Why is he bothered about me messing with another guy when he said I could?

[sd1223]

So pretty much when he started to mess with someone else, I ended up finding someone to talk to as well, I admit I was very hurt about it and in my feelings. Come to find out 6 months later he was bothered by me talking to someone else and I also hooked up with the other guy. My thing is he said that I could talk to other guys and he wouldn’t get mad but clearly it did bother him. I don’t understand guys, they’ll say one thing and then when you do it their feelings are hurt. I found out he was bothered by it because I had said to him that I don’t share and that’s when he said me messing with another guy was classified as sharing and then he kind of accused me of still talking to the guy. This boy he’s talking about ghosted when he got one thing. And I’ve not heard from him since. I told my guy that if he wasn’t mad or it didn’t bother him why did he bring it up and he changed the subject.

[Anonymous]

I don't know how you interpret this as him being hurt, because he just pointed out what made sense in your mind. On his end, he says you can be with other men, meaning he doesn’t mind sharing. So you get this other guy, then contradict yourself by saying you don’t share. Whether you got the guy because you were hurt or not, you still did it, and the moment you did, you gave up your ability to fuss at this guy about sharing. Anyway, I think you aren’t being real with yourself. You have all these feelings yet settle for casual sex when in reality that may not be what you want. Because who likes being used for sex?

[Opinion Owner]

**what made sense in his mind

[sd1223]

He started seeing another girl and had sex with her, so he can’t say anything about it, we’re both one for one on that one but I was wondering why he felt bothered by it when he said he wouldn’t get mad?

[Opinion Owner]

He’s not the one who said anything though — you did. The way you wrote this out is: he was seeing another girl, then you were hurt and slept with another guy. At some point after, you told him that you don’t like sharing, and he said that you slept with another guy so that qualifies as sharing. Where is his jealousy and hurt in this equation? All he did was call you out. The only reason he said anything about you possibly still sleeping with the other guy is only because you’d be contradicting yourself. Because basically, why get on him about sleeping with another girl and say you don’t share, yet expect him to share?

[sd1223]

He was accusing me of still talking or messing with the guy when I told him the guy wanted one thing and when he got it he bounced. I hadn’t talked to the other guy since everything happened and that was 9 months ago

[Opinion Owner]

Whether or not you’re still talking to the other guy is not the focal point of what he’s saying. It’s the fact that you were being hypocritical by saying you don’t share with other women, yet you can be shared with other men. Doesn’t matter if you haven’t spoken to the other guy in 9 months, you still did it whilst dealing with your friends with benefits. What you’re trying to do right now is pull this adverse, bothered reaction out of that man because you want to feel like he cares for you on a deeper level than just sex. You can say that isn’t your intention but I believe it is. You want him to care more, maybe even show signs of wanting to date and you aren’t getting that.

[sd1223]

I get what you’re saying. l wanted to be all his I don’t want to be another man’s, like the conversations we had it felt like a slap in the face when he told me he was seeing someone else at the time. I want for us to be more but he said he’s not ready for that with anyone right now.

[sd1223]

And no ma’am I wasn’t trying to get a reaction out of him he brought up the guy not me. When he said I should recruit other girls for him in a playful way that’s when I said I don’t share because we already had this convo. He knows I say that because I have feelings for him.

[sd1223]

We may not be together and there’s no way to know what could happen in the future but I know I don’t ever want him out of my life. I think this time is for us to try and connect in the way that we didn’t the first time around, things were rushed the first time around.

[Opinion Owner]

Well hey, my intent isn’t to try changing your mind because by that last statement alone I know you’re going to have to go through whatever is to come no matter what it costs. All I can really say is to be real with yourself. You’re hoping for a future with a man who doesn’t want one with you, he’s said this himself. If you want to settle for sex no one can stop you, but recognize that’s all it is and if you’re basing your future off present time, he won’t give you what you want. You can’t wait out or pull a relationship out of someone who just doesn’t want it, no matter how much YOU do. You put a lot of value on that man, and it seems not the same value on yourself. Once you equate your worth to his, you’ll see the light and walk away. But until then I just hope he doesn’t put you through any more pain than he already has and if he does then I just hope it doesn’t impact you greater than what’s happening now.

[sd1223]

Ok we’ll just agree to disagree, he just wants to casually date around he doesn’t want anything serious with anyone not just me. Now if he said with me specifically then I’d cut my losses but I’m still in it.

When you meet someone who makes you feel how he makes me feel it’s hard to let go. Other guys just aren’t the same like him. He got me from the beginning with how we connected.

[sd1223]

To each it own thanks for the opinion anyways

[sd1223]

I mean he could have lead me on and not told me he didn’t want anything serious but he was honest about it and I think that should be looked at as good.

[Opinion Owner]

Do you automatically exclude yourself from the equation when he says “anyone”? Or does it justify sticking around? If you call casual sex with no title and wanting to date other people anything outside of being led on then I’m sorry but that’s just delusional. Like I said, no one can stop you from what you’re doing and you have to go through all this misuse before seeing the light. No judgement from me, it just is what it is.

[Opinion Owner]

He doesn’t want a relationship with anyone, that includes you girl. Rephrase and hash that however you want but that’s just the facts.

[sd1223]

Ok then. Just trying to stay positive never know what can happen even still.

[Opinion Owner]

If you won’t leave him now when he’s offering you nothing then you won’t be done until he’s the one to leave you. I’m sure you’ll say ok to that, but truly you should want more for yourself.

[FckY0u998]

difference between you and a prostitute is the prostitute is smart enough to get paid and not give it away for free

[sd1223]

If you didn’t have anything intelligent to say then be quiet, no I’m not prostituting myself. I was asking this question to see if other people thought he was jealous since he was so bothered and if so why if he told me I could talk to other guys. This all started because he started seeing someone else so I wanted to move on, I thought that was it for us.

[Wise4myage]

Are you still seeing this guy? He sounds like a real 🤡