which is EXACTLY what I will tell his wife.
Only what I’ve heard/what he’s told me

Nothing more

Sensitive info about the safety of my soldiers

Is kind of different than telling a wife that her husband told me that he cheated

[Asker]

You told me I made a false equivalency and then you make one yourself

Nice

[SaoirseS]

Single people getting involved in marital business is a bad idea, and getting involved in anyone else’s business is as well.

If you want to rationalize that you’re somehow doing “the right thing” that’s on you. That is pure bullshit. Throwing a fellow soldier under a bus, what is wrong with you?

[Asker]

So what am I going to cover for a “fellow soldier” if I see him/her commit murder?

Where do you draw the line?

Again, it’s not bad or good to get involve in business outside of yours

It’s just your choice and you can decide what you want to do

Stop inherently making it a bad thing which I feel like you’re doing.

[SaoirseS]

A personal indiscretion is not close to murder unless you’re a total linear thinker, which your posts often suggest.
Why did you come here to broadcast this?

[Asker]

You didn’t answer the question and missed that point, I’ll ask again

Where do you draw the line?

[SaoirseS]

I draw the line at seriousness and how close I am to the information. Passing on “he said” is nothing more than gossip. Contrary to popular belief, men seem to indulge in it more than women.

[Asker]

Whatever you say.

I still think you’re a coward and pussy.

[SaoirseS]

If you really feel strongly about it, report it to his company commander. Adultery is an offense under UCMJ (Article 134). Let him pursue it if he wants. Then you’ve done whatever you think your moral duty is and made him accountable for it.

Or you can be a coward and a pussy and drop a turd in a punch bowl when it isn’t your place.

[Asker]

Yeah, I won’t do that you fool lol…..

If you want to talk about throwing a soldier under the bus, then that’s it.

Telling his wife ONLY what I heard from his mouth is fine in my opinion.

[SaoirseS]

Who appointed you judge, jury and executioner? Nobody. If you think it’s that serious, then have the courage to stand up officially. Using social media to crap on someone’s marital life is truly the spineless way out. If you rationalize what your doing is right, then welcome to the ranks of little Eddie Snowden and Bradley “Chelsea” Manning. Much higher consequence but same rationalized bullshit.

[Asker]

I didn’t do anything.

I’m only the messenger

Why are you making this like “I” ruined anything?

I didn’t ruin anything.

I didn’t tell him to cheat

You think, it’s a priori good to stay out of business outside of yours

I disagree

I think it’s neither good or bad.

To me, it’s clearly right that I tell this woman so she doesn’t potentially waste years of her life

If she wants to stay with him then that’s her decision

But at least she knows

And she knows only what I know and that’s it.

Sorry, hate cheaters.

Also, cowards which is what I think you are personally.

You’re afraid to take any action because it’s “not minding your business.”

Yeah ok

[SaoirseS]

Why did you bother to ask the question "what should I do?" if you already made up your mind what you were going to do, and assault anyone who didn't support your decision?

[SaoirseS]

I'm starting to think this is made up crap, with you laying in your bunk on your phone or laptop just trying to stir crap up.

You have a good night.

[Asker]

I already said I made up my mind but wanted people’s take

Didn’t you read? No? Roger that

[SaoirseS]

Yes, I read it. But wonder why you bother to ask if all you want is affirmation, or a vehicle to lob insults.
You do whatever you want.

[Asker]

I’m just calling it how I see it hon

Stop being a sensitive tart

[SaoirseS]

Don't call me hon.

And you can stop with the insults. I've been called much worse by much better people.

[Asker]

I just did though hon.

[SaoirseS]

If you want to be 26 going on 12 then that's your problem.

[Asker]

Okay hon

[SaoirseS]

Here's a solution to your problem. Why don't I screenshot this conversation, forward it to your company commander and let him know that you have information concerning an adulterer in the ranks, and let him take care of it?

[Asker]

Lmfao, do whatever you want to hon

[SaoirseS]

Should I ID your unit here?

[Asker]

You’re hurt that I called you a sensitive tart

So, you’re going to bother my Co about me saying how another soldier told me that he cheated on his wife.

I have no other evidence

Then I say I want to keep it non official and just tell the wife what I heard her husband tell me because I think that’s the right thing to do.

I don’t want to bother anyone else

[Asker]

My Co is a good dude, but if you insist on bothering him because I hurt your feelings little girl then I’ll PM you whatever you want to know

[SaoirseS]

Nobody's feelings are hurt.

No, no. Not privately, let me make public your unit ID and location. I already have that. I mean, shouldn't all of GAG know, because I think they should?

