Gay men only - I'm a straight woman and an openly gay man knows I really like him. What's happening here?

[Anonymous]

So I really like this man ever since I met him. I didn't know before and my feelings didn't change after knowing his orientation. We can't stop laughing together and being very happy. He knows I like him more than a friend but continues to plan to hangout from one dinner, walk on the beach, concert to the next. Could he be attracted to me too somehow? He hinted at never having been with a woman but being open to trying (very indirectly.)

[Rainbow_Boy]

It may be that your friend is not truly gay, and a relationship with a woman is within the realm of possibility. Conversely, if he is truly gay, nothing will come out of it for sure.

I started life from the opposite direction, believing I could be with women and forcing myself into heterosexual relationships. They all backfired big time, and after a few trials, I came to terms with the fact that I was gay for sure. In terms of sex, I felt totally out of place in bed with a woman. As for a romantic relationship, I came close to thinking I could be in love with a girl for a while, only to realize later on that I really liked her as a person, but what I thought was attraction to opposite sex was actually not a desire to be with her, but actually to be like her. She could see I was effeminate, and at times more feminine than her, but I think she liked that side of mine for a while until she realized she needed a real man, and I was the farthest thing from it.

After our breakup, I have dated only men. That's when I found my true self, as I became "the girl" in my relationships with men, especially in bed. As for my old girlfriend, she found a straight man and married him. We still see each other, and have a good friendship, but more like the one of two girls...

I guess I told you all this to clarify that some men are born (wired) to be with men only. I am one of them. If your friend is so as well, he cannot go out of his nature for long. That would only delay the inevitable. However, there is a chance (not a big one) that he might have been confused about his sexuality so far. There may be ways to tell that...

I'd be glad to try to help you further, in case my life experience and the ones of my other gay male friends could be helpful to your case. The majority of my close friends are female, and it's not the first time one of them fell in love with a seemingly gay man. So, please feel free to write back to talk more, if you wish...

[Asker]

I'm curious about what those ways to tell are?

[Rainbow_Boy]

Well, I usually comment on the question of how to tell a straight-acting man could be gay... As for a gay-acting man being at least bisexual, that may be hidden in his reactions to when the two of you touch from time to time. I remember being constantly cold to female touch... Here, the keyword is "constantly"... Because any person, man or woman, gay or straight may feel asexual on a given day. But, if you keep feeling that he doesn't get affected at all by accidental touches through a long period of time, then his gayness may be real. Of course, detecting that is a subtle thing, I'm not saying it's easy...

[Anonymous]

This reminds me of an episode of seinfeld.. season 6 episode 16 ( titled "The beard").

Elaine finds the perfect guy (albeit for shallow reasons) a guy who thinks like her, likes shopping, you know stereotypical stuff. And she thinks she can turn him.

Maybe he's Bi and you can have a somewhat normal relationship. But otherwise I see this ending disappointingly for you. Good luck!

[Noodle_fan]

i am not gay

may be he is bi

i see many gay men who actually make good friends with women , i think it is because they have a lot in common

[Anonymous]

You do nothing. He is gay, you cannot turn him straight. and being gay is not a choice. Just enjoy his friendship, If you cannot without controlling your feelings like most women can't, then distance your self from him.

[Anonymous]

It’s basically the terminus of fourth wave feminism. Women ultimately want guys who are gay.

[Anonymous]

don't waste your time