What does it mean when a friends with benefits (guy) says he’s going to take a Step Back from this arrangement? Is a Step Back temporary or permanent?

[Anonymous]

The guy that I’m friends with benefits with said that “I’m going to try to work on myself for awhile, so I’m going to have to take a step back from this arrangement.” This was almost two weeks ago that he said that, I didn’t respond yet, I don’t know what to say but I would want to know what he meant by that, I was friends with benefits with this guy for more than 2 years, I don't know if I should ask him what he means by that, I don’t really understand what he meant. I feel like I’m ready to talk about it now.

[DaveJord]

Well for me I only do Friends with Benefits type things with women I would totally want to have sex with but not date. So it only works for as long as it takes me to find someone I really want to date, and if I am doing a friends with benefits thing and I start to think she is catching feelings or that I am catching feelings I end it, unless it something I really want.

So its hard to say honestly was this guy catching feelings and just too immature to talk to you about it? Or did he find someone else and was just trying to let you down easy? Or is he going through something and just doesn't think you're worth keeping around or involving yourself with? Honestly it could be anything, with these types of things, sure you hooked up for years but how well do you really know him or about his life.

That's the deal with Friends with Benefits they all have expiration dates, sure some times it works for years and decades and sometimes they just fizzle out... but they are not meant to be long term type things. At some point you make it an official thing or you cut it off.

I would say that if you are conflicted that you should let him know that if he is interested in more than just being friends your willing to talk about it. But in the end one would think that if he wanted that he would be man enough to bring it up with you first before just cutting you off... but you never know these type of situations can make people do silly things. They are meant to be complicated and sometime they just want to be that way.

If it is something you are seriously interested in following up on then I would not over think it or be discouraged... worse he can say is no and seriously would that be so bad?

[Asker]

The part that I’m really getting confused on is when my friends with benefits (guy) said to me “I’m going to try to work on myself for awhile, so I’m going to have to take a step back in this arrangement” When he said he’s going to take a Step Back in this arrangement, does that mean a temporary break or did he end the friends with benefits arrangement that he has with me?

[DaveJord]

I would consider it over, honestly. I mean if takes a step back from it that means he doesn't know. He might come back and he might not. All I am saying if you are not wanting to make it something more official then you should not waste your time worrying about it. I mean friends with benefits is not about feelings and it snot a real relationship that is the whole point of the arrangement.

What he is saying is that he is not wanting to hook up with you anymore or at least for the time being, and what he is not saying is that it seems to be not all that important to him anymore. Maybe he is catching feelings and wants to think about that before coming back around or maybe he is just tired of the whole situation. No way of knowing if you don't aske him... why not text him and see if he wants to hook this weekend? If he says yes, then talk to him about it.

[DarkWinterNights]

“Step back” is an easy way of breaking it to you that he wants to end the arrangement. He’s probably started to date someone and a friends with benefits is the definition of “it’s complicated”.

[Asker]

How’s saying a “Step Back” easier way to say that he’s going to end the arrangement then just saying he’s going to end the arrangement? I honestly thought it meant a break

[DarkWinterNights]

Well, maybe I’m wrong and he is just looking for a break. I don’t think it’s very likely the break isn’t related to meeting someone though.

[LazerBean]

More than likely he found a girl that he likes and does not want to officially be in a Friends with benefits relationship in case he is successful with her.

[Asker]

What do you mean? Is a Step Back a break or is it ending a type of arrangement?

[LazerBean]

If what I said is indeed the case, then he just said "step back" in case it doesn't work out then he can jump back in like nothing happened. Otherwise if it does work out then yes, it will probably just end up as a break off.

[maximumpower]

Repeat question.

He's no longer interested in that arrangement with you.

[Asker]

Then why did he say a step back? Why not just say he’s not going to continue that type of arrangement anymore

[maximumpower]

Bc he doesn't have the 'nads to come out and say it.
Move on - there are MANY other fish in the sea.

[spartan55]

It means he likely done using you.

[jimmy2]

He getting broke