[Asker]

Haha you’re kind of crazy.

[SaoirseS]

You're the crazy one here. So answer the question, do you want me to make public your unit ID?

[Asker]

Do YOU want to make all of that public?

[SaoirseS]

What's it going to hurt? You're not at war, there's no real OPSEC concern, just some silly policy that I don't agree with. It's just a deployed Guard unit.

[OlderAndWiser]

So you know half the story. She may have cheated on him, too.

[Asker]

Well, anything is possible.

[DermalPunch]

I think you are a troublemaker. You keep your damn mouth shut. You tell your friend he's a scumbag and to keep that stuff to himself. Boycott him as a friend. Shame on you for planning to tell his wife. You ass.

[Smashingdoozy]

What you should have done was not smiled, and then called him out on his bullshit. Hold people accountable for their shitty actions.

[Anonymous]

What the fuck is wrong with you?

You complain about cowardice and you’re going to go narc out a fellow soldier because why? He fucked someone else when he was TDY?

Shame on you. Shame on you, soldier.

Now go break up a marriage anonymously because you just HAVE to do something about it.

[Dinklex3]

So obviously he can get an article and a lot of trouble for that.
Please don't call him your friend though.
He's clearly not since you decided to be fake and smile in his face, then tell his wife.
Do whatever you want 👌🏾

[AviatorTom]

You've already done enough. You listened to his confession. This is now between him and his wife. You don't need to get involved. He didn't ask you to tell her, did he? He expects confidence, and that's what you should do.

[Static_In_The_Attic]

I’m willing to bet his wife already knows & I wouldn’t be surprised if his wife is cheating on him as well.

[Apple1996]

If you do it then definitely do it in anonymous way. I'd personally let it go tho. Some karma will always eventually come around to cheaters.

[Asker]

I don’t believe in karma

Personally, justice is up to us.

Yeah, might do it anonymously.

[Apple1996]

Yeah I don't blame you for telling her. If you don't she'll probably never know. Like at home it's easy to catch cheating but during a deployment it's basically impossible unless someone speaks up

[Asker]

Exactly.

Imagine going years and years not knowing someone cheated on you when you would’ve broken up with them had you knew the second you discovered it

Wasted time, it’s quite horrible

Again, I didn’t cheat on my wife

He did

I’m not a good person to just not do anything.

[Apple1996]

That would be terrible. I'd for sure want to know if my husband cheated

[Asker]

I would want to know if my wife cheated as well

Of course

[Guy13]

Stay out of it... whats the word for random fire... crossfire... FRIENDLY FIRE !!!

[Asker]

Why would I stay out of it?

[Guy13]

Who made you God? Who gave you the right to violate an other's trust? People near where I live have been killed over this kind of thing. Whatever, if you think you have the right to destroy another Family THEN knock yourself out... Instagram, really-grow some Nads... face-face.

[Asker]

We make our own decisions in life and choose own fate

I didn’t cheat on my wife, he did

No such thing as god.

[Guy13]

Whatever…your mind and morality presides. Obviously 🙄, you don’t need to be throwing this question around here. It’s clear you are defending Acts that you may or may not have followed through with. Best with it all

[Asker]

Alright, appreciate you buddy

[BlackBeauty90]

@guy13 why? Why should he be quiet when his 'friend' admitted that he's a douchebag? Some loser whose wife is too good for him? Hmmm...

[Chazmatazz269]

It’s not really your business. You’re not doing for her, so what’s the point? You’re doing to him? You’re pretending to be some kind of knight in shining armor. Mind your business. Karma is a bitch.

[Adaeva]

You should mind your own business. You are a busy body and a damn snitch. A busy body is trouble maker and a snitch is worse than a son-of-a-bitch.

[DizzyDesii]

This is so fckin petty but i love it! He doesn't deserve her! Prepare to fight though if he ever finds out you were the snitch

[DizzyDesii]

But i admit i didn't tell my friends when they cheated on eachother. Both were my friends. I just called them out on their bullshit and threatened to tell if they did it again. But i always hinted to the other “so and so doesn't deserve you. They flirt with others too much and who knows what they could do next” but sadly neither friend ever caught on and i’d cringe when they got all kissy kissy in front of me

[SamIam96]

What are you looking for by telling her? Are you hoping to break them up so you can move in? Are you feeling like you'll be her hero?

[BlackBeauty90]

@SamIam96 - maybe he feels she deserves better than trash in her house. It doesn't mean he's intending to move in. Just means he's a decent guy... not something you'd know much about being.

[SamIam96]

@BlackBeauty90 Oh. You ARE such a hero. What would we do with out you?

Mind your own business. You're a loser with too much time on your hands.

[BlackBeauty90]

@SamIam96 - you most certainly do sound like a loser. A douchebag who'll never amount to anything.

[SamIam96]

Sorry for the auto-tag @BlackBeauty90, my comment was intended for @embracethepain.

A "decent guy" wouldn't think he's welcome to inject himself into other people's lives. If he really cared, he'd encourage the medic to fix his relationship with his wife. The asker has no idea what the complexities are in their relationship.

[SamIam96]

@BlackBeauty90 It speaks volumes about your character that you're choosing to insult me for the sole reason that I have a different opinion than yours on this one subject. Why don't you make your case?

[Snsl153]

Stay out of it! That's what you should do. It doesn't concern you.

[Avicenna]

I wouldn't get involved with that since infidelity is punishable by the UCMJ.

[NathanDavis]

I've seen people being murdered over these things...

[Marshymallow]

Do whatever your mind tells you to. I usually don’t like getting involved with people BS

[Xtendable]

How often do guys fabricate tales of sexual exploits to try and impress their colleagues, mates or random other blokes?

I would wait for more evidence if you’re intent on telling his missus. Something concrete.

[xJayleenx]

Yeah I think that you’re doing the right thing. My conscious would kill me if I didn’t tell her too. Poor woman probably wasted years on that guy.

[Shy_Steve]

If your sure no one will find out it's you then there is nothing stopping you, But if your not really sure if someone will find out then you shouldn't do it and you will regret it if you do.

[Zeus_66]

Not your business and stay out of other people's affairs.

[SiberFox]

Tell him you'll tell her if he doesn't then follow up and tell her later on

[JessieBellll]

It has nothing to do with you. It's their problem, just mind your business and don't be a pain in the ass.

[Snakeyes7]

I'd say it is best not to get involved. Let his wife find this out on her own.

[Asker]

Why would it be best to not get involved?

Best for whom exactly?

[Snakeyes7]

For everyone, yourself especially. For all you know what the guy is saying isn't really true and bringing it up with his wife will needlessly cause strife.

Go ahead and get involved if you want but if I were you this doesn't sound like it is any of my business.

[fireforeffect]

Tell him that you are sorry that he broke his vows to his wife, and that he should pray to Jesus for forgiverness.

[driven159]

Just stay out of it you will end up in the middle of their hate and anger she needs to find out on her own

[noohair]

And what do you gain from this. And you might lose the trust of your fellow solders. Remember, they watch your 6.

[spartan55]

I'd definitely stay anonymous.

[DizzyDesii]

Its the military and i’d be a bit scared that one of the spouses may go suicidal or that the dude may end up with ptsd and act all out. And like someone else said, i’d hope he wasn't petty and didn't have my back on the field because i ruined his marriage. But had this not been military, i’d be ten times more tempted to snitch too.!

[Staximus]

I would just stay out of their business. His wife is not your old friend or family.

[nawtee_me]

Do you know his wife? Did he tell you in confidence? (keep a secret) How do you feel about it?

[IsoUser]

I wouldn't ever cover for he or she that would just make you complicit.

[truthisthree]

I dont blame you I was young also

leave the military you are being used by BIG BROTHER

[exitseven]

Really, you should mind your own business.

[Asker]

I’m good pal, thanks for the advice though.

[BlackBeauty90]

@exitseven - why? Why should he be quiet when his 'friend' admitted that he's a douchebag? Some loser whose wife is too good for him? Hmmm...

[exitseven]

@BlackBeauty90 sorry, but this guy told him in confidence and he should not betray that.

[Asker]

He didn’t really tell me in confidence

He just randomly/spontaneously said it

[BlackBeauty90]

@exitseven - so if someone told you in confidence that they raped or murdered someone you wouldn't say anything? Hmmm... Who has the lower morals/ethics? You, the rapist or the murderer?

[exitseven]

@BlackBeauty90 damn, you just had to come up with a good argument.

[BlackBeauty90]

@exitseven - thank you. People easily say "mind your own business" but in many situations minding one's own business gets someone else hurt. Or worse. Take abuse. There have been many times when spousal or child abuse could be stopped early if people stopped minding their own business.

[Alwayreckles93]

Tell his wife every detail.

[CallmeTheKnight]

You need to get better friends my dude

[Asker]

You can’t always know your friends’ every and all actions and intentions.

Also, he’s more of a coworker.

I feel like this is obvious stuff, I don’t know why I have to explain to you.

I didn’t choose him as a friend because he cheated on his wife lol. Smh

[CallmeTheKnight]

So you want to resort to telling his wife and get yourself involved as well? I'm quite sure you'll bring trouble to yourself since you're probably the only person or one of the few people he told.

[Asker]

That’s the least of my concerns to be honest.

Any more questions?

[CallmeTheKnight]

No. Just get better friends

[Asker]

🤦‍♀️

[humanearth]

Keep your fat mouth shut.

[JustiReno]

That’s none of your business I’d be careful

[jengeorge26]

Keep him in your confidence don’t say anything

[joeldalton]

Dude, don’t tell his wife.

[Zolly99999]

Nothing.. keep your mouth shut and tell no one.

[BlackBeauty90]

why? Why should he be quiet when his 'friend' admitted that he's a douchebag? Some loser whose wife is too good for him? Hmmm...

[Zolly99999]

@BlackBeauty90 because I found it best to stay out if other people's business.. who am I to judge other people.

[qusai_jo]

if you want to help advice him dont tell his wife

[michael1469]

Ask him for her number...

[jjj101010]

It’s nothing to do with u. Don’t get involved

[Whatever2929292]

Say something

[Andres77]

Karma...

[Fuentes]

Mind your business

[BlackBeauty90]

why? Why should he be quiet when his 'friend' admitted that he's a douchebag? Some loser whose wife is too good for him? Hmmm...

[Fuentes]

@BlackBeauty90 because he didn't see the guy do it, the guy said he did it & he is obviously telling him that in confidence therefore if he tells on him it will all come back on him and nobody likes people who go off running around with other people's business especially if they saw nothing. So once it does flip on him & it will, he's gonna wish he just minded his own business & didn't grow up sheltered.

[BlackBeauty90]

@Fuentes so if someone told you in confidence that they raped or murdered someone you wouldn't say anything? Hmmm... Who has the lower morals/ethics? You, the rapist or the murderer?

[Fuentes]

@BlackBeauty90 do not compare "Rape" to cheating it's completely different and rape is a serious subject. Do not disrespect victims with that comparison.

[BlackBeauty90]

@Fuentes - cheating on a married partner is also a serious subject. It damages their well worth, etc. And I am not disrespecting rape or murder victims. You said that it was said in confidence... I am just proving your morals & ethics are questionable.

[Fuentes]

@BlackBeauty90 not with that comparison because those are not the same. When it comes to relationships it's not your business unless he personally see the acts of crime being committed being told something and repeating it to the person he doesn't want to know will flip on him. All he has to say is he never said that and his wife will ask for proof which he will not have because at that point it's hear say and now he will be known as someone you can't say anything too and the wife will be upset thinking he's a liar after telling her without proof and everyone else in his unit will have a issue with him and it will just all turn on him. So it's better he just minds his business, when it comes to something he did not see or can prove.

[BlackBeauty90]

@Fuentes - you don't see a rape or murder either. Like said, your morals & ethics are questionable at best. Kindly stop trying to defend them they're obviously quite low.

[Fuentes]

@BlackBeauty90 find a better comparison because your extreme beliefs don't work here. This is not a matter of life and death. I would care more about my career progression then what someone told me in confidence. That again is not life or death, I am aligned with society and realism and realism this guy will get the shit end of the stick because he has no proof of his claims and looks like a home wrecker whose jealous and that's how everyone else will paint him and that will cause him problems. So as I said mind your business.

[BlackBeauty90]

Like said, your morals & ethics are questionable at best. Kindly stop trying to defend them they're obviously quite low.

[BlackBeauty90]

@Fuentes - People easily say "mind your own business" but in many situations minding one's own business gets someone else hurt. Or worse. Take abuse. There have been many times when spousal or child abuse could be stopped early if people stopped minding their own business.

[Fuentes]

@BlackBeauty90 again with the extreme comparisons cheating is not the same as child abuse or anyone in a life or death situation with being beat lol these extremes have nothing to do with the other at this point you must know I'm right.

[BlackBeauty90]

@Fuentes - you are daft. People commit suicide when they find out their "faithful" spouse has cheated.

[Fuentes]

@BlackBeauty90 so if they do it when they "find out" why would he tell her? If theirs a chance she would commit suicide? So are you now calling for her murder?

[BlackBeauty90]

@Fuentes - No I am just proving again you have questionable morals and ethics. You did, after all, put rape in quotes. As "rape".

[Fuentes]

@BlackBeauty90 because it's a serious subject and does not compare as you bring it for non serious issues. You also must not care for this guy's safety because involving yourselves in others relationships could also get him harmed as well. And I don't want that so therefore he should mind his business.